Relationship advice on what we want.

Why do we sabotage what we really want in our relationships? That's a great question and one we've been living with in our own lives and I'm sure that you've run across it from time to time.

There are many possible reasons why people unconsciously destroy something that's going well. One of the main ways is having the belief that you don't deserve the happiness, the praise, the passion, the good feelings and all that. There seems to be an imaginary ceiling that allows just so much happiness, success, passion or anything else that we say we want in our lives. Why should there be a cap on it? A relationship is giving but remember it's also receiving. Many people are afraid that their relationships won't last or they feel that he or she will leave them anyway so somehow, either consciously or unconsciously, they do something to push the other person away.

We see this a lot when there's fears. Why allow fears such as fear of abandonment either physically or emotionally, beliefs that keep us from having the great relationships and lives that are available to all of us? These fears are for the most part unconscious and we might not even be aware of them. Sometimes it may have been triggered because of failed relationships previously. It can also happen when we see our love ones or friends have bad relationship problems. While we are continually working on this within our own relationships, our partners support is important to ease doubts and fears.

The obvious thing would be to first identify your beliefs and fears that are holding you back from having the relationships and life that you want. What is it that you believe, even on a deep subconscious level? Once you've identified these beliefs and fears, then explore whether you are willing or not to allow them to keep you from having the relationships that you want. Are you willing to change those beliefs? Make a commitment to allow yourself to feel good and to have what you want. A belief is like a habit and if you don't like one that holds you back, you can change it. One at a time.

Understand that chaos and disruption in your life is normal and you should expect it when you challenge old ways of being and take on a new belief system especially one that is empowering. People may be used to you acting in a certain way and they might be uneasy when you begin to change. When or if your life feels overwhelming, take a moment, breathe and center yourself. If you do, you will find a calmness in your chaos and you'll be able to move forward from fear to joy.

In every relationship that you have, start being as conscious as possible in all ways. Consider whether your words and actions will build the relationship and take it higher or weaken and possibly destroy it. Take some time to figure out if and how you sabotage yourself from having the relationships and life that you want. If you do, your life will just get better. We sensible and reasonable with others as well. Your partner may not have the same fears or doubts and could see it as if you don't have the same interest as he or she does. This could cause relationship tensions. Clear the mind so you can be open to welcome the goodness of what is happening with you and your partner. Let there be bliss.

Bar advice. Communication with your partner is important so they understand you and not feel there is a problem in the relationship or themselves.

How to tell if their a bad lover

So how can you tell if the person you've got your eye on will make a good lover? That depends on what you like! The good news is, taste aside, you can tell if they'll be a bad one. Here are clues your date will make a lousy bed mate.


Not at home in their own skin?
Most of us would change something about our bodies if we could but if you're sitting face to face with someone who seems downright uncomfortable with themselves, you might have cause to worry. Excess surgeries, too much makeup, overly sexy clothing, fear of eating more than a lettuce leaf. The person who tries too hard usually doesn't have the experience or self-esteem to both give and receive pleasure. Their having trouble pleasing themselves how do you think their going to please you?

Too good to be true
The ability to let loose is key to good sex. A person without vices, someone who seems perfect and takes their perfection quite seriously, is likely going to need things to be equally perfect. These people are those who see themselves as model human beings and thereby judge everyone else for their so called shortcomings and are rarely in touch with the world. When it comes to sex, being judgmental and devoid of any naughtiness (even if it's a love for ice cream at breakfast) actually translates to frigid or at least rigid. What kind of fun is that? You and your partner should be fooling around with each other and having a good time. To others it may look stupid but that sort of fun is flirtatious and meant for the two involved.

A roving eye
Some might say that the more people someone checks out the higher their sex drive. Is that true or is it a front? The reality is that if you're on a date with someone and they don't have the courtesy to stay focused on you, a passing glance at another person doesn't count, then they probably won't have much regard for you in bed either. If satisfying their own appetite is all that's on their mind, you're better off looking elsewhere for a partner. Pleasure in bed should be a two way street.

Misogynists, gynophobia and man haters
Anybody who thinks they understand the opposite sex and doesn't celebrate the differences while understanding that both genders are equally intelligent, emotional and important beings, might as well give up on ever being a truly great lover. You might as well give up on them, sooner rather than later. Some just fear women and don't know that gynophobia is what they have. Lot's of women hate men in almost the same way but it's clinical and not formulated.

What did you say?
Whether it's about sex, dinner, your day, work, the person who asks no questions has little interest. Little interest means little connection. Little connection means this person may not actually be a bad lover but they'd be a bad lover for you.

Bar Advice. One sure way to tell if they're a bad lover is if he/she says they have to leave right after the sex is over. If it's going to be short and sharp then that's all you'll get out of it.

Stop fighting in the relationship

We all have quarrels and such. We say things that are harsh, hurtful and degrading to our partners. If you're married this can be due to lots of outside forces that contribute to it. Work, bills, kids and so on. Singles that fight is normally due to insecurities of loosing the partner, to possibly betrayal or cheating. Many a times it's best to get out of those relationships either because it will lead to painful break ups or divorce in the future.

How then can someone make things better. First of all you got to search inside yourself to see if you got a mature level head on your shoulders. You got to ask yourself if marriage is the path that you want right now. When searching for a partner you must have the mindset of searching for love. You also got to be ready to share your love. The main thing is your intentions.

Is your intention set upon marriage, kids, family or are you also not sure what you want? When meeting someone you got to remember that the person surely must have had other people in their lives before and you are not the first. It is highly unlikely, but not impossible, that he/she is not a virgin and may have been with several people before. This generation seems to find it easy to do these things compared to older ones. It's like a normal acceptance. So don't complain and be restrictive to the other one because you got to remember that they had a life before you came along.

Surely they must have friends, family and colleagues that they go out with. Even people that may have slept with that are still friends. Remember that if both are positive and compatable in sorting out these insecurities, only then can there be a healthy and happy relationship.

Be it single or married, what are things that can be done?

Stop Blaming
While we are engaged in pointing a finger, and making the other feel guilty, we cannot see what is really going on. Blame is a way to keep the fight alive. take a vacation from blame for a day. Instead of thinking of all the ways the person has hurt you, keep your eyes open to watch how you may be stoking the fires. Focus upon what the person has done for you, instead, the ways in which they have been kind.

Realization
Realize the price you are paying for these fights unless we truly realize the terribly toll fighting is taking on us, we will continue it automatically. Take note of the consequences each fight brings, what it is doing to your body, mind and spirit. Then ask, do I truly want this? Haven’t I suffered enough? Why not stop it today?

Search for happiness
Choose to be happy rather than right. This is the time to expand your view. Define success as being happy rather than being right. Learn other tools and techniques which will not escalate anger and make a positive relationship possible. work out difference way before the commitment of marriage. If you're not ready, what make you think you're partner is?

Self worth
Build a strong sense of self worth. The best defense against anger is feeling good about yourself. Build it and treat yourself beautifully and treat your partner beautifully as well. Let go of all that opposes this. Don't hold on to any grudges, pain, anger, suppression and so on because bottled up emotions will eventually explode to mega destructive forces.

As we have the courage to let go of anger, not only does our health improve, but soon we notice many kinds of wonderful, new people and experiences entering our lives. We attract what we focus upon. When we focus upon well-being, forgiveness and love, that is what will fill our lives. Other people will seek your wisdom and help. This will give you and your partner even greater experience and appreciation that you are not in that situation.

Bar advice. Fighting is an emotion control that is not controlled. We have to make a change in ourselves to get the other to do the same. It get you nowhere but sorrow.