What's on your Christmas list?

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I guess we all got imaginery gifts that we would like to have and that includes love, sex, finding someone or just not being that lonely at this time of the year. People are a little down and out at the holidays. Sure, its fine if youre in a relationship or married.

We say it's a time for the kids or a time to be happy and jolly. Reality is when this time of the year comes we feel like that little kid. In need to be loved, hugged or just happy with someone around. Some people go to a state of depression and even suicide.

Will it take another Christmas to make a person open their eyes a little to see that they don't have to be in this situation. Take a chance and open your heart to what is infront of you or the next time you're unsure about someone. Fill that void. The emptiness need not have to be loneliness forever.

Bar advice. Take this time till the end of the year and tell yourself that before next Christmas you'll be feeling like a kid. Joyful and loved.

Year end

As the year comes to an end every time, we all get caught up in the festivities and the last load of work that our bosses are asking us to do so we can finish the work load for the year. We also got a ton of stuff that we need to do as well. The weather doesn't help the problem as well.

Year end is also a time that we look back and see what we did in our lives. Did we change in some way? Are we happier? Did we make the relationship any better? Is everything alright in the family? Should I have gotten involved with that person? Am I loved? There's so many things that we can ask and by the time it hits Christmas we can also ask if we've been naughty or nice. Probably the actual last thing you could possibility asking yourself would be, "what resolutions will I be making this year that I won't keep?"

This time of the year we also look at the relationship that we have or beginning to have. Those already involved would look back and see if it can still stand the test of time. Others just beginning their relationships are probably guessing what their partners are feeling at this point of time toward them. Normally people are in a joyous mood so things are likely to be pleasant. Sometimes you got to meet the parents for the first time and sometimes it's dreading to meet them if you've been married for the last twenty years. It can be torny when it's the holidays.

Those really single or just met someone are either trilled or scared of what might happen. People just feel all soft and fuzzy inside and they don't want any drama. Especially if it means having their heart broken. Women don't realize that men are just as afraid as they are but they don't quite show it. Nonetheless, at this time of the year, they too need to feel good about themselves and mostly wanted and not alone. Change can sometimes be a good thing.

Not knowing sometimes can be scary but avoiding issues and playing the safe card is not the way to live life. Reflecting on years gone by, one has to ask themselves," do I want to be in someone else life"? Can it happen for me? Don't I too deserve happiness? What am I so worried about? The answers can only come from your heart.

Bar advice. The year end puts a strain on those that are alone mostly. There's a sense of isolation from the joys of what's happening which sometimes, sadly, leads to suicide.

Happily ever after

In fairy tales we have all heard the words, 'and they lived happily ever after'. well nobody really does, do they? Even the rich can't say that. Remember, more money more problems.

I have seen the pain people experience after the honeymoon is over, when they awaken realizing they have married a mere mortal. I hope people that enter adulthood, will avoid the pitfalls and pain of those who succumb to this "happily ever after" myth. here's a couple of key points for real lasting love.

1. Stop blaming. Start living.
It is our responsibility, and not our partner's, to feel better and to heal. Our partner will be responsible to us, but not for us. So it's useful, instead of blaming our partner, to ask ourselves these two questions, "Why did I draw this person into my life?” and “What is it that I need to learn from this?” Within a good marriage, we grow up.

2. Avoid the fixer-upper syndrome.
We think we can fix our partner and shape them into perfection. Our version of perfection. So many people marry for potential. Never marry potential. Marry for safety, the safety between two people who accept one another faults and all.

3. Make a promise to keep our integrity.
Do not hold onto victim hood like a prize. This doesn't allow us to grow. Work on behaviors that make our partner want to change by being kind and loving. Vent our feelings, without being out of control. If we are in a relationship that does not have mutual respect, over time we may need professional help. Preferably, we would seek that help with our partner.

4. Eliminate attack thoughts.
These types of thoughts are incredibly destructive over time. If we attack other people, ourselves and our thoughts, it really interferes with our happiness and peace of mind.Learn to find the joy, even in difficult times. As Mother Theresa once said, "Our best protection is a joyful heart."

5. Do not hold onto anger.
Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. Turn attack thoughts into constructive thoughts and actions. Think thoughts that are appreciative of ourselves and our partner. And express those thoughts often. When we build an emotional bank account full of positive thoughts, we have positive emotional currency to counter with when angry times come.

6. Wake up, without makeup.
On soap operas I’ve seen women wake up first thing in the morning with all their makeup on, false eyelashes and all. That is not the real world. What women need to do for a successful marriage is to learn to be more and more real. What woman need to do for a successful marriage is learn to feel more and more safe to be who we truly are. Men have to realize that beauty is more than skin deep. If she can remove her make up in front of you then you are special to her.

7. Wake up and make up.
It is essential that couples learn to repair and heal after every fight. Find solutions. Do not get stuck rehashing the past. Live in the present, and find ways to keep the marriage buoyant and alive. Happy couples learn how to repair differences. Best thing really is try to never go to bed angry.

8. To change our relationship.
The place to start is with changing ourselves first. Better to reinvent ourselves, because we are not going to be able to change our partner. Learn to love in a mature way without trying to control or manipulate. C.S. Lewis once said, "To love without control or manipulation is to be surprised by joy." We will truly be surprised by joy when we can live in the moment with our partner. And within ourselves.

Bar advice. Remember that before you met your partner he or she had their own life, dreams, hopes, joy, sadness, shortcomings, downfalls, work, business, dilemmas, pains, loss of love ones, happiness, etc. what I'm getting at is you had the same as well. Now when two people are together they should work at it to have the feel of 'happily ever after'.

Is life a test?

I rarely ever remember a dream. Even when I can remember what I was dreaming about when I have to get up for a drink or bathroom break in the middle of the night, I have forgotten all about it by morning.

However, last night I was dreaming about taking a test. I am not sure the subject of the test. I do remember feeling under pressure and I was struggling a bit with the content of the test.Now, I have taken my share of tests in the past and can recall having these types of dreams while in college; but, why now?I jotted down a few notes before going back to bed and did my best to decipher this brain spark this morning.I am into several projects right now in which I am under the microscope, so to speak. But, am I? Is this all in my head? Do I bring all this pressure on myself?

Probably.

I try to be the best I can be; mentally, physically, and financially. I try to learn as much as possible to improve my abilities in these areas. This is great as long as I don't spend so much time trying to improve me that it harms my life in these same areas; i.e. stress, family, friends, health, etc.

We all see the "burn-out" in the self-improvement entrepreneur; the sacrifices made in the "important things" in life such as relationships and peace of mind.Peace of mind should be a top priority for mental, physical, and financial success. Living life as some sort of constant test will hamper this process.Realizing that progress is a "you vs. you" phenomenon and that you don't have to please someone else on a day to day basis is a great start.

Bryan Tracy, in his audio series from Nightingale Conant entitled "Action Secrets for Personal Achievement," talks about the need for certain people to get the approval of others. He calls this a symptom of Type "A" behavior.

Here are some of the other type "A" symptoms:

Having a sense of urgency to do more and more in less and less time.

Volunteering for more and more work at the office.

Feeling under pressure to get activities accomplished.

Being obsessed with your performance and having high standards for such performance.

The type "A" personality feel like they have never done enough.

Compare self with others.

More concerned with things than with people.

Brings home work.

Talks about the boss, what the boss said, what the boss did… wants to please the boss at all times.

Has a sense of hostility towards those he or she feels to be competing against.

Type "A's" cannot admit that they are not in control.

If you fall into any of the above categories, making a decision to change may be a great first step. This decision involves trying to relax and still be productive and effective without the added stress we type "A's" like to impart.

There are two things that have worked in the past for me (and my clients) that I am going to focus on after this "wake–up call."One is a daily exercise plan. Even when I am on the road, I usually do some exercise daily, but, there are times I get in a rut and don't focus on my planning and execution of a said workout. A daily routine helps relieve stress and will bring out creativity and problem solving abilities like no other activity!It is a "reality check" for me as well. Things are brought into a better perspective after a good workout, no matter how long the workout is.

The second concept is practicing daily solitude. This could be a twenty minute walk, a power relaxation, almost nap, hanging out on a park bench, etc. This is a time to let your mind 'go' and let your subconscious work on goals, problems, and/or ideas that are filling your head. It's "mind-cleansing" if you will.This is a time when you just sit back and take in the world, usually outside in a fairly secluded place without interruptions. I sometimes think about a couple of goals or issues in my life ahead of time, then sit back and let my brain work on things.

I tend to find some answers to problems as well as some pretty great ideas to take back to work with me. They not only help me achieve goals, but relieve stress at the same time. These two activities alone have probably added years to my life and help me through some potentially stressful times.

Thus, the reason for my dream. I have been in situations recently in which I feel the need to "prove" myself. I am living my life as a series of test, daily. I have felt out of sorts, not myself, lacking confidence.All brought on by myself.

One other aspect of things is, what's going on at home and in your relationship. Be it if you're married, single or just with the people that are related to you in the same house. You have to add that part in as well to make it full circle otherwise you end up being a 'burn out' in life.

Bar advice. Remember to take time out for yourself. Health and happiness is more important than the other stuff that you may think you want. Money. What's the use of having it if you're too sick or dying to spend it? One last thing. Ask yourself,"Is there going to be anyone caring about the fact that I'm dead or alive"? Who will be around when it's your time to go or will anyone be bothered or even miss you at all?

Seven Principals of making marriage work

A friend of mine bought this book originally and I then promptly bought copies for everyone I know! I cannot recommend this book highly enough. It is based on research so is very objective, is easy to read and offers practical advice as well as short quizzes that are helpful as far as offering ways to move forward.

Bar advice.I cannot think of any married or indeed single person for whom this book would not be helpful!