Reading The "Hints"

So what are the various areas of communication you should pay attention to with women? Advice for guys on talking to ladies....we can break it down to these.

Her Subtext. This means the reading the "hints" she gives amongst the jumble of words coming out of her mouth.
Her Body Language. How her body shifts, moves, rests, and leans whenever she is saying something or reacting to something. 
Eye Contact. How she maintains, or not, eye contact and various things which may happen with her eyes.
Her Actions. What she ACTUALLY has done, is doing, or will do, whether in conflict with her words or not.
Her Topics. What she talks about and how she talks about it or tells you about it.
 

Statements & Questions. What kind of statements does she make, and what kind of questions she asks.

How She Dresses. Not just WHAT she's wearing, but HOW she wears it.

Touch. How she touches and reacts to different kinds of touch.





Now here are some examples of the ways women will mis-communicate or communicate that which you should be aware of.

SUBTEXT: She may be talking about with the staff at the convenience store, but she may also be signaling the types of behaviors she finds attractive, offensive, weird, scary, or fascinating. For example, if a woman wants a caring man, wants you to know she wants a caring man and wants to know if you are a caring man, she will not just say "I want a caring man and I hope you are one." If she did, every schmuck who she tells that to will just act as if he's got that quality which actually says to her "he is just saying that and it's not real." Instead, at most she will drop it into subtext and the "better" man will be able to "read" it and capitalize. If you didn't get this first one...you're already in trouble.

BODY LANGUAGE: There is no harm in repeating what you may have already heard a few dozen times. If her body language is closed or locked up, then she's being defensive. If her body is open then she's opening up to chances. If she doesn't face you directly when talking to you, she feels higher value than you. If she points her feet at you while standing, she has some interest. If she leans in, she's interested. Leans back, she's not. If she shifts her hair away to display her neck, she is flirting. There's a lot more. A lot of this you may know or have learned already. What you need to do now is connect it to her "verbal" communications (along with subtext) and, once again, "read" the true picture.

EYE CONTACT: If she maintains eye contact, she is more likely being honest. If her eyes look away almost every time she needs to answer a question, then she's "accessing" which means she has to think about it before answering which usually means she's not being entirely honest. If she looks at you and both her eyes sort of "vibrate" a bit back-and-forth then she is some what overwhelmed by your communication or is a little distress as to how to follow through. If she mostly keeps eye contact but makes a jerking motion (turn) with her head while reacting to you then she's being shy (insecure) or may be thinking about something (maybe sexual or playful) she doesn't want you to know about. You can "read" a lot of information by casually observing all these eye things.

HER ACTIONS: Mostly you should observe a woman's actions to understand what most resembles what she is likely to actually do in the future or how she truly feels about something or someone. If she says she doesn't like men who order her around yet every one of her past boyfriends ordered her around and she only broke up with them when she "tamed" them, then clearly she is only relaying (at most), a belief in how she would "like" to be. You will be able to read that actually as certain behavior will attract her more than others, regardless of what she says. It may be best to exit that sort of relationship because trying to change someone is one of the hardest things to do. Have you ever tried changing something in your life? Hard right? Well try changing just one part of another person.

HER TOPICS: What does she talk about a lot? What kind of things draw her attention? Does she say claim to be a hippy type but always seems to talk about fashion and conservative topics? What kind of people does she talk about? What things in the news interest her? Does she even bring up anything from the news or does she exclusively talk about certain shows on prime time TV? Does subjects about helping others in need ever come up? Is she interested in the people that are suffering in third world countries or only in the tourist attractions of those countries? You can "read" a lot about her based on her common topics.

STATEMENTS & QUESTIONS: Is she critical of a lot of things or people? Does she often voice high opinions of herself or points out the lack in others? Does she claim to be better than other people in the world? Will she ask for help if she's unsure about something? Does she seek your opinion about things especially if it's something about her appearance, character, work, thoughts or insecurities? You can "read" what her opinions or doubts are. Don't forget, she could be complaining or bitching about you behind your back too.

HOW SHE DRESSES: Conservative? Casual? High Maintenance? Does the way she dress contradict anything about her? In a good or bad way? Sneakers? Skirt? Pleated pants? Does she pay attention to details and try to draw attention to herself or is she understated and low key? It's always nice to have a few good things but would you want her becoming Paris Hilton? People more materialistic tend to look down on others who lack, even if the other has a heart of gold. You can "read" her style.

HER TOUCH: Does she touch you when talking to you? Where? How often? Does she reciprocate your touches? If a woman starts touching you a lot when you talk to her then she's either really interested or really friendly. Either is pretty good. If she jumps or reacts a bit off when you touch her, then she's communicating that your vibe is not sitting well with her. What about the objects around her? If she is toying incessantly with an object, then she's nervous. If she plays with her hair while talking, she's attracted. Her manner of touch with you and the people and things around her will allow you to read her internal sensitivities of her interaction with you.

Realize you can learn a lot of this over time and what better way to learn than interacting with lots of women? Also, try this. Lets say you're in a bar or cafe. Watch the couples. You'll be able to sense the vibes of those that are together for some time, the new dating ones, those meeting for the first time and you're bound to see a cool and suave guy. In control and probably with a "hot" date. Keep observing him the most and learn.

Bar advice. Guys see women all the time every day but do we really read the hints thrown our way, be it the good and bad ones? Think about it!

In good times and bad before marriage and after

The saying is "opposites attract." So what happens to love faced with obstacles of dissimilar backgrounds, different belief systems or long distance love affairs? Does it signal impending doom of a lasting relationship? Major differences do have an impact on whether or not love will last, but the good news is there are things you can do to ensure you don't fall victim to circumstance no matter how intricate your situation.

Lets look at some differences. Conflicting beliefs need to be addressed, if only so lovers can better understand each other. Though no single difference can guarantee that the love won't work, let's face it, there are deal breakers. Lets take some examples like these. Do you want kids? Do you want to build a life in the city? Will you live in a house or an apartment? Do you like pets? At some point or another, it's important that you assess them. Remember, before you met the one you're involved with, they had a life with dreams of happiness and everlasting love. Will you be the one?

Lead with your heart not your past. Don't make the mistake of thinking that if you're in love, things that you've always held dear like religion, lifestyle, political beliefs or whatever you care about, won't really matter. Likewise, if long distance is cool for you now, but only for the short term, that also needs to be addressed. Naturally it's up to the two of you to decide what your non-negotiable key points are, but if you don't discuss them, it's not fair to harbor resentment later for the difference or disagreement.

An enourmous point is to be honest. Similarly, no relationship can transcend troubles without complete honesty though it may not seem like it in the early throes of love, even the simplest of situations will eventually encounter the occasional rocky patch. For this reason, and a list of others too long to name, it's vital that you tell your partner the truth about your feelings related to any potential conflicts, to avoid unnecessary hurt and unmet expectation in the future. This enables both partners to act from a place of honesty and trust, even in the face of adversity.If you're honest from the beginning and your partner sees the real you, it's better than to see it after the relationship goes on longer or worse still, be horified after marriage.

Singles that become couples must work as a team. One key component to overcoming obstacles and making love last and one that comes up far too infrequently in our individualistic culture, is that truly committed partners need to consider themselves a team. While they may not always agree and most certainly are not always right, they are each other's advocates. In good times and bad before marriage and after, knowing deep down that you can always count on your lover for a shoulder to cry on or as a cheerleader for your victories, is the glue that holds you together and one real way to help ensure all those differences don't really matter.

Bar advice. Communication is the vital relationship advice in good times and bad way before the marriage and after. You'll see a clearer and better life with your partner.

Talking to strangers

So many of us find it difficult, some nearly even impossible, to start talking to strangers. Maybe because it was so ingrained in us as kids that it was dangerous to do so, or maybe precisely the opposite. Maybe as adults we're all too aware of the sting of rejection.

Whatever the case, in the grown-up world, one without unnecessary ego attachments, there's nothing wrong with chatting up that cute girl or hot guy who's caught your eye. In fact, you may be missing out on an opportunity if you don't at least smile and say hello. You never know if they may be looking for a good person in their lives as well.On that note, believe it or not, the best thing to do might just be that simple. Smile. Yes, smile but sincerely. You know, not that plastered on,"I'm terrified doing this", kind of smile but rather a genuine warm greeting and say "hello". Ask how they are. Ask if they come there often (ironically of course because you both know you see each other in this space almost everyday). Just come out with small talk that hopefully makes sense and doesn't show your nerves. Be natural and if you make or say something dumb, laugh it off because the other person is probably feeling the same at that moment as well. They'll understand. You won't look stupid.

If it's the first time you're noticing this person, don't let that stop you. A little common everyday friendliness will help. Mention uncharacteristic weather, a headline in the news (particularly if a paper's in sight) or even the traffic and the door is opened to communication. Remember, your "pick up line" need not be a line at all (in fact, it shouldn't be), nor does it have to be the most creative conversation in the world. The point is to let the person know you've noticed them and have a conversation. Girls, especialy, should know that men will jump into a conversation if they initiate it because guys are worse in the approach game. They get all tongue tighed and the blurr state or stage fright syndrome takes over and they fear looking like a complete moron so they say nothing.

If you're still searching, take note of common ground. Even though the person in question may be a stranger, there's no doubt you share something in common. If you're at a certain place than you both go there often but if at that moment, it must be for a purpose. So try to get up the nerve to say something before the moment slips. Just remember, don't be afraid at what's the worst that can happen. Even they not responding in a friendly fashion or they completely ignore you. If that's the case, you're not really interested anyway, are you? Move on.

If you aren't particularly shy and can take it past a smile and hello, make your introduction more personal by noticing and commenting on something specific about your potential paramour. Are they wearing a new coat? Did they get a haircut? Do you always notice their shoes,dog,hair, beverage of choice? Whatever the detail, ask about it. Compliment it. Show, casually of course without seeming stalker like, that you've paid attention to them in the past or that you're paying attention at that moment. A person who is similarly interested will take the hint most of the time. They'll start to be interested in someone that notices them.

Lastly, if this whole idea makes you nervous, ask yourself why? What have you got to lose? Better to try talking and get no response than wonder about that "missed chance", right? If it helps, remember that people who are skilled at talking with strangers rarely plumb the depths with them in casual conversation. They start simple. They smile. They comment on the world around them. Then they find out, courtesy of the universe and its energy, that great things can happen when you're not afraid to reach out for the smallest human connection.

Bar advice. Technology makes the world a smaller place but if you can't communicate with another person in front of you, your world is still huge.

Strained relationships

Laying the foundation in the beginning is the first step to a successful relationship. Foundations based on stability offer a rewarding, long-lasting relationship, while unstable foundations lead to break-ups. If you can sit down and talk through your problems, this is the best solution and it will save the couple's relationship. Talking is the mark of eliminating problems, while frustration comes from those who don't have the skills to communicate.

Incompatibility can lead to break-ups, thus weighing out your relationship carefully before beginning a relationship can prevent disaster. If you are already involved in a sour relationship, more than likely, you will need to evaluate the compatibilities. You do have the options of working through the incompatibilities or getting out.

Compatibility extends to family history. If you are suffering problems due to family quarrels, the ride gets strenuous. Families that tend to like the person their child is with, is less likely to give you problems. Strained relationships are painful when families butt into their business frequently. Many people who begin relationships and have been with their mate for sometime may find that neither party is compatible. The relationship can still work if the two of you communicate and comprise a plan that both can agree on. Read up about good relationships by buying books that offer a good strategy for the incompatible couples. This is because sometimes one side thinks the partner is not as compatible.

Many times people commit to relationships with the idea that they can change the other person later. This is not good. Either you like whom you meet, or you do not. No one can change another human being, the person must have the desire to change him or her self, and the first step to change is acceptance and then willingness to make the changes. Remember that this person, any person for that matter, is not going to have all the qualities that you desire. Does it mean they're not right for you? One should be sceptical of those who vow to change for you. Often the promises are not met or the person has hidden intentions that could be forced onto you later.

Working toward a strained free relationship is only possible if you're willing to tell yourself that it may not last. You're both discovering each others faults and finesse. The move toward having sex is not a good idea if the person or you, or even at the slightest hint, feels that it not the right time. There may the pressure that you place upon yourself to partake in the sexual act but that makes the physical body and the spiritual separated during intercourse. Does having sex mean that the relationship will be sealed, bonded and inseparably?

If you are a dreamer, you may look at your mate as a fantasy. This is not good either. You lose the benefits by not getting to know the person you have mated with or you wake up from your dream and find that you made a serious mistake. The main focus to keep in mind are communication, spending quality time, stay focused, and lay a good foundation for your relationship. Keep it honest and learn to trust one another with unselfish motives. Selfishness can lead to various problems, including adultery, murder, fornication, theft, and so forth. Thus, selfishness is one of the leading causes of break ups in relationships and marriage.

Sharing plays a large part in love and relationships. When two people share, they are giving something to the other that leaves a lasting feeling of joy and love. Do not count or take stock as to what you gave or did for your partner. It should be given or done without the need to receive anything in return. If both are on this same wave length, well guess what happens? Two people working together without selfishness often builds a relationship on solid ground and often endure through tribulations, sad moments and so forth. Relationships built on solid foundations rarely fall apart when trouble comes their way. Thus, enhance your strained relationship or get out!

Bar advice. Having your ideals is nice but sometimes the person least likely may just turn out to be the person that's really who you need in your life. Don't let your heart be blinded.

The right flirting techniques for men

Did you know that research has been conducted to show that flirting is instinctive and is used to succeed with the opposite sex? Evolutionary and biological scientists even argue that flirting is the basis for reproduction.So what is the right flirting techniques for men?

There is evidence that supports the idea that our use of intelligence, language, humor, creativity and flirting are things that separate us from the animal kingdom. Simply complex processes designed to do two things. Make us feel important and attract and the opposite sex. If flirting is instinctive then why some men have to learn it, is always asked. While you're born with this ability, you still need to develop it. That means if you spent most of your childhood in front of the television, with limited social contact, then your communication skills will need improving. If this is you, don't worry as yet.

Some men use the right flirting techniques only to get rejection constantly. They'll conclude that flirting equals pain and never use it again from then on. They'll search for another approach to win over the women they want by being 'nice', buying flowers and giving compliments on her beauty. Which of course is not the best way to attract exceptionally beautiful women in the beginning. There's a time and place for everything. Let's look at the flirting techniques and apart from teasing women, what else should you do when talking to them?

While friends talk about hobbies, the weekend, and gossip, there is one form of communication that two friends never engage in with each other. Flirting is more than telling jokes, being funny and being confident. Sexual flirting speaks right to a woman's core and allows her to understand you in her language. While men tend to think very logically and straight down the line, women think emotionally. When interested in men, women hit and tease them, while women who aren't interested tend to stay in the demographics.

The conversation remains in the realm of asking you things like where you live and what work you do. That sort. She can be "interested" in your conversations, which can go for hours, but she'll never feel "attracted" to you. Why? Well women are different creatures; therefore they think, feel and act differently. If you want women to realize you're the man she's been searching for, you need to speak suggestively. Example would not be by saying how beautiful she looks but rather by suggesting that she's a 'bad girl'. While flirting is very powerful, it's also the most difficult concept to understand and explain. What makes flirting so powerful is the unspoken intent. A woman who like a man can sense thoughts about him even when nothing is said. Body, eye and facial movements can say much more than words.

Instead of just talking about each other, you should playfully suggest that you should "be together" without actually saying it, and never actually asking for it. It's a powerful mixture of eyes, posture, voice tone, touch and your words all combined to make her feel emotionally drawn to you. Maybe, as it's just a suggestion, one should read up on compatibilities of zodiac signs as well. This brings great help in dealing with those that you meet out of the blue. Another funny thing is the sense of smell is also playing a part in it but a lot of people don't know this. The natural aroma of a person draws another one into themselves and that's also why when the act of sex itself is ongoing people tend to breath in the other person deeply.

One way to remember what you need to do next is this. How would you act if the woman was your an annoying little sister? These method can be used after any comment or action the woman makes. Please don't go doing it till she cries like your little sister. She's going to hate you after that and see you as a bully. There's suppose to be just enough to put her in the mood. Make her fight with you in a playful way. Suggestive flirting is where you imply an interest and relationship between yourself and the woman. Let it move it's course from there.

Bar advice. When meeting someone new, give them a little time to adjust to you first. Sometimes the basic questions do help in bringing down walls but wait for the spark of interest to move further.

Finding relief from an abusive relationship.

When the two of you are taking your vows of marriage, saying “I do”, the thought that the relationship would seriously deteriorate probably never crossed your minds. That is a day of happiness for you, thinking you had each found your soul mate.

But the one thing about life is that change is inevitable. If a couple is able to change at the same time and in the same direction as life circumstances change, the change can be a good thing and keep your relationship healthy. But if you each change separately and/or in different directions, there are going to be problems. One of the biggest problems is that a once loving relationship turns into an abusive relationship.

The word “abusive” does not necessarily mean physical violence. (Although it can be that, and at that point the local authorities and police department via the domestic violence department can lend a needed hand) but abuse can also happen in other ways, sometimes very subtle way.

One partner may take every opportunity to verbally abuse the other, whether in private or even in public like at office parties. These little cuts and defamation's all add up, until the person who is saying them eventually starts to believe them, and the person who is the brunt of the cruel joke also starts to believe that they are stupid or not worthy, causing a severe lowering of their own self-esteem.

Counseling, as quickly as possible, is the best answer. But that depends on both parties being willing to attend the counseling sessions. If only one partner attends the counseling sessions, the session will not be effective in terms of resolving the problem, but may indeed start to turn into topics of whether or not divorce is the answer. There is no rule of thumb to determine if divorce is the real answer, even though that would be a pretty drastic move. At the same time, you need to realize that if your paths in life have diverged significantly from where they were when you were at the point of your marriage vows, there is a decent chance that it is unlikely that your paths may ever converge again, unless both of you take drastic steps to make that happen. And like with the counseling sessions, this is something that both of you need to work on, since just one of you will be unable to make changes that will accommodate both of you. It is a two way street.

If counseling is not an option, perhaps because of cost or perhaps because one of the two people is unwilling to attend counseling, then the two people need to sit down in a quiet place without distractions and talk it out. Communication, really effective communication between two people can take a relationship to tremendous heights if it can be done effectively, where the “ground rules” clearly indicate there will be no yelling, no blaming, and the goal is to come to a common meeting place as far as what direction you both need to take to get to where you want to be.

One very good method is to have two sets of relatives or friends who are married as well that can be called on anytime to come to the rescue if abuse is happening. They will be able to help and advise both of you and it helps them not to have the same problems as well. It also gives the troubled couple an outlet from hurting the other. When people see others in need it helps them to be better involved in their marriage as well because they have will have first hand encounters with people that have the problem. It makes them and their relationship better. Those that just get married should learn from others and find ways to help those in need as it will strengthen themselves.

Sometimes the couple needs to consider whether divorce is an option. Divorce is not something you enter into on a whim, it is a huge step especially if there are children, yet sometimes a step that needs to be seriously considered. Seek proper help first to change things and not give in without a fight.

Bar advice. A abusiveness relationship is not something you need to put up with, nor is it something that you need to tolerate. Before things get really serious, get good advice from your religious leaders, parents, relatives and close married friends. This will help settle yourselves to understand the sacrifice needed for it to work.

How to make it work?

Ever run into a brick wall, so to speak, with your mate? Can’t
seem to pass “Go” without collecting 200 fresh wounds? Well,
it’s time to build a bridge and tear down that brick wall. Here
are your tools:

1.ATTITUDE – Get an attitude adjustment first. Lighten up and do
a 180-degree about face. Read the Sunday comics, grab an old
comic book, turn on the Comedy channel, watch funny videos or
DVDs. Get in a better mood and pass it along to your mate.
Invite your mate to tune in to comedy with you, too.

2. FRIENDSHIP – Go back to being friends for starters now that
you’re in a good mood. Forget the love stuff, if you want. And
just focus on being good friends; share compliments, do things
for one another, go out and have fun together, enjoy one
another’s company.

3. RELAX – Let your hair down. Trust and relax. Be yourself.
Don’t let old wounds open or fester. Forget the garbage
memories and just be in the here and now together.

4. TIME OUT – If possible, spend extra time together for
awhile, like during your original courting days. Hire a sitter,
order out, eat at fast food places, grab ice cream cones and go
for walks in the park. Get to know each other all over again.
That’s the key. Then you’ll remember why you fell for each
other in the beginning and history will hopefully repeat
itself.

5. COMMUNICATION – Take it slow and easy. Keep away from
subjects that you don’t agree upon. And slowly re-learn to
communicate with each other all over again. If necessary, and
it’s not a crime or shame – get help. Seek a trusted friend or
adviser, a church clergy member or certified professional
counselor. No need to go it alone. Find your weak areas and how
to over come them and plan for future communication
difficulties.

6. GOALS – Gradually develop goals together so you’ll have a
direction to head. Write them down in a notebook just for the
two of you. And over time, develop them, revise them, cross
them off your list. The idea is to have goals together and work
towards a common goal.

7. SCRAP BOOK – Create a memory album together. Add photos,
clippings, menus and anything that reminds you of the “good
times.” Then when tough times comes, you’ll have something to
“hold on to” – your bridge to romance.

Bar advice. So don’t just sit back and sulk. Take short steps to improve
your relationships and let life’s problems magically pass by
while you hold on to your relationship.Work your own magic.

How to attract the person of your dreams?

In my quest to find the perfect mate, I often ended up dating or
attracting people who were completely wrong for me. It was only when I
realized a simple truth that my entire concept of relationships
changed.

Practitioners of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) have a rule that
states: The meaning of your communication is the response that you get.

That means the response you elicit from a person depends entirely on
how you communicate your ideas to them. If you communicate in a way
that gets you the response you desired, you were successful. If not,
you need to learn what was missing in your communication and how to
incorporate that the next time you try. Notice how this rule places the of getting a response on YOU, not
on the other person.

If you extrapolate this to relationships, you could say, "The kind of
person you attract depends on the kind of person you are." Our
relationships, and the people we attract into our lives, are just a
reflection of who we are, at that point in our lives.

We often talk about men or women being "emotionally unavailable" or
unwilling to commit to a better relationship. But the kind of people we
attract into our lives often tend to be people who mirror our
personality or the issues we are dealing with, in some way.

If, deep down, you have a fear of commitment or of "losing your
freedom", then you're going to attract a mate with the same issues. If
you have no self-love or low self-esteem, you'll end up attracting
people with the same problems. The reason why we see patterns in our lives, why we get into abusive or unfulfilling relationships, is because we've not dealt with the issues that were responsible for creating our own beliefs and personalities.

The Law of Attraction states that like attracts like. If you think positive thoughts, you'll attract good things to you. If you respect people and do good by them, you'll elicit the same response from them.If you want to attract a person with all the qualities you want in a mate, then you must develop those qualities in yourself.Want your mate to be more loving, giving and kind? Then become more
loving, giving and kind. Want your mate to be health-conscious? Start taking charge of your own health and fitness.Want your mate to have a good sense of humour? Take the time and effort to develop your own sense of humour.Want your mate to be financially secure? Get your own finances in order. Want your mate to be emotionally available? Commit to sharing more of yourself first.

If you've been attracting the wrong kind of people into your life, take
a good look at the person in the mirror. Get to know yourself better.
You'll find the answers are all inside you.

Bar advice. If you want a better relationship, you must become a better person. To
attract the mate of your dreams, you must become the person you want to
attract.Don't expect people to be what you want then to be unless you're going to do it too.

卹 Compassionate Listner.

It is difficult to become a good listener who both validates the pain of the other, while maintaining the ability to look at themselves. Each person must listen compassionately to themselves and each other.

Within many relationships, rather than engaging in compassionate listening, many couples polarize. One partner is the voice of reason, the head, while the other partner is the voice of emotion, the heart. These patterns often create communication problems, which hardly begins to touch on the angst that can be felt between couples.

While, listening with both our hearts and our heads is valuable, neither is complete by itself, because listening with both makes one complete person. Someone who uses just their head while listening is using their intellect and knowledge, and when used individually, without the hearts part, it can be cold and indifferent. When listening with just the heart compassion turns into confused feelings.

A compassionate listener is someone who listens with both their head and their heart.

Here are traits of a compassionate listener:

They are commited to listening.

They have the intention of understanding, as deeply as possible, the message and concerns of others.

They seek to understand the reality of another through both compassion and understanding.

They refrain from verbal and nonverbal judgments.

They are physically and mentally ready to listen.

They validate their understanding of the other's reality before expressing their opinion.

They create a balance between their head and their heart.

They remain present and are in the here and now.

They are open to new learning experiences about their own behaviors.

They self-evaluate and can laugh at themselves.

Bar advice. It's not easy when one is in a difficult relationship buta good listner becomes a good communicator. Patience, love and understanding are important but communication makes it work.

Adding some spice to what you got.

Life is made of many things that we either love or hate. All of us are busy trying to get as much as possible of the things we love and to avoid those we hate, Relationships, however, are among the rare things that are entirely up to us. Relationships can be wonderful or hateful. It’s the feeling between the partners, the experience and the chemistry that count. If you love the other and know enough about yourself and the world to avoid mistakes then you’ll have a fine relationship. If you and your partner are also satisfied with each other in bed, then heaven is one step away.

Exploration is one of the keys to the kingdom of love. You have to know how to do it and how to time it. Don’t leave it out of the relationship or it will go stale. Don’t rush it either or pretty soon there’ll be nothing left to explore. Wanting to know your partner inside out is fine, but don’t try to learn it all in the first three months. This is a process you can spread over a couple of years, leaving little secrets for future discoveries and preparing surprises for your partner.

The same goes for sex and its role in relationships. For some people, sex is the great catalyst that binds a relationship and makes it good. It’s the act that ends all fights and makes everything seem perfect for a while. For others, sex is a pleasant, but not overly so, pastime, a sort of bonus to the relationship. No chance of it being the main course here.

Regardless of what you want sex to be in the relationship, this act of physical pleasure should benefit from the passion to explore that we have discussed above. Many men and women who say sex is a modern obsession that should be given no more than its proper place in a relation have little idea of what sex could be. The combinations of moves and positions available for both foreplay and sex are practically unlimited and the pleasure of sustained exploration for things that could further enhance the experience for both partners is like buying a hot new car and finding a case full of money in the trunk.

Another thing, we know that searching for tips and tricks and hints may be a difficult business. Many people don’t have the time for this, especially in today’s busy world. A thorough knowledge of sexual techniques is ideal for men and women looking for the ultimate sensual experience and we could all use a guide or list of tips every once in a while. A lot of us have fantasies and fetishes that may or may not turn the other one on but you never know till it's discussed. if you're into one thing surely the other 'may' be possible. Communication is the key.

Bar advice.Whether you’re looking for the ancient Indian techniques described in the Kama Sutra, toys for sweet sex games or just some tips on how to convince your partner to go along with a fantasy, communication will bring more into the relationship than you can imagine.Start doing it today and you’ll be a better lover in no time at all.

FHM's Jenny McCarthy on flattery

Bar advice. Guys out there. It pays to know the right things to say to a women.Don't think you scored and that's all that matters. If you want more and want to be sure you get it again next time, learn the skill of communication. Husbands included. Your wife works hard all day as well you know.