The safety man

You see it all the time at bars & clubs. A group of girls, sometimes just three or as many as five or six, with one sole guy in their group. You may think this guy is "with" one of the girls but many times he's not, unless his name is Hugh Hefner.

He is tagging along, but why? What are his reasons? Usually it's one of only two reasons. He's infatuated with one of the girls in the group, hoping to hook up with her or he's hoping to improve his odds with any of the girls in the group. The vast majority of the time, however, in fact the most probable outcome is, he will not achieve anything. He will not get any further along with any of the girls than he'd gotten before. If it were possible for him, he'd have known how to do it already and not need to waste time grasping at such flimsy opportunities rather than taking initiative at other times. So why do the group of girls take him along on their "girl's nightout" when none of them have any preconceived intentions to hook upwith him?

One of them(rarely) may very well actually like him in "that way" (all the girls in the group will already know about it) and think this will be an opportunity for him to bust a move (he won't or he will do it pathetically).Commonly, they need a "safety man". What is a "safety man"? A safety man is a guy girls will have in their group for the sole purpose of allowing them to focus on their "girl's night out without the distraction of guys they don't like "hitting on them". To most men, the safety man is ambiguously with all the girls and may be the boyfriend of one of them or may be the boyfriend of the one they might be interested in. Most guys fear the repercussions of approaching a girl who may bewith her boyfriend, so the safety man acts as a sort of "always a shield" for the girls in the group.

When one of them happens to see a guy she may be interested in, the girls all have their social dynamics well in sync to know how to "lower the safety man shield" to make their group(or a certain girl in the group) less intimidating to approach. That's pretty much it. Girls are so sneaky, arent they? But why would I want to talk about this subject? I want people to avoid falling into the trap of being the safety man and to consider taking advantage of the opportunities in ways you may not have considered before.

If you're dating one of the girls(and getting sex from her), then great, enjoy yourself and make sure you're out with them because you have fun and not because you're insecure about whether your girlfriend will cheat on you. If not, why be the safety man for them at all? Unless you want to boost your image to other women at the clubs and get to know them. That's what you ought to be doing. If you're sleeping with the whole entourage of girls than there's nothing to be said. If not, and you have been made the safety man, you'll find other women around easier to approach and talk to. Women will see you as non treating, liked by other women and they'll wonder what is it that other women in the group see in you to have you around. Curiosity will get the better of them so turm up the charm and smile. Phone numbers are going to be slipped to you.

Bar advice. Letting the girls have you as a safety man is one of the best ways of getting to know other women unless you're already attached to one of them.

Waxing videos

Just to show how silly and painful this stuff can be. Also, because this girl looks like Kat in this one.

Check out these girls trying this for the first time. Ladies, this is what you can expect. Take a look at their faces.


Bar advice. This is really up to the individual. Do it or don't. All I know is I can't wait for next Saturday for the next topics.

Asking a guy out

In this day and age it's not wrong to ask a guy out. We do things in a modern way now like splitting the check so girls should be able to ask guys out. Are you guilty of taking a passenger seat in your personal life? Move over! We hear time and again that the burden of posing the question is a responsibility most men don't relish. Let's face it, if you wait for him, it might not happen!

It's time to be the open and confident woman you are. Forget subtlety, your best hints will only slip under his radar. Shy types, don't fear, you don't have to be super forward either. The key is to be clear, but casual. Look for an opening, and if you don't see one, make one!

The Payback
If a man you've been eying goes out of his way for you, seize the moment as the golden opportunity it is. He picks up the tab for coffee. Offer to return the favor sometime. He gives you a ride, offers helpful advice and introduces you to a professional contact? Then you totally owe him lunch (or dinner!) for that. Offering to "pay him back" is a playful and relatively safe way to say you appreciate his efforts and would like to see more of him. You'll be surprised.

The Mission
Should a local attraction or place come up in conversation (or you make sure it does), make a mission of discovering it together. It works for restaurants and martini bars as well as museums and theme parks, and it doesn't take much. At the mention of somewhere interesting, casually suggest, "We should go sometime." Unless he's completely dense, he'll pick up the cue. If you want to be a bit bolder, seal the deal yourself with a sly "Wanna check that out with me next week?" Make an offer that is clear and immediate and you're likely to get the same in return. Keep working along those lines for all other things as well.

The Premiere
Bring up the movies (hopefully there's something out you both want to see). Then give him an opening. "We should go see it this week." If you feel more comfortable with a cover, add that your friends aren't really into the flick or have already seen it. This one's great because you've given him a wide open invitation. He knows the way is safe, and still has the chance to do the aggressive guy thing. Sometimes it's good to make it seem like it's his idea. He'll feel good about himself and your night will be great.

The Tip
It's never a bad idea to tap his mind, just try to make it an honest question. Are you looking for a good cyber cafe near the office? Something to do after work? Looking for a new bar to hang out at? He just might have some insights (and be interested in keeping you company).

If you know anything about him, ask a question in the realm of his expertise. If he works in computers, you might get his help on a technical question or ask for advice on a reasonable upgrade. If he's an artsy type, stick to the arts. Maybe you're not in on the scene and are looking for a good art opening. With luck, he'll be happy to take a look at your Mac or escort you to the event. At the very least, you'll get a decent tip and owe him dinner for the trouble.

Bar advice. Try to get more info about him. Draw on what info you can gather on him and use it to your advantage. Guys like it when girls are knowledgeable about things that interest them. It gives them a window of conversation because some guys just don't know what to say to a woman. Trust me, if you make it easy for them it becomes easy for you.

How to shower: Women vs Men

Bar advice. Guys stuff here is fairly true but ladies seem to have been softened up a little. I think I've been around long enough to know that a lot of the girls don't really do all this and so nice as well.

A night with 3 ladies and myself

The night was a little chilly because of all the rain but it was a good day at the bar. These 3 ladies had come up because they heard the music. I wasn't sure if they were into what I was playing but as the night went on they kept ordering more drinks.

The place was a little busy so no time to chit chat but eventually as the night worn down I had to check if they need any more booze. Then they started to talk to me. Initially they commented about the song choices and how they were enjoying it. Music does bring people together even if they were younger than me.Mostly it was about the artist, old music, new music and what the people of today and yesterday were listening to and the fact that a lot of new artist do a cover version of other people's songs. It's also a nice 'ice breaker' to start a conversation.

Being the last customers, I was asked to sit and join them at their table so I got my beer. The topic soon started to change to relationships, guys, girls, expectations and lots more. Some of the things that we talk about were simple stuff but some were a little more indepth but it was really frank and open.That was great because it shows that a lot of younger people d9o think about this stuff and try to understand their partners that their with or at least are trying to.

They bombarded me with a lot of 'guy' questions. I guess after telling them that I was much older and the fact that we were all drinking, it made it easier for them to open up and ask some intense questions. I'm sure that they would have loved to ask more stuff and all avenues of what a guy wants and thinks.I'm referring to both of his heads as well. Maybe that will come up the next time. Frankly, I was checking them out. They seemed nice and interesting. Good figures and intelligent as well. What they didn't know is that I too was getting a lot of insight into the workings of the female mind and here I had three of them.

It struck me that these girls, although friends, saw and felt differently about guys. Some knew more than others and some felt differently about certain issues. Things like why a guy does this or why do guys say that? Even to bring it down to genetics. These are hard things to answer but I told them that I could only give them my perspective and analysis on what maybe going through their minds and why they do them, seeing that I'm a guy as well.

Ladies, here are some insightful tips about guys. Make them work for it. Don't put out too quickly, if you know what I mean. Just as I was sitting there I could smell the perfume, check them out as they walked back and fort from the ladies room, looking at the ass as the moved away from the table and then checking out their breast as they were coming back. What I'm getting at is that guys like to look. Even if he's married and won't go any further than that, he will still look. It's a guy thing. He may have a solid, beautiful, sexy girlfriend or wife and he'll still look. Women can't help looking at shoes when they pass a store but for guys it's cleavage. These two things causes the same effect on the different genders.It's true people. We guy's have to look. With all the naughty modern day clothing, can you blame a guy. Don't forget you girl's wear that stuff just to make us look.

Women have to play smart. Find out more details about men and then you can have a great relationship. Whenever I see two people falling out after a few years it's sad We've all gone through it and what we need is insight about each other. One little thing that women need to do is let the guy do the chasing. The male instincts go all the way back to the caveman days. That's instilled in him by nature but letting him crave you and chase you longer puts you in the driving seat. Please don't over do it or he'll stray away to someone else if you're not going to even give him a kiss. A reward like that is all it takes to fuel his fire.

An example of this caveman ways is what guys do if they are with someone and another guy comes along. It doesn't matter if he's a friend or not. Imagine 3 people in a conversation. If the lady is having a good time conversing with the other guy the first guy(that was with her) will start to lean in more. Maybe put his arm around her on on her leg or even give her a kiss on the cheek before he excuses himself to go to the toilet. Why is this so? Well the male instinct in him is telling him to show the other guy his dominance over the situation and him. It has nothing to do with her.It's a clear message to the other guy to know that the girl is with him. In the caveman days that's how it was. Territory and possessions are important to guys.

Bar advice. There are a lot of other things that can be said about the matter and everyone is different. This has been going on for so long and it isn't going to end anytime soon. One last thing to reflect on. When women are looking for guys, they want to go to that 'special place'...men just need a place.

P.S. The title suggested that it was a night of lustful sex between 3 women and a guy but it wasn't. See, it's a guy thing.

A small tip for guys.

One thing I've been noticing from going out lately is that the hottest girls are always with someone that they are friends with and know really well but they are not as hot or good looking as the main girl itself.

What happens is if you go up to some girls who are maybe 5’s to 6’s9this is out of 10 of course), and chat with them, get them giggling, etc. From there, a hot girl, maybe an 8-9 walks up and introduces herself to you. Believe it or not, a lot of hot girls roll with less attractive girls. From there on you already have the group’s comfort and appreciation so it is easy to isolate the hot girl from there.

If you had rolled up to a couple less than attractive girls and said “You seem fun, I just had to say hi." You would be chatting back and forth, when a hot 8.9 came up. This may or may not be their friend but to any of them that have been watching you from a distance and observing that you are a nice guy will be a willing participant to engage in a conversation with you.

Now could this have worked had I waited until the 8.9 was already in the set? Of course. But I’ve found it to be far easier to attract a girl if you hit the set before she arrives. You’ve already won over her friends at this point. Even if you haven’t won over her friends it can still work well if you’re already in the set. Sometimes, girls who weren’t that interested, and a third girl came up who was interested causes controversy and if her friends leave, she may end up making out at the bar with you..

On a more general note, you should be playfully bantering with all types of women. Throughout your day, you should be bringing joyful interactions to as many people as possible. The fat girl serving you at Burger King? Make her smile. You don’t have to outright flirt of course, but just a little playful misinterpretation can help the day. People, including yourself, like to feel good. Don't forget guys that you are not perfect as well and all women know this for a fact. If you thionk you are then you're in for a rude awakening. Make it real.

Bar advice. This is just a little help for those that need to find women and to approach them. It is not really what I do myself but it is the reality. I welcome your comments dearly and if you think that this doesn't work or if you say that you don't 'let' the 'other' girls become your friend (I don't mean all ladies), then you are lying to yourselves. Confidence lacks in all human beings. Man and woman.

Karma Sutra

Just in fairness for both guys and girls. I know some of you don't like to read so here you can get a better idea in the form of visual experience.

Pleas don't think that this is some sort of porn movie or something. it's been around for a very long time and the western world was really the one that brought it to light. These are some very interesting methods and advance ways to please your lover.

All of Bollywood have probably read it. Possibly even Hollywood. It is actually a educational video and gives better relationships and sex appreciation of partners.If you're into the whole romantic,erotic and sexual lifestyle then this is for you.

Bar advice.If you're not ready for this then I suggest that you go for the books first and slowly cross to the DVD. This sensual art of love making is also not know to most people either so I don't expect you to be an expert overnight.

Women and emotions

Have you ever heard someone say that women are really emotional? Well, it's true. And actually, everyone is very emotional... whether we like to believe so or not. We make emotional decisions and then justify our behavior with logic. Let me share something with you.

Whenever I go out with a girl, guys always try to come up and hit on her. It'll go really badly for them and at some point she will tell them that I can help them get better success with women because I teach men how to meet and date women.

The next thing I know, the guys are trying to convince her that she shouldn't be with me and that they are much nicer guys that she should be with. Then, they ask me for dating tips which they then try to use on my her.

It's pretty funny. I get a good laugh from it every time. And, it only makes them look like idiots and make her want to be with me more.This is why no matter how much you beg, whine, try to convince or logically justify or rationalize to a woman why should she be with you, it won't ever change her mind. She won't ever say, "Hey, that really makes sense, I think I'm compatible with you!"

This isn't a cloning lab. You aren't in a debate. You can't say, "I have good breeding, a good job and high apparent intellect... I think we'd make good natural companions" and expect anything but her to look at you funny before she walks away creeped out.

It'll never work. Just like no matter how much someone tries to convince you that she's hot and sexy, if you don't have beer goggles on, she'll still be nothing more. So, STOP TRYING TO CONVINCE WOMEN TO BE ATTRACTED TO YOU!

So, how do you get a woman attracted to you if you can't do it by convincing her logically?

You do it through emotions. She has to feel emotionally drawn towards you. You have to do all the things that I've been talking about.Be a challenge, tease her, be unpredictable, be interesting. That's the only way you'll make a woman feel attracted to you.If you walk up and a woman isn't instantly attracted to you, you need to press her emotional buttons. You need to be different than every other guy out there who tries to convince her to be attracted to them.

Let's talk about a few of these things.

Be a Challenge and teasing

Hot women are used to men coming up to them, giving them anything they want and then agreeing with everything that a woman says. I've had girls crawling all over me just because I disagreed with what they said and had an argument with them.

Hot girls are so bored with their life of guys doing anything for them that they want something new, some type of substance in their lives. Give it to them. Tease them about their clothes or their jewelry. Don't be worried about offending them.I even found Brenda some what close to this.

Be Unpredictable

Women have the same things happen every single time they go out. Before a guy even walks up, she knows exactly what the guy is going to say.And you know what? I do too! It's probably going to be some compliment that she's heard seven times already tonight followed by buying her a drink that he's going to force her to accept whether she wants one from him or not.

After that he's either going to try to come on to her so hard that she basically has to call security over or he'll be so unbelievably nice to her that she'll have to come up with an excuse like, "I have to go to the bathroom" in order to get away from him without hurting his feelings.

Do something different. Be interesting, fun, exciting, challenging, engaging, cool and indifferent. Don't let her know that you're interested in her by pushing it and showing her that her looks don't impress you.

Be Interesting

Have you ever talked about your job, school, your car or your family? Stop it! I'm getting bored just thinking about it!Have something interesting to talk about at any time. Have a good story that you can tell if your conversation dies down.

Take her somewhere that always has interesting things going on where you can talk about relevant things in the area. I like to go to shopping malls with crazy shops in them and try on really silly trendy clothing that you only see people on runways in fashion shows wearing.

Bar advice.Read some books or ebooks on comedy and have fun wherever you go. Do anything you can to be different than most guys and have a good time. A woman would rather be with a poor, funny, interesting guy than a rich, handsome, predictable guy any day of the week. Win their Hearts, Not their Minds.

Meeting women in bars and on the street

So you want to know how to meet girls in areas with plenty of them. Here are the situations First: The bars and clubs where the music is so loud, where there are too many people with little or no space to move, and the girls are dancing with themselves,. The main idea is that it is very hard and almost pointless to start a conversation in these areas. How do I do it?

Second: How do I meet girls who are walking along the street maybe going somewhere. Like on their way to work or shopping or somewhere else. The point is how do people do this to with women. But here, its almost considered weird because you pop out of nowhere and she's not expecting it.

Finally, what do you do when a girl tells you she has a boyfriend? Should you leave her alone or continue your business of getting her? What if she is totally in love with her boyfriend, how do you win her over?

Okay, first, bars and clubs are very difficult venues. Unless you're specially suited to the party style nightlife, these venues will be a bit daunting and even if you are predisposed to this type of pick up, you will still have to deal with lots of competition from other men. That said, it's not impossible to meet women in nightclubs. But it will require you to be a little more outgoing and aggressive than other venues.Unless she's a working girl then there's no problem except the money as price.

Here's stuff that you can do. When you're in a club, you tend to like to hang out in open-air areas where you can talk to other people easier. Patios that are right outside the club can be good for this. Most clubs will have some form of outdoor area where you can hang out especially places like New York and Los Angeles and even Singapore (Starting in July 2007) where you're not allowed to smoke inside. The dance floor can also be quite effective. If you like to dance, go out there and try dancing with the women who are dancing by themselves. If they're not into it, move on. If they are then it's play time! Also, keep in mind the time at which you're going to the club. Usually, the later it gets, the easier it is to pick up a girl (this is because as it gets later, people are more predisposed to "hook up" due to alcohol, desperation, boredom, etc.) so think about that.

Second, to approach women on the street takes a bit of finesse. People do tend to be a bit more private than in many parts of the world. My best advice in this respect is to actually follow the girl for a bit and see where she's going. If she stops off at a coffee shop or a bus stop, or whatever, that is the time to approach her! If it looks like she's going someplace you can't follow her into (like her home or office for instance) then you'll have to take the chance and try approaching her cold. But make it a quick approach and include a time constraint ("I know you're on your way somewhere, this will only take a second..."), get her number as quick as you can, then move on.

Finally, when it comes to the "boyfriend" thing, that's a matter of personal taste. Some guys don't want to mess with that, others don't care. The thing is, most women aren't that committed to their boyfriends, so it's not as big of an obstacle as you might think.The important thing to do in this situation is to try and "read" the woman. Sometimes, a girl will tell you she has a boyfriend when she really doesn't because she wants to politely reject you (and sometimes she really does have a boyfriend and wants to stay faithful to him). If this is the case, you have to look at the signals she's giving you to see if she's actually into you or not. If a woman does like you and is in fact into you, she will usually withhold the fact that she has a boyfriend. And if she does bring it up, she wants you to take the lead and "sweep her off her feet" so she won't have to feel guilty about cheating on him. So when that's the case, it's time to pump up the aggressiveness on your pick up.

Bar advice. If you learn how to read a woman properly then you'll get somewhere. Don't fear rejection to the point that you'll become the oldest bachelor among your friends. If you need help then I suggest you get some help from books or ebooks on the subject

Pretence

You may think constant partying will help your sex life, but excessive drinking and smoking will give your load a nasty after taste. If you do have a few Cocktails, stay away from beer! Have you ever been hung over the morning after raging a keg and felt like the stench of beer was exuding from your pores? Well that happens ALL over your body, including your junk. Instead, try some mixed vodka drinks or even saki. Guinness will definitely do the trick.

I recommend being yourself when trying to meet people or any date for that matter. Unless you're just looking to get laid, pretending to be someone else when you meet someone will just come around to bite you in the ass later. Eventually who you really are will come out and if the other person doesn't like you then you have just wasted your time and theirs by game playing. If someone doesn't like you for who you are, move onto the next person until you meet someone who does. One thing about the ladies of the night is that they have to pretend to be someone all the time because the person that they really are is someone that you won't want to be with.

They're there to make your fantasy come through so don't go looking for love in that place unless you're ready to share her with the rest of the block. A lot of the guys actually try to impress these girls by telling them all sorts of stories about what job they do and that they're so busy all the time with lots of money and business involved. Well, you've just told her how much more she's going to get out of you. The only thing that she's interested in is your cash. The more pretence you add into the conversation to mesmerize her and the less cash you fork out , is going to land you in hot soup. Your name will be on all the girls blacklist and you're going to be black balled by all of them sooner or later. You will probably need to find a new bar to drink in to find another girl that will be with you.

The women of the night can be really nice and all's fair in love and lust but don't screw them in that way. This is a business to them and they negotiate deals everyday. Some are more lucrative while others are less but the thing is that if they like you sometimes might get a freebie. It's hard to come by but it does happen. Trust me I know what I'm talking about. Play by the rules and they'll do likewise. There was a Irish guy that I knew that tried not paying a girl and he ended up almost loosing his balls because a bunch of the guys cut his scrotum as a warning. He bled a little but was alright and he did pay her in the end which he should have done in the first place. Idiot.

Bar advice.Sometimes it's all the better to just sit back. Have a cold drink. Let the girls crammer all over you and leave them alone. You'll see a different you in the mirror the next morning.