The safety man

You see it all the time at bars & clubs. A group of girls, sometimes just three or as many as five or six, with one sole guy in their group. You may think this guy is "with" one of the girls but many times he's not, unless his name is Hugh Hefner.

He is tagging along, but why? What are his reasons? Usually it's one of only two reasons. He's infatuated with one of the girls in the group, hoping to hook up with her or he's hoping to improve his odds with any of the girls in the group. The vast majority of the time, however, in fact the most probable outcome is, he will not achieve anything. He will not get any further along with any of the girls than he'd gotten before. If it were possible for him, he'd have known how to do it already and not need to waste time grasping at such flimsy opportunities rather than taking initiative at other times. So why do the group of girls take him along on their "girl's nightout" when none of them have any preconceived intentions to hook upwith him?

One of them(rarely) may very well actually like him in "that way" (all the girls in the group will already know about it) and think this will be an opportunity for him to bust a move (he won't or he will do it pathetically).Commonly, they need a "safety man". What is a "safety man"? A safety man is a guy girls will have in their group for the sole purpose of allowing them to focus on their "girl's night out without the distraction of guys they don't like "hitting on them". To most men, the safety man is ambiguously with all the girls and may be the boyfriend of one of them or may be the boyfriend of the one they might be interested in. Most guys fear the repercussions of approaching a girl who may bewith her boyfriend, so the safety man acts as a sort of "always a shield" for the girls in the group.

When one of them happens to see a guy she may be interested in, the girls all have their social dynamics well in sync to know how to "lower the safety man shield" to make their group(or a certain girl in the group) less intimidating to approach. That's pretty much it. Girls are so sneaky, arent they? But why would I want to talk about this subject? I want people to avoid falling into the trap of being the safety man and to consider taking advantage of the opportunities in ways you may not have considered before.

If you're dating one of the girls(and getting sex from her), then great, enjoy yourself and make sure you're out with them because you have fun and not because you're insecure about whether your girlfriend will cheat on you. If not, why be the safety man for them at all? Unless you want to boost your image to other women at the clubs and get to know them. That's what you ought to be doing. If you're sleeping with the whole entourage of girls than there's nothing to be said. If not, and you have been made the safety man, you'll find other women around easier to approach and talk to. Women will see you as non treating, liked by other women and they'll wonder what is it that other women in the group see in you to have you around. Curiosity will get the better of them so turm up the charm and smile. Phone numbers are going to be slipped to you.

Bar advice. Letting the girls have you as a safety man is one of the best ways of getting to know other women unless you're already attached to one of them.

Women in a club

Clubs are my favorite, and I like spending time in bars. I know many guys will see those environments as having the highest concentration of available women and for a busy life it does solve a convenience issue. They're all gathered there as well because they'e on the hunt as well. Women enjoy attention, they crave it, they love the chase from men and it's the primary reason they go to clubs. They don't go to clubs with the same mindset as guys. It's hard to see that on the surface, but it's true. Now for some targeted advice for guys.

Sure, there's always the ones that were dragged there by office friends to celebrate a birthday or something but that's the exception. Here is the singles scene on things. When you meet women in a club and hit it off right away, you can take things in one of two directions. You can either go for a one night stand or angle to follow through with meeting her outside the club at a later time, on another day. Usually, in fact nearly all of the time, women will never go to clubs alone, they will go with friends, people they know, other girls, and even other guys. So even if they're there with the same mindset as you, to meet a potential boy friend, new interesting people or get laid, they still have the social pressure of their friends to consider. That social pressure weighs on their heads in ways that men will never know, and it keeps them from acting in ways that their friends might see as being distinctly separate from merely "garnering or enjoying attention" and more like "being easy", or being seen as a "slut".

That means a woman will dirty dance, be grabby, flirt, make out, and show all indications and signs that she's ready and willing to have sex and then abruptly stop that behavior or act evasive at the end of the night when the lights go on and the club is closing up. In those moments of your perceived self-studliness, you may think everything is on the right track and all you need to do is leave with her and you'll be rewarded with a night of animalistic 'boom boom'. Then the axe drops and it feels like you have a wall two feet thick to bust through to take things further. You got to remember she has to have some modesty in front of people.

Does it mean she was just faking interest the whole time? No, but if your goal is to take things further that night, you can't presume that you can just walk out the door with her as the only remaining effort. When you are making out with her, you should also be assessing what the deal is with her friends and help her to help you provide a context that allows you to end up with her at the end of the night.It could be that her friends have plans for somewhere to go after leaving the club, or she is responsible for driving someone home or one or more of her friends would judge her uncomfortably if she simply left with an unknown guy.

If you get hot and heavy with a woman in a club, then you are really only leaving one option on the table for yourself. Sleeping with her that night. If you don't follow through that night, it's highly unlikely you will ever be able to hook up with her any other time in the future. So, to make it work, you need to understand the context of what is going on with her peers so that you can work yourself into that context innocuously and eventually work your way towards finding a legitimate area of isolation for you and her where sex can happen, if ever. It could be that you tag along to an after party with them, invite them all to your place, take the same cab or otherwise get some or most of those friends to separate out on their own with an implied consent that they approve of you hanging with her. It's possible, but it's a lot of tricky work, and if it flops then you've pretty much lost her as an option and it's the end of the night with no more options. So, ask yourself, does that kind of success make sense?

In those situations, the very thing that is causing you to believe that you're on your way to success is actually premature. It sure feels good and boosts your ego, but you're not going to be satisfied with that at the end of the night, where as most women can be. By doing it that way you will start from scratch again another night with another girl. If that's what you're after, that's fine. Just be prepared to get really good at the game of follow through as the only way to bed your focus of desire because when you get hot and heavy with a woman in a club, the mood will change drastically if you try to follow through later on another day after the night and her thoughts normalize. She will think twice, hesitate, rationalize her way out of it. She will feel objectified and cause herself to believe that the only reason you want to meet with her is because you perceive her as "easy" and you just want to sleep with her. It could be true and that could be all you do want but if that's what she is inspired to think, then it will never happen for you.

If, instead, you want to do the 'boom boom' and maintain her as an option for more than just one night, you have to resist extreme physical escalation within the club. You have to basically still relay interest but become a literal "tease" whenever she tries to obtain that kind of physical attention from you. Wait until you've left the club, and you're somewhere else or following through at a later time or day to escalate physically. Maintaining that kind of patience may feel like you are not getting immediate success but it will result in a much more fulfilling time because you can build such interest with multiple women in one night. Follow through with all of them, and it only takes one success from that group to make it worthwhile, and that success is more likely to provide you repeat satisfaction rather than a one night stand.

That kind of patience also offers you the additional opportunity that even if you don't achieve the horizontal mambo with some of the women you follow up with outside the club, you can still maintain a context of befriending them and get introduced to their friends and increase your social circles, which adds additional opportunities to meet many more women. Makes perfect sense, doesn't it?

Bar advice. The thrill of the chase is also felt by the women. Guys, do the chase but don't chase her away.

Meeting the fairer sex

For most guys, meeting girls at clubs is difficult for them. They prefer to meet girls at bookstores, malls, coffee shops, and other daytime "low pressure" venues but meeting girls at clubs can actually be far easier than at daytime venue.

I know that can sound counter intuitive. After all, at a club you have to deal with loud music that can be difficult to talk over, distracting lights, competition from other guys, and girlfriends of the girl you want to know. Worse still, if you go alone you don't know anyone else while it looks like everyone else is having fun. It makes you stick out like a soar thumb.

Even if you go with your friends they're no help either because all they do is stand immobilized by hesitation with a beer at their chest and know next to nothing about picking up girls anyway. Has the following ever happened to you? You walk into the club, checking out how "good" it is. You walk around the entire club to check it out. You don't know anyone, and you don't have anything to do, so you walk around again checking out all the girls. You get bored. Perhaps you get a drink. You walk over to the dance floor and stare at it.

Of course, 20 other guys are also staring at the dance floor. Like a master bed in the center of a master bedroom, the dance floor commands attention. It is very hypnotic because it draws all the people to it. You nurse your beer and eventually decide to walk around the club again. Nothing happens so you decide that the club
"sucks" and then you eventually leave to find a better place.

The problem is, this kind of behavior is the exact opposite of what you should do, because by wandering around you convey certain negative information to girls that shoots down your chances before you even make an approach. When you circle around a club, women notice that you're alone. Most won't label you a "lone psycho" but they've make a mental note that you're alone and therefore lack any social value. Women give you social value by how hot the women and men you're with are.

But most guys walk around the entire club multiple times alone, collecting negative social value the entire time. Think about it. When you first walk into the club, the girls know nothing about you. You could be Justin Timberlake's best friend for all they know. This is your chance to shape their blank impression of you but what do most guys do?

They instantly go about setting a negative impression of themselves by walking around the room and staring at the dance floor. This is what all the guys who have no social value do. So then, if and when you do approach a hot girl, she lacks interest in you because she's already categorized you, all thanks to your actions. Thus, most guys give up on clubs because they're "too hard" but it's not that clubs are "too hard". It's that you're doing them all wrong.

Making clubs or bars work for you is easy. In fact, meeting hot girls at clubs is easier than at other places and you can make them work just as well as if you go with friends or if you go alone. You just have to know what to do. Here are the steps you could use.

When you first walk into the club, SMILE. A lot of women watch the door to size up the guys coming in. Remember, as you walk in your social status is a "blank slate" and you want to be immediately shaping a good first impression. Just don't grin like you shot your face with botox and can't move it.

As soon as you're in, try talking to the first available set of girls or set of girls and guys. Don't look for a lone girl, you won't find her. You'll want to talk to two girls or a guy and a girl which are much easier to find. There. It immediately looks like you have friends. It doesn't matter if the set goes particularly well other women will notice that you're with other girls. They will immediately peg you with social value because they have no idea that you've only just met these girls. Some may opt to go to the bar counter but if you can start up a conversation with someone, it's better than standing there all alone.

Avoid looking at the dance floor like the plague. The dance floor is naturally hypnotic and will naturally draw you in. I know the girls are there but don't look at it. There is nothing there. It is an illusion. Looking at the dance floor only generates NEGATIVE social proof for you. Second, avoid walking around. You only look a like a valueless loner when you do this. Also, if you've built up any positive social proof in one corner of the club, you'll lose it all if you move to another corner. Third, avoid the noisiest areas of the club. Find the quietest area where it's easiest to talk and plant yourself there. You don't want to be yelling over ear breaking noise and most clubs do have a quiet corner or two.

Remember, you walk in with zero social proof, with a clean slate. Everything you do will either up your status or lower it. Everything you do signals women to categorize you as a "loner" or as a "sexy guy". Now the question is, how do you start talking to girls in a club situation? What are good opening lines? After all, I can tell you that you need to approach women right away, but that does you little good unless you know what to say to them. We can cover that another time.

Bar advice. Always remember that women are constantly on the prowl for a guy as well. They size you up the moment they lay eyes on you.

Summer time

What can be said about this time of the year. Party!!! Well maybe not everyone but most people. What are you going to do?

I tell you, this is the time to go freak the day and night. Be happy. Let loose. Enjoy. Don't let things get you down. The beach is calling. Ladies get your bikini on and guys find those scantily clad babes. Don't waste time thinking about what you want but really what you need right now. Have fun.

This is the time of year that you want to just be happy inside. Both guys and girls should be out to have a good time and not think so much about a deep lasting relationship. If that can happen then great but if it doesn't than just enjoy life as it is.

Go to clubs and bars. get a little drunk. If you're in a group of friends then check out for others that are doing the same. Sometimes when we're not looking for anybody, the right one just pops up. Last of all. Dance till you drop.

Bar advice. This is short and sharp. Let loose. The party is just beginning.

Male erections

The other day I happen to pick up a magazine and was reading some articles about bars and such when I came across this section on questions from readers. The questions can be about anything really. From health issues to bars, women, men, dogs, dresses to whatever comes to mind. The 'genius' writer seems to answer them all.

It just so happen that a reader sent in a question about her boyfriend's erection. She asked why it happened when he was asleep and is it due to him possibly having wet dreams or something. To me it seemed that she may have been a much younger lady or just naive to these things till now. Anyway, the guy wrote about it and I'm going write some of the details that he wrote and add my own comments to it as well.

Basically a normal healthy male will have a few full erections during the course of the night. Blood circulates throughout the body and the penis, which is pure muscle, gets it's fair share thus the involuntary erection happen. The man is unaware of this unless he wakes up and feels it stiffness. There is more scientific explanations for it but that's the simple design layout of what takes place.

The column writer called it his 'morning glory'. I thought it made sense to call it that since it normally happens in the morning and you could say that it's a glorious part of the male anatomy. Also that may just be the hardest erection of the day.

If you're a young woman and want to know what in the world to do when this occurs, well, nothing. If a guy wakes up it will eventually subside down and he'll probably go take a piss but if he does it while it's still hard then you got some cleaning to do in the toilet because it's going to be all over the floor and walls. It's not that he can't aim well. It's just that the muscles will start to expand and contract while he's taking the piss so for a while he's lost control of his penis function and it becomes a nightmare.

If you're in love and when you see that his 'morning glory' is in full bloom. Take advantage of it. He's sleeping. Take it and place it inside you. If you weren't sure that he was having a wet dream, he'll be having one then. From a male stand point I'll tell you that you would be giving him a gift if you did that. Guys are horny at the moment they wake up because of this really hard erection. It gets that way because of the blood circulation as explained earlier and it activates the mind sexually as well because the penis endings makes that sensation flow to the brain. Their minds start to think of lustful thoughts because of the erection and if you're there they won't hesitate to get into action. If you get on top of him just be gentle as his bladder is still full so discomfort will be the feeling rather then pleasure.

Ladies, there's nothing to be shy about. I even heard that women have some sort of tingaling sensation in the mornings at their clitoris. This is not clear to me and only the females can confirm this. I got the morning news sent to you here about men and that's all I'm qualified to talk about. Just in case there's some of you out there that don't see your man having the 'morning glory' or any erection at all, guess what? He's probably got what we call penis erectile dysfunction. Sorry to say that this may not just be medical or physical but is sometimes psychological in nature that makes this come(or not cum)about. Seek medical advice.

If you want to have a happy sex life. Don't meddle with what's happening in his head when he's sleeping but rather take the head of his 'morning glory' to meddle with to wake him up. Trust me, if you want to have some of the best sex in your life than these are the things to consider and work on. He'll also be continously turned on and the two of you won't stop finding new ways to please each other.

Bar advice. The saying goes "make hay while the sun shines" and if you find a 'morning glory', all the better to start the day.

Go dancing

Bar advice. Ladies when you go to the clubs and bars, think about having a good time and it will make for a good day even if you don't meet up with anyone nice that night. Just dressing up and going out dancing is just the sort of activity you need to loosen up and feel good. Take lessons if you have to.

Men looking to hook up with chicks.

There are tons of reasons why women go to clubs and bars and it's not just to have fun.Do you think women just dress up in uncomfortable high heels and barely a piece of cloth covering their bosoms to have fun with their girlfriends? Here are a few types that you will find in these places and what you can do to make it easier on you get her attention.

The peacock.
She is the one who seeks your attention but has no intention of going home with you. she dresses sexily in revealing clothes and dances seductively. Once she catches you looking at her, just like a peacock, she spreads her feathers out for more attention. You'd wish she would spread her legs but no chance with this one. Undoubtedly coquettish, she has enough courage to dance alone while her less than confident friends watch. Most likely, in her small group of girlfriends, she is the one that is considered the 'wild one'.

Approachability: Your approach to the typical peacock is to first act cool. Once you both established the first eye contact, ignore her. Don't throw her another glance but you presence should be felt in a calm manner. Casually ask her girlfriend for the time or a lighter and linger around a bit. If she strikes a conversation first, you're in luck. If not, make your move after a few minutes. Don't take too long or she might move on to others.

The Va-Va Vroom
This is the one who has no problems approaching men. She will zoom in like Micheal Schumacher on ecstasy behind a race car. Just like a bloodhound, she will ask you to dance or chat up with you. Sexy, confident and carrying a lot of attitude, she is normally the one dancing on the bar tops or somewhere high above where everyone can see. Her friendly attitude applies to her ring of friends. You'll find her in a pack of equally attractive women. She's the type that will go home with you. Make you feel really great about yourself but will break your heart instantly. Trust me I know from personal experience. Then again I'm not one to complain about great sex.

Approachability:Chances are she will approach you first but for some reason if you are not on her radar, go up to her and ask her to dance. She likes confident men who shows her attention too. One key thing. Don't offer to but her drinks as other interested parties have been doing that all night. Unless she just got there then be the first.

The Gazing deer
We all grew up with Bambi and the story has taught us that deers are pretty animals. In the human version she is the one that is sincere, kind, confident, attractive and sexy in a subtle way. However, her beauty is skin deep which is evident when you mingle with her or try to have a chat. She can be bitchy if she finds you offensive and drop you in a second. She doesn't let you know she's interested but will eventually one day when she's really into you. She loves playing hard to get, basically, but she loves a gentleman. The kind who will ask her if she needs more drinks or hold her hand when she pukes it out.

Approachability: Start by complimenting her outfit or how good her hair looks. Be very subtle and make sure that she has no clue that you're tyring to pick her up.If she gets hold of that she may drop you like a stone. make friends first. She is the kind that you can bring home to mom but you'll have to work at it very hard. It may take more time and effort but the reward will be nice.

The Promiscuous.
Have you ever seen an agitated lioness prowling in the cage looking like she's premenstruating? The promiscuous type will play you like the dog she made you out to be. She is the opposite of men that 'fool around'. She might have a equally sexy boyfriend on her arm that night at the club and it attracts envy from the ladies as well as men, gay or otherwise. She is the kind that will dance with a man other than her boyfriend and not tell them she's attracted because she is deliberately stirring jealousy. Watching two guys fight it out gives her an ultimate high like a dominatrix vixen in leather admiring bevy of slaves vying for her attention under her wing.

Approachability: The only way you'll succeed is if her boyfriend leaves her alone for most of the night and she flirting with you and making eye contact(and a friend of your can vouch for that in case the boyfriend comes).Approach her only is no bigger than you or if you have a friend that can help you out if things get ugly. She has power over guys and if you go after her then be on your guard. Not recommended if you like the way your face looks right now.

Bar advice. There are so many girls out there that are all sorts of categories that are not mentioned here but approaching the them and getting what you want are not easy. Live and learn is what I say. Also, have fun while you're out there trying. Don't forget, the girls are out there looking for that special guy as well.