Women's psychology

I'm going to dabble into some women's psychology that most men either don't know or dont get. Now, most guys don’t worry too much about their reputation but for women, reputation is very important. Most women won’t do something if it might make them look easy in front of their friends. Their modesty as a lady must also be in tact.

The good news is, when they’re alone, most women are up for much the same kind of stuff that men are up for. Sometimes though, you need to wait until the friends aren’t around to see both sides of a woman. Relationships that we see television, it always works like this, shows women are dying for relationships and guys are afraid to commit. Well guess what? It’s the opposite. In the vast majority of situations, it is guys who scare women away by being too clingy. For 90% of women (under 30), the only kind of commitment they want from you is a commitment to hang out with them again, call them in the morning and not be a complete dick.

It goes without saying, guys often feel this need to talk things out and explain things logically that often is awkward and lame to women. For example, guys feel compelled to say things like "I like you", when the smooth thing to do would be to just kiss her. If you did, chances are she already knows it. If she’s still hanging out with you, she probably likes you too. Dummy!

Another good example of this is the "relationship talk". You know the talk, sometimes it happens before sex, sometimes it happens after, but you’re sitting in bed with a girl and you feel compelled to put your cards on the table. You tell her you really like her but you want her to know that you're not really interested in an exclusive relationship at present. Even worse, “I want to sleep with other women”. This is not the way. Seeing and being with other people is alright but give a little respect to the one that's also with you. She may also be doing the same with other guys but she'll keep that to herself. In part to do with her modesty as well.

Most women don’t really care that much about what you do when they’re not around, unless you’ve explicitly boxed yourself into the boyfriend role. Don't hint that you're being monogamous with any women you're seeing and they'll never ask if you're sleeping with other women. Don’t ask, don’t tell is the best policy. It’s not dishonesty . Always answer any question truthfully, and never deliberately mislead a woman. It’s simply the fact that emotionally, women don’t really care what you do when they’re not around, as long as you’re good to them when you’re together. If you're the boyfriend it's a different game. Being single and unattached is what's going on in her mind as well but you just haven't got it yet.

Bar advice. A huge thing to remember about women, and here's a little relationship advice, they hate being played in games and especially liars. You'll be forever black listed and even all her friends will know. Don't do it.

What if she has a boyfriend?

A lot of guys ask this, "What if she tells me she has a boyfriend?"

The fact is, most beautiful women have a boyfriend most of the time. If men are like spiders trying to catch as many women into their web as they can, women are like swinging tree-monkeys, swinging from boyfriend to boyfriend but never letting go of the first without having a second lined up to grab onto. So you can't just ignore women with boyfriends or you'll severely limit your options.

Most of the time if a girl says she has a boyfriend just ignore it and keep gaming her like normal. Usually, the girl will come around. By the way, the worst thing you can do is let it stop you dead in your tracks, the girl is testing you to see if you're a wuss. Guys got to learn that women like the chase. It's the thrill of the guys attention and pursuit that also triggers desire in her.

One technique to use is a "boyfriend destroyer". A boyfriend destroyer is especially effective if her boyfriend is not meeting her core values and she's looking to leave him anyway and just needs an extra nudge out. This is a way of rooting out the bad her boyfriend has done and making her want to dump him even more. Ask her about why she feels for him still even if he's not making her happy. She'll rattle on about things he didn't do or times he hurt her. Just nod and agree and eventually change the subject because you don't want to let the negative feelings fall on to you because at that moment all men will seem like scum to her.

Another way is to ask a girl what her boyfriend is like. You got to do this in a casual conversation. She'll of course start telling you all about him. You'll probably get the juicy details about how nice he is and such but try to find out what she doesn't like about him or the things he does that drives her up the wall. Why are you so interested in her boyfriend? You're not, what you're doing is gathering information on things she likes and dislikes about a man. She is volunteering this without her even knowing it. You may be able to put some moves on her but slowly because she's still with another guy. Find ways to hint that you like her of sorts. Maybe get her number.

One thing is that some girls are just ga-ga over their boyfriends. Those guys can't do anything wrong even if it was done in front of her. These girls, you can forget about. She loves him and there will be no hope of them splitting up. He will be forgiven for all wrongs so cutting in is near impossible. Sometimes you got to bow out of the scene and take centre stage elsewhere.

Bar advice. Not to say that it's good to take another guys girlfriend but if you like someone, go get her. Advice here is remember this. Other guys may just do the same to your girlfriend against you with this same tactic.

A girl walks into a bar

A girl walks into a bar and normally the heads of guys turn to see the sway of her walk. The hips, hair, shape, curves and whatever else they imagined for that short seconds it took her to get to a seat.

What were they thinking. Well in their lives they are or aren't in a relationship themselves. Those that approach her are trying their luck. Others just want to see if they still got what it takes even if their married. Some may want to have a "quicky" so they make the attempt as well. Let's just really look at at what a relationship really is. Lot's of people are possibly in one or more of these types of relationships.

Prostitution(pay for sex)
One night stands
Friends with privileges
Dating with casual sex
Lovers only(no commitments)
Arrangements (You take care of me, I'll take care of you)
Multiple Lovers
Swinging
Homosexual
Lesbian
Work/office sex
Affairs(cheating on someone)
Girlfriend/Boyfriend
Living together
Separated
Married
Divorce

Most people think that when they're with someone it's a relationship but the truth is we're all in a relationship with someone. Which category or categories are you in? When you're with someone a relationship is just how you "relate" with that person. Is it casual? Serious? Fooling around? Nothing that will break their heart or be dangerous? Abusive?

A lot of us relate to the word rather than to the true picture of who we relate to in a relationship. All those stated above can still have more added but it already gives you the sense that we may not realize the position we are in and sometimes it's too late. If all is well then you're doing something right but if it's not, what do you do? At times we sabotage what could be good for us.

Bar advice. Most people don't see the problem or cannot relate to people and situations that don't interfere in their lives. Sometimes it's becomes too late.

How does she see you?

Where do you stand with this girl? Is she seeing you the way you think she is or are you imagining what you want and the reality is that she's not that into you. Guys, repeat after me.

"Doing anything for the girl won't work if she doesn't like you in
the first damn place."

Having the girl attracted to you is the first step before everything else. Most guys get things all wrong. They mess up the sequence because they're thinking with the wrong head. They end up showering her with soft toys, fine dining, jewelery or some self made item to prove his love. Give me a break! It looks like he's trying to buy his way in. There's probably some dummy that tattooed her name on his chest with a little heart like Miami Ink. He might as well have done it on his ass because he's about to get shit on.

If she didn't really and I mean really like you in the first place or you never checked if she did and she was only letting you be near her because she didn't want to hurt your feelings, then prepare for pain. Cruel truth is many guys have gone true the incident where they have done so much stuff for the girl and another guy just comes along and excites her and becomes her boyfriend. Here you got to loose the baggage, cut loose and move on. Have some pride but learn the lesson.

Once again I stress that she must like you immensely or massively for anything real to happen. That is the first line of of action that will prevent any other guy from taking her away or from getting you dumped with a big hole in your pocket. Tattooing someones name on any part of your body is stupid as well. Doing it for love as a anniversary present after 10 years of marriage is different. You already won her heart so branding yourself will make only your wife think you're dumb.

Have you guys ever had your dad or uncle advise you to "Make friends first" or "Get to know her and see how it goes"? There are guys that do that but they take the "make friends" part too strongly that the girl sees it that way as well and he won't end up with anyone. Yikes!

Guys, you got to make her see you as a "lover figure" and not a "friend figure". The worst thing that can happen is if another guy comes along and she tells him that you're like a "brother" to her and starts flirting with him. You'll be out on your ass again.

Bar advice. Call it man, lover, boyfriend or whatever cute name she got for you. You got to create the environment in her mind that you're her guy. The one she desires for intimacy.

Relationships that don't take off.

Last week Mindy(not real name), the one that works at the restaurant nearby, came to the bar. "Just killing time to go meet someone later", she said. She started to tell me that she was leaving her company and worse of all, that she and her boyfriend had ended the relationship. No surprise to me actually.

She said that what I had told her before about it not working out and that he was after different things and relationship than her, was true. I wasn't sure if she was alright about it because she didn't really show it. Was she hurting inside? Possibly but she wasn't expressing it. Later I find out that she was calculating her zodiac a year extra because they do that in the Chinese culture. She wasn't a Capricorn/Pig but a Capricorn/Rooster. Now here's what she really is like in character.

Capricorn/Rooster.
Dignified and impeccable, the Capricorn born Rooster cuts a dashing figure. He/She will be well turned out, strong of opinion and honest to a fault. Capricorn's reserve matches the conservative side of the Rooster nature harmoniously. There is little conflict and lots of restraint. The Capricorn/Rooster possesses integrity and autonomy. He/She functions well alone if need be but prefers to be surrounded. Count on the Capricorn/Rooster to do the "done" thing. This person's charm is increased by his/her excellent manners, careful use of words, and ability to find the best in each situation. Capricorn/Roosters worry about how others see them and make heroic efforts to please those who judge their behavior. These people care greatly for appearances but are never guilty of pretension. You won't find one of these noble souls engaged in anything disreputable. Even sex! No. This character is faithful to a fault (if such a thing exists) and not attracted to dealing with deep emotion. He or she is easy to love. Everybody does. But intimacy with such a reserved type is a challenge to say the least.

Now I understand why it was hard to figure out if she was hurting inside. With her character she's not one to really show it. Lot of the other traits are fitting this lovely girl as well. One thing she did admit to me was when I told her she was still a newbie about things like work, people, worldly affairs and of course relationships. Maybe she wasn't all that upset because the relationship was still new and deep feelings had not set in yet. She even said she hoped someone better would come along soon.

The fact that relationships that don't take off when and if we want them to is normal with lots of people. We chance upon someone and hope they will be the one we have been searching for or at least close to it. We don't want to have someone to be humourous only to find out that he can be too much of a clown. Not someone to be a hard worker and find that he/she is not around at all because of work. There's got to be acceptable allowances but fulfills our needs as well. Most importantly they just got to be there for us and committed as well.

Bar advice. In the end we have to remember that it either works out or we need to get out of the relationship we're in.