Teenage Girl Falls To Her Death

I was on Facebook when I can across the Yahoo news headline-Teenage girl falls to her death at Ang mo kio. The funny thing was, I had seen her profile before as friend of friends, but I didn't know her personally. She was a really sweet Japanese mixed Chinese girl. If you read the sad story of her suicide, as two notes were left behind, you will find it was due to a strained relationship with her boyfriend. 

Just by reading a few entries in her blog, I felt she was under pressure to be more successful in her studies and she personally  beat herself up about her failures. 

Reading more of her blog entries and that her boyfriend never liked being in photos with her and she asking if it was abnormal, says to me, the relationship seemed more one sided in the love department than meets the eye.

Any guy, in their right mind, would be proud to have this smiling beauty by their side and take as many photos she likes to post so others will know she's "taken". The yahoo news article reported she indicated in her Facebook post that most of their on/off relationship was mostly due to his controlling nature.


Let me address this. Being controlled in a relationship is like a slow disease growing that no one sees and even the one that has it happening to them, does nothing but hope it changes. Unfortunately, it mostly ends in either major heartache, pain, tears and rare tragedy, as in this case.


Being young in love, in lust, whatever, is a normal thing that happens all around the world but is it worth taking your own life to end a hurting heart? Especially when the person doing it to you just wants to make you feel worthless and small. Wake up! You are your own person. If someone else cannot appreciate you for who you are, why remain in the relationship? Obviously you got to check your own part in it all but your personality and character is what makes you unique and You! If the other has their own insecurities about their life and the relationship, then they are the ones with a problem.  


I felt sad when I looked at that cheerful face in the photo and read how Krystal Aki Mizoguchi  took her life for something that maybe she was too young to be able to handle or find advice. Her separated parents didn't help as a model of relationship success either. Perhaps even peers could not help as they too may have been in a seemingly similar dilemma or simply they were not able to give advice, let alone read the signs. Perhaps a really close friend may have know all about her worries, fears, pain and turmoil but as we all know by now...it's all too late. R.I.P Krystal!


Bar Advice. Learn from this you young people. Learn!

Love and marriage

A student asked a teacher. "What is love ?"

The teacher said, "In order to answer your question. Go to the padi field and choose the biggest padi stalk and come back. But the rule is, you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick another."

The student went to the field, went through the first row and saw one big padi stalk, but he wondered, maybe there is a bigger one later. Then he saw another bigger one but thought may be there is a even bigger one waiting for him. Later, when he finished more than half of the padi field, he start to realise that the padi was not as big as the initial one he saw, he knew he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted it. So he went back to the teacher with empty hands.

The teacher said "This is love. You keep looking for a better one, but when you realised it, you have already missed the right one"

"What is marriage then ?" the student asked.

The teacher said, "In order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is, you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick another."

The student went to the corn field. This time he was careful not to repeat the previous mistake. When he reached the middle of the field, he picked one medium corn that he felt satisfied himself and came back to the teacher.

The teacher said, "This time you bring back a corn. You look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you got. This is marriage."

Here is a lesson that represents what we do in life. How we loose sight of what is right in front of us. We can continue to search for love. We hope for the best decision when it comes to choosing the person that we marry. Can it be so difficult? The answer is yes. We make it difficult. We place all kinds of barriers in front of us. Things like pleasing our parents. Searching for a comfortable life. Working to achieve success and having no time for relationships. Not seeing eye to eye with others. Thinking that material things comes with marriage. Not open to change or setbacks in a relationship. Not understanding that the simple things and opening of ones heart is real love.

Most guys by forty and gals at thirty five find that they may have "missed the boat" when it comes to settling down. It looks bleak at times. The main reason is that we don't put in the intention of marriage in our heads. Some had a bad experience with a guy/girl. Thrusting a person may become difficult. Mostly it's because in this day and age people don't think of rushing into marriage. There's lot's of opportunities that they don't want to miss out on. The last thing on their minds is to be tied down forever.

We end up later in life watching our friends playing with their children. Seeing people walking their kids down the aisle. Others kissing each other and holding hands. We start to imagine what it would be like to have been married and not be so lonely at times.

Bar advice. It's still not to late. Put yourself out there. Join a singles social network or go online like friendfinder. There's a lot of people that are in this boat still looking as well.

Finding relief from an abusive relationship.

When the two of you are taking your vows of marriage, saying “I do”, the thought that the relationship would seriously deteriorate probably never crossed your minds. That is a day of happiness for you, thinking you had each found your soul mate.

But the one thing about life is that change is inevitable. If a couple is able to change at the same time and in the same direction as life circumstances change, the change can be a good thing and keep your relationship healthy. But if you each change separately and/or in different directions, there are going to be problems. One of the biggest problems is that a once loving relationship turns into an abusive relationship.

The word “abusive” does not necessarily mean physical violence. (Although it can be that, and at that point the local authorities and police department via the domestic violence department can lend a needed hand) but abuse can also happen in other ways, sometimes very subtle way.

One partner may take every opportunity to verbally abuse the other, whether in private or even in public like at office parties. These little cuts and defamation's all add up, until the person who is saying them eventually starts to believe them, and the person who is the brunt of the cruel joke also starts to believe that they are stupid or not worthy, causing a severe lowering of their own self-esteem.

Counseling, as quickly as possible, is the best answer. But that depends on both parties being willing to attend the counseling sessions. If only one partner attends the counseling sessions, the session will not be effective in terms of resolving the problem, but may indeed start to turn into topics of whether or not divorce is the answer. There is no rule of thumb to determine if divorce is the real answer, even though that would be a pretty drastic move. At the same time, you need to realize that if your paths in life have diverged significantly from where they were when you were at the point of your marriage vows, there is a decent chance that it is unlikely that your paths may ever converge again, unless both of you take drastic steps to make that happen. And like with the counseling sessions, this is something that both of you need to work on, since just one of you will be unable to make changes that will accommodate both of you. It is a two way street.

If counseling is not an option, perhaps because of cost or perhaps because one of the two people is unwilling to attend counseling, then the two people need to sit down in a quiet place without distractions and talk it out. Communication, really effective communication between two people can take a relationship to tremendous heights if it can be done effectively, where the “ground rules” clearly indicate there will be no yelling, no blaming, and the goal is to come to a common meeting place as far as what direction you both need to take to get to where you want to be.

One very good method is to have two sets of relatives or friends who are married as well that can be called on anytime to come to the rescue if abuse is happening. They will be able to help and advise both of you and it helps them not to have the same problems as well. It also gives the troubled couple an outlet from hurting the other. When people see others in need it helps them to be better involved in their marriage as well because they have will have first hand encounters with people that have the problem. It makes them and their relationship better. Those that just get married should learn from others and find ways to help those in need as it will strengthen themselves.

Sometimes the couple needs to consider whether divorce is an option. Divorce is not something you enter into on a whim, it is a huge step especially if there are children, yet sometimes a step that needs to be seriously considered. Seek proper help first to change things and not give in without a fight.

Bar advice. A abusiveness relationship is not something you need to put up with, nor is it something that you need to tolerate. Before things get really serious, get good advice from your religious leaders, parents, relatives and close married friends. This will help settle yourselves to understand the sacrifice needed for it to work.