Resolution reversal

After meeting up with several people or taking to them on the phone after the holidays has made me realize that change happens to a lot of people in many ways. Some for personal reasons like self development. Others in their relationship, dating or sexual flaws. Also, those that work differently.

Sure, most of us made resolutions. Some with great reflection on their lives. Where they stand, what frame of mind they're in, what they have not accomplished yet and even the dreaded stigma of being single after all these years. Can it be all that bad? Should we start out the year with all this negativity. All the doom and gloom of last year still attached to our heels. Thus begins the resolution reversal.

You get to work and see all the co-workers, the boss, some new person, someone promoted and has their own office but worse of all you see that stupid darn desk you left behind to go enjoy the holidays. You sit there, reminiscing about the last two weeks of the holidays and then a pile of paperwork gets dumped on your desk. Reality hits you like a ton of bricks that you're back in the real world. Chained to the desk that puts money in your pocket, food on the table and shoes on your feet. You want to just scream or at least run to the first pub at knock off time and down a pitcher of beer just so you can get the taste of office air out of your system.

As the days go by, you get passing remarks about the extra weight you're carrying around after all that holiday feasting you did. Suddenly you remember you told yourself you were going to do some exercises to shape up and keep fit. Worse of all your best friend, who always seems to look great, keeps urging you to move your fat, lard of an ass to workout. It just makes you feel like tearing their head off and using it as a medicine ball just so that it will shut them up. The thing is you know deep in your heart that you really need to keep in shape. Be it married and especially single. So you put it some effort after all.

There will be the constant reminder from family members with regard to your single hood and the mirror is no help either. So what do you tell yourself, standing naked in front of that mirror? "It's going to happen for me this year". Yup, you keep telling yourself that so you feel better and try to focus your mind to that goal. You get some new clothes, shoes, hairstyle and some even a new car. You feel like there's going to be a meeting of the person of your dreams that weekend. You're going to meet them and you'll fall head over heels in love. Thoughts of showing off your love interest to everyone is buzzing in your head.

You know some people were silent when the holidays came around and you were once again alone. They didn't want to embarrass you but now you think it could happen. Optimism is good but the reality is, no prince or princess is going to show up all packaged like a doll in the store for you to choose. Wake up! People are going to have faults. They also probably can't stand the way you do certain things like burp after a meal, maybe talk with your mouth full or even the way you drive the car.

It take a lot of work to be with someone. Expectations that are high is going to leave you with a fall of the hill. To settle in comfortably with someone means accepting them as themselves. Their shortcomings and little awkward rituals or regimes was there way before you were in their lives. Are they suppose to accept yours? Without looking at the fact that you have them as well and not being judgemental or selfish will shed light onto what is really important in life and love. Also, don't let others like siblings, parents, colleagues or friends tell you that the person is not right for you. If it is collective, however, than you must be turning a blind eye to the person not being right for you in the first place. This tends to happen when one is a little desperate to close the gap of loneliness and loveless.

In a nutshell, a lot of us will end up doing the same old things like last year but there's just a few of us that finally move out of the routine and change happens. After that, if you look back at all the others, you'll see them still stuck in that time warp while you're light years ahead and happy.

Bar advice. Where would you rather be at the end of this new year? No more thoughts, memories, sorrows, writing stuff on paper or turning away. Take action now.

New Year

Yes it's that time of the year again. The end of one year and the beginning of the next. Let's reflect on what we did throughout the year, shall we?

A lot of us may have done well but I'm sure there's a lot of others that are just having a bad time in their lives. You lived through the Christmas season and now it's time to look forward to a new start of the coming year. Some people may have had financial or work problems. Bills need to be paid. Careers aren't going so well. Family commitments and schedules are tight. Money. Not enough time for the kids. Not enough sleep and relaxation. Death in the family of someone you loved. You or someone you know, ill.

Those in relationships are having difficulties. Just met someone but unsure. Getting on with age and being alone. Looking for good advice is hard. No listening ear to your problems. Confusion. Marriage on the rocks. Husband or wife being unfaithful. Singles can't seem to find the "right" one. Can't understand why you were dumped. Lonely. Lack of sex in the relationship. Too busy with daily life. Feel like losing control. Feel like barriers and walls are all around and there's no door to open. Not sure to take the chance with someone new you met.

There can be so many other examples and I'm sure if given more we all fit in there somewhere. The point is that we go through all sorts of things every year. So do a lot of other people. The resilience of the human spirit is far greater than you think. Some aren't able to cope and the result of this can lead as low as to commit suicide. Just remember, this(problems) too will pass.

I haven't added to the blog since Christmas and will get back with more sometime after the year begins. Wishing all a happy, prosperous, wish filling and loving new year.


Bar advice. Don't think too much about resolutions. Just take action in the coming year. Seek that bravery in you heart to get over anything.

What's on your Christmas list?

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I guess we all got imaginery gifts that we would like to have and that includes love, sex, finding someone or just not being that lonely at this time of the year. People are a little down and out at the holidays. Sure, its fine if youre in a relationship or married.

We say it's a time for the kids or a time to be happy and jolly. Reality is when this time of the year comes we feel like that little kid. In need to be loved, hugged or just happy with someone around. Some people go to a state of depression and even suicide.

Will it take another Christmas to make a person open their eyes a little to see that they don't have to be in this situation. Take a chance and open your heart to what is infront of you or the next time you're unsure about someone. Fill that void. The emptiness need not have to be loneliness forever.

Bar advice. Take this time till the end of the year and tell yourself that before next Christmas you'll be feeling like a kid. Joyful and loved.

Summer time

What can be said about this time of the year. Party!!! Well maybe not everyone but most people. What are you going to do?

I tell you, this is the time to go freak the day and night. Be happy. Let loose. Enjoy. Don't let things get you down. The beach is calling. Ladies get your bikini on and guys find those scantily clad babes. Don't waste time thinking about what you want but really what you need right now. Have fun.

This is the time of year that you want to just be happy inside. Both guys and girls should be out to have a good time and not think so much about a deep lasting relationship. If that can happen then great but if it doesn't than just enjoy life as it is.

Go to clubs and bars. get a little drunk. If you're in a group of friends then check out for others that are doing the same. Sometimes when we're not looking for anybody, the right one just pops up. Last of all. Dance till you drop.

Bar advice. This is short and sharp. Let loose. The party is just beginning.

感觉满意 Feeling satisfied

Aristotle once said happiness is the 'desire behind all other desires'. To feel happy is to feel fulfilled, content, at peace and utterly satisfied. And as it turns out, the majority, about 77 percent of us, are either extremely or somewhat happy with our lives in general.

Still, many of us strive to reach even a fair level of satisfaction in our lives, yet end up falling short and looking for more. For those still struggling to find contentment, what is the key to getting there?

Contrary to popular opinion, it’s not making money, it’s not going shopping, it’s not even enjoying a good meal. What it is is surrounding yourself with experiences that create what the relatively new field of positive psychology has coined as 'flow'.

Finding 'Flow' in Your Life, and Why You Need it to Feel Happy

'Flow' is the elated feeling you experience when you’ve just had a completely gratifying experience. According to the University of Pennsylvania’s Positive Psychology Center, “Engaging in an experience that produces ‘flow’ is so gratifying that people are willing to do it for its own sake, rather than for what they will get out of it. The activity is its own reward.”

This may sound rather abstract, but it’s not. There are very specific ways to reach the feeling of 'flow', and they include:

• Having a purpose: Engaging in a challenging activity that your skills are suited for
• Using your skills to pursue a clear goal
• Getting immediate feedback on progress toward the goal
• Maintaining clear markers of achievement toward your goal

In other words, engaging yourself in activities that are challenging, that give you purpose, and that you get positive feedback from (meaning you are successful at them) is key to feeling fulfilled.

When you think about this scenario, you realize that it can be applied to just about anything in your life. Career is the obvious one, but it also expands to your personal relationships, fitness level, self-fulfillment, organization, even planning a vacation or planting a garden.

In such an activity, concentration is fully engaged in the moment, self-awareness disappears, and sense of time is distorted, according to the Positive Psychology Center.

Finding Your Focus

To find the activities that will give you 'flow', or, perhaps to make it so that every activity you engage yourself in makes you feel satisfied, it is necessary to first release negative, self-sabotaging emotions. These feelings, such as fear, anger, guilt, anxiety or sadness, do nothing but hold us back, and you can only feel truly free to surround yourself with love, happiness, and peace when you let them go.

Letting go of negativity is much easier than it sounds but scientifically proven to help you release negative thoughts and behaviors and, in their place, create a solid, positive mental attitude.

Studies have also found that the following acts also contribute to feelings of satisfaction, elation and happiness.

• Express gratitude often
• Do good deeds for others
• Keep an optimistic attitude
• Use your strengths toward something of importance (such as tutoring, cleaning up the environment or volunteering at a charity)

Bar advice.To keep yourself feeling good and satisfeied with life at this moment. Help someone else. You'll see that what you give returns to you ten fold. Don't do it in anticipation of rewards but for bringing joy to others and in turn you will receive as well.