Feelings of insecurity

A lot of people feel insecure when meeting someone new and even during the beginning stages of dating. If, however, you are in a steady relationship with a caring partner, and you have nagging insecurities about yourself and your partner, something deeper may be going on.

Insecurity often stems not from reality but from fear. Fear of rejection, fear of intimacy, and even fear of losing your identity may all come into play. It is likely that you may have also carried these insecurities over from a past relationship, and now are allowing them to wreak havoc on your current one. Of course, if you feel insecure it is next to impossible to have a healthy relationship as it can manifest in many ways.

Making you feel that you don’t deserve your partner. Accusing your partner of infidelity. Becoming codependent. Envying other people and/or their relationship. Possessiveness. Meanwhile, the more insecure you feel, the more you are likely to distrust your partner, attempt to control him or her, or avoid discussing future plans. All of which can ultimately lead to what you fear. A relationship break up situation. You may have already been through one before and another is not going to help your life in any way.

What can you do to break this cycle and feel confident in yourself and your relationship?

First, realize that only you, and not your partner, can give yourself inner strength. Security never comes from outside of yourself especially from another person. The best way to find security in a relationship is to bring your own inner security with you. Now, if you’re having trouble finding your inner security, all you have to do is release your feelings of insecurity, including the fear, the anxiety, the mistrust and the negative self-talk. If this sounds difficult, then you have not learned anything. With this advice, you will learn how to drop your insecurities as easily as you can drop a pencil.

Dealing with your feelings, the isuues and the other half of the relationship will not be easy. You got to put all your cards on the table and hopefully they do as well so that there is a common goal. This common goal will reduce all insecurities in the relationship because you now know that the other also had these insecure feeling and is trying to change themselves, their minds and the situation that's damaging the relationship.

If you have feeling of insecurity in a relationship, treat it as the feeling that it is and let it go. Take some time to rekindle the romance that may have dwindled. Keep in mind, however, that while many insecurities are, in fact, internal issues that need to be released, some may be legit. How can you tell the difference? If the feeling of insecurity persists even after some good releasing then it’s time to examine whether or not this is the right relationship for you.

Bar advice. Releasing can be done by one's self. It's not easy but if you need further help, you should seek professional help from a doctor.

Times of frustration

Last Wednesday Kat dropped by and when I got her a ash tray she said she wasn't going to smoke because she had a cough for the whole week. She didn't come by on the previous Saturday and she said it was because she wasn't well.

Then I asked what she did with her time and she basically spelt out that she was in bed, didn't feel good and lots of people calling her and bugging the heck out of her. She said friends were calling her to go out for a meal, for a date, for drinks and so on but she was not in the mood and all these people were frustrating her.

It seems that when we are ill every little thing becomes a problem or a frustration to the point that we isolate ourselves away and not want to talk or do anything or even see anyone till we're back in circulation. If you're a smoker, the tendency to get frustrated becomes stronger because irritation to the throat gets worse but smokers need their 'fix' so to speak. Tempers can also rise when you get some moron calling you up and starts wining about their insecurities or people wanting to meet up but they don't have a clue that all you want to do is hibernate till hell freezes over then emerge from sleep, well and ready to face the world again.

All said and done, she was feeling better and had a nice brave smile on her face in spite the fact that she was still a little weak. I was watching her from the top of the bar and only noticed her because I was actually checking out a beauty in a red dress that passed her on the street. She said she knew I was looking at her and commented about the way she was moving her hips and ass a little more than usual because she was with a guy. I guess it's a girl thing to notice this sort of stuff.

She had to go for her classes and picked up her bag and started walking off. I asked her to move her ass a little like the girl in the red dress and got a quick "No" to it. I asked one more time. She then jokingly said "don't frustrate me" and walked down the stairs.

This hot prawn is really fun and I'll write about Saturdays incident later.

Bar advice. If someone can still be in the mood to come see you even if they're not fully recovered form being ill, must be a special person. What sort of person are you?