New Year

Yes it's that time of the year again. The end of one year and the beginning of the next. Let's reflect on what we did throughout the year, shall we?

A lot of us may have done well but I'm sure there's a lot of others that are just having a bad time in their lives. You lived through the Christmas season and now it's time to look forward to a new start of the coming year. Some people may have had financial or work problems. Bills need to be paid. Careers aren't going so well. Family commitments and schedules are tight. Money. Not enough time for the kids. Not enough sleep and relaxation. Death in the family of someone you loved. You or someone you know, ill.

Those in relationships are having difficulties. Just met someone but unsure. Getting on with age and being alone. Looking for good advice is hard. No listening ear to your problems. Confusion. Marriage on the rocks. Husband or wife being unfaithful. Singles can't seem to find the "right" one. Can't understand why you were dumped. Lonely. Lack of sex in the relationship. Too busy with daily life. Feel like losing control. Feel like barriers and walls are all around and there's no door to open. Not sure to take the chance with someone new you met.

There can be so many other examples and I'm sure if given more we all fit in there somewhere. The point is that we go through all sorts of things every year. So do a lot of other people. The resilience of the human spirit is far greater than you think. Some aren't able to cope and the result of this can lead as low as to commit suicide. Just remember, this(problems) too will pass.

I haven't added to the blog since Christmas and will get back with more sometime after the year begins. Wishing all a happy, prosperous, wish filling and loving new year.


Bar advice. Don't think too much about resolutions. Just take action in the coming year. Seek that bravery in you heart to get over anything.

Peace

I wont be writing for a few days because of Christmas. Wish all of you a blessed time full of joy and peace. If you're out to have a blast of a party and do some merry making, great. Get some food, some fun, drinks and some of you will get some sex for sure.

Just remember those around the world that are fighting in wars. Defending themselves against the elements after a natural disaster. Those with lack of water, food and medicines. Without shelter, blankets or clothes. Praying of salvation themselves.

Those of you lonely souls, look to the comforts of what this day truly means and let it bring peace to yourself.

Bar advice. Have a Merry Christmas. I'll bring a nice report for all before the new year 2008

The right flirting techniques for men

Did you know that research has been conducted to show that flirting is instinctive and is used to succeed with the opposite sex? Evolutionary and biological scientists even argue that flirting is the basis for reproduction.So what is the right flirting techniques for men?

There is evidence that supports the idea that our use of intelligence, language, humor, creativity and flirting are things that separate us from the animal kingdom. Simply complex processes designed to do two things. Make us feel important and attract and the opposite sex. If flirting is instinctive then why some men have to learn it, is always asked. While you're born with this ability, you still need to develop it. That means if you spent most of your childhood in front of the television, with limited social contact, then your communication skills will need improving. If this is you, don't worry as yet.

Some men use the right flirting techniques only to get rejection constantly. They'll conclude that flirting equals pain and never use it again from then on. They'll search for another approach to win over the women they want by being 'nice', buying flowers and giving compliments on her beauty. Which of course is not the best way to attract exceptionally beautiful women in the beginning. There's a time and place for everything. Let's look at the flirting techniques and apart from teasing women, what else should you do when talking to them?

While friends talk about hobbies, the weekend, and gossip, there is one form of communication that two friends never engage in with each other. Flirting is more than telling jokes, being funny and being confident. Sexual flirting speaks right to a woman's core and allows her to understand you in her language. While men tend to think very logically and straight down the line, women think emotionally. When interested in men, women hit and tease them, while women who aren't interested tend to stay in the demographics.

The conversation remains in the realm of asking you things like where you live and what work you do. That sort. She can be "interested" in your conversations, which can go for hours, but she'll never feel "attracted" to you. Why? Well women are different creatures; therefore they think, feel and act differently. If you want women to realize you're the man she's been searching for, you need to speak suggestively. Example would not be by saying how beautiful she looks but rather by suggesting that she's a 'bad girl'. While flirting is very powerful, it's also the most difficult concept to understand and explain. What makes flirting so powerful is the unspoken intent. A woman who like a man can sense thoughts about him even when nothing is said. Body, eye and facial movements can say much more than words.

Instead of just talking about each other, you should playfully suggest that you should "be together" without actually saying it, and never actually asking for it. It's a powerful mixture of eyes, posture, voice tone, touch and your words all combined to make her feel emotionally drawn to you. Maybe, as it's just a suggestion, one should read up on compatibilities of zodiac signs as well. This brings great help in dealing with those that you meet out of the blue. Another funny thing is the sense of smell is also playing a part in it but a lot of people don't know this. The natural aroma of a person draws another one into themselves and that's also why when the act of sex itself is ongoing people tend to breath in the other person deeply.

One way to remember what you need to do next is this. How would you act if the woman was your an annoying little sister? These method can be used after any comment or action the woman makes. Please don't go doing it till she cries like your little sister. She's going to hate you after that and see you as a bully. There's suppose to be just enough to put her in the mood. Make her fight with you in a playful way. Suggestive flirting is where you imply an interest and relationship between yourself and the woman. Let it move it's course from there.

Bar advice. When meeting someone new, give them a little time to adjust to you first. Sometimes the basic questions do help in bringing down walls but wait for the spark of interest to move further.

What's on your Christmas list?

Myspace Sexy Comments & Graphics

I guess we all got imaginery gifts that we would like to have and that includes love, sex, finding someone or just not being that lonely at this time of the year. People are a little down and out at the holidays. Sure, its fine if youre in a relationship or married.

We say it's a time for the kids or a time to be happy and jolly. Reality is when this time of the year comes we feel like that little kid. In need to be loved, hugged or just happy with someone around. Some people go to a state of depression and even suicide.

Will it take another Christmas to make a person open their eyes a little to see that they don't have to be in this situation. Take a chance and open your heart to what is infront of you or the next time you're unsure about someone. Fill that void. The emptiness need not have to be loneliness forever.

Bar advice. Take this time till the end of the year and tell yourself that before next Christmas you'll be feeling like a kid. Joyful and loved.

Holiday peace

Is holiday peace obtainable? It's that time of year when we meet with people that will come together under one roof and do the whole family and friends gathering, eating, drinking and accusing, scolding, bragging and bring up old wounds. The time of peace is marred by an ongoing battle, no sorry, war that's been going on since someone stole the others pacifier in the crib.

Relatives that never understood you start acting like they do every year. You see it coming a mile away and you try to avoid it but with all the festivities going on you're suddenly in the same spot as the one you're trying to avoid. A barrage of questions will come out. It's like a machine gun with ammo that's unlimited. You try to duck out of the way but you're trapped. Suddenly your aunt passes by and you managed to get a "rescue". Like a red cross medic in the field. She turns to you and ask if he had started his nonsense again. You realize then that others know about him and knew how to avoid the situation. You were the only one in a panic all these years. You realize, you got a good life so why worry when people start asking about stuff they know not about you. Suppress the fears of engagement.

Sometimes it's a little more difficult than that. Your family may be brutally insensitive, culturally backwards and just plain annoying. However, to have a new experience, you must be open to it. People sometimes show concern in different ways. If you're single maybe you get too much about not being with someone. If male you're probably going to get all sort of offers to be fixed up. If female, you're going to be nagged about where you live, what you do, your high standards for a man and some more hurtful comments. If you are just waiting for someone to hurt your feelings, just like last year, it will surely happen. Try finding the comfort of talking to the one that's the most helpful or better still understands you the best. When in the presences of that person other peoples word, comments and tactlessness seems trivial.

Going out of the house can sometimes helps as well. You feel like spiking the whole bowl of eggnog as well. Just remember you must make your own life yours. If you blame your family for everything you don't have in your life, you will surely never get it because you are looking to the wrong source for your power. It's not that we have to heal from other people's behavior, it's that we must heal from our reaction to their behavior. Own your issues because no matter where they stem from, they are yours to deal with. give yourself a "cease fire' moment. Every family have all sorts of members and yours is no exception.

Now let yourself off the hook and have a great time. While you're enjoying the demilitarized war zone, go visit your good memories. Look at old photo albums. Check out some space in the house you liked. Drive by your old elementary school. Put your focus on letting the good things weigh as much or more than the bad things. Your family may be the worst one in the whole wide world, but you still had a childhood that belongs to you. Perhaps the greatest gift of being a kid is the capacity to be amazed by the world. Tap in to the joyous child within and have yourself a happy holiday!

Bar advice. Maybe others see you as the bad one or black sheep but we don't recognize our own faults till someone points them out to us.

The true secret about getting ?

I stressed this point several times before. Due to the fact that men are primarily attracted to a woman's physical beauty, they make the mistake of assuming that she is also attracted by physical beauty. Hopefully I can clear this up for you.

Women bear children, men don't. So while men are drawn to the youthful, healthy, physical signs of a woman, women instinctively gravitate towards fearless men who takes charge of a situation. In essence, confidence! This is the true secret about getting women. This makes perfect sense when you think about it from a biological point of view. Women want men who can protect her family and herself from the big bad things of this world. So, this explains why you see so many women with guys like bad boys and the rebel sort. They aren't always the most "suitable", but they're oozing with confidence, which makes them irresistible from Mother Nature's point of view.

Women are realist. They just want to get to the bottom of things and that includes who you are. They want the real you. You see women looking at celebs and drooling about them but what happens when they find out something bad about them? They turn away with disgust. They feel let down by the actions of their idol. The thought of the person they adored doing a "bad" thing cannot seem to register in them. Women that do this must realize that they don't know the person at all. The actions of that celeb falls badly on all other guys simply because they are men. When a woman really meet a man it is then an added bonus that he looks half good. Not quite their idol but presentable. She sees beyond the physical and less imperfect features. She seeks the confident and stable soul.

If you go to online dating sites, you'll find a lot of women adding on their preference section for guys not to 'play games'. Also, and more importantly, they state that the guy's looks are not important to them. The tendency here is that these are a little more matured women. Those in their late twenty's till forties. Why is this so? The ones that are still looking for their handsome "prince charming" tend to be the younger ones. Maturity level in looking for "true love" is blocked by the hot handsome celeb look a like. It's understandable that the youthful will stick to what they know and feel. Peer pressure also looms in every part of their lives. Women in the other group have found that love, commitment and strong lasting relationships is what they're after.

Another point for women is, the older they get the less likely they show that they want sex. A brave front to deny themselves the physical pleasure they like but they seek things of greater value i.e. someone that cares for them the way they want. They always want a secure foundation with a man. Once everything is laid and all barriers have come down, all fears aside, the sex will follow. Women are more likely to fill a mans every desire because she has placed trust in him from that point onwards. Beside her wanting to fill her sexual needs she will make sure that the man get his "all" so she needs not have to go looking anymore. Who wants to after all that time.

Women need to know that men are unwise to these particular needs of women. They tend to see women like themselves. Men think women think the same way as them so they falter. Their train of thought is derailed at the sight of the next lovely girl that comes along. Getting a man is one thing but getting him to stay with you is another. By understanding that men need some coaching to a women's way will get you ahead in the game. Men want and need to be told sometimes, just like their mommy's did, to know what they need to do. Pleasing a woman that's difficult can be tough and that makes some men run off to find another one less demanding and less self centered. Seeking for an ideal man is nice but reality is he'll never be as perfect as you dreamed up and neither will you be to him. Acceptance and working the relationship will see both through and together.

Bar advice. Men can also be just as complex as women. If both can just see the others wants and needs it can just about click. Take a chance sometimes.

Jamie Lynn Spears pregnancy raises legal questions

(CNN) -- The announced pregnancy of Jamie Lynn Spears, the 16-year-old children's television star and younger sister of beleaguered pop star Britney Spears, is casting new light on how to deal with the thorny issue of consensual sex among teens.

I brought up this subject with the CNN headlines because we see today many things happening to a lot of teens around the world involving sex. The consequence here, sadly, is a child has developed and the fact is Jamie, in a lot of ways, is also still a child. The law doesn't allow her to drink, go to a bar or even vote. Her sister Britney certainly isn't all that a great role model after her recent difficulties. Jamie seems to think all is well because they got money. Other people won't have the same choices if in the same situation of teen pregnancy and would probably have an abortion.

A lot of people may not know this but their mom was actually going to release a book on parenting. That's now been held back. Wonder what she must be thinking, huh? At this moment the police are looking to see if it is rape because they have different laws in different states. They do however know that Jamie has claimed consensual sex.

She performs on Nickelodeon's "Zoey101" and is suppose to be a role model for kids. Britney was formerly from the Mickey Mouse Club with Justine Timberlake but nothing happened there.(How different they would be if they did.) The fact that she is just saying she is going to raise the child and give it a "normal" upbringing is just plain idiotic. Taking from Britney's song title, I'm just a girl, not yet a woman; rings as true life for Jamie at this moment. There are lots of people out there that are in the same situation of teen pregnancy right now but have no means to do anything about it. They know about sex and pregnancy but yet they do nothing to help themselves stop before the cat itself takes place. their idea of what real love shold be is distorted by what sex is.

Many a time, the father turns out to be a teenager himself. Not ready for the responsibilities of fatherhood because he may not have had good fathering himself. How do you act as a father when you never had one, were not brought up by one, had a foster one or raised by just elder brothers who had problems of their own? Normal reaction by a boy when told this news would be fear of what to do. Suddenly he realizes that he's still a kid as well. The world just became a bigger place and no one can help him with this especially his parents. Eventually he finds there's no one else to turn to BUT his parents. To just tell the parents is fear far worse than he's ever encountered. If he's having this sort of difficulty to tell the parents, imagine what she, the pregnant teen girl, must be going through.

The point that people don't see is, the baby that's on the way. There's a whole new person that will be coming into the world. Is "it" going to be protected or loved by people that are going to be taking care "it"? Why do I say "it"? That's what will be describe by everyone that will be talking about "it". The value of the unborn child will not be seen at all. In fact it becomes a strain, a burden, a financial liability and worse of all, another mouth to feed. Suggestions to abort the child will be swift to come out from a lot of people. The concern of the rest of the lives of both the new mother and father will take priority over the life and death of the unborn child. What world do we live in?

Teen pregnancy is not new but trying to do something about it is hard. The kids of today grow up really fast with the help of the Internet, MTV, video phones, porn, magazines and more. I guess it still comes down to parents having to eduacate their kids about all that can happen. The story about the birds and the bees still reigns true till today. Parents are the ones that feel by talking to them about these things only arms their kids with the knowledge to go out and do it even more since they know how to prevent pregnancy. If this is the case then the relationship between parent and child is not as strong as it should be. It may be hard for parents to change after going through their own teen years knowing and doing the things that they did before. However, the world can do with one less abortion or unwanted child.

Bar advice. Give thought to the boy and girl that doesn't know how to face this problem of their unborn child. Now imagine it was your teen kid. What will you do?

Bad boys all women want

You may have noticed around you, there's a 'breed' of man who ladies tend to be attracted to or stick with. He's conventionally called the 'bad boy' or the 'not so nice guy'.

Call such a man whichever way but the fact remains, such men with a 'taint of badness' have more desirable female activity around them. Let's first define something. A bad boy is not a bad person. In the "real-world sense", the word 'bad' when describing a man, brings up associations of a guy who abuses dogs or holds a bunch of criminal records. In the "attraction sense", 'bad' is not about nastiness, ill-doing or the mafia. It's just a guy who gives women a perceived feeling of "thrill". Another way to phrase it(as described to me by a female) is, such men are "naughty in a charming way".

What differentiates him from other guys is his natural ability to flirt with women without trying. He teases all women. Be it work mates, ordinary lady friends or the lady(she's trilled) who washes the toilet and it seem to be the happy guy who's unaffected by things. He didn't even realised this himself. He tends to be cool and suave naturally. Women want to look at him or get to know him. It just comes automatically. He'll say stuff that gets laughter out of ladies and while they're still in the middle of a giggling fit, he'll say to them in a jokingly stern manner to stop laughing like a five year old and get more laughs. With that, he gets smilingly registered as a 'bad boy' by many females and they like him. The fact that he admits to girls he's always been naughty since he was a kid makes it much more inviting and stirs all sorts of curiosity in women. One question you may have is "Do I have to be a 'bad boy' to attract females"?

No! Take the example of the movie Hitch. Some don't look anything like the imaged 'bad boy' but they incorporate elements of the bad boy naughty appeal into their interactions with ladies and still attain huge success. It's all about having conversation with females not just as chatting but seeing it as a process of blasting attraction and appeal in her mind during the interaction. In the course of movies, television and real life history we always see this happening. Women do like to be seen with, in conversation with and in bed with that little 'bad boy'.

Bar advice. Even the funny, simple, shy girl who ends up in a relationship or marriage with the simple 'Joe' or classroom nerd, has a secret desire for her own 'bad boy'. It's natural.

Talking about sex, again!

The roots of the widespread human insecurities and complexities which revolve around what is in essence a simple animal act reach into our not so past history. Victorian attitudes to sex persisted long into the last century.

A man in the first half of the 20th century who wanted sex with a 'nice' girl usually had to pay a price, marriage. Whilst today's bride or bridegroom will have an average of 10 sexual partners before tying the knot, back then the score was more often than not, zero. While marriage avowedly passported couples to sexual union, women and men in the 1920s and even later, still found themselves going up the aisle with a wealth of information about etiquette but stricken with poverty over the facts of life.

Virgin marriages were apparently created first out of sexual ignorance but later continued as such out of disgust for or fear of sex. Uncertainties over sexual orientation prompted others to wed, but the official blessing did not always magically translate into personal sexual fulfilment within marriage.

Fear of getting pregnant was another strong motivating factor not to go the whole way. Couples wanted to limit the number of mouths to feed. In the absence of reliable methods of contraception, withdrawal before coitus and abstinence were the reasons behind why birth rates plummeted in the 20th century and many families produced only the 'standard' two children.

Sexless marriages seem not to be confined to the pre-modern era. Celibacy in marriage as a matter of informed consent by both partners is rare but has happened. Some seem to be content to be known as someone married but not do what normal married partners do. For many couples during the last century, the sexless nature of marriage was at the insistence of the wife and was deemed a price too high to pay for many husbands. The links between sexual frustration and violence sadly seem obvious, if not inevitable.

Sexual violence also grew out of these power imbalanced relationships, incidents being triggered by a wife's refusal to give sex on demand. Men insisted on their conjugal rights and women were helpless at law to defend themselves. Marital rape was only recently created a crime and few cases were ever reported but times were, thankfully moving on, and women were soon seizing some of that power back, at work, at home and in the bedroom.

Then came the swinging sixties. Women fought loudly to cast off the shackles of domestic burdens and sexual repression, to discover and celebrate their own sexual wants and desires. Gay people came out of their closets too. Flower power buzzed with Beatlemania. The early flowerings of greater openness about our bodies and their needs. For example, women meeting together to examine their vagina's with mirrors can all too easily be dismissed as uncool by the generations born since 1970 but compared with the repressive chill which froze sexual energy in the first half of the century, this was joyous release. An atmosphere sizzling with sexual heat and alive with experimentation.

So, are we all sorted out now? For many people, both women and men, their personal experiences of the pleasures of sex and intimacy don't live up to the sex feasts supposedly on offer. When sexual abundance seems to be all around, it's hard to admit you're hungry even more so if you're starving for it whilst in a marriage or in a relationship, with its official blessing of sex, or other long term sexual partnership. Some people have fear in letting their own pleasure and enjoyment become a cheap and demeaning event in their lives or their self worth that they stop all activity at once. They tend to take a step back leaving their partners to question what they did wrong or why it isn't going any further and also why it ended. There's also the feeling of lost of self worth and unfounded worry about what the other person thinks about them especially if it doesn't work out. This strongly happens to those in the later part of their lives.

If it's something else, talking can help. Make sure that you do actually have the space and time to talk. Think about the setting and how you can create real time for each other. Importantly is to get together in the first place. It's not going to end up into a steamy sex night but loosening up a little, giving in to your needs and your partner a little should be a start. Holding hands, kisses, hugs or just a touch more should be acceptable in this modern age. What is it that you want less or more of? It's good to have moral standards on things but what if it gets in the way of your love interest? Some people like to be traditional but if you're going back a century remember we're in a new millennium.

Bar advice. Welcome to the era where talking about sex and acting out on the passion of making love is not new and not looked at as a degrading characteristic to anyone but three cheers to those that wait till marriage.

Holiday's we're "Chasing Bars"

Here is a You Tube video showing what we may be doing this Christmas and New Year. It's a really humorous copy of the music and song, Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol, that was a worldwide hit from the show Grey's Anatomy. Here is the funny song, Chasing Bars, by DCLugi.



Bar advice. Chasing bars or cars isn't as fun as chasing boys or girls. Have fun this holiday time chasing what you need.

Are you looking forward to Christmas

That's the big question on a lot of people's minds. Are you looking forward to Christmas? The reply can vary but you'll be amazed by some of the answers. On of course is when someone lives in a desolate place or his country is not a large Christian community. The response would probably be, "what is Christmas"?

The sad thing is that it is true there will be a lot of people that would have gone through the whole day and not realize that Christmas had passed them. Take for example a man ploughing his field in India somewhere. He may have heard some commotion but never knew about the day. If you asked him he would probably tell you the Christmas is when he gets to feed his family and buffalo an extra portion of food.

Funny thing is we got a lot of people here also that don't seem to get into the whole spirit of the holidays. There's no real "cheer" in them. Sure, money is a problem but this is just one day. Your money problems were throughout the year. Don't blame it on that. Sometimes health issues play a part. Fair, but is it too difficult to pray for your own health. Not in the same religion. Now this we can understand but wouldn't you like others to also be happy during your holiday period? There's a lot of excuses but we got answers for them as well. Nobody can force you but the advice is yours to be taken freely.



In the homes we find some families have difficulties with brothers or fathers being in gangs or drugs. It's hard to keep a nice family unit together. There may be some that have distance themselves form religion because they may have had a tragedy like a member of the home died suddenly or terribly. Blame is placed and so on. Some blame God for their failed marriages or divorce which involves the kids. They don't seem to see themselves as a factor in the problem. Neither do the see Jesus as a solution.

I don't normally write about religion but because there's been so much bloodshed, war and major national disasters around the world, I thought I should add something in black and white and in turn it may just touch someone. That someone may reconcile and head back to church or at least make their life better. Blaming God for all the things that we do out of fear, stupidity and greed is not going to change anything.

One last point. The holidays effect a lot of people that are having relationship problems. Those that are not even talking, living under the same roof and have kids; really ought to sort it out. Why make yourself and all unhappy on this day that's suppose to be about peace and joy. You're an idiot! This is the time to work out old pains, hurts and anger with those we love or know. Put the children first. Be a kid for a day. Make yourself Santa and see peoples eyes light up at the sheer sight of you. This should be the way daily. Men and women making excuses about their relationship issues should remember that we're thought to forgive and be merciful to each other. Take that first step to a happy Christmas.


Bar advice. The bar itself should have a bit of eggnog and people being happy to celebrate the big guys birthday.

Life Support, Dr Rudi's advice on women

This is just poking a little bit of fun to some real dating advice. In real life so,e may work but not all. Some advice on this You Tube video is the real deal.



Bar advice. Some people need visuals to assist so happy watching.

Going overseas to study

I recently met up with a girl at a friends bar and we got into conversation about her boyfriend going overseas to study. Now going abroad is suppose to be fun and exciting especially since you're not going just for a short vacation. So, where's the problem here?

The relationship. What do you do? How is someone suppose to just end everything that they know or use to do with the person that they love or been going with for a long time? The relationship didn't die or even end at all but worse than that, it's on "hold". At the drop of a hat the person staying back surely must feel worse because they still see the same places they use to go to or remembers the things they did when seeing a loving couple on the street. Not to say that the one that left is not going to feel like that but because there's new and exciting stuff to do and see, don't expect them to be sobbing like you every night. Sad but true.

To be happy for the person is mixed with the feelings of sadness as well. Sometimes there may be the feelings and thoughts of a break up. This is normal. After all what can't be seen, can't be proven. There's thousands of miles between the two of you. It can get pretty lonely. Suspecting someone of betrayal is not proof that they did anything and you come across as someone that has no trust for the person you're involved with. Don't go down that path if you got nothing. You'll only be spear heading a break up itself. Unless he/she opens their mouth about a third party, you should have nothing to worry about. Maybe.

I once metthis girl, a customer, at my bar who was out almost every night with this guy. They were studying their Masters degree on a exchange programme for students. I believed that they were together because of all the fun, craziness and sexuality that they showed each other. However, just before she left, her real boyfriend came over for a holiday to be together with her and go back together. The other guy was nowhere to be seen but he did appear a week later, alone. I was told that it was just a fling that she instigated and it just flew from there. Well sometimes this sort of thing can happen. Not that it can't but you got to find trust in people somehow.

Back to this girl I met. She seemed down about the whole thing so I kept her company. She was with a few other girlfriends but it didn't seem to help. It's always good to get some moral support when in this sort of circumstances. She seemed more keen on getting my opinion as a guy about the whole thing. This guy had been gone for eight months now. All the calls and emails seem to have slowed down and sometimes there wasn't anything with big time gaps. I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I really thought she lost him and it was going to be over soon. She said she was thinking about going over for a visit but I advised her against this. I told her it was a bad idea. I was personally thinking, if he's already involved with someone and if she went over unannounced, she'd be in store for a rude awakening. If you're in a far off land and know nobody, you might just think of the worse things to do to heal a broken heart.

We talked and drank. She kind of liked me, I guess. After a while she looked better. I think it's because she missed having a guy to talk to in a bar. Maybe it gave her some comfort or memories that she played out in her head that brought some peace. Maybe it was just some male company that she needed because she would lean into me during the conversation and blamed it on the not so loud music. I've been through that myself a long time ago so I understood her emotions and insecurities about what her guy was doing over there and what she was going through here. Also, the urges and craving of wanting to be touched, held, kissed or made love to in a long time, it's like a prison sentence given and you didn't do the crime yet you're paying with tears.

Eventually as the night went on, we talked about exchanging numbers. Her friend works at the bar so I said no because I knew I could always find her through the friend. So, no numbers given. We did have a good time and I believe she felt much better. She told me that she'd come around more often if I was there, gave me a quick hug and as I expected, a quick kiss on the lips. Pulling away, she had a big smile on her face as she thanked me for being her listening ear and shoulder to cry on. She left after and I got a lot of teasing from her friend about her. What do they know?

I see her love life going down the tubes. The relationship is almost over. The guy really should call her and tell her so. Making someone wait in limbo is wrong. Is he intending to just come back and dump her later? As a guy I tell you what he's up to. At the moment he's just keeping his options open in case the one over there doesn't work out in the end, then he's got someone to return to. Pretend that it was all because of the studies and exams that made things like that. She'll accept the flimsy excuse and go back with him and; worse of all, believe his bleeding heart story about how much he loves her and missed her when he was over there. She'll believe every word and he'll get her back. It's like committing murder and not getting caught. She'll just be so overjoyed that he's back that she'll have a brain freeze about everything else done. Damn, I should have exchanged numbers, f%&ked her myself.

Bar advice. I can always find her but the point is, it may or may not happen that way. It will be too late when he gets back in over two years time. We can't see what the future holds for us but sometimes we should take up the offer of what's here and now itself in front of us in the present.

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Making love, best valentines ever.

This video is a small flick done to probably show two people wanting to be together and being in love. Making love, best Valentines ever, seems to be the appropriate period for what you can see in the video on You Tube.

Bar advice. If only it could be that easy in real life. It could if we just clear all our high expectations and kept it to simple things like love.

20 minute naps

Thomas Edison hardly slept at all, except in 20-minute naps. Mark Twain was noted for his insomnia, but was always dozing off at public functions. So what's the relationship or the secret between 40 winks of nap time and a person's creativity?

Scientists have proven in recent years that the human body requires only as much sleep as the brain will allow it. In other words, so long as the brain is functioning at full capacity, there's no great requirement for sleep. The big thing is that the brain needs a rest every now and then, and apparently, the brain can refresh itself and go on "like with a full tank of gas" with just a short, 20 minute nap.

Regardless of all the relaxation techniques that are popular today, sleep is still the most refreshing and healthful relaxation of all to most people. Even so, the quick 40 winks between appointments or meetings can refresh and rejuvenate almost anyone as much as 8 hours of sleep.

Throughout history, busy, pressured men have all shared in the ability to take a break from whatever the problems of the moment were, in order to refresh themselves with a short nap. For problem solvers, trouble-shooters, writers and other people doing creative or intellectual work, the benefits of a short 20 minute nap can be similar to a transfusion of blood plasma.

These short 20 minute naps for people who are really engrossed in their work, almost always provide a fresh burst of new ideas and energy. They tend to eliminate the need for caffeine boosts during the workday. And, they guarantee a reserve of energy so that the working day isn't followed by an evening in which he falls asleep on the couch watching TV or at a social event.

To take advantage of the mental rejuvenation benefits inherent in a 20 minute nap, all you need is an uninterrupted 20 minutes. If you're working in an office, take your phone off the hook or disconnect it from the wall plug. Hang a sign on your door and instruct your secretary that you're not to be disturbed for 20 minutes. A couch to lie down on would be fine, but if you've not got a couch handy, simply stretch out on the floor.

When you lie down to take a nap, you should loosen your shoes, your belt and your tie. Basically, it's best if you lie on your back and cross your arms across your chest.

You shouldn't concentrate on it, nor worry about falling asleep. First off, you'll be resting and that alone will give you the new energy you need. If your brain needs a rest as well, you'll soon fall asleep.

It's all right to think about specific business problems while you're still in the resting stage, but you must not allow yourself to get up and deal with them if answers come to you before your 20 minute nap period is up. As much as you can, you should try to direct your thoughts to non work ideas while you're resting. In other words, you might think about the things you intend to do when you get home from work.

You might mentally play a round of golf on your favorite course. Imagine watching your golf swing and correcting your problems. Besides relaxing you, these reveries provide the extra dividend of actually helping you to improve you own skills. mental preparation accounts for a great deal of one's skill in sports, and this kind, which you accomplish while you're relaxing, can pay off big time. Learn to ignore whatever noises there are and just tell yourself that these are noises of the atmosphere and do not relate to you. See them as a part of your environment, and not as irritants.

To be sure that you wake up at the end of 20 minutes, set an alarm or tell your secretary to wake you at the end of your rest period. Once you've practiced settling down and resting for 20 minutes at a time, you'll be able to wake yourself just before the alarm goes off or your secretary rouses you.

Attempting to sleep for 30 minutes or even an hour, will leave you feeling groggy rather than refreshed. There is nothing wrong however, with taking several 20 minute naps at different intervals throughout an especially long or tiring workday. The important thing to remember is that you can gain new energy and new creativity by resting and napping when you feel low on energy or as if you're running out of ideas.

As you awaken from your nap, you should lie still for a minute or two then stretch and breathe deeply. Take your time in getting up. Adjust your clothing and take a drink of water to get your system going again. Then, return to work, starting with simple chores such as opening letters or organizing the work you have to do. Within just a few minutes you should feel full of energy and able to handle any problem as it comes up.

With practice you'll be able refresh and rejuvenate your entire mental system with a short 20 minute nap. The important thing is to recognize when you need one to handle the problems at hand, and then to avail yourself of them. Total relaxation, complete physical and mental rest, and then a whole new burst of energy and creativity as the result.

Bar advice. Give it a try for yourself and see if you aren't amazed at the results.

Holidays and today

You are most likely dealing with holiday rush at the moment and are probably feeling a bit stressed with the added responsibilities, activities, and expectations of the season. That's why I want to focus on the topic of holidays. Holidays are opportunities for us to celebrate cultural, communal, and personal occasions such as historical events, spiritual practices, ancestry, community, family, co-workers, loved ones, and much more.

These times, which are primarily associated with happy feelings and pleasant activities, are important to us. They help us to celebrate life! However, the downside of holidays is that we limit our celebration of gifts, flowers, and special declarations of friendship and love to those dedicated days of the year only! Isn't it worthwhile to celebrate life with people on a daily basis?

My question is, why do we have to wait for a holiday in order to honor our life and those we share it with? Why not send flowers or give that special gift to someone you care about just because you feel like it? How about sending a friendly card or cheerful email to someone you are close with or someone you want to reach out to? You could take a moment to say hello or smile at someone on the street or someone you come in contact with? These personal moments can be very enriching for all involved even when it's not the holiday period.

Remember also that it's not just all those nice "things". Meeting up with someone, taking time to go visit someone, catching up with old friends or being attentive to your busy partners needs can be just as important. Your special someone needs you to be the thoughtful and considerate being all year round. Sometimes hard to juggle but doing more places you in better light.

However, taking the time to make your daily life special shouldn't be limited to just doing something nice with others. It is equally important for you to do something nice for yourself on a regular basis, whether it's a walk in the park or a long hot bath, a spa treatment or even just a break from thinking about daily worries and stress. The time you spend treating yourself well will give you a happier, healthier, and more peaceful outlook.

I hope that all this will help you to put the current holiday craziness into perspective. After all, this time should be about togetherness, giving, and rejoicing but let's remember that we don't have to wait for a set occasion to do this. You can do something special for yourself and for someone around you any time you feel the need. We all deserve the benefits of a festive holiday, any day, any time the spirit moves us.

Bar advice. The holidays and today can be the same thing rolled into one. May this help you to obtain peace of mind and heart and to light the holiday spirit in your life for yourself and those around you.

Bringing her over

Bringing her over once you're ready is a little hard. Guys that live with parents are going to make her feel uncomfortable if she has to go over. It's already awkward with you as an individual.

Now remember this. Have your place ready for a lady. This doesn't mean you need some insane "hip hop star" love pad with the potion of seduction enveloping every little item and cranny. What this means is you need your place presentable at every moment. Do you have old socks or pizza boxes hanging around? Would you bring a girl back to your pad, given its current state? If the answer is no, you need to work on that spatial hygiene. Now you don't need to be able to eat off the floor, but you do need your bathroom to not repel with its smell, your floor to be visible, and your general organization to be a cut above other guys she's been with.

Go too far and you look a bit like a neat freak but that's far better than looking like a slob. The worst stereotype about neat men is they aren't interested in ladies and hopefully, you'll be able to prove to your targeted woman that isn't true within a few moments. However, if you manage to elicit a lady's disgust factor (everyone has theirs, although generally, the closer you get to the toilet, the higher the risk) you can ruin a night's worth of work. So, take the time. Keep your place clean. Always. You never know when opportunity will present itself. Be a boy scout and be ready. If you have a small place it's a bit easier. Hopefully this girl is not so materialistic but just wants you for who you are.

Be clean in every way take care of your own hygiene. You'd be surprised how often bad breath is the date breaker. In fact, an offending smell is one of the most unattractive things known to humanity. Chances are at some time or other in your own past it ended what would have been a beneficial connection. So, considering we lose any sense or our own scent very quickly, it's best to play it safe. Assume you smell awful, and take the necessary precautions. Have a bath. Bring along some sort of breath saver. If you sweat, wash, and if you can't wash, deodorize. Aftershave, used in moderation can be a Godsend. Basically don't have any reeking smell in the house or with yourself. Being a woman she understands you're a "guy" and that will happen but she can't stand a guy not bothering to make some effort to help himself.

As far as fashion goes, you don't need to be straight off a Paris runway. In fact, unless you have talent in this area, simple is the best way to keep it. A nice pair of slacks and a plain black shirt is plenty as long as you wear it with confidence. Flashier things can get some attention but before putting them on you want to be sure it isn't the wrong kind. Simple is fine. Really. Just look clean and fresh and you'll have no problems.

Create the attraction, be playful and fun and extend your time. This can mean getting a number or email, shifting your locale, or any of a million other things. The main purpose here is not to bring a woman to bed, but merely to attract her. All you need be concerned with is getting her interested enough that she wants to spend more time with you. Best to do it with your relaxed and playful attitude, but if time is short, just get a number with little more than confident politeness. Don't worry about what comes later. Just get her interested in you to begin. Lead her in some direction in your life. This can happen at the same time, or at a later date.

If things are going well at this point you can shift quickly into physical contact, but at the least you should start introducing familiarities like hand holding and relaxed touching. You're building to a later point here, so don't try to take more than is being offered. You'll get turned down and likely lose a number of points and digging yourself into a deep hole. Just concentrate on establishing and strengthening your connection here. Again, that should be your only priority. If you really want to sleep with this girl, fine. That comes later. Stay focused on your contact with the lady. The rest will follow successfully. You got to first make sure the lady is into you. What do you do then? BRING HER HOME.

Her place or yours. Whichever works with the seed you've created earlier. Once you get her there, don't rush things. She's already basically said she's interested in going further, but push too fast or you'll turn her off and undo all the good you did earlier. Instead, take your time here. In fact, if you wait just a little bit longer than she's comfortable with, or play hard to get yourself, that's even more powerful. Turn up the heat all you need now is the transition to physical connection. If she starts heating up as well then you're on your way (you lucky dog) for some hot sex that night. You can probably tell because she'll be moaning or making some sexual sounds at every touch. Take that as calls from her to come in and that it's alright with her.

Bar advice. Bringing her over can be a job all in itself but the reward is if she stays the night(sex and all) you can blame the mess in the house on her as well.

Breaking up at the holiday period

For couples, the romantic pressure can be intense. If that romance and happiness isn't truly felt, then staying together just for the sake of the holidays can feel dishonest and a breakup may be the best course in the long run .

For those suffering heart break during the season of peace, love and joy, there are ways to do it gracefully. It's not going to be painless for either party, but by preparing yourself and doing your best to preserve your dignity and your partner's, you can get through it. Here's some ways.

Arrange for a time when you know you won't be disturbed and a quiet place to meet. Do not choose a public place. Respect your partner's dignity by meeting with them in a location where they can be free to express their emotions. Just doing it on the phone is not a good way. The face to face way tells them that you're sorry it isn't working out.

Let your partner know ahead of time there is something important you want to talk about, so they'll be able to psychologically prepare.

It's good to begin with or include the positives of the relationship. Let your partner know what their good qualities are and how being with them has enriched your life. Telling them the truth is best. Also, tell them the reason for not continuing with the relationship.

Don't play the blame game. When explaining your reasons for breaking it off, try to phrase the issues in terms of what your needs are as opposed to what your partner lacks or hasn't done. Hopefully, you will already have discussed these issues, so they won't come as a total surprise to the other person.

In the same vein, take responsibility for your own shortcomings. Perhaps point out that you need time to work on them as well. Getting involved with someone then breaking it off is unfair to the person that was sincere in their intentions.

Being a good listener will help you immensely during this difficult moment. Expect that there will be strong emotions and possibly even accusations. Try not to react (after all, you're the one who is doing the breaking up). Just listen.

Accept that you may not be able to make things right with your partner in one sitting. It's good to set a time limit beforehand, so that you don't get sucked into an all-nighter, but be open to further conversations down the line. Be kind, considerate and gentle.

Consider in advance whether you yourself will need extra support, and what kind of support that would be.

Although you may be breaking off the relationship, this doesn't necessarily mean that you are henceforward cutting off all contact with the person. If you've been seeing someone for a relatively short time, it may take just one more short conversation. If there are possessions to split, it could take weeks and if there are children involved, it could take many months or even years.

In addition, because it's the holiday season, the person may still feel the need to speak with you after the split to work through things. Let compassion be your guide during this sensitive time. It's important to be open to some continued contact, but try to keep a time limit on conversations. While you want to do your best to help your partner move on, you have to move on, too.

I certainly hope a breakup is not on your wish-list this holiday season, but if it is, strength tempered with respect and kindness are the qualities that will sustain you and hopefully allow both you and your partner a fresh start in the New Year.

Bar advice. Breaking things off is hard but because you may not be sure of yourself may drive you to it. Sometimes it leads people back together when they take a back step and return.

Year end

As the year comes to an end every time, we all get caught up in the festivities and the last load of work that our bosses are asking us to do so we can finish the work load for the year. We also got a ton of stuff that we need to do as well. The weather doesn't help the problem as well.

Year end is also a time that we look back and see what we did in our lives. Did we change in some way? Are we happier? Did we make the relationship any better? Is everything alright in the family? Should I have gotten involved with that person? Am I loved? There's so many things that we can ask and by the time it hits Christmas we can also ask if we've been naughty or nice. Probably the actual last thing you could possibility asking yourself would be, "what resolutions will I be making this year that I won't keep?"

This time of the year we also look at the relationship that we have or beginning to have. Those already involved would look back and see if it can still stand the test of time. Others just beginning their relationships are probably guessing what their partners are feeling at this point of time toward them. Normally people are in a joyous mood so things are likely to be pleasant. Sometimes you got to meet the parents for the first time and sometimes it's dreading to meet them if you've been married for the last twenty years. It can be torny when it's the holidays.

Those really single or just met someone are either trilled or scared of what might happen. People just feel all soft and fuzzy inside and they don't want any drama. Especially if it means having their heart broken. Women don't realize that men are just as afraid as they are but they don't quite show it. Nonetheless, at this time of the year, they too need to feel good about themselves and mostly wanted and not alone. Change can sometimes be a good thing.

Not knowing sometimes can be scary but avoiding issues and playing the safe card is not the way to live life. Reflecting on years gone by, one has to ask themselves," do I want to be in someone else life"? Can it happen for me? Don't I too deserve happiness? What am I so worried about? The answers can only come from your heart.

Bar advice. The year end puts a strain on those that are alone mostly. There's a sense of isolation from the joys of what's happening which sometimes, sadly, leads to suicide.

Influence

We live in a world where one thing can effect the other. Like global warming. The weather may be bad in one part of the world but it effects us because we will either get it just as bad if not worse. Also, when bad weather hits some place it may effect the food chain and so that becomes another problem that effects us. Same thing goes with people in different situations in their love lives and relationships.

Can someone telling you that they don't see a future in you be a little devastating especially after you took so much time and effort to find out more about them? It's like a cyclone hitting you out of nowhere. When someone decides that they are no longer interested or that they have other people that they want to see or pursue, it's a little sad when you don't know what the core issues really are that made the person not want to be with you anymore. Sometimes it's not your fault at all but the other persons insecurities, faults, low self esteem and a tendency for self destructive behaviour in a relationship.

Getting relationship advice can help but if you get it out of a store magazine that's printed monthly and some columnist is giving you stuff that they believe is true, forget it. They just need to fill the pages. Getting good sound information from real people, true life experiences and those that understand your fears and anxieties is far better than anything else out there. Of course you can see a psychiatrist but if you reveal that to the other person they'll really think you're nuts. So, how are you influenced?

Being influenced by others that are either not involved or that don't really know or understand the issues can make the whole thing blow up. Listening to others or following the opinion of what you have read in girly magazines or the internet sites can make things worse. What if you could dig out the answers to what your partner is all about? Wouldn't that help? If you could figure out what makes them tick it will make things easier. Are you going to let the past influence what you do now and in the future? Every person is different. Finding out is party of the experiences that we go through in life. Working around difficulties and set ways may just be the liberating key that you have been looking for.

Making plans about how your life should work out and all is good but life sometimes throws us a curve ball. We may get into an accident, lose a family member suddenly, get really sick, lose our job and so on. Sometimes the person we never dreamt about as being with may just turn out to be the best thing you'll ever get in this life. Being with someone can outweigh all the material possessions in the world. Loving someone and being loved can break all barriers and fears.

Bar advice. The spice of life is like having champagne and caviar but champagne can go really well with strawberries as well. It brings out what's nice about the chanpagne. You never know what is compatible till you tried.

Bring the sunlight into your life.

For those in the northern hemisphere, they are currently in the darkest time of the year. However, after Dec. 21st, the sunlight will grow stronger and stronger. Yet, regardless of the season, dermatologists recommend putting on sunscreen when we are out in the sunshine. Did you know that it is beneficial to get at least fifteen minutes of non screened and unshaded natural light every single day? So, bring the sunlight into your life.

That's right. While we do need to watch our sun exposure and protect ourselves when we are in the sun for long periods of time, our bodies also need full-spectrum natural light on a daily basis. Incandescent lights and fluorescent lights don't produce a sufficient amount of lux (a measurement of light) to provide us with positive health benefits. The most efficient way to reap these benefits is to go outdoors.

Those fifteen minutes a day out in the sunlight can do a lot for your body, including positively affecting your endocrine system, reproductive system, and your circadian rhythms or internal biological clock. Light exposure also boosts your serotonin levels to help you to stay awake and alert. Plus, natural light helps your skin to produce vitamin D, which helps your body absorb the calcium needed for strong bones. Daily exposure to sunlight also helps reduce stress, reduce weight, and improve your mood.

How can you be sure to get those valuable 15 minutes of sunlight on a regular basis? Go outside whenever you can. Enjoy your lunch break out of doors, take a short morning or afternoon walk, or maybe even just sit on the porch to read your morning paper. All of these are excellent ways to safely get the amount of light your body requires. I hope you will think about your daily dose of sunshine and now I hope you will take some time to go over your health issues as well. May it shed light and brighten your path.

Bar advice. Being and feeling healthy makes for better people and relationships are more manageable. People do better when they feel better.

Making the connection

It seems that people looking for love, a partner, a confidant or a good match, seem to leave one thing out. Making the connection. With this, I mean, we tend to place all hopes on things that we imagine or would like to see happen in our love life. Problem is, we sometimes don't know what we really want even if it's staring us right there in the face.

What relationship advice can I dispense that will make people understand that we need to do a self examination of what we truly want in life as far as a mate or partner is concern? You got to know what you are after. Do you want to just sit back and do nothing and hope that the right one is going to fall in your lap? Praying may help but what if you get sent the right one that God thinks is best for you and you reject it. What then? Are you ready for second best? The decision to be with someone is ultimately yours.

Some people are trying hard to find someone. They accept the fact that they may not be able to get the ideal person that they would like but they give it a shot. People up to the age of thirty tend to take a less serious look at marriage. They are still having fun, making money, dating, building careers or other life endeavours and challenges. They will find it harder to find someone in their later years especially for women. Most women, at forty, are past their 'prime' in the eyes of men for marriage and children. The women in this group that are still looking tend to be more selective of their men as they do not like to waste any more time and effort in attaining a partner.

A reality check is what's needed where people that are searching for a partner but don't seem to know what they really want. Some may use classifieds or Internet dating websites but there's always the fact that a lot of people don't tell the truth in these things. Meeting and getting to know someone is crucial. Come to your own conclusions and don't make hasty decisions when meeting this person. It takes time. If you're comfortable and the connection has been made, give the person the benefit of the doubt and allow for time. Relationships blossom over time spent together.

If he/she is moving to fast, tell them to go at a slower pace. There may be times that you may want it to speed up but only if you both feel your connection is not lacking in communicating ones needs. Letting yourself flow in the direction of getting more involved at a deeper level is a hard move but sometimes you have to. People will eventually have to open up so that the other may be able to know you better. Be willing to give in to the person a little and not be afraid of talking to your partner about your concerns in life and the things that you are looking for. You should bring these things up to the surface earlier to avoid getting into a relationship mess later.

Those that are already having sex or some form of sexuality, like kissing and touching, have already moved to a higher plato. Here the relationship may get strained due to the fact that one partner may feel that it is just something that derives from lust rather than love. There may be concerns that the future holds no common ideals. Some fear that they may get in too deep only to find that they have wasted time and energy and the outcome is not fruitful. Fears like this may be justified but if you're not getting any younger why not take a chance. Give yourself the opportunity to find out if the person is worth your love and being. You never know what you'll get in return. Your life may just change.

Finding miss or mister right is never going to happen in reality for most. If you wish to continue to dream that the person will be coming from some magical place, then you're going to find you're only kidding yourself. Dreams are nice but reality is the truth. Can and will you search inside you're heart to make a reality check on your life up to this day? What's holding you back from progressing with the person you found? Do you compromise and accept that not only will your partner have flaws but so will you to them? Are you comfortable enough to free yourself from outside forces that hamper you from advancing in the relationship like age, work, family, education, race, background, religion and others alike? Is there a better way?

Give yourself permission to feel and be alive. Isn't it a better feeling when someone is in your life. Being older brings you wisdom and knowledge of past failed relationships. Use it. Those that have been hurt before by people that have deceived them have to still know that it may happen again but you can prepare a little better now. Your judgement of the one you're with is key to the relationship's love intensity. Accept their imperfections, their different ways, lifestyle, outlook at life and adapt as they will have to with you. My advice is, be yourself and let them be themselves and the two of you will work everything out eventually.

Bar advice. Take a look at yourself in the mirror. Stand there naked and ask yourself if you and who you're with is worth all this. When you got your answer seek that same answer in the one that you're going to be with.

Ten Women - Pick Up Lines

This is a You Tube video about lines used by men to pick up women. These ten women tell the truth about their feelings about the crap that men do and the pick up lines that turns them off.



Bar advice. Guys have to work on proper lines. If you call them pick up lines, well, you're already in trouble. Women want an invitation or proposal for company.

What not to do on first dates

This may surprise you, but you shouldn't take women on dates. That might sound strange, doesn't it? If you take a woman to dinner and a movie, you're asking to be strung along like a book club member. You set yourself up for all sorts of mistakes and you're just begging for uncomfortable silences and boring conversation.

You can make it work but you'll just make yourself work a lot harder. So what should you do instead? Well, best case scenario you create an instant date. You go from meeting up to going somewhere, together. This can mean moving from the bookstore to a coffee shop, one club to another or often, to begin, just leading a woman from one part of a bar to another. maybe the bar counter to the pool table, to a seat or patio area for fresh air.

Create a powerful move. Say you want to tell or show her something. Maybe it can be about something you want to show her at your house, like an album or a book. (Done subtly, this is a great way to lead to your place). Take her hand and lead her to a more secluded spot in the home. Don't put your hands all over her you'll look desperate and a perv. Once you've led her somewhere, you've shifted the world a little bit because you are together, alone. Maintain strong eye contact. Speak in a quieter, confidential voice (the kind she wants to lean in to hear). Set yourself up that way, and it should be much easier to get things moving. The important thing is that you concentrate not on getting a woman to bed, but on moving to the next step.

Once you've got a connection, next is changing settings so you reaffirm and strengthen that connection. This is good in so many ways. It gives you a chance to get to know the girl quickly, which is impressive when it happens quickly, plus it let's you figure out if the lady is worth your time before you've invested much effort. It should feel natural. It's low-pressure fun. Spontaneous, without expectations or commitments. It's just great. Not to mention it allows you to set the pace you proceed at.

Initially, don't ask her to dinner. If possible, don't even ask her in advance. A spontaneous meeting at a coffee shop or going shopping in a flea market with built-in conversation is great. Make sure you're going somewhere fun. The kind of place with strange knick-knacks all around so you're conversation can naturally flow from your surroundings. Why do extra work when you can let the atmosphere help you? Maybe miniature golf. You don't need skills for that and if you are good, it gives you the opportunity get behind her and show her how to play.

One key thing is , Don't Pay All! Especially with a woman you've just met. Paying says all the wrong things. In the old days it was the "gentlemanly thing" to do but it's different in this day and age. Women will read it different ways. It says "I'm not interesting, so I'm bribing you to spend time with me." Also, "I want to prove I'm good guy material by showing off my financial success." The corollary, "I'm insecure, so like a man with a small penis and a hot sports car, I'm trying to buy myself some confidence." Worse still, "I don't really know you, but I think you're hot so I'm going to try and buy my way into your pants." Equally cringe worthy, "I just paid for you. Now what are you going to do for me?". The part about you being a gentleman just skips the ladies minds at times.

The biggest reasons to avoid the dinner date, at least to begin, is not creating an awkward social setting with someone you barely know. You basically force all sorts of uncomfortable thoughts about the money involved. My advice. Coffee? Who cares about a couple of bucks? Shopping? You're not going to buy her something, are you? That smells of bribery worse than dinner, and you'll just make her uneasy. Avoid putting yourself in situations where the issue of payment comes up, and you'll avoid this whole can of worms.

Bar Advice. More conversation are needed first. Be it the phone, messenger, emails, PC cams or whatever. Be comfortable and you'll both be at ease. These awkward issues can be resolved even before going out.

Female Sexual Desire & Sexual Group Anatomy

For those that don't like to read hers something a bit more visual and audible. Don't be afraid to pay attention.



Second video is excellent as well. This is questions from people and a sexual group anatomy video. She answers candidly. I advise you to watch and listen. Quite graphic.



Bar advice. We all need lessons. Those that need better advice should seek it to improve their sexual and normal daily life.

Sexual fantasies

The only reason why people keep their fantasies to themselves is because they fear that people will think of them as weird, crazy or something like that. Sexual fantasies may involve having sex in a public place or with a friend's partner or even violence and rape. Women may have 'fantasy sex' with several men at once, while men may show an inclination towards the extremes of virgins or prostitutes. Sometimes it's just our own small fetishes that we desire.

Sometimes a woman who 'dreams' about making love to another woman may fear she is a lesbian, while a man who 'dreams' about a prostitute may feel he is betraying his wife. The actual act did not occur so there is nothing to fear. This is actually just normal human traits. It can happen consciously or subconsciously. Can we control our minds from the neurons that feed these cravings or desires? Unless you're comatose and not know what's going on. Even in that state we can't tell if someone is fantasizing. People feel there's a link to this and real life dangers that they can pose to others because of their sexual behaviour and thoughts.

Some people convince themselves that they may act out such fantasies in real life or even that they are mentally ill. It is easy to understand why some people might feel guilt and concern about their fantasies. Nevertheless, having any particular fantasy is, by itself, generally not seen as an indication that a person has a psychological problem or personality disorder. We all got some sort of fantasy. It can be general like being super rich, being a celebrity or having a dream home. The main point is that even if those fantasies came true you'd still have sexual fantasies. It's something we all cannot escape from.

I'll bet that even holy men have them as well. We don't talk about this but we know that everyone is human. They may suppress them better than others but now and again they probably arise. There's no shame in this because it's part of our human essence. In fact if you're in a relationship, my advice is to talk to your partner. Get this topic out in the open. Make things start to fill those fantasies up. Find out what he wants and what she wants. This is probably going to fire up your sex life so much that you won't know left from right. Your love relationship is your special resource that aids your sexual relationship. I just ended another session of cyber sex with the same girl previously and again she masturbated and enjoyed herself. This fantasy between me and her is just beginning.

Now let's say your man makes a comment on a sexy outfit you both saw in a magazine. He's probably imagining the girl not the clothes but don't be offended. Take it as a opportunity to fill his desires. Find a way to get that outfit or like it and role play what he wants. If a women is checking out a guy dancing she may imagine herself as the seductive partner. Make your own teasing dance when you get home. Don't go blowing up and arguing about what she was looking at and why she's interested in the guy. That all doesn't make any sense and your role playing fantasies is short lived.

Even watching porn together, and I'm not suggesting anything illegal, will help both partners experiment with things that one may not have known about or was unwilling to do. Sometimes it may backfire as pain may be involved. Do what you're comfortable with. Illustrated books can also help. The Karma Sutra has been around a long time. There are things in there that you never even heard of, tried or did. Discussing the most erotic fantasies could also put you on the path to some juicy sex.

Anything to do with more than the two of you, for example threesomes or more, is entirely between the two of you. This I advise against if there isn't strong trust between both partners. Many a time one will accuse the other of doing things with someone else without them present. If you're into this sort of thing it is always best to be with the other present. If the bonds of trust are broken it's doomed. Listen here. If you're getting the permission to be with another person sexually in the presents of your partner why do you need to sneak of with someone alone? This is the life of swingers but I'll get into that another time

Having these secret fantasies come true will make you and your partner have a better sex life. Nothing gets stale and people tend to stay together in the relationship a long time. Why go anywhere else? If you can't do it all the time maybe you can work it out to a point that both of you can do it once a week or fortnightly. Maybe you can take turns to address your partners fantasy that way there's anticipation when it comes to your week. All said and done if there's to much going on like work, then just have normal passionate sex. Making love to the person you love in a passionate sexual manner far outweighs any fantasy that's in peoples minds.

Bar advice. Sometimes staying away from each other sexually for a short time can build to a more eager anticipation. Playfulness and build up to the event will be a fantasy all on it's own.

Urges, cravings and desires

The funny thing about us human being is we have certain urges, cravings and desires on a daily basis. Sometimes it's just a fantasy that we play in our mind. Sometimes it's the urge to do something for a long time that we either haven't done before or just haven't done in a long time. Then there's desire. This, in most cases, are things that are more materialistic or sexual in need.

Men mostly desire a more seductive and beautiful girl. Never worrying if she's good in bed or not. They just want one. Women do want a nice looking guy but they also want a guy that can fill their bang with quality and not just quantity. Women want a nice environment for the seduction. A romantic location or setting to be in the mood. Nice conversation. Men, they just need a place to get it on. That's a big difference between the genders. One thinks with their heart the other with their head, and I don't mean the one on their shoulders. I'll let you figure out which is which.

Just like a pregnant women graving for ice cream or sweet corn or whatever, the thought sticks in the head for a long time. It fades in and out of the mind but the crave will still be there till it's been satisfied. Only unless it's totally unobtainable will they let it go. Sometimes we get a crush, normally women, on someone. We want to be with them or at least be known to them. If there's acknowledgement from the one they have the crush on, their feed for the grave would have been met. They'll be able to get on with their live and be content. Guys don't normally have crushes but when they like a beautiful girl they are overjoyed just by the girl's greeting or even a single smile in their direction. A guy just feels like part of the world at that moment. It's one of those funny guy things.

We can't live without sex or can we? That's another part of the urges, cravings and desires. It's scientific fact that people have some sort of sexual thoughts in their daily lives. You can be having the worse day in their lives and yet. pop, a sexual thought of someone or something will enter their mind from out of nowhere. Fantasy role playing, lustful thoughts, surfing porn, magazines(not even necessarily dirty ones), in conversations, people watching and so on add to our secret desires of the human mind. That's all it really is we're built in that way since the dawn of time. It's just that society has changed but not the cravings of the mind. If we could we would all be naked chasing after the ones we like most in the jungles. In the urban jungle of today we do it with tools like the Internet and personal ads.

The other day I was on the messenger service. Getting to know a girl and after several hours of conversation, and things heating up, we got into the whole cyber sex thing. It was fun. We had a good time. Her mostly as I had a lot of finger work to do and I don't mean on her body but on the computer keys. It's a lot of quick typing to get the messages out fast. When you got a horny girl on the receiving end you have to be fast. She typed some back but later she told me that she was playing with herself. It took me by surprised but to hear that she masturbated, got all wet and did cum, was pleasing to think that I was part of the sexual fantasy that fulfill her needs and desires at that moment. I felt good as well after she told me. I actually felt like we had sex and that I was having after sex conversation with her. By the way guys, after sex conversation is a crucial follow up step in real sex especially. Women want to hear from you. Being quiet will make her feel and think there's something wrong.

These cravings, urges and desires add fuel to the fire of our fantasies. The fact that we all want them to be fulfilled probably can't happen. This is because every time we add more of these desires and cravings in our minds that it just doesn't stop. People that get older are looking with their minds through the eyes that feel young but bodies are a little aged but it doesn't stop them from thinking these thoughts or feeling what they feel. We all got to age but as we do we try to fill all the gaps of our imagination or needs. We can all preform. We just need the right place and person.

Bar advice. Live the life you can and fill all desires even if it's as simple as Internet cyber sex. Don't forget these urges, cravings and desire are the normal human characteristics as our forefathers.

Jungle fever

What does it take for someone to see beyond the colour. The race and the backgrounds. The social standings. The religion. We live in a society, or should I say world, that frowns on interracial marriages or togetherness. Even today it is sometimes difficult and not accepted.

To change the mindset of others is hard but those that are lying in the same familiar bed of loneliness look at people differently. If anyone saw the movie Jungle fever they would know that love doesn't see all the boundaries that people place in this world. When one finds that someone special in life who is it that has the right to stop you. People don't just go out looking for someone different than them. It just happens.

This may cause people to look at them differently. Make nasty remarks. Cause problems. Even abuse. Why do people have to act this way? Wouldn't it be better if people could just change. In India the caste system that's been around looks like it's long gone but people still behave intolerantly at those of a lower status. In Muslim countries they don't accept even those that are of different ethnic backgrounds. The shame of it all.

My sister had a Muslim girlfriend that married a Hindu husband but the family rejected her. She was banished from her home and family. That's the Muslim way. Today she's well and has two kids and the husband takes care of all of them. A loss for her original family. This happens all over the world and with all sorts of obstacles for those just looking for love. Imagine what it would be like if there was more acceptance and understanding from families, people and society.

Recently I got to know this girl that's Chinese and she's been in relationships that didn't work out. She's been to the US and said she's been with Thai, American and British guys. Now she's back and seems to be looking, after a recent break up with a local boyfriend, for someone special. It may be age or loneliness but it may just be a case of not finding the right one and the right one may not be the normal stream of things or persons. I haven't met her as yet but she seems to like the blog and all that I got to say in it.

Jungle love is the coming together of people that are different. Finding solace in the arms of someone that others may look upon as odd or wrong but it doesn't mean it is. We all just want to know that we are cared for. Will someone be there to hold your hand if you're sick? Will you be alone till death? Is there someone that can love you more unconditionally than the house dog? Don't you also deserve to have what you see others having everyday. Sure, you may not be able to have kids or do certain things like pole dancing but you get the joy of the another human being loving you back. No it's not hard to be open to the possibility that you can find love elsewhere. That's just the point. Be more open. Do not and I stress again, do not care what others say.

This is your life. No one else, not parents, friends of strangers are suppose to stop you from finding true love and happiness. Fight for what your heart desires. The more people see this happening the more people will change. In fact you may surprise yourself when you find that you see life in the many different ways that you never thought possible. Opening your heart to a different sort of person is just the same as anyone else. Also, the person you're with has also got to have the same moral values and is proud to be in the relationship with you. Working things out and ironing out the issues of your relationship will bring you closer together. Making errors is part of it but acceptance of each others differences is what will mould and eventually become the bond. Strengthening it and will break others that ridicule both of you.

For all those that are ready to take the chance, jump in with both feet, go for it. Make the decision to take your life into your own hands. There should be no such thing as being too young, not making the right choice or being in a mid life crisis that should stop you. Make hay when the sun shines is the saying so do just that. What's holding you back when you can see that at the end of the tunnel there's the most beautiful rainbow that can fulfill you?

Bar Advice. It will be difficult but than again life is for everyone. Why should yours be any different? But it can be done.