Love at first sight. It’s the stuff of fairy tales, of romantic movies and, of course, of a hefty sampling of romance novels but does love at first sight really exist?
It turns out that people make fairly quick decisions about how much they like a person, then naturally put more dedication to expanding the relationships with those they felt an immediate connection to.
So is it Love or Lust?
Of course, those who have fallen hard in “love at first sight” may have later been let down when they realized it wasn’t really love that was fanning the fire, but lust. Love at first sight is often just lust at first site. We crave for a mate so we fool ourselves into the belief that has been placed inside us when we were young. This come from either the movies, stories or people that we heard talking about it.
How can you tell if your newfound love is going to withstand the test of time or, if you’ve already found your long-time love, what advice can you give to the youngsters in your life? By letting go of it. How to do that?
The way to check if it is lust or love is to let go of the feelings. If it is love the feeling will get stronger and more expanded yet quieter. If it is simply lust, when you let go you may start to actually feel the love. Either way, allow yourself to enjoy the ride and follow your heart. It will start to make sense to you when you find that the person you're with leaves a sense of emptiness in your heart when they are not there. Love is strong feeling that can break you down. Lust just feeds into your pleasure systems and you can get it with another person if you wanted. This is the difference between the two.
The feeling of making love with someone that you're "in love with" and someone you may like or just met is worlds apart. There is a feeling of unity and also a "oneness" that cannot be explained. Anyone in this situation can understand this. It is so different yet real. Falling in love or in lust is hard to define unless you've been in love before. Then you can tell the difference.
Bar advice. Take baby steps in the relationship before jumping in the sack to define your relationship status. It will reveal if you're in love with the heart or the body.
Showing posts with label fairy tales. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fairy tales. Show all posts
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Monday, July 9, 2007
Myths about our "soulmate"
Our soul is our heart. It is full of radiance. Therefore, our soul mate is someone who reflects our heart.
A man's heart is feminine and the woman who is his soul mate reflects his soul. A woman's heart is masculine and the man who is her soul mate reflects her soul. Each one feels the presence of the other inside of them as the very core of who they are. There is a deep recognition of this truth.
The painful truth is that most people have never known this inner radiance. Instead, they cling to the many myths about the soul mate relationship that are simply not true. These false beliefs need to be understood. Here are just a few.
Myth One: Many people believe that they will find their soul simply by looking, wishing, hoping and dreaming.
They feel that somehow this person will come along and make them eternally happy. This is the most naive of all the soul mate myths.
Myth Two: Others tend to rely upon how much they are attracted to another person to determine if they are their soul mate or not. The truth is that our attractions are very deceiving. The myth is that we can trust our feelings of attraction, as if our feelings are a validation of the facts. Further, the attraction you may have for someone could actually be a fatal attraction without you even realizing it. You may think a person is your soul mate, but you could simply be sexually obsessed with them.
Myth Three: Why are so many of us looking for a soul mate when we don't have any capacity for true heart intimacy? Even if our soul mate actually does appear, we become so terrified of giving our heart to them that we run 100 miles in the other direction. The unconscious myth here seems to be that we can find our soul mate without surrendering our heart.
Myth Four: Another myth is that we will recognize our soul mate if we meet them. We fail to realize that if our soul mate reflects our soul, and we are unable to feel our own inner radiance, don't really love our self or know who we are and then we will be unable to recognize him or her. In fact, you could know such a person for years without even recognizing that they are your soul mate.
The fact that this word alone; soulmate, is a distraction to the feeling that we get when finding the real love of another person. We live in a mental state of a fairy tale told by others. Possibly conversations we heard from parents or friends and even television. We place that word with such high regard that when we find someone and he/she doesn't turn out to become the soulmate we envisioned, we loose all hope of ever finding love or someone to care for us.
Bar advice. The connection of two people ready with intention and purpose of love, matrimony and family is what connects us to each other in the spirit of the soul.
A man's heart is feminine and the woman who is his soul mate reflects his soul. A woman's heart is masculine and the man who is her soul mate reflects her soul. Each one feels the presence of the other inside of them as the very core of who they are. There is a deep recognition of this truth.
The painful truth is that most people have never known this inner radiance. Instead, they cling to the many myths about the soul mate relationship that are simply not true. These false beliefs need to be understood. Here are just a few.
Myth One: Many people believe that they will find their soul simply by looking, wishing, hoping and dreaming.
They feel that somehow this person will come along and make them eternally happy. This is the most naive of all the soul mate myths.
Myth Two: Others tend to rely upon how much they are attracted to another person to determine if they are their soul mate or not. The truth is that our attractions are very deceiving. The myth is that we can trust our feelings of attraction, as if our feelings are a validation of the facts. Further, the attraction you may have for someone could actually be a fatal attraction without you even realizing it. You may think a person is your soul mate, but you could simply be sexually obsessed with them.
Myth Three: Why are so many of us looking for a soul mate when we don't have any capacity for true heart intimacy? Even if our soul mate actually does appear, we become so terrified of giving our heart to them that we run 100 miles in the other direction. The unconscious myth here seems to be that we can find our soul mate without surrendering our heart.
Myth Four: Another myth is that we will recognize our soul mate if we meet them. We fail to realize that if our soul mate reflects our soul, and we are unable to feel our own inner radiance, don't really love our self or know who we are and then we will be unable to recognize him or her. In fact, you could know such a person for years without even recognizing that they are your soul mate.
The fact that this word alone; soulmate, is a distraction to the feeling that we get when finding the real love of another person. We live in a mental state of a fairy tale told by others. Possibly conversations we heard from parents or friends and even television. We place that word with such high regard that when we find someone and he/she doesn't turn out to become the soulmate we envisioned, we loose all hope of ever finding love or someone to care for us.
Bar advice. The connection of two people ready with intention and purpose of love, matrimony and family is what connects us to each other in the spirit of the soul.
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Cherished or cheated.
I know that it's not as often that women cheat as opposed to guys doing it but this one I write is meant for the women to be aware. So often women settle for less. They think that “knights” are found in fairy tales, or they buy into the too-many-women-too-few-men ratio hype. Many don’t even hold guys to chivalrous standards any more, accepting what comes their way is as a reflection of the changing times.
In essence, they're cheating themselves.
WHY BEING CHERISHED IS IMPORTANT:
Life is indeed bittersweet. There are so many variables that can’t be controlled. The loss of a loved one, illnesses, violent crimes, a son or daughter who chooses the wrong path, the boss from hell, and economic upheaval, to name a few.
The “choice” of a loving, giving mate helps to cushion the blows of life and weather its many storms. It makes people stronger. It nurtures the spirit and helps to fulfill our divine roles. Women are the backbones of society! They give life. They create homes, raise families, run offices and support dreams but you really can’t give from an empty cup!
The bottom line is this. If you’re not being cherished, you’re being cheated. So if you’re in a relationship that’s wreaking havoc with your sense of peace and your self-worth, repeat after me. “I can do better.” Add this mantra to your daily affirmations and move forward! Whoever the guy is or whatever time period you've been with him, trust me, you're heading for disaster.
But first take note of how a “cherished” woman is treated...
1) If a man cherishes you, he won’t compare you to Halle Berry, or Jennifer Lopez, or his mom. He will accept you for your good and bad, and love the things that make you uniquely you.
2) He will be committed to making the relationship work. He will honor your feelings and value your thoughts. He will compromise on issues of importance so that both of your needs are fulfilled.
3) HE will support your dreams and encourage you during times of failure. He’ll take a personal interest in what you do. He doesn’t necessarily have to share your vision, but he’ll cheer you on to victory just the same.
4) When a man cherishes you, you won’t have to track him down or do headstands to get his attention and to get him to spend quality time with you. The desire to be together is mutual, and he’ll move mountains to make it happen.
5) He won’t betray your trust or reveal your secrets. Period!
6) When a man cherishes you, he won’t keep an emotional score card of what he does for you and how often. He considers it a pleasure to do things that brings his woman pleasure.
7) He won’t flee at the first sign of trouble or tragedy. That should also apply to the fact that you screwed up and got pregnant and now a baby is on the way.
If you're in a relationship in which you are truly “cherished", most importantly, that you cherish yourself first! Most women let the guy take over so hurt, pain, betrayal, cheating and even abuse becomes accepted by her. If you give in to this from the very start then you're heading down the road of "doom". I know some will take back the guy and give him a second chance.Fair enough that your soft heart tells you to do so after all his pleas and if he changes, great. If not then live with it.
Bar advice. Learn to cherish yourself and make him understand it by showing him the way first. You won't go wrong by example. If he screws up he'll have nothing to say.
In essence, they're cheating themselves.
WHY BEING CHERISHED IS IMPORTANT:
Life is indeed bittersweet. There are so many variables that can’t be controlled. The loss of a loved one, illnesses, violent crimes, a son or daughter who chooses the wrong path, the boss from hell, and economic upheaval, to name a few.
The “choice” of a loving, giving mate helps to cushion the blows of life and weather its many storms. It makes people stronger. It nurtures the spirit and helps to fulfill our divine roles. Women are the backbones of society! They give life. They create homes, raise families, run offices and support dreams but you really can’t give from an empty cup!
The bottom line is this. If you’re not being cherished, you’re being cheated. So if you’re in a relationship that’s wreaking havoc with your sense of peace and your self-worth, repeat after me. “I can do better.” Add this mantra to your daily affirmations and move forward! Whoever the guy is or whatever time period you've been with him, trust me, you're heading for disaster.
But first take note of how a “cherished” woman is treated...
1) If a man cherishes you, he won’t compare you to Halle Berry, or Jennifer Lopez, or his mom. He will accept you for your good and bad, and love the things that make you uniquely you.
2) He will be committed to making the relationship work. He will honor your feelings and value your thoughts. He will compromise on issues of importance so that both of your needs are fulfilled.
3) HE will support your dreams and encourage you during times of failure. He’ll take a personal interest in what you do. He doesn’t necessarily have to share your vision, but he’ll cheer you on to victory just the same.
4) When a man cherishes you, you won’t have to track him down or do headstands to get his attention and to get him to spend quality time with you. The desire to be together is mutual, and he’ll move mountains to make it happen.
5) He won’t betray your trust or reveal your secrets. Period!
6) When a man cherishes you, he won’t keep an emotional score card of what he does for you and how often. He considers it a pleasure to do things that brings his woman pleasure.
7) He won’t flee at the first sign of trouble or tragedy. That should also apply to the fact that you screwed up and got pregnant and now a baby is on the way.
If you're in a relationship in which you are truly “cherished", most importantly, that you cherish yourself first! Most women let the guy take over so hurt, pain, betrayal, cheating and even abuse becomes accepted by her. If you give in to this from the very start then you're heading down the road of "doom". I know some will take back the guy and give him a second chance.Fair enough that your soft heart tells you to do so after all his pleas and if he changes, great. If not then live with it.
Bar advice. Learn to cherish yourself and make him understand it by showing him the way first. You won't go wrong by example. If he screws up he'll have nothing to say.
Princess Diana remembered 10 years on.
The date for Princess Diana remembrance concert is here. It's 10 years on from the year that she died. He sons, Prince William and Harry are behind this and with a star studded line up of people there is going to a night to remember indeed.
Lets look at Princess Diana with some of the mishaps, tribulations, media, family and untimely death. She was the people's princess. At such a young age she got married and we can never be sure if it was ever, really true love that made her do it or the thought that goes into every small girls minds when told of fairytale princes, romance, kingdoms and the words "lived happily ever after". All we know is that she then became the most photographed woman on the planet and it would lead to her demise, literally.
Looking at Diana's life, we can safely say that two good things came out of it. Her sons. She was a mother that was so loving and protective of her children. Took time to tend to them, their needs and hardly ever had a nanny do things for them when she was there. Something that all mothers would do. Giving herself selflessly to them and at the same time making the world see her take on campaigns about Aids, leprosy, stopping of land mine use and much more. The concert is being done by her sons to celebrate her life. It falls on the 1st July 2007, her birthday. She would have been 46 years old today if she was still alive.
This brave soul, who stood up strong in the face of public torments and the media, probably felt alone at times. Just like all us simple folks that are down and out or have bad days and just want to hide from the world. She never got to do so. She may have been famous but fame has it's price and she paid the ultimate amount. Death.
The press with all of it's liberties never paid for the injustice done to her even when she was alive. Hungry for money and fame, they continued to pursue her especially when she was seeing Dodi Al Fayed. Her sons were not spared either and the fact that the royal family never stepped in to do anything didn't make it any easier. Even when she was doing good around the world with awareness of Aids and land mine use that was killing people, she was never seen by the press as anything else but a story to them and hoping to get a scoop on any mishap that might happen. She was never taken seriously by anyone with the exception, probably, of Mother Teresa whom she got a rare opportunity to meet some time before both of them passed away.
Many things will be said about her. More books written. Possibly more scandal to come out. Former staff trying to get their share of money, even if it means tarnishing her image even more, and whatever the press can conjure up some more. Her legacy, her story and interest in her will still continue, possibly, for the next thirty years. She deserves a little respect now that she's dead but even in death she is still sought after. Can she ever rest in peace?
There may never be anyone else that will come along like her. Despite all the ups and down in her life, she was a woman of substance. A girl who grew up into a woman. A lady, a mother and a friend to those that had lesser in the world. Those that needed a voice. A champion for others. Before we can judge others we should look at our lives. It isn't all that different from hers. Just being human. I remember where I was when I heard the news about her death. Do you?
Bar advice. Lets watch the tribute concert, celebrate her life, remember her death but be glad that the people's princess lived during our lifetime and was part of us. May she rest in peace.
Lets look at Princess Diana with some of the mishaps, tribulations, media, family and untimely death. She was the people's princess. At such a young age she got married and we can never be sure if it was ever, really true love that made her do it or the thought that goes into every small girls minds when told of fairytale princes, romance, kingdoms and the words "lived happily ever after". All we know is that she then became the most photographed woman on the planet and it would lead to her demise, literally.
Looking at Diana's life, we can safely say that two good things came out of it. Her sons. She was a mother that was so loving and protective of her children. Took time to tend to them, their needs and hardly ever had a nanny do things for them when she was there. Something that all mothers would do. Giving herself selflessly to them and at the same time making the world see her take on campaigns about Aids, leprosy, stopping of land mine use and much more. The concert is being done by her sons to celebrate her life. It falls on the 1st July 2007, her birthday. She would have been 46 years old today if she was still alive.
This brave soul, who stood up strong in the face of public torments and the media, probably felt alone at times. Just like all us simple folks that are down and out or have bad days and just want to hide from the world. She never got to do so. She may have been famous but fame has it's price and she paid the ultimate amount. Death.
The press with all of it's liberties never paid for the injustice done to her even when she was alive. Hungry for money and fame, they continued to pursue her especially when she was seeing Dodi Al Fayed. Her sons were not spared either and the fact that the royal family never stepped in to do anything didn't make it any easier. Even when she was doing good around the world with awareness of Aids and land mine use that was killing people, she was never seen by the press as anything else but a story to them and hoping to get a scoop on any mishap that might happen. She was never taken seriously by anyone with the exception, probably, of Mother Teresa whom she got a rare opportunity to meet some time before both of them passed away.
Many things will be said about her. More books written. Possibly more scandal to come out. Former staff trying to get their share of money, even if it means tarnishing her image even more, and whatever the press can conjure up some more. Her legacy, her story and interest in her will still continue, possibly, for the next thirty years. She deserves a little respect now that she's dead but even in death she is still sought after. Can she ever rest in peace?
There may never be anyone else that will come along like her. Despite all the ups and down in her life, she was a woman of substance. A girl who grew up into a woman. A lady, a mother and a friend to those that had lesser in the world. Those that needed a voice. A champion for others. Before we can judge others we should look at our lives. It isn't all that different from hers. Just being human. I remember where I was when I heard the news about her death. Do you?
Bar advice. Lets watch the tribute concert, celebrate her life, remember her death but be glad that the people's princess lived during our lifetime and was part of us. May she rest in peace.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Happily ever after
In fairy tales we have all heard the words, 'and they lived happily ever after'. well nobody really does, do they? Even the rich can't say that. Remember, more money more problems.
I have seen the pain people experience after the honeymoon is over, when they awaken realizing they have married a mere mortal. I hope people that enter adulthood, will avoid the pitfalls and pain of those who succumb to this "happily ever after" myth. here's a couple of key points for real lasting love.
1. Stop blaming. Start living.
It is our responsibility, and not our partner's, to feel better and to heal. Our partner will be responsible to us, but not for us. So it's useful, instead of blaming our partner, to ask ourselves these two questions, "Why did I draw this person into my life?” and “What is it that I need to learn from this?” Within a good marriage, we grow up.
2. Avoid the fixer-upper syndrome.
We think we can fix our partner and shape them into perfection. Our version of perfection. So many people marry for potential. Never marry potential. Marry for safety, the safety between two people who accept one another faults and all.
3. Make a promise to keep our integrity.
Do not hold onto victim hood like a prize. This doesn't allow us to grow. Work on behaviors that make our partner want to change by being kind and loving. Vent our feelings, without being out of control. If we are in a relationship that does not have mutual respect, over time we may need professional help. Preferably, we would seek that help with our partner.
4. Eliminate attack thoughts.
These types of thoughts are incredibly destructive over time. If we attack other people, ourselves and our thoughts, it really interferes with our happiness and peace of mind.Learn to find the joy, even in difficult times. As Mother Theresa once said, "Our best protection is a joyful heart."
5. Do not hold onto anger.
Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. Turn attack thoughts into constructive thoughts and actions. Think thoughts that are appreciative of ourselves and our partner. And express those thoughts often. When we build an emotional bank account full of positive thoughts, we have positive emotional currency to counter with when angry times come.
6. Wake up, without makeup.
On soap operas I’ve seen women wake up first thing in the morning with all their makeup on, false eyelashes and all. That is not the real world. What women need to do for a successful marriage is to learn to be more and more real. What woman need to do for a successful marriage is learn to feel more and more safe to be who we truly are. Men have to realize that beauty is more than skin deep. If she can remove her make up in front of you then you are special to her.
7. Wake up and make up.
It is essential that couples learn to repair and heal after every fight. Find solutions. Do not get stuck rehashing the past. Live in the present, and find ways to keep the marriage buoyant and alive. Happy couples learn how to repair differences. Best thing really is try to never go to bed angry.
8. To change our relationship.
The place to start is with changing ourselves first. Better to reinvent ourselves, because we are not going to be able to change our partner. Learn to love in a mature way without trying to control or manipulate. C.S. Lewis once said, "To love without control or manipulation is to be surprised by joy." We will truly be surprised by joy when we can live in the moment with our partner. And within ourselves.
Bar advice. Remember that before you met your partner he or she had their own life, dreams, hopes, joy, sadness, shortcomings, downfalls, work, business, dilemmas, pains, loss of love ones, happiness, etc. what I'm getting at is you had the same as well. Now when two people are together they should work at it to have the feel of 'happily ever after'.
I have seen the pain people experience after the honeymoon is over, when they awaken realizing they have married a mere mortal. I hope people that enter adulthood, will avoid the pitfalls and pain of those who succumb to this "happily ever after" myth. here's a couple of key points for real lasting love.
1. Stop blaming. Start living.
It is our responsibility, and not our partner's, to feel better and to heal. Our partner will be responsible to us, but not for us. So it's useful, instead of blaming our partner, to ask ourselves these two questions, "Why did I draw this person into my life?” and “What is it that I need to learn from this?” Within a good marriage, we grow up.
2. Avoid the fixer-upper syndrome.
We think we can fix our partner and shape them into perfection. Our version of perfection. So many people marry for potential. Never marry potential. Marry for safety, the safety between two people who accept one another faults and all.
3. Make a promise to keep our integrity.
Do not hold onto victim hood like a prize. This doesn't allow us to grow. Work on behaviors that make our partner want to change by being kind and loving. Vent our feelings, without being out of control. If we are in a relationship that does not have mutual respect, over time we may need professional help. Preferably, we would seek that help with our partner.
4. Eliminate attack thoughts.
These types of thoughts are incredibly destructive over time. If we attack other people, ourselves and our thoughts, it really interferes with our happiness and peace of mind.Learn to find the joy, even in difficult times. As Mother Theresa once said, "Our best protection is a joyful heart."
5. Do not hold onto anger.
Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. Turn attack thoughts into constructive thoughts and actions. Think thoughts that are appreciative of ourselves and our partner. And express those thoughts often. When we build an emotional bank account full of positive thoughts, we have positive emotional currency to counter with when angry times come.
6. Wake up, without makeup.
On soap operas I’ve seen women wake up first thing in the morning with all their makeup on, false eyelashes and all. That is not the real world. What women need to do for a successful marriage is to learn to be more and more real. What woman need to do for a successful marriage is learn to feel more and more safe to be who we truly are. Men have to realize that beauty is more than skin deep. If she can remove her make up in front of you then you are special to her.
7. Wake up and make up.
It is essential that couples learn to repair and heal after every fight. Find solutions. Do not get stuck rehashing the past. Live in the present, and find ways to keep the marriage buoyant and alive. Happy couples learn how to repair differences. Best thing really is try to never go to bed angry.
8. To change our relationship.
The place to start is with changing ourselves first. Better to reinvent ourselves, because we are not going to be able to change our partner. Learn to love in a mature way without trying to control or manipulate. C.S. Lewis once said, "To love without control or manipulation is to be surprised by joy." We will truly be surprised by joy when we can live in the moment with our partner. And within ourselves.
Bar advice. Remember that before you met your partner he or she had their own life, dreams, hopes, joy, sadness, shortcomings, downfalls, work, business, dilemmas, pains, loss of love ones, happiness, etc. what I'm getting at is you had the same as well. Now when two people are together they should work at it to have the feel of 'happily ever after'.
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