Resolution reversal

After meeting up with several people or taking to them on the phone after the holidays has made me realize that change happens to a lot of people in many ways. Some for personal reasons like self development. Others in their relationship, dating or sexual flaws. Also, those that work differently.

Sure, most of us made resolutions. Some with great reflection on their lives. Where they stand, what frame of mind they're in, what they have not accomplished yet and even the dreaded stigma of being single after all these years. Can it be all that bad? Should we start out the year with all this negativity. All the doom and gloom of last year still attached to our heels. Thus begins the resolution reversal.

You get to work and see all the co-workers, the boss, some new person, someone promoted and has their own office but worse of all you see that stupid darn desk you left behind to go enjoy the holidays. You sit there, reminiscing about the last two weeks of the holidays and then a pile of paperwork gets dumped on your desk. Reality hits you like a ton of bricks that you're back in the real world. Chained to the desk that puts money in your pocket, food on the table and shoes on your feet. You want to just scream or at least run to the first pub at knock off time and down a pitcher of beer just so you can get the taste of office air out of your system.

As the days go by, you get passing remarks about the extra weight you're carrying around after all that holiday feasting you did. Suddenly you remember you told yourself you were going to do some exercises to shape up and keep fit. Worse of all your best friend, who always seems to look great, keeps urging you to move your fat, lard of an ass to workout. It just makes you feel like tearing their head off and using it as a medicine ball just so that it will shut them up. The thing is you know deep in your heart that you really need to keep in shape. Be it married and especially single. So you put it some effort after all.

There will be the constant reminder from family members with regard to your single hood and the mirror is no help either. So what do you tell yourself, standing naked in front of that mirror? "It's going to happen for me this year". Yup, you keep telling yourself that so you feel better and try to focus your mind to that goal. You get some new clothes, shoes, hairstyle and some even a new car. You feel like there's going to be a meeting of the person of your dreams that weekend. You're going to meet them and you'll fall head over heels in love. Thoughts of showing off your love interest to everyone is buzzing in your head.

You know some people were silent when the holidays came around and you were once again alone. They didn't want to embarrass you but now you think it could happen. Optimism is good but the reality is, no prince or princess is going to show up all packaged like a doll in the store for you to choose. Wake up! People are going to have faults. They also probably can't stand the way you do certain things like burp after a meal, maybe talk with your mouth full or even the way you drive the car.

It take a lot of work to be with someone. Expectations that are high is going to leave you with a fall of the hill. To settle in comfortably with someone means accepting them as themselves. Their shortcomings and little awkward rituals or regimes was there way before you were in their lives. Are they suppose to accept yours? Without looking at the fact that you have them as well and not being judgemental or selfish will shed light onto what is really important in life and love. Also, don't let others like siblings, parents, colleagues or friends tell you that the person is not right for you. If it is collective, however, than you must be turning a blind eye to the person not being right for you in the first place. This tends to happen when one is a little desperate to close the gap of loneliness and loveless.

In a nutshell, a lot of us will end up doing the same old things like last year but there's just a few of us that finally move out of the routine and change happens. After that, if you look back at all the others, you'll see them still stuck in that time warp while you're light years ahead and happy.

Bar advice. Where would you rather be at the end of this new year? No more thoughts, memories, sorrows, writing stuff on paper or turning away. Take action now.

'Sex and the City' and you.

A couple of months ago, I watched a Sex and the City episode, in which Charlotte, in her never-ending quest to find true love, attends a seminar to teach her how to do just that.She drags Carrie along, who scoffs at the whole thing. She thinks both the women who got sucked into attending and the seminar leader are sad and ridiculous.

To attract the right men, the crowd is counseled to use affirmations, which Carrie finds preposterous. These suckers actually think they're going to meet guys by reciting a string of useless words!During the presentation, Charlotte raises her hand to ask the leader a question. She says something like, "I've been using my affirmations, but I still haven't found the right one."

Slightly annoyed, the leader says, you have to get out there, you have to love yourself, and so on.Carrie grabs the mic from Charlotte and insists, "She is out there."The leader says something, but Carrie drowns her out, "She is out there." As far as Carrie's concerned, the seminar is a scam. There are probably no decent men left on the planet. The good ones are married, and the rest have issues.

Now, I enjoy watching Sex and the City. It's fun. It's light. It takes my mind off more serious things.But it is not real life!

Carrie may discount the power of affirmations, but I didn't. If you aim to attract a wonderful man, you shouldn't, either.They work.Even better, they're free.Indeed, they are one of the most important methods.A girl I know told me this.

After years of dating losers, schmoozers, and No-Show Joes, I attracted a loyal, loving, reliable, successful, fun man by using affirmations.If you want to attract a man who is worthy of you, who will add to your happiness, then decide what qualities you want in a man and write an affirmation in the present tense:

I am happily married to (or in a relationship with) a ____, ____, _____, ______ man.

Write it ten times a day. Recite it in the shower. Repeat it to yourself as you're falling asleep at night.Give it time. You could start attracting better men within weeks. If you've been hurt or have trouble trusting men, it will take more time.But keep it up. Keep it to yourself. You'll find out that it's worth it.

The girl who told me this is married now and really doing well so this advice seems to be working and it can for you as well. some may take longer but others will find it easier. desire it it will become a reality.

Bar advice.By all means, keep watching Sex and the City. Just remember that it's fiction. Few people, men or women, actually behave like its characters in Manhattan or anywhere else.

Cofidence for you ladies. Know it now.

Remember Teri Hatcher doing those impossible splits right on the studio floor on Oprah's show? Sheer confidence! Maybe Carmen Electra positively gushing about what exotic dance has done for her body and bedroom tactics? A large number of celebrities have recently taken to a sexy alternative to working out. From pole vaulting they have leapt straight to pole dancing at the X Factor and they aren’t stopping at pole-dancing either. Our celebrity pin-up girls have been everywhere and done everything, from Strip-Aerobics to Exotic Dance Workouts, the motto is ‘Everything sexy goes’!

If all this sudden gush for sex is making you blush, you go ahead and click your tongue and hang your head in shame, no one will begrudge you. “SEX SELLS” and we are being sold it morning, noon and night through every possible channel. It screams at you from gigantic billboards featuring gorgeous demi-love-gods, pierces into your fantasy’s through the television and fondles your imagination with semi-naked bodies scattered all over the net. Life itself is like one giant, prolonged orgasm and as a woman you are expected to idolize those models and endeavor to look like one.

Sure you wanna be Carrie from ‘Sex and the City’ and moan and groan and roll around on your bed with a different guy every night, seven nights a week turning your life into a series of fantastic sexual escapade but you'll snap out of it. After all life is not a TV show and learning how to embrace your sexuality takes time and effort.

First impressions are important. Amongst the glamour of the TV shows and the supposed sexual abandonment, the skin and the G-Strings, women have to deal with mixed messages, guilt trips, religious dogma, body image, and misinformation. Sure getting your hymen snapped by 16 is a must, but so is regretting doing it by 25. Beneath all our external frills, getting laid is an issue women deal with badly.

The concept of‘Positive Sex is an idea not many of us have managed to fathom yet. Fornication is still, essentially a male domain, where women participate like whimpering goats, hesitating and interestingly enough feeling insecure about their role in it all. In general cases.

A majority of women swear by making love in the dark. Here's what I KNOW, most of us are ashamed of our body. Nudity is a concept we haven't been taught to handle well. Seeing ourselves naked freaks us out, and knowing that someone else is watching us naked, desiring our body for itself, brings to life our worst fears. This is the gaze our parents warned us against, this is what religious lessons have told us to avoid. So off goes the light, plunging everything, from ourselves, to that desirous gaze, to our insecurities, into comforting darkness.

The truth is that the darkness serves as a warm invitation to what Susan Bremer calls our ''Shadow”side. ‘'Every woman wants to take a trip to their wild side” she explains,‘We all yearn to seduce. But we've been told over and over again that to rejoice in our body is immoral, yet the wish to feel powerful in our sensuality, to express our sexuality remains.” Jane(a girl I know), a proud ‘Gentleman club’ dancer considers her sexual prowess to be her way of establishing her role in a world hounded by men.

This sense of power probably needs some delving into. As women suffer from their own insecurities. It’s a cliche by now but they all know that the world belongs to the testosterone thugs. They keep women down everywhere, be it in the boardroom or wherever. Slowly women grow use to being kept down, such that they soon become conditioned to not reversing the situation at all.

A positive sex-image, whether you use it or not, can and will alter all this most miraculously. Your sexual achievements in the bedroom can give you the kind of omnipotent confidence which oozes out from your personal to public sphere. For any woman with low self-esteem, the act of embracing your sexuality serves as a miracle tool for believing that she can have that effect on other people, in a non-sexual environment too.

The thing is, much as we try to shake it off, we are all sexual beings. Sex is important to us and it has the power to make us feel good. 65% of women in most countries do not, at their heart of hearts, take this idea seriously. Good sex or an attempt to have good sex, for them, is still a nudge-nudge-whisper-whisper issue. This attitude gets transferred from them to their kids and grand kids and so on, such that each generation of these young women grow up with the idea that every time they are making love they ought to feel guilty about it. This mystifying of the subject is harmful for a lot of reasons.

For starters it gives us a lifelong baggage of guilt, every time we think about sex. Every time we fantasize or our hands itch to masturbate we feel like a criminal. The constant feeling that sex is wrong or dirty leads to a negative self-image as a person. That misinformation means that when we are in the act it can be hard to enjoy it, leading to severe sexual frustration, not a feeling you'd like to carry around with you.
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Ladies this discussion might go on and on, because of the trouble to face the fact that we like getting laid. All this has a very easy solution. Get in to your sexiest lacy underwear, devote tonight to unleashing the temptress in you and for once really, really enjoy it without any hang-ups.

Bar advice.You will like the results tomorrow morning.Of course pick the man you really want.

New Year...Wow 2007 is here.

I could not write during the eve or the first two days as I was partying a little too much. I think most of us would have done so. Now that it's a new year, what do we do?

Lots of people would have made their resolutions and such, which they are not going to keep, and some didn't even think about it till today because they were partying too much so they're not sure what to change for the new year. Probably nothing. I didn't really make any either. Not because I didn't remember but because I just decided to make decisions and not waste time on wishful thinking.

This will be part of what i am deciding to do and I'm going to write these things down before they get diminished or fade away from my thoughts. What are some of these things? Well first of all I got to change this blog to the full extent of my abilities and not just limit down to talking about girls and booze and fun stuff. I have decided to make it more flexible. basically I'll talk about all sorts of things and how it effects us.

That doesn't mean that I won't be bring up all the stuff I advised people about that have sought my advice at the bars. The whole thing connects really. It's mashed up between what's now and stuff I know. Basically I'm going to merge what I know about from my current place. The Roof Bar with all the others before and add stuff that's happening to me now. Somehow this blog has become my bar and I'm pouring out the stuff out just like a patron.

Bar advice. We all need a bartender to talk to. some find it elsewhere.