Relationship advice on what we want.

Why do we sabotage what we really want in our relationships? That's a great question and one we've been living with in our own lives and I'm sure that you've run across it from time to time.

There are many possible reasons why people unconsciously destroy something that's going well. One of the main ways is having the belief that you don't deserve the happiness, the praise, the passion, the good feelings and all that. There seems to be an imaginary ceiling that allows just so much happiness, success, passion or anything else that we say we want in our lives. Why should there be a cap on it? A relationship is giving but remember it's also receiving. Many people are afraid that their relationships won't last or they feel that he or she will leave them anyway so somehow, either consciously or unconsciously, they do something to push the other person away.

We see this a lot when there's fears. Why allow fears such as fear of abandonment either physically or emotionally, beliefs that keep us from having the great relationships and lives that are available to all of us? These fears are for the most part unconscious and we might not even be aware of them. Sometimes it may have been triggered because of failed relationships previously. It can also happen when we see our love ones or friends have bad relationship problems. While we are continually working on this within our own relationships, our partners support is important to ease doubts and fears.

The obvious thing would be to first identify your beliefs and fears that are holding you back from having the relationships and life that you want. What is it that you believe, even on a deep subconscious level? Once you've identified these beliefs and fears, then explore whether you are willing or not to allow them to keep you from having the relationships that you want. Are you willing to change those beliefs? Make a commitment to allow yourself to feel good and to have what you want. A belief is like a habit and if you don't like one that holds you back, you can change it. One at a time.

Understand that chaos and disruption in your life is normal and you should expect it when you challenge old ways of being and take on a new belief system especially one that is empowering. People may be used to you acting in a certain way and they might be uneasy when you begin to change. When or if your life feels overwhelming, take a moment, breathe and center yourself. If you do, you will find a calmness in your chaos and you'll be able to move forward from fear to joy.

In every relationship that you have, start being as conscious as possible in all ways. Consider whether your words and actions will build the relationship and take it higher or weaken and possibly destroy it. Take some time to figure out if and how you sabotage yourself from having the relationships and life that you want. If you do, your life will just get better. We sensible and reasonable with others as well. Your partner may not have the same fears or doubts and could see it as if you don't have the same interest as he or she does. This could cause relationship tensions. Clear the mind so you can be open to welcome the goodness of what is happening with you and your partner. Let there be bliss.

Bar advice. Communication with your partner is important so they understand you and not feel there is a problem in the relationship or themselves.

What's up?

It seems that everyday is either a good one or a bad one. Sometimes it's where we are and sometimes it's in other parts of the world. It seems that the world has both the bad and the good all rolled into one.

This is just a short blog for people having a bad or good day. Most of us actually have bad ones. The day to day struggles of work, family, relationships, children and money. That old dollar that seems to work it's way into all our problems. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone was rich?

Monte Carlo is an example of a place where there is tons of cash in every pocket. The funny thing is that the money they spend on such luxuries like buying a car, staying in a hotel or pulling their yacht into port is pricy. The berth fees alone can feed a small town in Africa. Looking at what they pay, it actually makes it almost the same whereby we earn less and pay for things that are less expensive but compared to their earnings and spendings, it comes to the same.

Sure they lead a better lifestyle. Nice houses, clothes, jewelry and such but is there happiness? A lot of people think it solves problems but even if you strike the lottery today you may end up wishing that you didn't. You may just find that friends are not friends. Relatives and family are likes wolves in sheeps clothing. The dog is probably still the only one that loves you unconditionally.

Bar advice. We all want nice things. Don't make material things the centre of your world. We came into the world with nothing and we'll leave it the same way.

感觉满意 Feeling satisfied

Aristotle once said happiness is the 'desire behind all other desires'. To feel happy is to feel fulfilled, content, at peace and utterly satisfied. And as it turns out, the majority, about 77 percent of us, are either extremely or somewhat happy with our lives in general.

Still, many of us strive to reach even a fair level of satisfaction in our lives, yet end up falling short and looking for more. For those still struggling to find contentment, what is the key to getting there?

Contrary to popular opinion, it’s not making money, it’s not going shopping, it’s not even enjoying a good meal. What it is is surrounding yourself with experiences that create what the relatively new field of positive psychology has coined as 'flow'.

Finding 'Flow' in Your Life, and Why You Need it to Feel Happy

'Flow' is the elated feeling you experience when you’ve just had a completely gratifying experience. According to the University of Pennsylvania’s Positive Psychology Center, “Engaging in an experience that produces ‘flow’ is so gratifying that people are willing to do it for its own sake, rather than for what they will get out of it. The activity is its own reward.”

This may sound rather abstract, but it’s not. There are very specific ways to reach the feeling of 'flow', and they include:

• Having a purpose: Engaging in a challenging activity that your skills are suited for
• Using your skills to pursue a clear goal
• Getting immediate feedback on progress toward the goal
• Maintaining clear markers of achievement toward your goal

In other words, engaging yourself in activities that are challenging, that give you purpose, and that you get positive feedback from (meaning you are successful at them) is key to feeling fulfilled.

When you think about this scenario, you realize that it can be applied to just about anything in your life. Career is the obvious one, but it also expands to your personal relationships, fitness level, self-fulfillment, organization, even planning a vacation or planting a garden.

In such an activity, concentration is fully engaged in the moment, self-awareness disappears, and sense of time is distorted, according to the Positive Psychology Center.

Finding Your Focus

To find the activities that will give you 'flow', or, perhaps to make it so that every activity you engage yourself in makes you feel satisfied, it is necessary to first release negative, self-sabotaging emotions. These feelings, such as fear, anger, guilt, anxiety or sadness, do nothing but hold us back, and you can only feel truly free to surround yourself with love, happiness, and peace when you let them go.

Letting go of negativity is much easier than it sounds but scientifically proven to help you release negative thoughts and behaviors and, in their place, create a solid, positive mental attitude.

Studies have also found that the following acts also contribute to feelings of satisfaction, elation and happiness.

• Express gratitude often
• Do good deeds for others
• Keep an optimistic attitude
• Use your strengths toward something of importance (such as tutoring, cleaning up the environment or volunteering at a charity)

Bar advice.To keep yourself feeling good and satisfeied with life at this moment. Help someone else. You'll see that what you give returns to you ten fold. Don't do it in anticipation of rewards but for bringing joy to others and in turn you will receive as well.