Being Compatible

Sure, a lot of times opposites attract, in a big way! The push and pull of differences can create friction, heat and a whole lot of excitement in many relationships. Some of these connections last and many don't but for the most part, when it comes to finding a long term mate, the more you have in common, the less likely there is to be conflict. So that means you can also be attracted to someone more similar to yourself.

As humans, many of us find this really boring! Even still, no relationship is a walk in the park and it won't be smooth sailing all the way, no matter how similar you are. So, you might as well go for the fire. However, part of finding and keeping a mate means accepting and getting past differences and working on change when necessary. It's what you do share that will come to your rescue in challenging times. That's why it's important to identify common ground in every love connection.

It's the age old question of "How compatible are we?" Or, "what should I be looking for?" There are probably hundreds of answers to these questions, so here it's narrowed down to the top five main compatibility "musts" in a mate.

Social
How do you and your partner match up when it comes to socializing? Do you like to be with and meet new people? Do you talk to every person you possibly can at a party? Does spending time socializing energize you? It's fine if someone doesn't have quite the same passion for socializing as their partner but if the difference is extreme and if one person needs to stay home to rest and recoup constantly, while the other needs to go out or invite friends over multiple times a week to get their groove on, conflict may arise. You and your partner needn't do everything together but for optimum happiness, it's best to pick a partner who has similar social desires.

Sexual
Of course, without sexual chemistry most couples would never get together in the first place! By sexual it means early desires and later physical interaction. This initial attraction is the easy part but the nuts and bolts of making it work in bed for the long run is a much more complex affair. It's good to gauge your compatibility in this area by getting answers to certain questions. Are you matched in terms of your preferences and expectations? For instance, are you more dominant or submissive, expressive or inhibited, experimental or conservative? Is there a balance? How much foreplay do you like to give and receive? Is there a shared commitment to monogamy or is an open relationship acceptable? The answers will be different for everyone but they can be the biggest deal breakers in a relationship.

Financial
If you're planning on being with someone long term, know what their approach to money management is. To avoid unpleasant surprises, talk about it before taking any legally binding steps. How does each of you feel about credit? What's more important, spending or saving? Will you pool your money together or operate separately? Do both parties expect to earn an income and, if not, is one willing and capable of supporting the other? Do you love the person enough that money is not an issue between yourselves even if one lacks or has lesser of it?

Spiritual
Spiritual compatibility encompasses values, beliefs and behaviors. Whether or not you are a deeply spiritual or religious person, compatibility, or absolute acceptance and discussion of differences, in this area should be addressed as it could affect the long term development of a relationship. Is a shared religion and faith an important qualification for a mate? Can you talk openly to each other about spiritual topics? Does your partner have an accepting and warm response? Do you feel like you can support each other on a spiritual path? Is your partner willing to change for you?

Lifestyle
Thankfully, this is the area of compatibility that is often easiest to work through, but can also be the source of much conflict. Is your partner up all night while you're early to bed and early to rise? Things to consider include;
1) Your level of organization.
2) Your living space preferences? (big or small, style, decor).
3) Hobbies and pastimes.
4) Preferences for sports and exercise.
5) Vacationing or staying at home.
6) Are cultural events, art, music and dancing valued?
7) What level of political or religious involvement in the community is desired?
8) What obligations to family, relatives or friends is required?
9) Where do you see your life unfolding? (in the city, suburbs or country?).
10) Is charity and volunteer work part of your life?

A friend of mine, Anne Curtis, who is a celebrity and star in the Philippines was just chatting with me yesterday. She's always so bubbly and friendly but people don't get to see past her celeb status. Question is, does she even have the time to think about all the points highlighted above? Maybe the most important compatibility in her case would be the "spiritual" one. A religious bond perhaps that makes sense of the world she lives in and whoever she's in a relationship with. So count your blessings that you have more going for yourself.

Bar advice. The odds of you being compatible with someone is far greater than my friend Anne. However, my advice to all and someone like Anne is, never give up the belief you'll find the "one."

Myths about our "soulmate"

Our soul is our heart. It is full of radiance. Therefore, our soul mate is someone who reflects our heart.

A man's heart is feminine and the woman who is his soul mate reflects his soul. A woman's heart is masculine and the man who is her soul mate reflects her soul. Each one feels the presence of the other inside of them as the very core of who they are. There is a deep recognition of this truth.

The painful truth is that most people have never known this inner radiance. Instead, they cling to the many myths about the soul mate relationship that are simply not true. These false beliefs need to be understood. Here are just a few.

Myth One: Many people believe that they will find their soul simply by looking, wishing, hoping and dreaming.

They feel that somehow this person will come along and make them eternally happy. This is the most naive of all the soul mate myths.

Myth Two: Others tend to rely upon how much they are attracted to another person to determine if they are their soul mate or not. The truth is that our attractions are very deceiving. The myth is that we can trust our feelings of attraction, as if our feelings are a validation of the facts. Further, the attraction you may have for someone could actually be a fatal attraction without you even realizing it. You may think a person is your soul mate, but you could simply be sexually obsessed with them.

Myth Three: Why are so many of us looking for a soul mate when we don't have any capacity for true heart intimacy? Even if our soul mate actually does appear, we become so terrified of giving our heart to them that we run 100 miles in the other direction. The unconscious myth here seems to be that we can find our soul mate without surrendering our heart.

Myth Four: Another myth is that we will recognize our soul mate if we meet them. We fail to realize that if our soul mate reflects our soul, and we are unable to feel our own inner radiance, don't really love our self or know who we are and then we will be unable to recognize him or her. In fact, you could know such a person for years without even recognizing that they are your soul mate.

The fact that this word alone; soulmate, is a distraction to the feeling that we get when finding the real love of another person. We live in a mental state of a fairy tale told by others. Possibly conversations we heard from parents or friends and even television. We place that word with such high regard that when we find someone and he/she doesn't turn out to become the soulmate we envisioned, we loose all hope of ever finding love or someone to care for us.

Bar advice. The connection of two people ready with intention and purpose of love, matrimony and family is what connects us to each other in the spirit of the soul.

Chinese New Year 2007

Children born in the last part of the year of the Pig tend to be good-natured kids. They also make prosperous grownups. If I were still in the having children stage, I might very well attempt to hatch one or two bambinos in 2007. Seriously, if you are thinking of having a child, this coming year is ideal. Little Piglets know how to put up with all manner of adversity. They can sleep right through your loudest music and weather your marital spats, will eat anything you offer them that tastes good (and then some!) and usually grow up to be both generous and rich. What could be better than an easygoing kid who turns into a rich adult who enjoys your company and takes care of you when you're old? So much for progeny. What about the rest of humanity in this upcoming Pig year?

Well, the Red Fire Pig (oftentimes referred to as the Golden Pig) year has an odd sort of reputation. Although Pig years usually offer us cornucopias of plenty, truckloads of conviviality and earthy pleasures unbound, this particular Pig year will be a bit skewed. Yes. It is definitely about excess and abundance. You will be reading more and more articles and watching videos and seeing movies about "The Biggest Meal" and "The Most Expensive Cars and Houses and Boats" and "The Most Wanton and Beautiful Women" and the "Most Popular Singers and Actors and Idols of All Types and Stripes." It will be a year of the MOST BIGGEST BEST.

This "Most-ness" and "Biggest-ness" and "Best-ness" however is not thoroughly positive. Why? Because an atmosphere of planetary over supply has been created. This notion of surplus is of course bogus and has bestowed a false sense of confidence about the future on many. This imagined excess forebodes a glut which will necessarily tip the scales toward overload. And Readers, in the Red Pig Year, we in the "developed" countries have got OVERLOAD up the kazoo.

Too much of every THING and very little of what counts. Health will be shaky. Fitness will suffer. Spiritual quests will be abandoned in favor of shopping for major purchases or first class traveling to sunny venues where the beautiful beaches have more beautiful beaches and the piña coladas weigh in at 3 liters. You will see. Big Macs will get bigger. Big deals will grow tentacles and become even bigger deals. If you thought it was impossible just wait and see - even the SUV will get bigger and take up more road space and guzzle more gas. If you thought it couldn't get "glutsier" just you wait and see.

Some of us might think that's the good news. We are all going to have more "stuff' in the Pig year. Real estate and luxury items, jewelry and antiques, authentic old masters - everything having to do with wealth and affluence will be favored. But... this abject profusion of material possession means that anyone who is not rich or prosperous or rolling in gold bullion cubes will - by virtue of the scales being tipped too far - fare worse. Down down down they go and where it stops nobody know.

Hence 2007 promises to intensify the division between rich and poor. Not that I can predict whether it will be Africa or Asia or America or Argentina or Australia which goes down the tubes; but I can clearly see that the very very underprivileged people in the over populated and underfed places in these areas of the planet will not get richer. They will not have enough to eat and will not have clean water and will suffer far more than they are suffering at this moment. Whilst those of us who have plenty and already eat too much will be acquiring more goods, using an increasing amount of resources and services and getting fatter and taking longer, more glamorous vacations. We fat cats will be driving larger, more opulent vehicles and sending our children to more exclusive private schools and playing more classy golf and swanky tennis and other "noble" types of games. In this Red Fire Pig year, I am sorry to repeat the old adage but it's true: The rich get richer and the poor get children.

You may retort that this sorry state of affairs has always existed. And you would be right - to a degree. But this year because of the gawping abyss which will result from the gap between rich and poor people and their respective countries, all variety of clashes will arise. It will be a year of arguments leading to disputes and wars. A year of petty nuisances leading to gigantic legal battles. Not a feisty year like the Rooster or a perpetually justice-seeking year like the Dog, but a year of conflicts, hostilities, aggression.

Do not despair. If you are reading this, you have a computer. And you have a place to use it in, which supposes a roof over your head and no bombs falling on same. Hence, the battles and contention of which I speak probably will not directly affect you. You will be more likely to be wallowing in chateaux or sizing up the yacht you plan to acquire or investing in art and antiques on one of your numerous jaunts to exotic lands. You (and your computer) are part of the fortunate prosperity population.

Anything else to recount about this coming Pig year? Oh yes there is. Lots. It's worthy of note that while this sort of Pig year is indeed excellent for getting married and bearing children, it nonetheless promises to occasion many partings of the way. You may mourn a loved one or lament a close friend's moving to a foreign country. Divorce will be on the rise. Yet many older people will remarry and some of them will marry people many years younger than themselves. Also, because of the tone of impending clash, there will necessarily be political agitation, traffic or air space congestion and an overall snowballing of potentially incendiary events. One tiny out-of-place remark this year can lead to a battle royal. People will be arrested or jailed for minor offenses which, in other times, would seem trivial or trite. Families will break up over minor quarrels or differences of opinion. Thriving businesses will suddenly fail because of some apparently stupid accounting blunder.

In this ambiance we are then well-advised to maintain what the Pig is so famous for - Decorum. Manners. Style. Protocol. When there is a surfeit of electricity in the air, we should endeavor to behave in a courteous, reasonable, tolerant and understanding manner. The Pig is far from perfect. But he or she is always known for being ineffably attracted to what is real, genuine and authentic. No costume jewelry for the Pig. No ersatz Beluga caviar or watered down Bordeaux wants to pass his pristine lips. This will not be year for chicanery either. Pigs have a kind of natural benevolence, but they are fussy about fine quality and have no room in their lives for shabby merchandise or shady people.

Fire and Water elements are at odds in this year's Chinese Astrological pattern which is known as the "Female" Red Fire Pig configuration. This means (roughly) that we have to fear any and all disasters that have to do with Fire (volcanoes, forest fires, explosions, bombs, earthquakes and other incendiary events) or water (Floods, Tsunamis, Hurricanes, Typhoons etc.). We shouldn't be afraid. But we ought to try to be more cautious about where we store things and how we protect ourselves, our families and belongings with everything from carbon monoxide alarm systems to waterproofing and massive coverage by excellent insurance plans.

To sum up, the Fire Pig Year will bestow twelve months of plenty on those of us who already have enough. And it promises to further impoverish the others. If you are a charitable soul, then be prepared during the Pig year to give away some of your newfound riches. I am not suggesting you send a bland impersonal check for a thousand dollars to a charity organization. They might only use it to do more advertising. Rather I advise you to give a hand to people in trouble, a leg up to someone who has had bad luck or cannot get a job. Lend and even give away money to those who find themselves ill and without insurance. Sometimes just a few extra bills in the pocket of person in dire straits can lift their spirits enough to begin to propel them out of the dumps. Give a bit of extra money to a man who is out of work and he might be able to avoid a family crisis by inviting the wife and kids out for pizza or ice cream or both. If you haven't got any extra money yourself, but you do have some strength to spare, go mow the lawn for the lady who broke her hip or do some grocery shopping for a man who is alone or old or ill. Take care of peoples' kids or offer to wash their car or clean their house. When other folks are in need, they are often too proud to ask for help. Don't just offer. Bypass their resistance. Go and Do for the needier than you.

As the year 2007 has already begun in the western world, we can see it will not be a peaceable one. There are already skirmishes and in-fighting going on everywhere from Spain to Chechnya and Kosovo in London and Paris and Amsterdam - not to mention the disgraceful situation in Iraq. Civil wars will break out. Normally peaceful people will inexplicably freak out and explode in the faces of their neighbors.

But as I said earlier, do not despair. Keep yourself and your loved ones safe. Instead of mouthing off about what's bothering you, turn your tongue over seven times before speaking and above all, in this potentially super charged year of prosperous conflict - keep your shirt on Dude. The Pig year is the final one in the cycle of twelve Chinese animal signs. Since the last Pig year (1994) we have seen all variety of behaviors come and go. Lately, it seems as though we have all been living in or worrying about some war zone or another. Well, you will be happy to know that with the exit of the Pig year "The Testosterone Era" is over. More and more women are engaging in politics. We must seriously consider voting for those courageous women, encourage them to take the reins and become our leaders. 2008 is a Rat year. A new beginning. Rats are about power and charm and protectiveness and hoarding supplies for the hard times ahead. That's what women are about too. Taking care of their own.

Bar advice.The above is a excerpt from Suzanne White's website about what is her predictions for the coming year. Take note that she is not a psychic but has her personal views based on the astrology of the Chinese zodiac. No one can predict the future for sure.