Arguing all the time

Hostile arguments harm your health. A stress response that makes your blood pressure stay high even after the argument is over. This, in turn, may damage your blood vessels and lead to clogged arteries, which can trigger a heart attack.

Women who argued with hostility had double the amount of clogged arteries and even worse clogs if their husbands were also hostile. Men who made domineering statements or had a wife who did had arteries that was double the times more clogged. What was causing all of these hostile arguments? Likely things that you have argued about as well. Some like in-laws, finances, intimate time and household chores.

Of course, there are deeper issues at play when you argue about practical matters. Key underlying causes of arguments, particularly among couples, include not feeling appreciated, needing more affection, not feeling respected, feeling insecure, built up resentments from the past(such as a forgotten birthday), feeling you’re carrying more of the responsibility/burden, resolving arguments for a peaceful and deep relationship and more.

Arguing all the time isn't good. Your relationship will probably always include disagreements, but the following tips will help to keep these disagreements on a superficial level so they make your relationship stronger instead of weaker.

Let go of wanting to be right. It’s easy to feel the need to defend your position to the end, but does it really matter who is right? Probably not. What matters is enjoying your relationship. See their point of view. By doing this you both can often resolve even long-standing disagreements. Be kind. Make an effort not to use hostile words, insults or hurtful comments. When you have a disagreement, think of it as a discussion, not an argument. A few kind words when you’re not arguing will also go a long way toward repairing your relationship. If you did something wrong, admit it. Take responsibility, apologize and move forward from there.

Bar Advice. One last but important thing. Say that you're sorry if you know that the other has been hurt by you. Heal the heart and the mind will follow.

Happily ever after

In fairy tales we have all heard the words, 'and they lived happily ever after'. well nobody really does, do they? Even the rich can't say that. Remember, more money more problems.

I have seen the pain people experience after the honeymoon is over, when they awaken realizing they have married a mere mortal. I hope people that enter adulthood, will avoid the pitfalls and pain of those who succumb to this "happily ever after" myth. here's a couple of key points for real lasting love.

1. Stop blaming. Start living.
It is our responsibility, and not our partner's, to feel better and to heal. Our partner will be responsible to us, but not for us. So it's useful, instead of blaming our partner, to ask ourselves these two questions, "Why did I draw this person into my life?” and “What is it that I need to learn from this?” Within a good marriage, we grow up.

2. Avoid the fixer-upper syndrome.
We think we can fix our partner and shape them into perfection. Our version of perfection. So many people marry for potential. Never marry potential. Marry for safety, the safety between two people who accept one another faults and all.

3. Make a promise to keep our integrity.
Do not hold onto victim hood like a prize. This doesn't allow us to grow. Work on behaviors that make our partner want to change by being kind and loving. Vent our feelings, without being out of control. If we are in a relationship that does not have mutual respect, over time we may need professional help. Preferably, we would seek that help with our partner.

4. Eliminate attack thoughts.
These types of thoughts are incredibly destructive over time. If we attack other people, ourselves and our thoughts, it really interferes with our happiness and peace of mind.Learn to find the joy, even in difficult times. As Mother Theresa once said, "Our best protection is a joyful heart."

5. Do not hold onto anger.
Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. Turn attack thoughts into constructive thoughts and actions. Think thoughts that are appreciative of ourselves and our partner. And express those thoughts often. When we build an emotional bank account full of positive thoughts, we have positive emotional currency to counter with when angry times come.

6. Wake up, without makeup.
On soap operas I’ve seen women wake up first thing in the morning with all their makeup on, false eyelashes and all. That is not the real world. What women need to do for a successful marriage is to learn to be more and more real. What woman need to do for a successful marriage is learn to feel more and more safe to be who we truly are. Men have to realize that beauty is more than skin deep. If she can remove her make up in front of you then you are special to her.

7. Wake up and make up.
It is essential that couples learn to repair and heal after every fight. Find solutions. Do not get stuck rehashing the past. Live in the present, and find ways to keep the marriage buoyant and alive. Happy couples learn how to repair differences. Best thing really is try to never go to bed angry.

8. To change our relationship.
The place to start is with changing ourselves first. Better to reinvent ourselves, because we are not going to be able to change our partner. Learn to love in a mature way without trying to control or manipulate. C.S. Lewis once said, "To love without control or manipulation is to be surprised by joy." We will truly be surprised by joy when we can live in the moment with our partner. And within ourselves.

Bar advice. Remember that before you met your partner he or she had their own life, dreams, hopes, joy, sadness, shortcomings, downfalls, work, business, dilemmas, pains, loss of love ones, happiness, etc. what I'm getting at is you had the same as well. Now when two people are together they should work at it to have the feel of 'happily ever after'.

卹 Compassionate Listner.

It is difficult to become a good listener who both validates the pain of the other, while maintaining the ability to look at themselves. Each person must listen compassionately to themselves and each other.

Within many relationships, rather than engaging in compassionate listening, many couples polarize. One partner is the voice of reason, the head, while the other partner is the voice of emotion, the heart. These patterns often create communication problems, which hardly begins to touch on the angst that can be felt between couples.

While, listening with both our hearts and our heads is valuable, neither is complete by itself, because listening with both makes one complete person. Someone who uses just their head while listening is using their intellect and knowledge, and when used individually, without the hearts part, it can be cold and indifferent. When listening with just the heart compassion turns into confused feelings.

A compassionate listener is someone who listens with both their head and their heart.

Here are traits of a compassionate listener:

They are commited to listening.

They have the intention of understanding, as deeply as possible, the message and concerns of others.

They seek to understand the reality of another through both compassion and understanding.

They refrain from verbal and nonverbal judgments.

They are physically and mentally ready to listen.

They validate their understanding of the other's reality before expressing their opinion.

They create a balance between their head and their heart.

They remain present and are in the here and now.

They are open to new learning experiences about their own behaviors.

They self-evaluate and can laugh at themselves.

Bar advice. It's not easy when one is in a difficult relationship buta good listner becomes a good communicator. Patience, love and understanding are important but communication makes it work.