Strained relationships

Laying the foundation in the beginning is the first step to a successful relationship. Foundations based on stability offer a rewarding, long-lasting relationship, while unstable foundations lead to break-ups. If you can sit down and talk through your problems, this is the best solution and it will save the couple's relationship. Talking is the mark of eliminating problems, while frustration comes from those who don't have the skills to communicate.

Incompatibility can lead to break-ups, thus weighing out your relationship carefully before beginning a relationship can prevent disaster. If you are already involved in a sour relationship, more than likely, you will need to evaluate the compatibilities. You do have the options of working through the incompatibilities or getting out.

Compatibility extends to family history. If you are suffering problems due to family quarrels, the ride gets strenuous. Families that tend to like the person their child is with, is less likely to give you problems. Strained relationships are painful when families butt into their business frequently. Many people who begin relationships and have been with their mate for sometime may find that neither party is compatible. The relationship can still work if the two of you communicate and comprise a plan that both can agree on. Read up about good relationships by buying books that offer a good strategy for the incompatible couples. This is because sometimes one side thinks the partner is not as compatible.

Many times people commit to relationships with the idea that they can change the other person later. This is not good. Either you like whom you meet, or you do not. No one can change another human being, the person must have the desire to change him or her self, and the first step to change is acceptance and then willingness to make the changes. Remember that this person, any person for that matter, is not going to have all the qualities that you desire. Does it mean they're not right for you? One should be sceptical of those who vow to change for you. Often the promises are not met or the person has hidden intentions that could be forced onto you later.

Working toward a strained free relationship is only possible if you're willing to tell yourself that it may not last. You're both discovering each others faults and finesse. The move toward having sex is not a good idea if the person or you, or even at the slightest hint, feels that it not the right time. There may the pressure that you place upon yourself to partake in the sexual act but that makes the physical body and the spiritual separated during intercourse. Does having sex mean that the relationship will be sealed, bonded and inseparably?

If you are a dreamer, you may look at your mate as a fantasy. This is not good either. You lose the benefits by not getting to know the person you have mated with or you wake up from your dream and find that you made a serious mistake. The main focus to keep in mind are communication, spending quality time, stay focused, and lay a good foundation for your relationship. Keep it honest and learn to trust one another with unselfish motives. Selfishness can lead to various problems, including adultery, murder, fornication, theft, and so forth. Thus, selfishness is one of the leading causes of break ups in relationships and marriage.

Sharing plays a large part in love and relationships. When two people share, they are giving something to the other that leaves a lasting feeling of joy and love. Do not count or take stock as to what you gave or did for your partner. It should be given or done without the need to receive anything in return. If both are on this same wave length, well guess what happens? Two people working together without selfishness often builds a relationship on solid ground and often endure through tribulations, sad moments and so forth. Relationships built on solid foundations rarely fall apart when trouble comes their way. Thus, enhance your strained relationship or get out!

Bar advice. Having your ideals is nice but sometimes the person least likely may just turn out to be the person that's really who you need in your life. Don't let your heart be blinded.

New Year

Yes it's that time of the year again. The end of one year and the beginning of the next. Let's reflect on what we did throughout the year, shall we?

A lot of us may have done well but I'm sure there's a lot of others that are just having a bad time in their lives. You lived through the Christmas season and now it's time to look forward to a new start of the coming year. Some people may have had financial or work problems. Bills need to be paid. Careers aren't going so well. Family commitments and schedules are tight. Money. Not enough time for the kids. Not enough sleep and relaxation. Death in the family of someone you loved. You or someone you know, ill.

Those in relationships are having difficulties. Just met someone but unsure. Getting on with age and being alone. Looking for good advice is hard. No listening ear to your problems. Confusion. Marriage on the rocks. Husband or wife being unfaithful. Singles can't seem to find the "right" one. Can't understand why you were dumped. Lonely. Lack of sex in the relationship. Too busy with daily life. Feel like losing control. Feel like barriers and walls are all around and there's no door to open. Not sure to take the chance with someone new you met.

There can be so many other examples and I'm sure if given more we all fit in there somewhere. The point is that we go through all sorts of things every year. So do a lot of other people. The resilience of the human spirit is far greater than you think. Some aren't able to cope and the result of this can lead as low as to commit suicide. Just remember, this(problems) too will pass.

I haven't added to the blog since Christmas and will get back with more sometime after the year begins. Wishing all a happy, prosperous, wish filling and loving new year.


Bar advice. Don't think too much about resolutions. Just take action in the coming year. Seek that bravery in you heart to get over anything.

Are you really incompatible?

In today's global culture people have differences of opinion. Whether the topic is marriage, travel,politics, work, religion or even what type of car is the most reliable, different people feel differently but what about when you and your guy can't agree? Does it mean you're incompatible? For the most part, the answer is no.

What we tend to forget in our quest for the fairytale relationship, is that no one person can be all things to another. It just won't happen. So while you may have a certain way you like to spend your Saturday nights (hitting the latest hot spot for dinner or dancing) and your partner may have another idea of how to pass the evening (in front of the TV watching desperate housewives), there's no reason you can't still find fulfillment in each other. The key is, remembering to find it elsewhere, too!

The only area where differences of opinion definitely spell trouble is within the relationship itself. The lines of communication must always be open, even if it's uncomfortable, and this means in every aspect, but most importantly regarding your level of commitment. Sometimes it's better to make plans together in advance so both people can agree to what will they be doing together. It's a unity factor. Sometimes one has to give in to the other to make the relationship work but it has to be both side that give and take. Don't always make plans without involving the other or discussing if he/she wants to do this or go there.

Also, if one of you thinks it's serious while the other is still playing the field, things are bound to break down. If one of you wants to share everything and the other keeps everything secret, the chances of connecting are cut considerably. If either or both of you are disrespectful of or cruel to each other on a regular basis to the point where either of you is hurting, think about how you want to be treated and try to take a step back. Sit down and review plans of the communication between each other.

You must agree on honesty, kindness and respect. Your relationship won't work and you certainly won't be compatible if you don't tackle these issues. However, if you respect each other, maintain an open and honest rapport and are equally committed, anything is possible. Accepting that your partner has their own mindset, opinion and thoughts on whatever subject makes the relationship flow with intellectual stimulus that can be a major turn on as well.

Bar advice. Everybody has an opinion about most things. If adding your two cents worth helps your relationship by all means open your mouth. If not....

Spiritual relationship

What words come to mind when we ment word spiritual. We think of religion and all its practices and laws. Well, I'm not referring to that. We need to see the spiritual interior of ourselves in this world. You're probably wondering what I'm babbling about.

Having a spiritual relationship is the connection that we have with people in our lives that comes from deep within us. If we are in a relationship with someone, be it a wife or girlfriend, we need to ask ourselves one question. What is my intentions? In days gone by, old folks use to ask this same question to the boy that came over seeking for the ladies hand in marriage. A forgotten practice that we should learn from.

Take some time to just write down five things that describe what your relationship is like in your life right now. Don't write things you want or hope it can be but what the situation is really like for you in you heart and mind. If it's boring, frustrating or passionless, just say so. Now get your partner to do the same. If it's all done with sincerity, not to cause hurt or anger and to better the relationship then the results will amaze both people. Why, you ask?

It will strike up conversations between both sides about what they really feel and think about the relationship at that point in their lives. It makes you sit up and take note of the other person. Who they are and what they are still hoping to achieve. Do they feel loved? Am I doing my part? Is there something missing between us? Do I make my better half happy? Many more questions will arise in conversation between both sides on this subject.

The spiritual relationship also acts inside us with other people as well. Our family, colleagues, friends or even people that we meet and never think that we may see them again. Intention plays a major role that shows who and what we are from the inside that brings who we are, out. Would you take credit for someone else's work to please the boss and rob another of the reward when you did not do it? If so, what intentions did you have? Was it for your own glory? Do you hate the other person and want them gone? Are you trying to get ahead in the corporate ladder?

Whatever the situation is or persons that we are interacting with, the intentions come from our inner selves. It is an aspect of our spiritual relationship that works best if we seek it and bring it to light. When it grows with us, we can see our true selves and work the flaws we call human nature.

Bar advice. The connection within a spiritual relationship can manifest the intentions that we want or seek after in our lives.