Reading The "Hints"

So what are the various areas of communication you should pay attention to with women? Advice for guys on talking to ladies....we can break it down to these.

Her Subtext. This means the reading the "hints" she gives amongst the jumble of words coming out of her mouth.
Her Body Language. How her body shifts, moves, rests, and leans whenever she is saying something or reacting to something. 
Eye Contact. How she maintains, or not, eye contact and various things which may happen with her eyes.
Her Actions. What she ACTUALLY has done, is doing, or will do, whether in conflict with her words or not.
Her Topics. What she talks about and how she talks about it or tells you about it.
 

Statements & Questions. What kind of statements does she make, and what kind of questions she asks.

How She Dresses. Not just WHAT she's wearing, but HOW she wears it.

Touch. How she touches and reacts to different kinds of touch.





Now here are some examples of the ways women will mis-communicate or communicate that which you should be aware of.

SUBTEXT: She may be talking about with the staff at the convenience store, but she may also be signaling the types of behaviors she finds attractive, offensive, weird, scary, or fascinating. For example, if a woman wants a caring man, wants you to know she wants a caring man and wants to know if you are a caring man, she will not just say "I want a caring man and I hope you are one." If she did, every schmuck who she tells that to will just act as if he's got that quality which actually says to her "he is just saying that and it's not real." Instead, at most she will drop it into subtext and the "better" man will be able to "read" it and capitalize. If you didn't get this first one...you're already in trouble.

BODY LANGUAGE: There is no harm in repeating what you may have already heard a few dozen times. If her body language is closed or locked up, then she's being defensive. If her body is open then she's opening up to chances. If she doesn't face you directly when talking to you, she feels higher value than you. If she points her feet at you while standing, she has some interest. If she leans in, she's interested. Leans back, she's not. If she shifts her hair away to display her neck, she is flirting. There's a lot more. A lot of this you may know or have learned already. What you need to do now is connect it to her "verbal" communications (along with subtext) and, once again, "read" the true picture.

EYE CONTACT: If she maintains eye contact, she is more likely being honest. If her eyes look away almost every time she needs to answer a question, then she's "accessing" which means she has to think about it before answering which usually means she's not being entirely honest. If she looks at you and both her eyes sort of "vibrate" a bit back-and-forth then she is some what overwhelmed by your communication or is a little distress as to how to follow through. If she mostly keeps eye contact but makes a jerking motion (turn) with her head while reacting to you then she's being shy (insecure) or may be thinking about something (maybe sexual or playful) she doesn't want you to know about. You can "read" a lot of information by casually observing all these eye things.

HER ACTIONS: Mostly you should observe a woman's actions to understand what most resembles what she is likely to actually do in the future or how she truly feels about something or someone. If she says she doesn't like men who order her around yet every one of her past boyfriends ordered her around and she only broke up with them when she "tamed" them, then clearly she is only relaying (at most), a belief in how she would "like" to be. You will be able to read that actually as certain behavior will attract her more than others, regardless of what she says. It may be best to exit that sort of relationship because trying to change someone is one of the hardest things to do. Have you ever tried changing something in your life? Hard right? Well try changing just one part of another person.

HER TOPICS: What does she talk about a lot? What kind of things draw her attention? Does she say claim to be a hippy type but always seems to talk about fashion and conservative topics? What kind of people does she talk about? What things in the news interest her? Does she even bring up anything from the news or does she exclusively talk about certain shows on prime time TV? Does subjects about helping others in need ever come up? Is she interested in the people that are suffering in third world countries or only in the tourist attractions of those countries? You can "read" a lot about her based on her common topics.

STATEMENTS & QUESTIONS: Is she critical of a lot of things or people? Does she often voice high opinions of herself or points out the lack in others? Does she claim to be better than other people in the world? Will she ask for help if she's unsure about something? Does she seek your opinion about things especially if it's something about her appearance, character, work, thoughts or insecurities? You can "read" what her opinions or doubts are. Don't forget, she could be complaining or bitching about you behind your back too.

HOW SHE DRESSES: Conservative? Casual? High Maintenance? Does the way she dress contradict anything about her? In a good or bad way? Sneakers? Skirt? Pleated pants? Does she pay attention to details and try to draw attention to herself or is she understated and low key? It's always nice to have a few good things but would you want her becoming Paris Hilton? People more materialistic tend to look down on others who lack, even if the other has a heart of gold. You can "read" her style.

HER TOUCH: Does she touch you when talking to you? Where? How often? Does she reciprocate your touches? If a woman starts touching you a lot when you talk to her then she's either really interested or really friendly. Either is pretty good. If she jumps or reacts a bit off when you touch her, then she's communicating that your vibe is not sitting well with her. What about the objects around her? If she is toying incessantly with an object, then she's nervous. If she plays with her hair while talking, she's attracted. Her manner of touch with you and the people and things around her will allow you to read her internal sensitivities of her interaction with you.

Realize you can learn a lot of this over time and what better way to learn than interacting with lots of women? Also, try this. Lets say you're in a bar or cafe. Watch the couples. You'll be able to sense the vibes of those that are together for some time, the new dating ones, those meeting for the first time and you're bound to see a cool and suave guy. In control and probably with a "hot" date. Keep observing him the most and learn.

Bar advice. Guys see women all the time every day but do we really read the hints thrown our way, be it the good and bad ones? Think about it!

What not to do on first dates

This may surprise you, but you shouldn't take women on dates. That might sound strange, doesn't it? If you take a woman to dinner and a movie, you're asking to be strung along like a book club member. You set yourself up for all sorts of mistakes and you're just begging for uncomfortable silences and boring conversation.

You can make it work but you'll just make yourself work a lot harder. So what should you do instead? Well, best case scenario you create an instant date. You go from meeting up to going somewhere, together. This can mean moving from the bookstore to a coffee shop, one club to another or often, to begin, just leading a woman from one part of a bar to another. maybe the bar counter to the pool table, to a seat or patio area for fresh air.

Create a powerful move. Say you want to tell or show her something. Maybe it can be about something you want to show her at your house, like an album or a book. (Done subtly, this is a great way to lead to your place). Take her hand and lead her to a more secluded spot in the home. Don't put your hands all over her you'll look desperate and a perv. Once you've led her somewhere, you've shifted the world a little bit because you are together, alone. Maintain strong eye contact. Speak in a quieter, confidential voice (the kind she wants to lean in to hear). Set yourself up that way, and it should be much easier to get things moving. The important thing is that you concentrate not on getting a woman to bed, but on moving to the next step.

Once you've got a connection, next is changing settings so you reaffirm and strengthen that connection. This is good in so many ways. It gives you a chance to get to know the girl quickly, which is impressive when it happens quickly, plus it let's you figure out if the lady is worth your time before you've invested much effort. It should feel natural. It's low-pressure fun. Spontaneous, without expectations or commitments. It's just great. Not to mention it allows you to set the pace you proceed at.

Initially, don't ask her to dinner. If possible, don't even ask her in advance. A spontaneous meeting at a coffee shop or going shopping in a flea market with built-in conversation is great. Make sure you're going somewhere fun. The kind of place with strange knick-knacks all around so you're conversation can naturally flow from your surroundings. Why do extra work when you can let the atmosphere help you? Maybe miniature golf. You don't need skills for that and if you are good, it gives you the opportunity get behind her and show her how to play.

One key thing is , Don't Pay All! Especially with a woman you've just met. Paying says all the wrong things. In the old days it was the "gentlemanly thing" to do but it's different in this day and age. Women will read it different ways. It says "I'm not interesting, so I'm bribing you to spend time with me." Also, "I want to prove I'm good guy material by showing off my financial success." The corollary, "I'm insecure, so like a man with a small penis and a hot sports car, I'm trying to buy myself some confidence." Worse still, "I don't really know you, but I think you're hot so I'm going to try and buy my way into your pants." Equally cringe worthy, "I just paid for you. Now what are you going to do for me?". The part about you being a gentleman just skips the ladies minds at times.

The biggest reasons to avoid the dinner date, at least to begin, is not creating an awkward social setting with someone you barely know. You basically force all sorts of uncomfortable thoughts about the money involved. My advice. Coffee? Who cares about a couple of bucks? Shopping? You're not going to buy her something, are you? That smells of bribery worse than dinner, and you'll just make her uneasy. Avoid putting yourself in situations where the issue of payment comes up, and you'll avoid this whole can of worms.

Bar Advice. More conversation are needed first. Be it the phone, messenger, emails, PC cams or whatever. Be comfortable and you'll both be at ease. These awkward issues can be resolved even before going out.

When I see other guys try their luck with girls.

Last week I went to a bar where my friend is the DJ. Met up with a few other guys and the owner of the place. The owner is married and he's got a really understanding wife. She likes to drink and party with the guys as well but there's no funny business from both with the people that patron the bar. Just business and working the crowds.

That's great to see something like that. Not many people will enjoy such good times with their partner. Being with your partner almost the whole day sometimes leads to quarrels and a sense of smothering. It works for some but for a lot of others, especially men, like a little breathing room. I guess it's a guy thing. I won't be getting into that for now.

That night four lovely ladies came in with a guy and sat at the back of the bar area which had more room for all of them. Later the guy left, I suppose, because I went towards that direction since the toilets were there. Coming out, I glanced in their direction and noticed attracting smiles and heard whispers among themselves. Seeing that it was just them, I got my drink and moved to their table. In seconds all of them introduced themselves and we got on really well.

After some time, my friend came over and sat next to me but he just talked about some songs that were coming up. Immediately, I introduced him to them. I know that he wasn't there for me but what he really was up to was to have a closer look at the ladies. It is a tactic whereby the woman will feel comfortable the next time they come in. With me being there it made it easy for him. Later the other guy also did the same thing. Then came the boss himself and the wife in tow. He was just amazed that I was with these four ladies and the fact that it was their first time there just blew him away.

As the night went on, I was told that one was a sister to the other. One a friend and the other was getting married in a week. It looked more like a hen night then a gathering of friends. I wasn't about to do the striptease bit. Just before I got out of there, some guys that were nearby got closer and were watching the girls. One finally approached and said something to her. I didn't hear what it was but he got a smiling response from her.

The others never came forward but I could see the main guy still watching and keeping eye contact with the girl. I did mention to the girl next to me that he was the only one that did try to do something and because I was there it may have put him off from more conversation. She also asked how was it that I dared to come up to talk to them and such while others were staying away. Deep inside me I know about such things but I just told her that she can read about it on this blog.

It's amazing to me when I see other guys try their luck with girls. There seems to still be that unsure, non confident, shy, boy like and sometimes cowardly approach to women. Yes! The fact that women today are more informed, better educate and know what they want, should not leave guys to despair that she may look at you differently or worse of all reject your approach. Being shot down by a woman is not the end of the world. One may actually like you but if you don't try, ask or approach then how will you know?

Eventually I left after getting her email address. Hopefully those other guys did catch a break after I went. I didn't stick around to find out.

Bar advice. Many methods can be used to approach girls. First dig deep inside you to see if you're ready for the next step after you got her attention. Ask yourself,"Now what?"

Let the woman make the first move.

Whoever came up with the rule of thumb that guys should make the first move must be dead by now. It’s a totally outdated concept! Women have climbed the corporate ladder, battled with male politicians, voted, so why couldn't they go ahead and make the first move when meeting men?

It’s always scary to take that first step. We are all sprinkled with ingredients of rejection in varying amounts. If only we could predict whether or not a person would turn us down, then we wouldn't bother to sit beside her and waste some $10 on a drink.

If it’s too much of a hassle for you to approach a woman, then just reverse the whole situation. Charm your way to her and let her make the first move. If there is one traditional formula to do that, that will be the magic of eye contact.

Making eye contact, as simple as it is, can be a little tricky. The eyes can communicate a thousand words in those precious seconds you met her eyes. Make sure you have the right look in your eyes. How do you know when you've achieved the correct look? What's in your mind is basically what would be projected in your eyes. So if you are thinking to go get a girl and get her to bed, that tinge of lust would be caught in your eye. I say this many times for the guys. men look everywhere, women look into the eyes. They want to see into the soul of the man who's in front of her. I seldom look at a woman direct as well unless I'm really interested, someway or another, in her. Still, the best way is to have good eye contact.

So the next time you sit in a bar or shop in a mall and see a woman you might want to have a date with, here's what you need to do. Stare seriously at her eyes, not at her legs or anywhere else. It doesn't matter if she's looking at you or not. It's a common thing for people to be conscious of the people looking at them. If she feels your eyes on her, she will eventually acknowledge that she knows you are looking by giving her own look. When this happens, simply smile back at her. Don't wink or lick your lips, please! The few seconds you lock her in eye contact may be all the chance you're going to get to make an impression, so don't blow it!

If she stares back that gives you the green light signal. It's even better if she gives you a shy smile, which simply means she's open to the thought of meeting you. Next thing you know, she might come up and talk. Women like to sometimes approach by doing a "passing chance". What's that? Well, she will get up from her seat and head in your direction but she will pass you. Normally it's to go to the toilets or something like that but she's secretly hoping that you'll stop her and start up a conversation. She's got tricks of her own you see. When you see this happening jump at the chance. Women don't want to start it off for fear that she will be embarrassed that's why. Try it. It works.

Bar advice. Women should really make the first move at times. Why? Guys sometimes need to be led. They are like software that needs to be fed info about what to do. Their mothers have been giving them instructions all their lives so continue the programming. Some guys don't know what to do if their not told or allowed.