Getting her alone

When in any social setting such as a club or bar, you'll want to separate the girl you like from her friends. Once she's separated from her friends, it's just a matter of building a bond and connection with her but how many times have you had a woman pulled away from you in a club by one of these friends? How many times have her friends interrupted your conversation and pulled her away with the "we're going to the bathroom" routine? How many times have you seen a friend barge in between and say,"She's my girlfriend", and leaves with the woman you want?

How many times have your intentions been thwarted by the dreaded,"My friends want to leave?" and the last thing you see is her looking back at you with a face that says, "Sorry! I like you but I have no choice but to leave!" You see, women are not as in control of their lives as you might think. Women, especially beautiful women, rely on their social network of friends and family to protect, comfort, and support them. They seek advise on all matters when in doubt. A woman's social network of people she's with is a influence on her, even if it limits her choices in terms of who she can date, have sex with, or even talk to. On top of that, beautiful women hardly go out alone. They tend to go out in groups of two or three to prevent each other from the constant and never ending onslaught of guys trying to get into their pants thus removing her from her friends is a must.

The irony is that if you approach women, they say their looking for a guy to meet. However, the social dynamics of her peer group control her choices. So how do you take a woman away from her friends so that you can bond and connect with her? After all, you can't just steal her. The problem is two fold. Her friends and her. Her friends might become jealous of all the attention she gets from you. They may be protecting her from being hurt after her last relationship issues. They might be possessive of her. They might be dealing with their own issues with guys that may have hurt them in the past. They may have lesbian desires that even the woman doesn't know about. Whatever the case is with her friends, understand that they're often in protection mode. Protecting the woman you desire from winding up with the wrong kind of guy, again possibly.

On the other hand, she's all caught up in thinking,"What do my friends think?". "What will they say if they see me with him?". "What if they think I'm a slut!?". You can neutralize these issues by including her friends in the conversation and getting them to like you. Start off with more coversation with them. Don't be afraid to ignore the girl you like a little and pay more attention to entertaining and getting along with her friends. This alone will both satisfy the friends desire for attention that they hardly get because their pretty friend is usually the one in the spotlight and also increase her liking you by getting her a little jealous of her friends taking some of the attention away.

Use stories, techniques, and routines to come across as successful, intelligent, fun and a nice guy to her friends. If her friends think you're a cool guy, they will not stand in your way when you want to spend some time with the girl you like alone. They are, without even realizing it, giving you their acceptance, approval, and permission. Unknowingly but willingly. Sometimes, her friends will even do the hooking up for you. They'll start telling you all about her. The woman you're seducing will see her friends now like you, so her normal thought pattern change to thoughts like, "I want to be associated with a successful, intelligent,and funny guy like him". "Look how my friends pay attention to him, laugh with him, and like him". "I better take him away from them before they get any ideas". "He's mine!"

See the difference it makes when you make her friends comfortable? Now you can safely get her friends permission to talk with her privately without worry about being cock blocked. Say to the girl's friends, "Hey, we seem to get along pretty well, do you guys mind if we go over there to talk?" They'll all agree and even urge her. Now bring her to a quiet corner and sit down with her alone. Now you can relax, lay back, and concentrate on getting to know the girl more intimately. Importantly, this time you used the power of her friend's influence over her to further your goals. There's no need to waste anymore time starving in the dating wasteland.

Bar advice. It may get a bit tricky with men friends around than with all women friends but it can still work provided there's no other guy that's interested in her or they're trying but not succeeding.

Resolution reversal

After meeting up with several people or taking to them on the phone after the holidays has made me realize that change happens to a lot of people in many ways. Some for personal reasons like self development. Others in their relationship, dating or sexual flaws. Also, those that work differently.

Sure, most of us made resolutions. Some with great reflection on their lives. Where they stand, what frame of mind they're in, what they have not accomplished yet and even the dreaded stigma of being single after all these years. Can it be all that bad? Should we start out the year with all this negativity. All the doom and gloom of last year still attached to our heels. Thus begins the resolution reversal.

You get to work and see all the co-workers, the boss, some new person, someone promoted and has their own office but worse of all you see that stupid darn desk you left behind to go enjoy the holidays. You sit there, reminiscing about the last two weeks of the holidays and then a pile of paperwork gets dumped on your desk. Reality hits you like a ton of bricks that you're back in the real world. Chained to the desk that puts money in your pocket, food on the table and shoes on your feet. You want to just scream or at least run to the first pub at knock off time and down a pitcher of beer just so you can get the taste of office air out of your system.

As the days go by, you get passing remarks about the extra weight you're carrying around after all that holiday feasting you did. Suddenly you remember you told yourself you were going to do some exercises to shape up and keep fit. Worse of all your best friend, who always seems to look great, keeps urging you to move your fat, lard of an ass to workout. It just makes you feel like tearing their head off and using it as a medicine ball just so that it will shut them up. The thing is you know deep in your heart that you really need to keep in shape. Be it married and especially single. So you put it some effort after all.

There will be the constant reminder from family members with regard to your single hood and the mirror is no help either. So what do you tell yourself, standing naked in front of that mirror? "It's going to happen for me this year". Yup, you keep telling yourself that so you feel better and try to focus your mind to that goal. You get some new clothes, shoes, hairstyle and some even a new car. You feel like there's going to be a meeting of the person of your dreams that weekend. You're going to meet them and you'll fall head over heels in love. Thoughts of showing off your love interest to everyone is buzzing in your head.

You know some people were silent when the holidays came around and you were once again alone. They didn't want to embarrass you but now you think it could happen. Optimism is good but the reality is, no prince or princess is going to show up all packaged like a doll in the store for you to choose. Wake up! People are going to have faults. They also probably can't stand the way you do certain things like burp after a meal, maybe talk with your mouth full or even the way you drive the car.

It take a lot of work to be with someone. Expectations that are high is going to leave you with a fall of the hill. To settle in comfortably with someone means accepting them as themselves. Their shortcomings and little awkward rituals or regimes was there way before you were in their lives. Are they suppose to accept yours? Without looking at the fact that you have them as well and not being judgemental or selfish will shed light onto what is really important in life and love. Also, don't let others like siblings, parents, colleagues or friends tell you that the person is not right for you. If it is collective, however, than you must be turning a blind eye to the person not being right for you in the first place. This tends to happen when one is a little desperate to close the gap of loneliness and loveless.

In a nutshell, a lot of us will end up doing the same old things like last year but there's just a few of us that finally move out of the routine and change happens. After that, if you look back at all the others, you'll see them still stuck in that time warp while you're light years ahead and happy.

Bar advice. Where would you rather be at the end of this new year? No more thoughts, memories, sorrows, writing stuff on paper or turning away. Take action now.

A girl walks into a bar

A girl walks into a bar and normally the heads of guys turn to see the sway of her walk. The hips, hair, shape, curves and whatever else they imagined for that short seconds it took her to get to a seat.

What were they thinking. Well in their lives they are or aren't in a relationship themselves. Those that approach her are trying their luck. Others just want to see if they still got what it takes even if their married. Some may want to have a "quicky" so they make the attempt as well. Let's just really look at at what a relationship really is. Lot's of people are possibly in one or more of these types of relationships.

Prostitution(pay for sex)
One night stands
Friends with privileges
Dating with casual sex
Lovers only(no commitments)
Arrangements (You take care of me, I'll take care of you)
Multiple Lovers
Swinging
Homosexual
Lesbian
Work/office sex
Affairs(cheating on someone)
Girlfriend/Boyfriend
Living together
Separated
Married
Divorce

Most people think that when they're with someone it's a relationship but the truth is we're all in a relationship with someone. Which category or categories are you in? When you're with someone a relationship is just how you "relate" with that person. Is it casual? Serious? Fooling around? Nothing that will break their heart or be dangerous? Abusive?

A lot of us relate to the word rather than to the true picture of who we relate to in a relationship. All those stated above can still have more added but it already gives you the sense that we may not realize the position we are in and sometimes it's too late. If all is well then you're doing something right but if it's not, what do you do? At times we sabotage what could be good for us.

Bar advice. Most people don't see the problem or cannot relate to people and situations that don't interfere in their lives. Sometimes it's becomes too late.

Summer time

What can be said about this time of the year. Party!!! Well maybe not everyone but most people. What are you going to do?

I tell you, this is the time to go freak the day and night. Be happy. Let loose. Enjoy. Don't let things get you down. The beach is calling. Ladies get your bikini on and guys find those scantily clad babes. Don't waste time thinking about what you want but really what you need right now. Have fun.

This is the time of year that you want to just be happy inside. Both guys and girls should be out to have a good time and not think so much about a deep lasting relationship. If that can happen then great but if it doesn't than just enjoy life as it is.

Go to clubs and bars. get a little drunk. If you're in a group of friends then check out for others that are doing the same. Sometimes when we're not looking for anybody, the right one just pops up. Last of all. Dance till you drop.

Bar advice. This is short and sharp. Let loose. The party is just beginning.

Is life a test?

I rarely ever remember a dream. Even when I can remember what I was dreaming about when I have to get up for a drink or bathroom break in the middle of the night, I have forgotten all about it by morning.

However, last night I was dreaming about taking a test. I am not sure the subject of the test. I do remember feeling under pressure and I was struggling a bit with the content of the test.Now, I have taken my share of tests in the past and can recall having these types of dreams while in college; but, why now?I jotted down a few notes before going back to bed and did my best to decipher this brain spark this morning.I am into several projects right now in which I am under the microscope, so to speak. But, am I? Is this all in my head? Do I bring all this pressure on myself?

Probably.

I try to be the best I can be; mentally, physically, and financially. I try to learn as much as possible to improve my abilities in these areas. This is great as long as I don't spend so much time trying to improve me that it harms my life in these same areas; i.e. stress, family, friends, health, etc.

We all see the "burn-out" in the self-improvement entrepreneur; the sacrifices made in the "important things" in life such as relationships and peace of mind.Peace of mind should be a top priority for mental, physical, and financial success. Living life as some sort of constant test will hamper this process.Realizing that progress is a "you vs. you" phenomenon and that you don't have to please someone else on a day to day basis is a great start.

Bryan Tracy, in his audio series from Nightingale Conant entitled "Action Secrets for Personal Achievement," talks about the need for certain people to get the approval of others. He calls this a symptom of Type "A" behavior.

Here are some of the other type "A" symptoms:

Having a sense of urgency to do more and more in less and less time.

Volunteering for more and more work at the office.

Feeling under pressure to get activities accomplished.

Being obsessed with your performance and having high standards for such performance.

The type "A" personality feel like they have never done enough.

Compare self with others.

More concerned with things than with people.

Brings home work.

Talks about the boss, what the boss said, what the boss did… wants to please the boss at all times.

Has a sense of hostility towards those he or she feels to be competing against.

Type "A's" cannot admit that they are not in control.

If you fall into any of the above categories, making a decision to change may be a great first step. This decision involves trying to relax and still be productive and effective without the added stress we type "A's" like to impart.

There are two things that have worked in the past for me (and my clients) that I am going to focus on after this "wake–up call."One is a daily exercise plan. Even when I am on the road, I usually do some exercise daily, but, there are times I get in a rut and don't focus on my planning and execution of a said workout. A daily routine helps relieve stress and will bring out creativity and problem solving abilities like no other activity!It is a "reality check" for me as well. Things are brought into a better perspective after a good workout, no matter how long the workout is.

The second concept is practicing daily solitude. This could be a twenty minute walk, a power relaxation, almost nap, hanging out on a park bench, etc. This is a time to let your mind 'go' and let your subconscious work on goals, problems, and/or ideas that are filling your head. It's "mind-cleansing" if you will.This is a time when you just sit back and take in the world, usually outside in a fairly secluded place without interruptions. I sometimes think about a couple of goals or issues in my life ahead of time, then sit back and let my brain work on things.

I tend to find some answers to problems as well as some pretty great ideas to take back to work with me. They not only help me achieve goals, but relieve stress at the same time. These two activities alone have probably added years to my life and help me through some potentially stressful times.

Thus, the reason for my dream. I have been in situations recently in which I feel the need to "prove" myself. I am living my life as a series of test, daily. I have felt out of sorts, not myself, lacking confidence.All brought on by myself.

One other aspect of things is, what's going on at home and in your relationship. Be it if you're married, single or just with the people that are related to you in the same house. You have to add that part in as well to make it full circle otherwise you end up being a 'burn out' in life.

Bar advice. Remember to take time out for yourself. Health and happiness is more important than the other stuff that you may think you want. Money. What's the use of having it if you're too sick or dying to spend it? One last thing. Ask yourself,"Is there going to be anyone caring about the fact that I'm dead or alive"? Who will be around when it's your time to go or will anyone be bothered or even miss you at all?

The problem with certain women.

One problem that guys face is the women that are with the girl that they desire but cannot get because of the dreaded 'girlfriend' that's with her. Now what I'm referring to is the one, or more, that are not as pretty, beautiful, stunning, gorgeous, etc as her but are her friends.

Most guys would have encountered a problem like this.It's bad enough to have to talk to one girl but to have to chat up another or even three more on the same table or place is really tough.The thing is that some women may want to play it safe by getting her friends involved first because this gets her going as well. She may be in search of approval of her friends, especially if she has gone through a bad time with someone else before.

Something like that is understandable but there are some backfire that these girls don't know about that I want to highlight. A lot of these 'girlfriends' are nice but the fact that they themselves cannot get a guy for themselves places them in doubt of guys intentions towards their friend that is 'hot' looking. They know they are because every where that they go together, the guys seem to go after that particular girl among all of them.

Most likely , she is the one that is sweet, stylish, confident or even just stunning. Whatever it may be she wins the guys over all the time. These girls either don't know or realize that their 'friend' or 'friends' are not doing her any good. Why? Well because they feel that if they cannot get the guy or if the guy seems to real to be true, then they try to exile him from their company. Sometimes they tell the friend that he isn't as hot. Maybe they say that they 'heard' something about him(this of course isn't true) and just basically put him in a bad light.

The natural human behavior like this is normal among women but I have seen women that don't bother what their friends do or say about that person and follow their instincts and heart. Why is this? Well, they have seen, heard and felt the sorrowful state of their friends and understands their plight as women as well. She may have ben screwed by them before as well. Thus, she knows that it is what her friends have done to her in the past and she has lost out before. Nevertheless, she will allow the guy to pursue her and exclude the 'advice' of her friends. A women should know what she wants and not let anyone tell her what she wants.

In some situations in the bars that I have been in, I have seen this sort of thing happen. To be absolutely blunt these women are normally the over weight, unattractive, weird looking, unstylish, non confident, shy, arrogant, abused or just plain lesbian (but thay won't say it out loud). They want to have their friend be with them and if a guy comes into the picture then the fear of loosing that friend and not having the same routine seems devastating to them. They feel that they may be loosing out on the best thing that has happened to them with a friend that looks good. Why?

The friend that looks good is an attraction to their group. She brings the boys around.They know it but the main girl is 'blind' to this fact. She really thinks that they are looking after her. In fact they, at times, use her to be the nectar to attract the guys over. They know that he will be interested in their friend; so what do they get? Well, they do the main thing as described earlier, that is to make a bad impression about that guy. Also, and the main thing, is the hope that he will find interest in them if he cannot get her. Basically she becomes the bait for other guys for her 'friends'. Sometimes it may be that he may have friends that are looking for girls but are not as attractive as well. It's a long list of factors.

Bar advice. Those of you that have done this or those of you that have experienced this...all I can say is you know who you are. Please don't be upset with this write up but think about it. A lot is TRUE.Make a change for the better and live with the fact that who you are is who you are. makre the best of what you got. Lot's of people don't know that some are the most attractive people are the most lonely.

How to meet women tonight

You go out with some buddies for a night on the town, hoping to meet a girl to have some fun with. You head to a bar, get a table, and order drinks. The place is alive, and you and your buddies are having a good time looking at all the pretty girls except nobody is meeting any them. You want to talk to them, but you feel more comfortable sitting around with your friends talking about how you would like to go home with a girl that night. Instead, you all end up leaving the same way you came in.Together.

This is a pretty common occurrence among the lovelorn bachelor. This is a symptom of what I like to call the "comfort zone". Basically, everyone has a comfort zone. This is a state of mind where people are surrounded by that which is familiar.Familiarity breeds complacency, which can keep you from taking the action necessary to achieve your goals, because that action introduces uncertainty into your life. This is something the comfort zone likes to keep at bay.

So when you want to meet a woman, you need to know how to break out of this comfort zone.How do you do this? The answer is self-evident. You must learn to meet women by yourself.

Friends can be a great asset, but most of the time, going out with friends actually hinders one's ability to meet women. Not just because of the comfort zone factor, but because other guys who don't know what they're doing with girls can actually ruin the interactions you have with them. Be it by jealousy or ineptitude.

So the best way to counter this is to leave your friends behind. This doesn't have to be permanant but only when you are on the prowl for girl.But the prospect of going out by oneself can strike fear into the hearts of men. After all, doesn't going out by yourself signal to everyone that you're a loser with no friends? Doesn't it make you look creepy? The answer to both these questions is:NO!!!!!

The simple act of going out on your own can shake your comfort zone, because you have no anchors to keep you there. Often your friends will act as an anchor to your comfort zone that keep you from approaching women. And it is easier to break out of this comfort zone without those anchors present. Plus, you don't have to worry about failing with women and being judged by your friends if they're not around.

But the most powerful thing about going out by yourself is that it puts your focus on what you are doing. This means that every interaction you have is without distraction, so it is more easily examined and the problems you had are more easily identified. This allows you to spot your sticking points more quickly and correct them.

Not only that, but being out by yourself gives you the freedom of flexibility when it comes to where you're going and who you talk to. If you're bored with a place, you can leave and go to another one. If you want to talk to a girl who your friends might poke fun at you for, you can. Not only this, but you're free to mess up the interactions you have, because chances are, no one there will ever see you again, so you don't have to worry about what others think of you.

But like all things, knowing what to say will help you to go out by yourself and succeed at increasing your ability to approach. There are many examples of Openers to say in the book 'The Art of Attraction'by Joseph Matthews but some guys will need to know how to handle the inevitable question "Where are your friends?"

Something I've used to great effect is the answer "Oh, they're around." This simple dismissive statement not only answers the question, but as far as anyone knows, you're telling the truth. If you want to take it a step further, I've even used this as an Opener at times I've been out by myself. The "My Friends Ditched Me" Opener.
This works good whenever you're out somewhere by yourself. Basically, you approach your target or a group, and say "Do you guys have any friends who got split up by someone they both liked?"

Using this, you set the stage that you're out by yourself because, well, unlike your friends, you're not lame! Not only that, you throw in a nice Drama Opener in there to engage the group. And if you're still too shy to go out by yourself, then try this little trick.When you go out with your friends, ditch them. Go off on your own and leave them behind for a while, then meet up with them later. This can be quite an effective method if your friends don't mind you leaving!

If you don't know what a Drama Opener is, check it out in the book 'The Art of Approaching'. It's got TONS of openers and other things to say so that you never have to worry about how you're going to meet women again. If you're one of those guys who gets tounge-tied around beautiful girls, or if your mind likes to "blank" out on you, then you definitely need to check out the book right now.


Bar advice.Once you learn the secrets unleash in the book, you'll know how to meet any woman, any time, anywhere you may be.Whether you're alone or not!

A night with 3 ladies and myself

The night was a little chilly because of all the rain but it was a good day at the bar. These 3 ladies had come up because they heard the music. I wasn't sure if they were into what I was playing but as the night went on they kept ordering more drinks.

The place was a little busy so no time to chit chat but eventually as the night worn down I had to check if they need any more booze. Then they started to talk to me. Initially they commented about the song choices and how they were enjoying it. Music does bring people together even if they were younger than me.Mostly it was about the artist, old music, new music and what the people of today and yesterday were listening to and the fact that a lot of new artist do a cover version of other people's songs. It's also a nice 'ice breaker' to start a conversation.

Being the last customers, I was asked to sit and join them at their table so I got my beer. The topic soon started to change to relationships, guys, girls, expectations and lots more. Some of the things that we talk about were simple stuff but some were a little more indepth but it was really frank and open.That was great because it shows that a lot of younger people d9o think about this stuff and try to understand their partners that their with or at least are trying to.

They bombarded me with a lot of 'guy' questions. I guess after telling them that I was much older and the fact that we were all drinking, it made it easier for them to open up and ask some intense questions. I'm sure that they would have loved to ask more stuff and all avenues of what a guy wants and thinks.I'm referring to both of his heads as well. Maybe that will come up the next time. Frankly, I was checking them out. They seemed nice and interesting. Good figures and intelligent as well. What they didn't know is that I too was getting a lot of insight into the workings of the female mind and here I had three of them.

It struck me that these girls, although friends, saw and felt differently about guys. Some knew more than others and some felt differently about certain issues. Things like why a guy does this or why do guys say that? Even to bring it down to genetics. These are hard things to answer but I told them that I could only give them my perspective and analysis on what maybe going through their minds and why they do them, seeing that I'm a guy as well.

Ladies, here are some insightful tips about guys. Make them work for it. Don't put out too quickly, if you know what I mean. Just as I was sitting there I could smell the perfume, check them out as they walked back and fort from the ladies room, looking at the ass as the moved away from the table and then checking out their breast as they were coming back. What I'm getting at is that guys like to look. Even if he's married and won't go any further than that, he will still look. It's a guy thing. He may have a solid, beautiful, sexy girlfriend or wife and he'll still look. Women can't help looking at shoes when they pass a store but for guys it's cleavage. These two things causes the same effect on the different genders.It's true people. We guy's have to look. With all the naughty modern day clothing, can you blame a guy. Don't forget you girl's wear that stuff just to make us look.

Women have to play smart. Find out more details about men and then you can have a great relationship. Whenever I see two people falling out after a few years it's sad We've all gone through it and what we need is insight about each other. One little thing that women need to do is let the guy do the chasing. The male instincts go all the way back to the caveman days. That's instilled in him by nature but letting him crave you and chase you longer puts you in the driving seat. Please don't over do it or he'll stray away to someone else if you're not going to even give him a kiss. A reward like that is all it takes to fuel his fire.

An example of this caveman ways is what guys do if they are with someone and another guy comes along. It doesn't matter if he's a friend or not. Imagine 3 people in a conversation. If the lady is having a good time conversing with the other guy the first guy(that was with her) will start to lean in more. Maybe put his arm around her on on her leg or even give her a kiss on the cheek before he excuses himself to go to the toilet. Why is this so? Well the male instinct in him is telling him to show the other guy his dominance over the situation and him. It has nothing to do with her.It's a clear message to the other guy to know that the girl is with him. In the caveman days that's how it was. Territory and possessions are important to guys.

Bar advice. There are a lot of other things that can be said about the matter and everyone is different. This has been going on for so long and it isn't going to end anytime soon. One last thing to reflect on. When women are looking for guys, they want to go to that 'special place'...men just need a place.

P.S. The title suggested that it was a night of lustful sex between 3 women and a guy but it wasn't. See, it's a guy thing.

A small tip for guys.

One thing I've been noticing from going out lately is that the hottest girls are always with someone that they are friends with and know really well but they are not as hot or good looking as the main girl itself.

What happens is if you go up to some girls who are maybe 5’s to 6’s9this is out of 10 of course), and chat with them, get them giggling, etc. From there, a hot girl, maybe an 8-9 walks up and introduces herself to you. Believe it or not, a lot of hot girls roll with less attractive girls. From there on you already have the group’s comfort and appreciation so it is easy to isolate the hot girl from there.

If you had rolled up to a couple less than attractive girls and said “You seem fun, I just had to say hi." You would be chatting back and forth, when a hot 8.9 came up. This may or may not be their friend but to any of them that have been watching you from a distance and observing that you are a nice guy will be a willing participant to engage in a conversation with you.

Now could this have worked had I waited until the 8.9 was already in the set? Of course. But I’ve found it to be far easier to attract a girl if you hit the set before she arrives. You’ve already won over her friends at this point. Even if you haven’t won over her friends it can still work well if you’re already in the set. Sometimes, girls who weren’t that interested, and a third girl came up who was interested causes controversy and if her friends leave, she may end up making out at the bar with you..

On a more general note, you should be playfully bantering with all types of women. Throughout your day, you should be bringing joyful interactions to as many people as possible. The fat girl serving you at Burger King? Make her smile. You don’t have to outright flirt of course, but just a little playful misinterpretation can help the day. People, including yourself, like to feel good. Don't forget guys that you are not perfect as well and all women know this for a fact. If you thionk you are then you're in for a rude awakening. Make it real.

Bar advice. This is just a little help for those that need to find women and to approach them. It is not really what I do myself but it is the reality. I welcome your comments dearly and if you think that this doesn't work or if you say that you don't 'let' the 'other' girls become your friend (I don't mean all ladies), then you are lying to yourselves. Confidence lacks in all human beings. Man and woman.

Work and play

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