A lot of people feel insecure when meeting someone new and even during the beginning stages of dating. If, however, you are in a steady relationship with a caring partner, and you have nagging insecurities about yourself and your partner, something deeper may be going on.
Insecurity often stems not from reality but from fear. Fear of rejection, fear of intimacy, and even fear of losing your identity may all come into play. It is likely that you may have also carried these insecurities over from a past relationship, and now are allowing them to wreak havoc on your current one. Of course, if you feel insecure it is next to impossible to have a healthy relationship as it can manifest in many ways.
Making you feel that you don’t deserve your partner. Accusing your partner of infidelity. Becoming codependent. Envying other people and/or their relationship. Possessiveness. Meanwhile, the more insecure you feel, the more you are likely to distrust your partner, attempt to control him or her, or avoid discussing future plans. All of which can ultimately lead to what you fear. A relationship break up situation. You may have already been through one before and another is not going to help your life in any way.
What can you do to break this cycle and feel confident in yourself and your relationship?
First, realize that only you, and not your partner, can give yourself inner strength. Security never comes from outside of yourself especially from another person. The best way to find security in a relationship is to bring your own inner security with you. Now, if you’re having trouble finding your inner security, all you have to do is release your feelings of insecurity, including the fear, the anxiety, the mistrust and the negative self-talk. If this sounds difficult, then you have not learned anything. With this advice, you will learn how to drop your insecurities as easily as you can drop a pencil.
Dealing with your feelings, the isuues and the other half of the relationship will not be easy. You got to put all your cards on the table and hopefully they do as well so that there is a common goal. This common goal will reduce all insecurities in the relationship because you now know that the other also had these insecure feeling and is trying to change themselves, their minds and the situation that's damaging the relationship.
If you have feeling of insecurity in a relationship, treat it as the feeling that it is and let it go. Take some time to rekindle the romance that may have dwindled. Keep in mind, however, that while many insecurities are, in fact, internal issues that need to be released, some may be legit. How can you tell the difference? If the feeling of insecurity persists even after some good releasing then it’s time to examine whether or not this is the right relationship for you.
Bar advice. Releasing can be done by one's self. It's not easy but if you need further help, you should seek professional help from a doctor.
Showing posts with label romance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label romance. Show all posts
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Happy Valentines day to you
You know, it's one day in the year that really gets people to think about love. It even beats out Christmas, Easter, birthdays and so on. Why is that? I guess it fills people with thoughts of happiness when they're with someone in their lives. For those that are single, it repesents hope and wishful thinking.
People get to send Valentines cards, flowers, candy and chocolate to almost everyone. It could be your mother,sister, a friend or colleague. A lot of single people tend to go to the bars and clubs to seek out other lonely souls out there like themselves. It's really the best day to spot other singles and to hook up with one another. Perhaps it's a day when people just feel like being with someone and not alone.
Lots of places will have reservations for dinner fully booked. Wine and champange will flow. Hugs, kisses, joy and laughter will be felt by lot of you. Hotel won't have any vacancies. Romance is in the air. Those alone should not feel too bad. Find a little happiness in your heart to know that there are others out there in the world that don't even know this day is Valentines. The suffering people in places that are ruled by dictators, famine hit, terroirst controlled, war torn or been hit by a natural disaster. Have a sparing thought for them and see that your need at this moment may not seem so bad after all.
Bar advice. Hope you all have a beautiful time this Valentines day. Party, enjoy and maybe even some of you will get a marriage proposal.
People get to send Valentines cards, flowers, candy and chocolate to almost everyone. It could be your mother,sister, a friend or colleague. A lot of single people tend to go to the bars and clubs to seek out other lonely souls out there like themselves. It's really the best day to spot other singles and to hook up with one another. Perhaps it's a day when people just feel like being with someone and not alone.
Lots of places will have reservations for dinner fully booked. Wine and champange will flow. Hugs, kisses, joy and laughter will be felt by lot of you. Hotel won't have any vacancies. Romance is in the air. Those alone should not feel too bad. Find a little happiness in your heart to know that there are others out there in the world that don't even know this day is Valentines. The suffering people in places that are ruled by dictators, famine hit, terroirst controlled, war torn or been hit by a natural disaster. Have a sparing thought for them and see that your need at this moment may not seem so bad after all.
Bar advice. Hope you all have a beautiful time this Valentines day. Party, enjoy and maybe even some of you will get a marriage proposal.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Breaking the silence
When you're on a date with a lady and the entire date is plagued with silence and "empty spaces" then I'm sure you know deep inside that chances of the girl being interested is close to zero. It sucks especially if that is the first date because if the first date is just chat, stop, chat, stop, then often times a woman will not want such boredom to repeat another time(otherwise known as "No second date").
How do we prevent such an outcome? One of the many "hidden weapons" you can use to stomp silence on dates is to bring up a scenario and talk about it. What is this? I'll get to it right now. The key here is to bring up an incident in life(a scenario), relate it to the woman and get her thoughts on it. One of the best scenarios comes from, "Other People's Relationships". It may be a dramatic relationship issue involving a third party. Your friends, cousins, colleagues, or some stranger you hardly knew. Here's how to apply it.
While talking to the woman, when you "detect" an empty space coming, or a silent pause had just begun, just lead smoothly into a scenario, and break out of the silence by relating an "Other People's Relationships" Scenario to her. Here's two scenarios to give you some ideas.
1)"This female classmate I knew from old school days wanted to audition for a talent quest and her boyfriend threatened to break up with her because he never liked showbiz. So let's say it happened to you. What will you do if you are her?"
2)"It's this old army friend I knew. He liked Beyonce a lot and he planned to go to the concert. At first, he wanted his girlfriend to go with him but her schedule didn't allow it. So in the end, he asked a lady friend to go and guess what? His girlfriend knew about it, kicked up a fuss and demanded he go to the concert by himself not with that lady. So now he's already bought the tickets and is stuck with an angry girlfriend. What do you think he should do?"
Once again, rid silent moments by placing a scenario into the interaction, then get her view on it. Conversations will re-generate from there. In all, the above is just one tactic to keep the conversation going. There's a lot more "conversation maintenance" secrets to ensure every interactions you have with women will flow instead of being a struggle. One other scenario secret you can use, and this one is easier since she can relate to it easier, is to talk about the latest on screen romances. It can be from the movies or television. Example would be asking her what she thought of the romance situations and relationships going on with some of the characters in Grey's Anathomy, Desperate Housewives or Ugly Betty for that matter. The trick here is to discuss what those characters and situations in normal peoples lives have in common or how they apply to what real life is or isn't in some cases.
This will get her excited because she gets to talk about some of her favourite people and what she likes that's going on in those shows. Normally it's a throw back to what she's seeking in a relationship or to the sort of guy she's into. This has not only broken the silence problem but has also given you the ammunition to dig a little deeper into her likes and dislike of men, relationships and whatever else that can benefit you. Two birds with one stone basically. Now you got more than cancelling the silence issue. She'll be opening her mouth almost non stop after you raise this scenario. Just one little tiny important thing to remember. Please be sure that you're either up to date or fairly know well, what's going on in these shows or the people. You'll need to be able to keep the conversation going about the characters in the shows, especially with questions being asked by her, and if you can't then guess what? Silence.
Bar advice. Breaking the silence is sometimes hard when trying to talk with someone you just met. Keep in mind a list of topics that you think will keep conversation. This will help.
How do we prevent such an outcome? One of the many "hidden weapons" you can use to stomp silence on dates is to bring up a scenario and talk about it. What is this? I'll get to it right now. The key here is to bring up an incident in life(a scenario), relate it to the woman and get her thoughts on it. One of the best scenarios comes from, "Other People's Relationships". It may be a dramatic relationship issue involving a third party. Your friends, cousins, colleagues, or some stranger you hardly knew. Here's how to apply it.
While talking to the woman, when you "detect" an empty space coming, or a silent pause had just begun, just lead smoothly into a scenario, and break out of the silence by relating an "Other People's Relationships" Scenario to her. Here's two scenarios to give you some ideas.
1)"This female classmate I knew from old school days wanted to audition for a talent quest and her boyfriend threatened to break up with her because he never liked showbiz. So let's say it happened to you. What will you do if you are her?"
2)"It's this old army friend I knew. He liked Beyonce a lot and he planned to go to the concert. At first, he wanted his girlfriend to go with him but her schedule didn't allow it. So in the end, he asked a lady friend to go and guess what? His girlfriend knew about it, kicked up a fuss and demanded he go to the concert by himself not with that lady. So now he's already bought the tickets and is stuck with an angry girlfriend. What do you think he should do?"
Once again, rid silent moments by placing a scenario into the interaction, then get her view on it. Conversations will re-generate from there. In all, the above is just one tactic to keep the conversation going. There's a lot more "conversation maintenance" secrets to ensure every interactions you have with women will flow instead of being a struggle. One other scenario secret you can use, and this one is easier since she can relate to it easier, is to talk about the latest on screen romances. It can be from the movies or television. Example would be asking her what she thought of the romance situations and relationships going on with some of the characters in Grey's Anathomy, Desperate Housewives or Ugly Betty for that matter. The trick here is to discuss what those characters and situations in normal peoples lives have in common or how they apply to what real life is or isn't in some cases.This will get her excited because she gets to talk about some of her favourite people and what she likes that's going on in those shows. Normally it's a throw back to what she's seeking in a relationship or to the sort of guy she's into. This has not only broken the silence problem but has also given you the ammunition to dig a little deeper into her likes and dislike of men, relationships and whatever else that can benefit you. Two birds with one stone basically. Now you got more than cancelling the silence issue. She'll be opening her mouth almost non stop after you raise this scenario. Just one little tiny important thing to remember. Please be sure that you're either up to date or fairly know well, what's going on in these shows or the people. You'll need to be able to keep the conversation going about the characters in the shows, especially with questions being asked by her, and if you can't then guess what? Silence.
Bar advice. Breaking the silence is sometimes hard when trying to talk with someone you just met. Keep in mind a list of topics that you think will keep conversation. This will help.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Giving her adventure, romance and the forbidden....
Guys got to learn that they are not the only ones that have day dreams of doing stuff that's just wacky and out of this world. We all have work to do and our normal daily stuff makes us drift to fantasy land when we want to escape away from it all. However, guys can use this advantage to get the girls.
Women secretly long for romantic rebellion, for a chance to become irrational and uncivilized. Women are dying to be overwhelmed with emotions, to let go of their usual routine. They hunger for something more out of life, something grand, something like the adventure and romance they read about in books as young children.
Deep down women are actually excited and intrigued by guilty, transgressive pleasures. Women are not the sweet, innocent creatures that some men would like to imagine them to be. Like men, they are deeply attracted to the forbidden and the dangerous. Guys get shocked when they hear what some of the ladies are thinking.
The seducer knows that women are waiting for adventure and sexual pleasure. Women never get enough of it from friends and lovers, and they cannot get it by themselves. The seducer knows that women want more illusion, fantasy, play, and forbidden sex. He knows that they want to participate in something rare and thrilling.
You can play on this dream of women by promising a fantasy world of escape and pleasure, by creating the picture inside her head of a fantastic future in which you'll whisk her away to. Sometimes it's just that particular moment like having sex in public and feeling the thrill of almost getting caught. It's an adrenaline rush.
Talk about adventure and travel, and have your apartment a place dedicated to pleasure and play where she feels transported away from the world of work and responsibility.
Do not talk of work, duties, judgments, or reality. Instead, offer the rare thrill of losing herself in the moment, where her five senses come alive and her mind is left behind. If you sell them pleasure and adventure, an escape from their dull reality, women will happily follow you. Learn to add words like a spa message done by you, candlelight, rose petals or even bubbles in your conversation. The power of suggestion is very tempting.
Be that man that promises women that thrilling adventure of pleasure and passion. Be the charismatic that lifts her thoughts up into the clouds. Be the lover who promises them unsurpassed sexual and romantic passion. Be the fire who insinuates the sexually forbidden and the dangerous. Be the natural who has that ease around women that makes them comfortable and want to follow you to the ends of the earth.
Make things happen. Become the kind of man who can whisk the women away on the promise of sexual adventure, fun and pleasure with a strong and thrilling man who can take her away into passion and dreams. You still got to put in the hard work if you want her to melt in your arms.
Bar advice. Women too have feeling and thoughts of all these things. Next time you're in front of a girl and she seems in that daydream state, ask her. If she tries to evade the question, well, you know what to do.
Women secretly long for romantic rebellion, for a chance to become irrational and uncivilized. Women are dying to be overwhelmed with emotions, to let go of their usual routine. They hunger for something more out of life, something grand, something like the adventure and romance they read about in books as young children.
Deep down women are actually excited and intrigued by guilty, transgressive pleasures. Women are not the sweet, innocent creatures that some men would like to imagine them to be. Like men, they are deeply attracted to the forbidden and the dangerous. Guys get shocked when they hear what some of the ladies are thinking.
The seducer knows that women are waiting for adventure and sexual pleasure. Women never get enough of it from friends and lovers, and they cannot get it by themselves. The seducer knows that women want more illusion, fantasy, play, and forbidden sex. He knows that they want to participate in something rare and thrilling.
You can play on this dream of women by promising a fantasy world of escape and pleasure, by creating the picture inside her head of a fantastic future in which you'll whisk her away to. Sometimes it's just that particular moment like having sex in public and feeling the thrill of almost getting caught. It's an adrenaline rush.
Talk about adventure and travel, and have your apartment a place dedicated to pleasure and play where she feels transported away from the world of work and responsibility.
Do not talk of work, duties, judgments, or reality. Instead, offer the rare thrill of losing herself in the moment, where her five senses come alive and her mind is left behind. If you sell them pleasure and adventure, an escape from their dull reality, women will happily follow you. Learn to add words like a spa message done by you, candlelight, rose petals or even bubbles in your conversation. The power of suggestion is very tempting.
Be that man that promises women that thrilling adventure of pleasure and passion. Be the charismatic that lifts her thoughts up into the clouds. Be the lover who promises them unsurpassed sexual and romantic passion. Be the fire who insinuates the sexually forbidden and the dangerous. Be the natural who has that ease around women that makes them comfortable and want to follow you to the ends of the earth.
Make things happen. Become the kind of man who can whisk the women away on the promise of sexual adventure, fun and pleasure with a strong and thrilling man who can take her away into passion and dreams. You still got to put in the hard work if you want her to melt in your arms.
Bar advice. Women too have feeling and thoughts of all these things. Next time you're in front of a girl and she seems in that daydream state, ask her. If she tries to evade the question, well, you know what to do.
Monday, April 16, 2007
How to make it work?
Ever run into a brick wall, so to speak, with your mate? Can’t
seem to pass “Go” without collecting 200 fresh wounds? Well,
it’s time to build a bridge and tear down that brick wall. Here
are your tools:
1.ATTITUDE – Get an attitude adjustment first. Lighten up and do
a 180-degree about face. Read the Sunday comics, grab an old
comic book, turn on the Comedy channel, watch funny videos or
DVDs. Get in a better mood and pass it along to your mate.
Invite your mate to tune in to comedy with you, too.
2. FRIENDSHIP – Go back to being friends for starters now that
you’re in a good mood. Forget the love stuff, if you want. And
just focus on being good friends; share compliments, do things
for one another, go out and have fun together, enjoy one
another’s company.
3. RELAX – Let your hair down. Trust and relax. Be yourself.
Don’t let old wounds open or fester. Forget the garbage
memories and just be in the here and now together.
4. TIME OUT – If possible, spend extra time together for
awhile, like during your original courting days. Hire a sitter,
order out, eat at fast food places, grab ice cream cones and go
for walks in the park. Get to know each other all over again.
That’s the key. Then you’ll remember why you fell for each
other in the beginning and history will hopefully repeat
itself.
5. COMMUNICATION – Take it slow and easy. Keep away from
subjects that you don’t agree upon. And slowly re-learn to
communicate with each other all over again. If necessary, and
it’s not a crime or shame – get help. Seek a trusted friend or
adviser, a church clergy member or certified professional
counselor. No need to go it alone. Find your weak areas and how
to over come them and plan for future communication
difficulties.
6. GOALS – Gradually develop goals together so you’ll have a
direction to head. Write them down in a notebook just for the
two of you. And over time, develop them, revise them, cross
them off your list. The idea is to have goals together and work
towards a common goal.
7. SCRAP BOOK – Create a memory album together. Add photos,
clippings, menus and anything that reminds you of the “good
times.” Then when tough times comes, you’ll have something to
“hold on to” – your bridge to romance.
Bar advice. So don’t just sit back and sulk. Take short steps to improve
your relationships and let life’s problems magically pass by
while you hold on to your relationship.Work your own magic.
seem to pass “Go” without collecting 200 fresh wounds? Well,
it’s time to build a bridge and tear down that brick wall. Here
are your tools:
1.ATTITUDE – Get an attitude adjustment first. Lighten up and do
a 180-degree about face. Read the Sunday comics, grab an old
comic book, turn on the Comedy channel, watch funny videos or
DVDs. Get in a better mood and pass it along to your mate.
Invite your mate to tune in to comedy with you, too.
2. FRIENDSHIP – Go back to being friends for starters now that
you’re in a good mood. Forget the love stuff, if you want. And
just focus on being good friends; share compliments, do things
for one another, go out and have fun together, enjoy one
another’s company.
3. RELAX – Let your hair down. Trust and relax. Be yourself.
Don’t let old wounds open or fester. Forget the garbage
memories and just be in the here and now together.
4. TIME OUT – If possible, spend extra time together for
awhile, like during your original courting days. Hire a sitter,
order out, eat at fast food places, grab ice cream cones and go
for walks in the park. Get to know each other all over again.
That’s the key. Then you’ll remember why you fell for each
other in the beginning and history will hopefully repeat
itself.
5. COMMUNICATION – Take it slow and easy. Keep away from
subjects that you don’t agree upon. And slowly re-learn to
communicate with each other all over again. If necessary, and
it’s not a crime or shame – get help. Seek a trusted friend or
adviser, a church clergy member or certified professional
counselor. No need to go it alone. Find your weak areas and how
to over come them and plan for future communication
difficulties.
6. GOALS – Gradually develop goals together so you’ll have a
direction to head. Write them down in a notebook just for the
two of you. And over time, develop them, revise them, cross
them off your list. The idea is to have goals together and work
towards a common goal.
7. SCRAP BOOK – Create a memory album together. Add photos,
clippings, menus and anything that reminds you of the “good
times.” Then when tough times comes, you’ll have something to
“hold on to” – your bridge to romance.
Bar advice. So don’t just sit back and sulk. Take short steps to improve
your relationships and let life’s problems magically pass by
while you hold on to your relationship.Work your own magic.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Their eyes were watching God
Oprah Winfrey Presents THEIR EYES WERE WATCHING GOD, the story of a remarkable and resilient woman's quest for love and fulfillment based on the best-selling book by Zora Neale Hurston. Academy Award(R) winner Halle Berry (Best Actress 2003, MONSTERS BALL) stars as the beautiful Janie Crawford, who embarks on an emotional and dramatic journey of self-discovery.
Refusing to compromise in spite of society's expectations, Janie endures two stifling marriages until finally finding love in a passionate romance with a much younger man. In one of the greatest, most lyrical love stories ever written, Janie experiences all that life has to offer, from unbelievable triumph to unspeakable heartbreak. Be inspired again and again by this timeless story of passion, romance, and the spirit of true love.
Bar advice. This is also a good book to get. It was 10 years in the making and now is finally out as a movie. Great for romance.
Sunday, February 4, 2007
Do you need visual romance
This is a pretty amazing movie, that does get graphic in nature and crosses the line in parts of what is art and what is not. Very good story in which Caroline Ducey goes out looking for love when her boyfriend, Sagamore Stevenin refuses to pay any attention to her. Caroline's character finds love in many different forms, men and means. From picking up a lover at a bar (Rocco Siffredi), to finding an older man into S&M, to having a quickie on a set of stairs by a total stranger (which I think is the best segment). A great film from Catherine Breillat.
Bar advice. This is what romance can be like. No boundaries, age or uncertanties. We all have them. We are , after all, human.
Bar advice. This is what romance can be like. No boundaries, age or uncertanties. We all have them. We are , after all, human.
Ahhhh! Romance
Everyone knows that part of dating is romance, maybe I am easy to please, but I think I have known some pretty romantic women in my day. I would love to hear about some of your most romantic experiences.
There are so many romantic memories, many more, but the memories have faded over time. There are some memories that will never fade; one in particular. I think that the most romantic thing that anyone has ever done for me was when a particular someone did a very special thing for me. She made me a meal while I was sleeping. The thing was it wasn't just the meal. We were working the night before at the bar and only went to bed at about 4.30pm that morning and the next day was Sunday ( we don't work on that day) but she got up to go to go to the market and buy the food to make the meal. The romance was what she did and not what she cooked for me. In fact, I can't even remember what we ate. It doesn't really matter because what's important is that I remember what she did. My heart melts when I think back at those things and when I see her smile.
Bar advice.The most romantic things are the little things, things that have a shared meaning, things that are intimate, and personal. Those are the memories that shine the brightest, and I will cherish them forever; maybe I am just easy to please, or just maybe I recognize what truly comes from the heart.
There are so many romantic memories, many more, but the memories have faded over time. There are some memories that will never fade; one in particular. I think that the most romantic thing that anyone has ever done for me was when a particular someone did a very special thing for me. She made me a meal while I was sleeping. The thing was it wasn't just the meal. We were working the night before at the bar and only went to bed at about 4.30pm that morning and the next day was Sunday ( we don't work on that day) but she got up to go to go to the market and buy the food to make the meal. The romance was what she did and not what she cooked for me. In fact, I can't even remember what we ate. It doesn't really matter because what's important is that I remember what she did. My heart melts when I think back at those things and when I see her smile.
Bar advice.The most romantic things are the little things, things that have a shared meaning, things that are intimate, and personal. Those are the memories that shine the brightest, and I will cherish them forever; maybe I am just easy to please, or just maybe I recognize what truly comes from the heart.
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