Sexual Aura

There's this really strange, mystical and invisible aura that surrounds those that are projecting their sexual side. People, both men and women, all have it but there are those that just have it a little more than others.

A lot of these unique individuals don't even realize that they are doing anything out of the ordinary. Have you ever sensed everyone looking at you when you enter a room? Most women have some sort of natural radar so to speak, that tells them a guy is paying 'extra' attention to them. There are times also where she will feel uncomfortable when someone she doesn't fancy is eying her. The one that that really gets to me sometimes is when her modesty button kicks in and she tries not to make eye contact with a guy that she knows like her but holds back too much. What's that all about? If you like someone you should indicate so. Playing hard to get can end up making you and old maid.

Guys on the other hand are totally different. Since prehistoric days women seem to be more attentive to the 'brute'. If the guy is macho and personifies a tough, strong image then he's probably going to be with a lot of girls. The women that want this sort of guy will only wish that he's got a sensitive side as well. How are they suppose to take him to see mummy if he's doesn't?

Some women like the guy a little timid because they don't like domineering guys. Some prefer chubby fellows because they feel that he won't be too attractive to other women. Guys also like women less pretty so that their chances are higher in getting her. Lot of guys also feel that someone less attractive will not have too much wants and needs. Both women and men who have trouble getting a partner are more prone to living a single life than marrying someone they are not sure about.

The thing about the sexual aura is that the individual must desire for another person to enter their life. You don't go putting on your nice clothes, combing your hair, wearing nice shoes and go out only to come home to your parents house and family dog, right? When you're putting yourself out there for the whole world to see, you got to 'want' someone to take notice. Flirt a little if necessary. Make eye contact. Your seduction success depends on a variant of factors. Flaunt what you got. Make someone take notice to the point that the other person really wants to know you better. You need to focus on your 'intention' of getting someone in your life and only than can it happen.

There are lot of individuals out there that know this little 'secret' already. They just have it and they use this sexual aura to their favour. It's easy for them to be able to get anyone they want. Some women can make men turn their heads even if the guy is walking on the street with another woman. Guys can bring out a smile from a girl on the other side of the room and flirt with her twenty feet away with her not taking her eyes off him. The power of this sexual aura can also be sensed by the same gender at that present moment. By this I mean that another woman or man can sense that energy off the person that is personifying it.

These individuals are normally envied by others because other people want that type of charisma. End of the day, some people have it and some don't. However, it doesn't mean you have none and good news is, you can pick it up just by being around others. Observe these people and you'll see that even the slightest gesture, in many cases none at all, will draw attraction towards them.

Bar Advice. Finding someone is hard enough. Getting them or just their attention is more difficult unless you desire it in your aura.

Letting go of past relationships

Just when you thought you were over it, you accidentally walk into the bar, club, restaurant, coffee shop or store where you once were together, in love. You were there together, before you had the talk about what you really wanted. Before the big fight. Before the reconciliation. Before the next big fight and then when you finally broke up for good.

Why do you wonder if you did the right thing? Why do you miss your ex? Why is closure so hard to close? As the saying goes, breaking up is hard to do. Letting go of past relationships and closure might be even harder to come by. Next time you face this dilemma, try these to finally let go.

Answers
What is really bugging you about the breakup? If you don't have some idea of what really happened to you, it's going to be a lot harder to move forward. Write out what this relationship was for you from the first day you met to the day you broke up. The universe supports loving relationships of equality. Was it an equal loving relationship? Did this person bring out the best (or worst) in you? Was this a sexual relationship, a fling or real attraction and love?

Advice
Ask the friends you trust, "What did you observe in my relationship?" Often the people who love us can see what we can't but they won't open up or give advice to you unless you ask. They don't want to hurt your feelings about your choice. It's so much easier to idealize the past than accept that your relationship had some real flaws that would have erupted over time. Sometimes the questions can be answered by meeting with your ex, but be careful! No sex with your ex or, you may be on different time lines of grief and it can be painful if it appears that your ex is "over it" and you're not. Your ex may also already be seeing someone else which may just make you feel like dog poop.

Reclaim Yourself
There's a reason that people sell the house when they get divorced. Shared space is intimate space. If your place looks like he just left for work ten minutes ago or her toothbrush is still hanging in the bathroom, you're wallowing. Buy new sheets. Paint, move furniture around or have a "newly single" house warming party. Your environment reflects your mind. If it's a shrine to a past relationship, how can you heal? It's not about denying your feelings. It's about letting your mind rest in your own home.

Forgiveness
Even if you can't forgive them, forgive yourself! Relationships don't fail. They change. You may not be ready to forgive your partner for any number of things (like cheating!), but you must forgive yourself. Letting go isn't possible without accepting and loving your own willingness to love. If you are waiting for your ex to say something you want to hear or just to return your DVDs, you're giving them power over your process. Stop empowering them over you. Forgiveness is hard but whether given to them or to yourself, you feed better energy than anger and feeling miserable.

Feelings
Resist the temptation to run out for a replacement person in the first few months. If someone told you their grandmother died, you wouldn't tell them to go out and get another grandma. You would give them all the time they needed to think about their relationship with their loved one and what it meant to them. The need to heal takes longer for some. Some put up false pretense of getting over someone quickly but they are hurting tremendously inside.

Grieving
Grieving is a process of going deeper into consciousness. Therefore, grieving the end of a relationship opens you up to a deeper experience in life. Pain is a necessary part of growth. Take a treasured object that represents your relationship and set it free. Perhaps you can donate a piece of jewelry you received to a charity, release a love letter or painting of you two into the ocean. By marking the end of this important person in your life, you are honoring the time you had together and you are honoring yourself for having the courage to love.

Bar advice. Letting go of past relationships only happens when you arrive at a place of rest and acceptance. It will come. Trust the process and experience your pain. It will conclude into clarity. It will lead to peace. Eventually.

The trill of being sought after

Going out with women on dates can result in the female having positive emotions about you. Only if you know how to make it not just an ordinary date but one that connects with thrills and emotion exchanges.

Some pointers here. Most guys miss the point. They sweat over which restaurant to bring the girl or which movie will be 'date friendly', etc. The real deal in getting the lady interested is in your interaction with her. Never ever come across like the last five typical dudes a lady has went out with. That doesn't mean you have to dress weird or speak with a funny voice but you must have an ability to inject the "fun factor" at various points during the date. When you're out on a date, you can't simply see yourself as just a 'possible suitor' for the lady. You have to be a "chemistry creator". Learn to "engineer" feelings of liking in women.

The point here is to be a little creative. Do new things that may influence her thoughts about you. Will she remember you after the date? What will her reaction be when she's meeting you the next time, if ever? Did she say she was thinking about you when you called her again? The fact is what you do or say is vital in leaving a good impression to have return invites to meet up with her and possibly further interactions that may also lead to intamacy.

Sometimes it's good to do something surprising. Sending flowers to her office for no reason is one. Why her office? Well, all her colleagues will start to envy her having a thoughtful and romantic guy. She'll smile all day and will be willing to meet up. Another way is showing up to take her to some place special. Now this is a bit tricky. Don't go picking her up when she's dressed all casual with hair and make up out of wack. She'll feel totally out of place with you all spiffy and she looking like drab. Make sure you call, and in the conversation, try to slowly find out what she's dressed like that day so you can plan properly.

Keep this in mind. Women that think they have the upper hand are happier in the relationship. They will play hard to get, although they actually like you. This is because they also like the "chase". They also like to see how well you are at catching their hearts. The trill of being sought after, the hunt, is a game played long ago by women for all time. It's not new and will continue till the end of time.

Bar advice. We guys just have to learn how to master some new ways to get what we desire. Women are not as complex if you just find those certain likes of theirs.

Women's psychology

I'm going to dabble into some women's psychology that most men either don't know or dont get. Now, most guys don’t worry too much about their reputation but for women, reputation is very important. Most women won’t do something if it might make them look easy in front of their friends. Their modesty as a lady must also be in tact.

The good news is, when they’re alone, most women are up for much the same kind of stuff that men are up for. Sometimes though, you need to wait until the friends aren’t around to see both sides of a woman. Relationships that we see television, it always works like this, shows women are dying for relationships and guys are afraid to commit. Well guess what? It’s the opposite. In the vast majority of situations, it is guys who scare women away by being too clingy. For 90% of women (under 30), the only kind of commitment they want from you is a commitment to hang out with them again, call them in the morning and not be a complete dick.

It goes without saying, guys often feel this need to talk things out and explain things logically that often is awkward and lame to women. For example, guys feel compelled to say things like "I like you", when the smooth thing to do would be to just kiss her. If you did, chances are she already knows it. If she’s still hanging out with you, she probably likes you too. Dummy!

Another good example of this is the "relationship talk". You know the talk, sometimes it happens before sex, sometimes it happens after, but you’re sitting in bed with a girl and you feel compelled to put your cards on the table. You tell her you really like her but you want her to know that you're not really interested in an exclusive relationship at present. Even worse, “I want to sleep with other women”. This is not the way. Seeing and being with other people is alright but give a little respect to the one that's also with you. She may also be doing the same with other guys but she'll keep that to herself. In part to do with her modesty as well.

Most women don’t really care that much about what you do when they’re not around, unless you’ve explicitly boxed yourself into the boyfriend role. Don't hint that you're being monogamous with any women you're seeing and they'll never ask if you're sleeping with other women. Don’t ask, don’t tell is the best policy. It’s not dishonesty . Always answer any question truthfully, and never deliberately mislead a woman. It’s simply the fact that emotionally, women don’t really care what you do when they’re not around, as long as you’re good to them when you’re together. If you're the boyfriend it's a different game. Being single and unattached is what's going on in her mind as well but you just haven't got it yet.

Bar advice. A huge thing to remember about women, and here's a little relationship advice, they hate being played in games and especially liars. You'll be forever black listed and even all her friends will know. Don't do it.

What's on your Christmas list?

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I guess we all got imaginery gifts that we would like to have and that includes love, sex, finding someone or just not being that lonely at this time of the year. People are a little down and out at the holidays. Sure, its fine if youre in a relationship or married.

We say it's a time for the kids or a time to be happy and jolly. Reality is when this time of the year comes we feel like that little kid. In need to be loved, hugged or just happy with someone around. Some people go to a state of depression and even suicide.

Will it take another Christmas to make a person open their eyes a little to see that they don't have to be in this situation. Take a chance and open your heart to what is infront of you or the next time you're unsure about someone. Fill that void. The emptiness need not have to be loneliness forever.

Bar advice. Take this time till the end of the year and tell yourself that before next Christmas you'll be feeling like a kid. Joyful and loved.

Year end

As the year comes to an end every time, we all get caught up in the festivities and the last load of work that our bosses are asking us to do so we can finish the work load for the year. We also got a ton of stuff that we need to do as well. The weather doesn't help the problem as well.

Year end is also a time that we look back and see what we did in our lives. Did we change in some way? Are we happier? Did we make the relationship any better? Is everything alright in the family? Should I have gotten involved with that person? Am I loved? There's so many things that we can ask and by the time it hits Christmas we can also ask if we've been naughty or nice. Probably the actual last thing you could possibility asking yourself would be, "what resolutions will I be making this year that I won't keep?"

This time of the year we also look at the relationship that we have or beginning to have. Those already involved would look back and see if it can still stand the test of time. Others just beginning their relationships are probably guessing what their partners are feeling at this point of time toward them. Normally people are in a joyous mood so things are likely to be pleasant. Sometimes you got to meet the parents for the first time and sometimes it's dreading to meet them if you've been married for the last twenty years. It can be torny when it's the holidays.

Those really single or just met someone are either trilled or scared of what might happen. People just feel all soft and fuzzy inside and they don't want any drama. Especially if it means having their heart broken. Women don't realize that men are just as afraid as they are but they don't quite show it. Nonetheless, at this time of the year, they too need to feel good about themselves and mostly wanted and not alone. Change can sometimes be a good thing.

Not knowing sometimes can be scary but avoiding issues and playing the safe card is not the way to live life. Reflecting on years gone by, one has to ask themselves," do I want to be in someone else life"? Can it happen for me? Don't I too deserve happiness? What am I so worried about? The answers can only come from your heart.

Bar advice. The year end puts a strain on those that are alone mostly. There's a sense of isolation from the joys of what's happening which sometimes, sadly, leads to suicide.

Relationships, lies and trust

Relationships are social connections, associations and affiliations between people. They vary in levels of depth and cover different aspects such as friendship, family, lovers relationship and marriage. Regardless of the different kinds of relationship which a person plays in a social entity, conflicts may arise and can strain a relationship. Trust is an important element in maintaining a healthy and harmonious relationship. Conflicts normally arise due to the betrayal of trust. Whenever there is a conflict, parties may resort to accusations, harsh words and insults on each other which may eventually lead to emotional stress.

Trust is the pillar which supports relationships. Lies bring about distrust and suspicion in relationships. Lies should be taken seriously because for every time a lie is told, the level of trust will drop and create more and more suspicion between parties. Eventually, the person who tells the lies will lose their credibility and this will strain the relationship. My relationship advice in today’s modern society of heightened stress and competition is, lies are inevitable and serve as a convenient tool to evade trouble and protect oneself. Basically a white lie is a false escape. However, this form of convenience is exchanged with the reduction in trust. A person who has his trust misplaced before may have difficulty trusting people again. Therefore, with regards of relationship, once there is zero trust between both parties, this relationship has failed. Honesty is the best policy!

The most powerful tool is words but also the most destructive weapon in the world. Words can be in the form of praise and compliment but also a weapon that can hurt and leave an emotional scar in a person. When it comes to relationship, hurtful remarks and insults being hurled on a person in the fit of anger during conflicts can deeply affect the person’s psychological and emotional state. The impact of these words can be further intensified especially when it come out from a person who you are closely attached to.

The emotional effect may heal over time but it can also change a person’s perception of humanity and relationships permanently. Sometimes it has the power to drive people to same sex relationships because of the intense pain inflicted at an early age by someone they loved. They may have been cheated upon. Maybe made to be humiliated or there was also physical abuse.

In conclusion, trust and words are closely related to each other in a relationship. Lies don't fit anywhere. Any incorrect management of the first two important elements can strain a relationship. Anger management, character building and emotional stress management are crucial to prevent conflicts and handle any aftermath of failed relationships. Therefore, one should not take things to be granted and learn to cherish relationships.

Bar advice. Connecting with each other is already hard enough. Deception and the lack of trust will bring the relationship to it's knees.

Rascal Flatts-What Hurts The Most

This is a great band and more importantly this song just blew a lot of people. This mini video just shows young love, relationships and parents. What hurts the most is when we miss the ones we love or the ones that hurt us.

Bar advice. The advice I give to anyone that's been in love and lost someone is to celebrate that persons life by living better.

Relationship rescue

As a follow-up to his bestselling book Life Strategies, Oprah acolyte Phillip C. McGraw, Ph.D., moves from aiding the aimless individual to coaching the disconnected couple. McGraw has distilled his more than two decades of counseling experience into a seven-step strategy he calls "Relationship Rescue."

Most Oprah Winfrey viewers are well aware of Dr. Phil's book Relationship Rescue, which presents a seven-step program for salvaging troubled relationships. McGraw would be the first to tell you that watching Oprah or reading about his program are all fine and good, but if you really want to rescue your relationship, you've got to do the work which is where this excellent workbook comes in. Loaded with probing questions, exercises, and fill in the blank "self-tests, this four-part book is probably more effective than having a televised session with McGraw on Oprah.

Bar advice. This two books go hand in hand to help those in relationship problems. My small advice to this is a self examination of ones being before adopting other peoples advice.

Guy's, don't go begging for sex

Never ask a woman for sex. Never paw at a woman for sex. Never settle for mercy sex. Asking for sex is like begging, and you'll lose all respect from your woman.

In mercy sex, the woman's attitude is that she prefers her vibrator and personal fantasies to you, but if you insist, she'll accommodate you. "You can use me for my body... but you better kiss my ass for it and do everything I demand in return!"

So she lets you climb on top of her to get you off her back. The goal for her isn't to get done by you, it's getting it done and over with so that she doesn't have to do it again. She knows you'll settle for lousy sex, and she has no reason to be a real, sexual woman for a wimp of a man. With time, when you accept mercy or lousy sex from your woman, she'll come to despise you for being such a weak wuss of a guy.

So never paw at her. Let her paw at you. Never ask for sex. Let her ask for sex or take her, bend her over, and rail hard her like a man. So to speak.

Let sex be her reward. If she does lots of nice things for you, like cook you dinner, buy you a gift, compliment you, make sure that she's rewarded with a thorough, dominating, all-out passionate love making sexual night in return.

Nor be ashamed of your desire to have sex. Never ask forgiveness from women for your sexual appetites as a man. "The sexual beast" inside of you wants bacchanal, hedonistic sex with no inhibitions about treating her like a piece of property, free to satisfy your deepest sexual desires. Don't be ashamed of your inherent nature
as a man. Be proud of your sexual appetite. I don't mean to make it seem barbaric but sometimes going back to the caveman days may just be what you guys need.

Bar advice. Stop being a wimp and a wuss and a needy beggar in your relationships. It has no place in a relationship and you, as your duty as a man, have to stop all that crap RIGHT NOW.

Making up

In the beginning every relationship is bliss. The relationship is sweet, sugary, beautiful and lovable. You're in heaven. Everything is exciting and new. You love everything in your partner. The dress up, the talks, the habits and everything your partner does and visa verse but as time passes you start finding faults with each other.

You don’t like his or her outfit and you don’t find his or her talk interesting any more. There is a long list of “I don’t like this about you”. You are doing nothing but nagging at each other. This is when normality makes the spice of the chase disappear. It is very easy to break of a relationship and very difficult to maintain it but it is much more difficult to start over with the broken relationship. Yet it is very important to make up ans start over with a broken relationship especially if you have the responsibilities of your children.

Making up. What you do is to have patience and be forgiving. Forgive and start afresh. Try and find faults within yourself and it will be easy for you to forgive the other. Forgiveness heals the wound and tolerance enhances the depth of your relationship. You mustn't forget things like, he throws his socks in the corner when he gets home or she takes too long in the bathroom when you're in a rush to go out, are stuff they use to do before they knew you. It means a new conditioning when being together that will make things work.

It is amazing to fall in love but at the same time it is like being in hell when you split apart. Therefore it is a must to see that it makes no sense and that you have to revitalize your relationship and get that excitement back. Remember the moments that made you both happy, remember what he/she loved most about you. Make an effort to revive those moments back.

Don’t run off but face the problem no matter how tensed the situation is. You have to stick together as it is involves you, your partner and your family. You have to take a step forward and make your partner understand. You have to sit together and sort out problems between the two of you. Try doing things that bring excitement in your life. Improving your relationship is not a long process. It is a single little that you can take. You will find your relationship blooming beautifully as ever.

But if things are very grave, your partner is violent and you are sure that you cannot move with the relationship any further, then there is no need to stick along in remorse and pain. You can always start all over again. Off course it is difficult to forget the past and it is an obstacle in your way to a new relationship. What you need to do is to give time to yourself, involve in hobbies and activities that please you. Socialize, or do something creative that releases your heart from the pain you are going through. After a period of time you yourself will want to start a new relationship with no previous fears and pains. The bereavement including shocks, pain anger all disappear when you give space to yourself and believe in yourself.

Bar advice. What we all want is something less strained. Before jumping into full commitment have a heart to heart conversation about these things even if you've only heard of it and never been through it. It helps later.

People today

Relationships between most people today are characterized by cautious coldness and impersonality.

If you walk up to a stranger on the street, they'll often meet your advance with suspicion. After all, they believe, why else would you try to make a connection to a total stranger unless you wanted to sell something or wanted something from them?

At work, people generally don't smile unless the boss is looking over their shoulder, wishing they could be somewhere else doing something else. Many times the only smile of a friendly person you'll see is that of the salesman, specifically trained to smile at you to make the next sale.

Studies have shown that when people have a lot of positive life events and warm interactions with friendly people, they themselves become more extroverted, which in turn makes them even happier. Other studies show that when people are in a positive mood they have a less cautious social style, and meet even more people.

All the research suggests that we don't want a place where most people are hostile, shrewd, and self-centered. We don't want a place where most people are cold, impersonal, and only keep to themselves. So ideally, we want to live in place where people are generous, socially outgoing, receptive to others, and generally in a good
mood and are considerate.

Of course this place is never never land. It's just not real. People in their human nature spoil it for others. We live in a world where we have to make do with our situations, lives and happiness. Most people are out to look after themselves. "It's every man for himself", the saying when we are in desperation. That phrase seems to be tatooed on all our forheads.

Bar advice. If you want to change things. Make a DECISION in your life. Stick with it and don't let others influence you in this world. It can be a better place.

Venus retrograde. Love retrograde.

Poor Venus. Not only is the planet of love and beauty unhappy in nit picky Virgo, but she's retrograde. Fortunately, this happens only once every other year instead of three times a year, as with Mercury. When it does though, you sure feel it in your love life! If you can resist the tendency to criticize each other, you can take advantage of this influence to look frankly and honestly at your relationship. Is it everything you want it to be? Will it last? If you're single, what do you need to change to attract the love you desire?

The main focus, be it Venus retrograde period or not, is the relationship tolerance. If things are not going all that well don't go making things worse. There must be some issues that are below the surface that are not in sync with each other that is causing chaos in your lives.

Whether you follow the stars or astrology readings, it reflects peoples lives on a normal basis. Simply saying, we all have our ups and downs, good and bad and so on. Trouble is, are you in the bad end all the time? Is the relationship smelling sweet like roses and feels like you could live on fresh air or is it down in the dumps wear all the garbage and flies are? It pays to ensure that communication continues throughout the relationship. Just because the honeymoon is over doesn't mean that the loving should stop as well.

If you're single and with a partner, it's best for both to talk about future developments and plans of marriage instead of rushing into it. Discuss the issue of arguments and how both of you will deal with it. Being together means also working together in the relationship. It's never easy. Sometimes there's also external conflicts that pits you and your partner between each other because of family members. Certain ground rules have to be set in place.

If you want less conflict and better understanding, give time and a listening ear to the other person. It makes no sense to fight and be victorious in the battle if only to find that you loose the war of love. Ironically it makes sense and doesn't at the same time. Bottom line is, you can't all be right. Something or someone has to give. Give each other time to have their say then make a decision for one to give in but when the next time comes around, not necessarily right after; the other should be the one to give in.

It's a two way street that you can meet in the middle. Don't let other people come in between your method and wedge a rift between you. Your plan to combat arguments must be firmly set in place so the relationship is honest and the air is cleared with no anger lurking to bite you back later. When a problem is behind you, never bring it up again. Never weaken your bond towards each other.

Lastly, when you are not in a feud, remember your vows. Take yourself back to the words you said and how you felt. Singles can remember their cherished moments together. Write him/her a love note. Buy her some flowers or meet him at work for lunch. Make the conscious effort. It's a union not a competition.

Bar advice. Never go to bed angry, they say. Truth is, your bedroom should always be your sanctuary with each other. Not a battle zone.

Will Sex add to commitment?

You may imagine that agreeing to have sex before you have a monogamous commitment from a man could lead to the commitment you seek. Wrong. If he gets to have sex with you before commitment, you lose some of your power to get him to commit. After all, why should he commit further if he’s already having sex with you?

Yes, you may answer, but with sexual intimacy he’ll fall for me even more. Wrong again. With sexual intimacy before commitment, all you know is that his cock is in love with your vagina. You are beautiful, feminine, and have a gorgeous, fully shaved vagina. Of course, he’s in love with your sexual organs! What man wouldn’t be? But you want his love for you to come before his love for your sexual organs.

By the way, “instant commitments” don’t count. If you’ve teased him to the point of nakedness or of being only an undergarment away from nakedness, and then ask him, “You do love me, don’t you?” do not be fooled by the answer “Of course I do.” That is his manhood talking. At this point his brain has been kidnapped by his throbbing manhood. All his brain blood now resides in his swollen enlarged one, and his is totally not in charge of what his mouth says. “Of course I love you” means “Of course I love your body.” If you let a "Good Man" have sex with you before commitment, you risk losing that "Good Man" because you were too easy; you weren’t selective or demanding enough.

Be patient. Get the commitment first. You need to have sex only with a committed "Good Man".

It may take you several weeks or several months of dating a man to determine whether you want to have sex with him. This is not an unreasonable time frame for such an important decision. Again, it is totally appropriate to share your thoughts with a man regarding your qualifications of a "Good Man" and your fundamental needs. Also discuss how he sees your relationship, both now and in the future. If you decide that sex with this man is appropriate for you, then mutually commit to monogamy and go for it. If he is unwilling to commit to monogamy, do not agree to have sex with him.

One last thing to add. Women also want to have great sex. Most men don't know this so if you like the guy that much and you want to enjoy time with that guy sexually then go for it. Just remember that if there is no commitment from it later then you know it was your fault. So if that's what you decide then you won't feel let down later.

Bar advice. ladies take some time if you feel that he's the Mr. Right. Guys be patient with her because she deserves respect.

Love is forgiveness

Most of the lovers do not forgive their loved ones. They may forgive their sworn enemy, but they may not forgive their lover. Do you agree with me? Why is this so? It should have been exactly reverse. Somehow it's a always the case of a third party.

What is love? What do we understand by loving someone? How is love different than other relationships and emotions? In love, we give our whole mind and heart to our beloved. We try to keep our beloved most comfortable. We take care not to hurt our darling. In love, we care for each other. We are in the mood of giving in love. Giving always gives more pleasure in love than anything else. If we give things, our heart, our being, our soul, our time and more; it doesn't matter to us because we feel so cherished and want to make the other happy.

If our lover makes a mistake, shall we berate them? Shall we blame them and give them pain? Shall we hold it against them forever? Shall we call them betrayer? If we do all this then it is not love, but a business relationship. You feel you have given so much now want the truth, faithfulness and everything else in return. You feel sad and confused. What has gone wrong?

In love, we have to forgive. We have to pacify our beloved that mistakes are a way of life and everybody does them. We have to tell them not to worry and we are with them. We have to tell them to stop thinking of what happened and think of good things and try to live life joyously. But a majority of us behave in reverse. That is our failure. It was never love to begin with. If you believe that you love your partner, please learn forgiveness.

A quick story is whereby I was forgiven for flirting with another girl and her friends told her about. It was really nothing and there was no intent for anything to happen. i guess I did not consider what her feelings about it would be. She confronted me and the girl about it. Nothing really did happen but it hurt her to know that I did something of that nature. In the end we had a long talk and I apologised for what happened and for hurting her. We made up and she cried for a while but was glad that we had sorted things out.

One thing that normally happens when women find out that a guy has cheated, not in my case though, is to seek out the other woman to confront her. She does this to see with her own eyes what was so special about the other woman. Also, she wants to give her a piece of her mind. The one thing is she forgets is that the guy is a willing party to the actions taken. She should be dealing the issues with the guy instead of the other woman who may not even know that he was seeing anyone. The worst thing happens to be the lack of respect that the guy has done if he sleeps with another when he's in a relationship. There's really something lacking in the relationship if this happens. Both need to tackle the problem with great desire.

If they are a married couple or not, forgiveness can still be allowed. Why? It hurts yes but the shame and guilt has been placed on the head of the culprit. The one you love and reality are still in love with although he may have done this terrible thing. It will take time but people can work things out. If it be the girl that has made the betrayal, most men will be devastated. Professional help may be need but it can be done as well.

Bar advice. The human heart is a fragile thing but it's ability to love and forgive is great. You may not know just yet your own ability.

How to attract the person of your dreams?

In my quest to find the perfect mate, I often ended up dating or
attracting people who were completely wrong for me. It was only when I
realized a simple truth that my entire concept of relationships
changed.

Practitioners of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) have a rule that
states: The meaning of your communication is the response that you get.

That means the response you elicit from a person depends entirely on
how you communicate your ideas to them. If you communicate in a way
that gets you the response you desired, you were successful. If not,
you need to learn what was missing in your communication and how to
incorporate that the next time you try. Notice how this rule places the of getting a response on YOU, not
on the other person.

If you extrapolate this to relationships, you could say, "The kind of
person you attract depends on the kind of person you are." Our
relationships, and the people we attract into our lives, are just a
reflection of who we are, at that point in our lives.

We often talk about men or women being "emotionally unavailable" or
unwilling to commit to a better relationship. But the kind of people we
attract into our lives often tend to be people who mirror our
personality or the issues we are dealing with, in some way.

If, deep down, you have a fear of commitment or of "losing your
freedom", then you're going to attract a mate with the same issues. If
you have no self-love or low self-esteem, you'll end up attracting
people with the same problems. The reason why we see patterns in our lives, why we get into abusive or unfulfilling relationships, is because we've not dealt with the issues that were responsible for creating our own beliefs and personalities.

The Law of Attraction states that like attracts like. If you think positive thoughts, you'll attract good things to you. If you respect people and do good by them, you'll elicit the same response from them.If you want to attract a person with all the qualities you want in a mate, then you must develop those qualities in yourself.Want your mate to be more loving, giving and kind? Then become more
loving, giving and kind. Want your mate to be health-conscious? Start taking charge of your own health and fitness.Want your mate to have a good sense of humour? Take the time and effort to develop your own sense of humour.Want your mate to be financially secure? Get your own finances in order. Want your mate to be emotionally available? Commit to sharing more of yourself first.

If you've been attracting the wrong kind of people into your life, take
a good look at the person in the mirror. Get to know yourself better.
You'll find the answers are all inside you.

Bar advice. If you want a better relationship, you must become a better person. To
attract the mate of your dreams, you must become the person you want to
attract.Don't expect people to be what you want then to be unless you're going to do it too.

Questions about relationships

I’ve got one big question. It’s a question that will make everything in your relationship completely worthwhile. Even the bits that get on your nerves and cause you head and heart aches.It’s the type of question you wouldn’t ordinarily ask but that’s okay, because you didn’t know to ask it… until now!

For most people, relationships don’t go smoothly. Undercurrents, disputes, emotions, periods, children, habits, morals, values, work hours and workloads, these are just a few of the kind of things that can cause conflicts. But what if I told you something.What if I told you it’s not about the issue?

My philosophy is that no issue is bigger than the relationship. If we’re honest it’s never really the issue that causes the problem. What causes the problem is the emotions behind the issue and what causes the emotions?

What causes the our relationship conflicts is, at the core, very rarely the issue that’s in front of us now. This may seem hard to take at first so let me explain a little more.

When we react to something someone says or does we are in effect re-acting - behaving in way we acted before. This is what we might call learned behaviour. We may have learned that behaviour in a number of ways. Watching our parents behaviour in a relationship, seeing it on TV, school, older siblings or our own experience etc.

Are these learned re-actions appropriate in all circumstances?
I’d say no. A few days ago my partner made a sweeping statement that… well… to be frank, pushed all my buttons. What she said was like a red rag to a bull. Thankfully I caught myself before any real damage was done. I immediately knew there was nothing wrong with what she had said, or how she had said it. But the words she used, reminded me of someone else and a pattern of behaviour I ran with them. This is the type of conditioned, unconscious, response I’m talking about.

If your partner presses your buttons does it mean the relationship bad?Conflict doesn’t have to mean the relationship is bad. It can indicate that you, or your partner, or most probably both of you, on occasions, have some things that you need to become more aware of. If you can begin to view your relationship as a playground to work these things out, the relationship can become a whole new arena of fun and games. And this is where my question can really help.

My question will get you thinking about the how you can help yourself and your relationship become a harmonious haven rather than a gladiator’s ring. It will help you be a more understanding person for your partner and it will help to spare you from saying things you’ll regret later.

The question is profoundly simple. But when you ask it and use the outcome effectively you begin to take your relationship onto a new level.Things that used to cause you problems will vanish. And when new things come up they’ll have very little power.

When you find your buttons have been pushed the question you have to ask is this: What’s this really about?

Simple isn’t it. But it takes you right to the heart of the matter. As I said, relationship conflict is rarely about an issue and more to do with the conditioned responses.

By asking my question what you do is take the conditioned behaviour and transform it into the conscious. In effect what begins to happen is this. You move beyond the past conditioned response that causes conflict and are left with the current issue. This question allows you to understand what’s going on inside you. Knowing this means you can then bypass the past and deal with what is currently before you.

But what if you don’t want to move beyond the past? Then I guess you’ll continue to re-act it out until the pain and loss get the better of you. Change it and you and your partner will be free of this problem.

Bar advice. You and your partner should talk together. Get a mirror and help each other talk to your image in front of the other and ask those all important questions about yourselves and the relationship. Try it. It works!

复活节 Easter bunny and family

If you want to have a ball this year then consider throwing an Easter egg hunt. There is no better way to get the whole family together and enjoying the holidays like they should. This type of fun will ensure that all of the kids will have more fun than they have ever had before.

If you want to plan the best possible Easter egg hunt you should consider getting everyone that you know involved. Talk to your family members, especially the ones who have kids, along with all of your friends. Try to arrange it so that you can all get your kids to participate in the Easter egg hunt. This will make it a thousand times more fun.

For generations children have been playing and having fun in Easter egg hunts and there is no reason why your family cannot do the same thing. This is one of the finest of all family Easter traditions. Your Easter egg hunt can have real eggs or candy eggs; it does not matter.

Many people choose to spend the night before Easter dying and decorating all kind of Easter eggs with the kids.This makes for a wonderful holiday craft that everyone can enjoy. Some may even break but that will just bring out more laughter and fun. These eggs can then be placed all around the yard or park, depending on where you choose to have the Easter egg hunt.

What many families do is hide real eggs outside for the kids to hunt for and at the end of the Easter egg hunt these eggs get traded for candy. This way no candy gets dirty or wasted and if some eggs get left behind it is not a big deal. The best part though is coloring the eggs together the night before. This is a fantastic together time that you just would not have if you used candy eggs for the Easter egg hunt.

Another way is to have someone hide the eggs earlier before the kids get up. Tell them that the eggs are hidden by the Easter bunny. get them excited. Later get someone to play the part of the Easter bunny in a suit and exchange the real eggs for candy ones. If the kids ask why they have to do that, tell them that the Easter bunny needs them for other parties for other kids as well.

After the Easter egg hunt you can arrange for a wonderful brunch for all of the participants - kids and adults alike. Everyone can then discuss what a great time they had during the hunt and how to make it even better the next year. Easter egg hunts are something that everyone can enjoy and no one will ever regret having. It is a fun and easy idea that will be remembered for years. Just remember to bring your camera!

Bar advice. We need to take time out for activities like this. Relationships at home are really refreshed with things like this. There is also the need to explain the meaning behind Easter to kids.

If love is a Game, These are the Rules & More than a match

In the book to her widely acclaimed title, "If Life is a Game, These are the Rules", Dr. Cherie Carter-Scott has identified some basic knowledge that can help a person find, create and maintain authentic, long-lasting relationships. Some of these truisms may seem familiar, but as is the case with her other titles, a reader is bound to find a gem of wisdom, or two that may change their perspective and impact their lives.

"More Than a Match" explores the “compatibility factor,” demystifying the science behind matchmaking and giving you the tools you need to find the love you want. You’ll learn how to apply the specifics of good compatibility to a prospective date or mate, as well as how to break things off when you find yourself in the wrong relationship.

Bar advice. Fantastic marriages begin long before the exchange of the rings; they start when two people in search of love commit themselves to learning to how to love well…and forever so If life is a game, Here are the Rules but finding and keeping the love of your life is about much More Than a Match. Get it yet?

Please, ' No games'

Well, if you've ever read an online dating profile anywhere, you've invariably seen some version of today's Phrase Of The Day in there somewhere. This can come in the form of, "No Games!" or "I am sick of playing games!" or "I do not play games, and won't put up with those playing games", among others.

Having read this phrase a few hundred times, I got a bright idea. I started asking people what they meant by that.Based on certain patterns, there are four conclusions.

1) People have no concrete idea what they mean by "No Games",...

2) If they do know what they mean, it's not a standard definition that the rest of us can relate to immediately.

3) It's altogether possible that people put "No Games" in their profiles just because everyone else did and it sounds like the thing to write.

4) They have been through some bad, weird, awful, distasteful, hurtful or plain lousy relationships.

My bet is that #4 and #3 is more often the reason than not. Lack of creativity has never been in short supply on dating web sites! That said, when so many people bring the "games" thing up-even putting it at their very headline in multiple instances-there's got to be something going on here.So what's up with it? What does it mean?

After considerable thought and conversation, here are just some of the possibilities as far as what people are talking about here. I don't see this as an exhaustive list, and I welcome additions from readers. For your convenience, I've broken it down by gender.

GUY GAMES

1) What's a "game" without a "player"? Now, what a "player" is, exactly, is a whole other topic, thereby adding complexity to this entire thing. Whoever he is, some women are "sick" of him. For the record, other women are inexplicably drawn to "player" types. So thank you, ladies, for clarifying up front what your preference is assuming that's what you meant.

2) The dating "rules" of engagement.This involves doing things or acting in a certain way based on unwritten ‘protocol'. For example, when a guy gets your phone number/takes you out on a date/etc. He should wait three days to call you afterward, right? Dumb!

3) Lying about intentions. He "loves you" and wants a relationship, or vice-versa. Wake up!

4) Over promising/under delivering. He says he has a "wonderful evening" planned for you. You are all excited, and you end up doing absolutely nothing. Again. Another version of this is right after dinner out somewhere, while it's still early, he says he's really just ready to go home and "chill". This is categorized as a guy "game" because in my opinion the guy should have dates planned for the couple to enjoy, largely based(hopefully)on her favorite things to do/places to go.

GAL GAMES

1) Playing "hard to get". She leaves him hanging. A lot.

2) Marking territory.This is all about getting involved in a guy's life in such a way that before he knows it, you are most certainly not going away anytime soon. (e.g. making friends with his friends, introducing his and her kids to one another, etc.)

3) Meal ticket.She keeps him around because he'll buy her dinner, and stuff and that's really all. My personal opinion on this, BTW, is that if it's going on, it's the guy's stupid fault. He has failed to create attraction on her part and besides, who can blame her?

4) Sexual control. Anything under the general heading of "manipulation by sex" is a "game". Duhh!!

EQUAL OPPORTUNITY GAMES

1) Flakiness -- Generally described as saying something will get done and not delivering. Some people are legitimate all-around flakes/deadbeats, and that's no game. The game here generally involved flaking out on someone after committing to a date, etc, because a "better option" came along. That's ‘Game City', baby.

2) Mind games -- Either hinting or outright saying something is so, and then pretending it was never said later. Acting in approval of some activity at one time, disapproving of the same thing another time. Carrots and Sticks. Carts and Horses. You get the idea, and this can take any form whatsoever. Everything from where the relationship stands to what size boxers the dude wears is fair "game" for this type of thing. This gig is all about controlling someone by weakness. Usually in a passive aggressive manner (Which is, ahem, another topic for another day).

3) Presumptuous assumptions -- Whenever someone imposes on another person and says, "Oh, I just assumed…" you have this going on. Example here would be A invites B to drinks. A automatically expected B to pay the bill, and doesn't have money. Someone has been "played" here. Anything involving presumed use of the other's time, resources or talents is this sort of game. Ladies, if you automatically assume your guy is going to help you move (unless maybe if it's in with him?) you are looking at a problem waiting to happen.

4) Guilt trips -- A major tactic of manipulation, often characterized by projecting blame upon someone else rather than accepting any responsibility for one's actions. (In fact, run away from anyone who runs this brand of smack on a regular basis.)

NON-EXAMPLES

Just for the record, there are a few things that may seem like games, but be careful before you consider them such.

1) Not knowing what one wants -- If someone wants a relationship and the other isn't quite there yet, for whatever reason, the one driving the relationship often thinks the other is "playing games". Assuming everyone has been honest about intentions here, this frustration is merely to be called "not getting what one wants immediately". It's not a "game". It's part of the relationship.

2) Details surrounding non-exclusivity -- If you are not in an exclusive relationship with someone, it is not a "game" when the other person is dating other people. Further, it's not a "game" when you are not being given details. In fact, if one person is asking the other for said details (for which there is no answer that will make said person happy, of course) that might in fact fall under the "game" category. Assuming exclusivity, by the way, is not a good strategy. People in exclusive relationships should have a common understanding that it's the case.

3) Outright stupidity -- Laugh hard if you must, but you know it happens. A or B did or said something in a bonehead moment, and the other thinks it was a deliberate tactic to derail things in general. Yeah, well, it may actually derail things. But it wasn't deliberate so it wasn't a "game". People that have been in problems before will take it as such.

So the summary here could theoretically be that if someone isn't being up front about something, the "game" is on.

Bar advice. Look at yourself in the mirror first of all. Ask yourself if you're the one playing the "games". If you get accused of it and you weren't "playing" it, how would you feel? At the end of the day were going to find these still written on the profile pages and such. What are you going to do/ tell the person you're a "game player"?