Verbal abuse

A guy that lives around my neighbourhood is always making his wife feel like shit. He always has some form of verbal abuse toward her. They can be in a coffee shop and he'll be talking loudly and putting her down so others can hear. In the shops buying things and he'll raise his voice to make it seem like she's either spending too much of his money again or he'll make her look stupid like she doesn't know which brand item to buy. He's never embarrassed that everyone will be looking and continues till they reach home or till he's satisfied.

People like this may or may not know that they abuse their partners and it can be classified as a medical problem but I believe that it starts from young. How you were raised? What your parents, family members or teachers thought you and how you were disciplined.

These are people that want to be in a superior position at all times and make sure that everyone knows that they are the head of the household. They feel that if they allow anyone to talk back, interrupt them, debate or even tell them off; they'll be disrespected. They cannot accept this and thus will rule their domain and all in it with an iron fist. The relationship to them is something sealed and cannot be broken and they believe this permits them to do as they please. Say as the please. Ridicule and embarrass as they please.

There are also those that abuse with physical violence. Most of the time the violence will be inside the home as they don't want others to see it and there will not be any proof if the law is called. Verbal abuse in and outside the home tends to be at all times as it is not against the law. The verbal abuse can sometimes be so demeaning or highly embarrassing that the woman knows not where to face when she's in public. Every direction she turns will have a face staring back at her but none able to rescue. What does she do? Only to look downwards to the ground but that normally entails the abuser to get more angry and abusive because he wants her to be embarrassed. He wants her face to be seen by others. He just wants to "put her in her place" for no rhyme or reason whatsoever.

He flaunts his "power" over her and he also wants others to see it. When he's alone and in public, he's "Mr nice guy" with everyone. The worst thing is that everyone thinks he is since they have not seen his abuse or any of that behavior. They will accept him as someone that's normal in society. Question is, why can he not be like this towards his partner? Lots of times this abuse also extends toward the children and he uses them to inflict harm onto his wife more so because the tendency is she will be protecting them against any abuse.

We also should look at women that abuse their husbands. It's a true fact. Although there are far fewer cases but it does exist. Laugh if you like but there are women out there that make their husbands look like complete idiots or puppets. They "mother" them and do things that embarrass them in public as well. This tends to be in places like supermarkets and restaurants. Worse place will be at family get togethers like holidays or birthdays. They let everyone know that their man is hen pecked. He's got to bite his lip and accept it. They don't accept any "back talk" either. There's "hell" to pay if she gets she doesn't get her way. She wants all the other women, and men, to see that she's in charge. She's the one that wears the pants in the family. What she says goes in her household.

All these people seem to have a power struggle problem. They accuse, are possessive, jealous and insinuate things so as to create issues and cause these relationship problems and abuse. They can never allow anyone to have a moments peace. These people need this sort of things to feel alive. They may have been abused as a child themselves or never received the proper discipline when they were young. Also, it could be due to them being punished too harshly as a kid or they had fears that causes them to act in this manner. These fears are psychological and is deep within and it's exerted verbally or physically to people that they love. There are so many medical reasons that can be added but I still firmly believe that it all starts from a young age and is adopted so.

Living with people like this can be hard and painful. Sometimes it's best to get family members involved so everyone can assist. Domestic violence and abuse is difficult for everyone to confront. An intervention of this nature can backfire with violence from the abuser on everyone but it may be necessary. One should always report the abuse to the police. Separation may be necessary. What ultimate decision can later be attained. Moving out is one of the better options and divorce, after much consideration may be needed if there's irreconcilable differences.

Those in single relationships facing such problems should tell someone about it in case things escalate to serious difficulties. Trying to solve the problem is amicable but it's not an overnight result type deal. The abuser didn't get that way in a day. There may be deeper issues that even takes psychiatrist years to uncover or resolve. Don't go thinking that your love can change the person. You're in for a rude shock. In most cases the abuse only start when they are settled deep into the relationship. Be alert. Be aware.

Bar advice. Stay clear if you are involved or getting involved with someone like this. If it happened once be sure it's not going to end anytime soon.

Holiday peace

Is holiday peace obtainable? It's that time of year when we meet with people that will come together under one roof and do the whole family and friends gathering, eating, drinking and accusing, scolding, bragging and bring up old wounds. The time of peace is marred by an ongoing battle, no sorry, war that's been going on since someone stole the others pacifier in the crib.

Relatives that never understood you start acting like they do every year. You see it coming a mile away and you try to avoid it but with all the festivities going on you're suddenly in the same spot as the one you're trying to avoid. A barrage of questions will come out. It's like a machine gun with ammo that's unlimited. You try to duck out of the way but you're trapped. Suddenly your aunt passes by and you managed to get a "rescue". Like a red cross medic in the field. She turns to you and ask if he had started his nonsense again. You realize then that others know about him and knew how to avoid the situation. You were the only one in a panic all these years. You realize, you got a good life so why worry when people start asking about stuff they know not about you. Suppress the fears of engagement.

Sometimes it's a little more difficult than that. Your family may be brutally insensitive, culturally backwards and just plain annoying. However, to have a new experience, you must be open to it. People sometimes show concern in different ways. If you're single maybe you get too much about not being with someone. If male you're probably going to get all sort of offers to be fixed up. If female, you're going to be nagged about where you live, what you do, your high standards for a man and some more hurtful comments. If you are just waiting for someone to hurt your feelings, just like last year, it will surely happen. Try finding the comfort of talking to the one that's the most helpful or better still understands you the best. When in the presences of that person other peoples word, comments and tactlessness seems trivial.

Going out of the house can sometimes helps as well. You feel like spiking the whole bowl of eggnog as well. Just remember you must make your own life yours. If you blame your family for everything you don't have in your life, you will surely never get it because you are looking to the wrong source for your power. It's not that we have to heal from other people's behavior, it's that we must heal from our reaction to their behavior. Own your issues because no matter where they stem from, they are yours to deal with. give yourself a "cease fire' moment. Every family have all sorts of members and yours is no exception.

Now let yourself off the hook and have a great time. While you're enjoying the demilitarized war zone, go visit your good memories. Look at old photo albums. Check out some space in the house you liked. Drive by your old elementary school. Put your focus on letting the good things weigh as much or more than the bad things. Your family may be the worst one in the whole wide world, but you still had a childhood that belongs to you. Perhaps the greatest gift of being a kid is the capacity to be amazed by the world. Tap in to the joyous child within and have yourself a happy holiday!

Bar advice. Maybe others see you as the bad one or black sheep but we don't recognize our own faults till someone points them out to us.

When the magic fades

Being in love is the super feeling that makes everything else seem trivial in this doggy dog world. If you're in love now or ever been than you know what I mean. My mom, when I was young, use to say that people in love think that they can live on love and fresh air alone. Actually I think that most people in love probably do think that way. I know I did.

The thing is, it was so true what my mom said. People at a younger age will think that way till they get older and are in the same relationship. Many will feel the effects of what the world and all it's blocks and walls can bring. Priority changes especially when you're a girl and you got parents nagging at you for not thinking about settling down. The nagging also continues about the no good bum you've been dating for all these years. Women get more of a hard time because parents feel that their prime may go quicker and they'll be "left behind" or on the "shelf" and eventually the guy she's with may end up dumping her. Can you blame your parents about the worrying or trying to give you advice?

All said and done. In the event that you do or don't get married, what will happen when the magic fades? I've seen it happen before. Once, a guy I knew, broke up with his girlfriend of over eleven years. She was thirty four when that happened. It's easier for a guy to rebound but women will have a hard time. Why they waited to get married I don't know but I think that it was better for her that they didn't. If she became a divorcee, it would have been worse for her to get another guy. Don't know if she ever did. Never saw her again.

Most of the time when the magic is fading, there seems to be a lot of pressure, arguments, abuse, temper and other stuff. Guess you can understand what I mean? It's all part of maturity and development. Where are our priorities? Are we going to do everything for the person we are with or is it just "puppy love"? Most women I know always say they hate the guys that "play games". There are some women that do that too, actually. They fake the interest just so that they need not be alone. They lead a guy on so they have someone to go out with or just to talk to. They don't want to look single in front of family and friends. In most cases there is either no sex or bad sex in this relationships.

If we can see that there is a problem arising we need to have a proper discussion with our partner. Ironing out the issues will be much better that all the shouting, yelling and phone banging that will go on for days. Is this the person you're going to marry for the rest of your life? It's better to get out of it now, even if it was ten years together, than ending up a bloody mess later. Worse, is kids are involved. With kids involved your problems will haunt you till the day you die. Even after divorce, it will haunt you till death because the kids are a part of both of you.

My advice to this is constant reaffirmations to each other. Tell the person your appreciation of being with them. Give compliments. Give in to the other. Who doesn't like to be "right" but who likes being in the dog house? If you want to make it work you got to intensify your commitment to the person that you are with more every year down the line. This includes after marriage. Don't just think that after the chase is over that all will be well. It takes a lot of effort for that magical flame not to go out. In fact it can go out faster in marriage.

Working out all the issues is far better than battling it out. One example is to stop in the middle of an argument, take a breath and change your tone. Tell the other that you both need to discuss the issue as a team. Try it, this works. Some people I've seen can go on a yelling rampage between each other in supermarkets, malls, theaters, bars and so on. You name it. It make you wonder why they are together in the first place. Will they have endless bliss? Will you?

Bar advice. The person you're with is going to be with you for a very long time. Don't you think it's best to lay solid foundations for your relationship. This is going to be your partner. What are you willing you do, starting now?

The gay issue Part 1

I haven't touched on this much. Just a little on lesbians. I'm not so it's hard to really comment on the subject. However, I've met lots of people that are and there's people that have lots of gay friends as well. Gay people find it very hard to meet up with each other as many people keep it a secret about what their sexual orientation is. This is to save themselves from harassment or prejudice. Although in this day and age they really do have nothing to worry about.

Many gay people find that the Internet is a great resource for finding gay partners. The Internet allows you to be who you want to be without prejudice so you can openly admit to being gay and not suffer any of the repercussions. A lot of Internet dating sites have hundreds of gay members and they organise what is called ‘meets’.

Meets are events that gay people can go to and find other gays. It is simply a get together for both men or women who are interested in finding either a short or long term partner. These meets make it so much easier for gay people to find someone as no one is worried what anyone thinks of them as they are all the same and looking for the same thing.

Meets are fantastic events, any company that holds them is making a great effort to show that it doesn't matter who you are you are still entitled to be with someone and not be alone, and that it should not matter what your sexual preference is. While dating sites are the most typical sites to offer this service you can find specialist websites that specialise in this sort of thing.

Gay "meets" are there for all gay men and lesbians. It is simply like a large party where no one is or should be afraid to be themselves. To find your nearest gay meet or party just simply log online to some of the better know ones. You'll be surprised at who's there.

The world still sees this as taboo. The gay men get it worse because we live in a male dominated society where the men see themselves as the bread winners and the stronger sex. The thought of sharing the same locker room with a gay man sends shivers down some of their backs. With all that male ego, strength and brute you'd think they were girls if you saw their faces. Why than do they act badly towards gay people this way?

I can't say for sure but a lot just has to do with the insecurity of themselves. The need to be normal and to be seen by others as a stand up man or woman. There is suppose to be a harmonious unity among family members but if just one is gay, it seems like the whole family is put to shame. The stigma of wrong doing is placed on that family and so this makes gay people turn to secrecy. Never having to be found out is better than exposing one's self and shaming the family. These are just some of the things that they dodge daily.

Hence, the need for the "meets" and places that set them up. It's really just a gathering of people trying to date and make themselves part of the normal routine of relationships that they see when they walk out the front door. Next time we will talk a little deeper into the subject.

Bar advice. We live in a world where nobody and I mean nobody likes to be alone. Gay people are also normal people. My advice is, yes they have to change in many ways but normal people have to as well.

Myths about our "soulmate"

Our soul is our heart. It is full of radiance. Therefore, our soul mate is someone who reflects our heart.

A man's heart is feminine and the woman who is his soul mate reflects his soul. A woman's heart is masculine and the man who is her soul mate reflects her soul. Each one feels the presence of the other inside of them as the very core of who they are. There is a deep recognition of this truth.

The painful truth is that most people have never known this inner radiance. Instead, they cling to the many myths about the soul mate relationship that are simply not true. These false beliefs need to be understood. Here are just a few.

Myth One: Many people believe that they will find their soul simply by looking, wishing, hoping and dreaming.

They feel that somehow this person will come along and make them eternally happy. This is the most naive of all the soul mate myths.

Myth Two: Others tend to rely upon how much they are attracted to another person to determine if they are their soul mate or not. The truth is that our attractions are very deceiving. The myth is that we can trust our feelings of attraction, as if our feelings are a validation of the facts. Further, the attraction you may have for someone could actually be a fatal attraction without you even realizing it. You may think a person is your soul mate, but you could simply be sexually obsessed with them.

Myth Three: Why are so many of us looking for a soul mate when we don't have any capacity for true heart intimacy? Even if our soul mate actually does appear, we become so terrified of giving our heart to them that we run 100 miles in the other direction. The unconscious myth here seems to be that we can find our soul mate without surrendering our heart.

Myth Four: Another myth is that we will recognize our soul mate if we meet them. We fail to realize that if our soul mate reflects our soul, and we are unable to feel our own inner radiance, don't really love our self or know who we are and then we will be unable to recognize him or her. In fact, you could know such a person for years without even recognizing that they are your soul mate.

The fact that this word alone; soulmate, is a distraction to the feeling that we get when finding the real love of another person. We live in a mental state of a fairy tale told by others. Possibly conversations we heard from parents or friends and even television. We place that word with such high regard that when we find someone and he/she doesn't turn out to become the soulmate we envisioned, we loose all hope of ever finding love or someone to care for us.

Bar advice. The connection of two people ready with intention and purpose of love, matrimony and family is what connects us to each other in the spirit of the soul.

Family traditions.

Each family , big or small, loud or quiet, has its own traditions that are followed more or less unchanged for a long period of time. Keeping these family traditions alive is not only the responsibility of the parents, but also the grandparents, the uncles and aunts, the family friends and in most cases the responsibility of children.

Whether you consider a family tradition to be the annual family vacations to that special place you visit every year, Christmas presents and birthday parties, mothers day or fathers day, the fact remains that families come closer and share the memories of past rituals performed to honor everyone.

When children are still young, so too are parents, family traditions seem to be more sentimental and involve a lot of playing around. As kids get older and parents as well, families try to keep their traditions alive by reaching mutual agreements among the family members. The son that wants to go to a football match and escape the tradition of having to sit down, like every other Sunday, with his whole ten-member family for dinner, can cause some trouble when allowed not to be present often. Keeping the tradition is thus not only the responsibility of the parents in a family, as people seem to believe, but also that of children who will at some point create their own traditions and strive to keep them alive in their own families. Understanding the importance of spending those precious moments with your parents or with your children, will lead you to cherish the instances you had a chance to speak through your actions.

Kids move to higher education and it may take them far from home so traditions fall apart. Some deny this fact by supporting that exactly because children spend less time with their folks they feel the need to do so and use those family traditions as an excuse to visit the house they grew up in. Whichever the case may be, the fact remains that families need those times together and family bonds do develop. Although in many cases these are greatly different from the past, bonds exist because of the family traditions still exist.

Thus, it is imperative for a family to find the right time in order to celebrate the fact that family is what you love most in the world. As a kid your family was the world you knew. As an adult, your family is the world you feel safe in.

Cherish and keep these family traditions alive by doing what you used to do as a kid. Remember and if you are given the chance help your mother bake cookies, wrap presents and put them under the Christmas tree, set up the mother's day dinner, buy the cake your brother or sister will blow the birthday candles on. Do whatever it takes. These are some of the most precious moments you can share with your beloved ones. Do not forget or let them vanish. Time is precious in life. Sometimes tragedies happen and we never get to talk or tell the people we love how we feel about them.

Bar advice. Family traditions get passed on to other generations. If you're using some your parents had, then great. If not, make new ones. Families bond better.

复活节 Easter bunny and family

If you want to have a ball this year then consider throwing an Easter egg hunt. There is no better way to get the whole family together and enjoying the holidays like they should. This type of fun will ensure that all of the kids will have more fun than they have ever had before.

If you want to plan the best possible Easter egg hunt you should consider getting everyone that you know involved. Talk to your family members, especially the ones who have kids, along with all of your friends. Try to arrange it so that you can all get your kids to participate in the Easter egg hunt. This will make it a thousand times more fun.

For generations children have been playing and having fun in Easter egg hunts and there is no reason why your family cannot do the same thing. This is one of the finest of all family Easter traditions. Your Easter egg hunt can have real eggs or candy eggs; it does not matter.

Many people choose to spend the night before Easter dying and decorating all kind of Easter eggs with the kids.This makes for a wonderful holiday craft that everyone can enjoy. Some may even break but that will just bring out more laughter and fun. These eggs can then be placed all around the yard or park, depending on where you choose to have the Easter egg hunt.

What many families do is hide real eggs outside for the kids to hunt for and at the end of the Easter egg hunt these eggs get traded for candy. This way no candy gets dirty or wasted and if some eggs get left behind it is not a big deal. The best part though is coloring the eggs together the night before. This is a fantastic together time that you just would not have if you used candy eggs for the Easter egg hunt.

Another way is to have someone hide the eggs earlier before the kids get up. Tell them that the eggs are hidden by the Easter bunny. get them excited. Later get someone to play the part of the Easter bunny in a suit and exchange the real eggs for candy ones. If the kids ask why they have to do that, tell them that the Easter bunny needs them for other parties for other kids as well.

After the Easter egg hunt you can arrange for a wonderful brunch for all of the participants - kids and adults alike. Everyone can then discuss what a great time they had during the hunt and how to make it even better the next year. Easter egg hunts are something that everyone can enjoy and no one will ever regret having. It is a fun and easy idea that will be remembered for years. Just remember to bring your camera!

Bar advice. We need to take time out for activities like this. Relationships at home are really refreshed with things like this. There is also the need to explain the meaning behind Easter to kids.

Women and politics in the US

This is for those that are really keen to get a better understanding of what has and can happen in the future. Not only for the US but the rest of the world.

A must-read for anyone wishing to understand the history and present-day political reality of women, this fascinating book explores the efforts, achievements, as well as the setbacks involved in the movements toward equality for American women. Women's Movements in America; The Struggle for Political Rights; Women's Political Participation; The Struggle for Employment and Educational Rights; Women's Economic and Educational Status; The Struggle for Familial and Reproductive Rights; Women's Place in the Family; The Future of the Movement. Anyone interested in women and politics.

Bar advice.Ladies should take a better look at this as it will help you in your own countries political climate. Baby steps are needed and even if you're not fully into politics, it's best to be armed with this insight. Remember knowledge is power. No one can manipulate you if you know what is going on.