Constant Fighting With Your Partner

What can be the true cause of the constant fighting with your partner? Is there a value you dislike? Something they do that drives you crazy each time?  Lack of money? Comparison of past relationships keeps coming up? Ever think your personal issues may be the reason?

Your internal conflict can spill outwards and create relationship problems. A fine example is not feeling worthy of true love but wanting to be accepted.  Feeling unloved can lead people to doubt in their partner’s love towards them. Like trying to validate what is there or they are unable to accept or feel the love that their partner shows because of some unknown subconscious issues.

Basically anything their partner says or does that confirms this unfounded belief will hit them to the core and rekindle past memories that may be the main cause. Often resulting in the conclusion that their partner does not love them. It then feels totally true to them because it triggers that belief internally of being unlovable. This may not necessarily be with a previous partner. It could go back to when they were a child and witnessed disaster in their parents relationship or they were not loved like in most families.

Sadly there is a belief that if they get out of an bad relationship that they will be happy. Then later they find themselves in the same situation with someone else. This adds to their train of thought that no one cares or loves them enough or even prevents them from being with anyone again. Fact is, you cant run away from yourself and you need to see that you could be the problem. No one likes to see themselves as the issue but if more people checked themselves, less fighting will occur.  With all that in mind, remember, finding a soul mate is already hard itself.

If you examine your self defeating beliefs that are blocking your happiness things could change dramatically. Talk about the problem with your partner or get professional help even. Change your beliefs and change those that are not serving you then your relationships will begin to heal.

Bar Advice. Your partner will see a new beginning in your changed approach in the relationship and even they will change and you will see things in a different prospective in your life.

Letting go of past relationships

Just when you thought you were over it, you accidentally walk into the bar, club, restaurant, coffee shop or store where you once were together, in love. You were there together, before you had the talk about what you really wanted. Before the big fight. Before the reconciliation. Before the next big fight and then when you finally broke up for good.

Why do you wonder if you did the right thing? Why do you miss your ex? Why is closure so hard to close? As the saying goes, breaking up is hard to do. Letting go of past relationships and closure might be even harder to come by. Next time you face this dilemma, try these to finally let go.

Answers
What is really bugging you about the breakup? If you don't have some idea of what really happened to you, it's going to be a lot harder to move forward. Write out what this relationship was for you from the first day you met to the day you broke up. The universe supports loving relationships of equality. Was it an equal loving relationship? Did this person bring out the best (or worst) in you? Was this a sexual relationship, a fling or real attraction and love?

Advice
Ask the friends you trust, "What did you observe in my relationship?" Often the people who love us can see what we can't but they won't open up or give advice to you unless you ask. They don't want to hurt your feelings about your choice. It's so much easier to idealize the past than accept that your relationship had some real flaws that would have erupted over time. Sometimes the questions can be answered by meeting with your ex, but be careful! No sex with your ex or, you may be on different time lines of grief and it can be painful if it appears that your ex is "over it" and you're not. Your ex may also already be seeing someone else which may just make you feel like dog poop.

Reclaim Yourself
There's a reason that people sell the house when they get divorced. Shared space is intimate space. If your place looks like he just left for work ten minutes ago or her toothbrush is still hanging in the bathroom, you're wallowing. Buy new sheets. Paint, move furniture around or have a "newly single" house warming party. Your environment reflects your mind. If it's a shrine to a past relationship, how can you heal? It's not about denying your feelings. It's about letting your mind rest in your own home.

Forgiveness
Even if you can't forgive them, forgive yourself! Relationships don't fail. They change. You may not be ready to forgive your partner for any number of things (like cheating!), but you must forgive yourself. Letting go isn't possible without accepting and loving your own willingness to love. If you are waiting for your ex to say something you want to hear or just to return your DVDs, you're giving them power over your process. Stop empowering them over you. Forgiveness is hard but whether given to them or to yourself, you feed better energy than anger and feeling miserable.

Feelings
Resist the temptation to run out for a replacement person in the first few months. If someone told you their grandmother died, you wouldn't tell them to go out and get another grandma. You would give them all the time they needed to think about their relationship with their loved one and what it meant to them. The need to heal takes longer for some. Some put up false pretense of getting over someone quickly but they are hurting tremendously inside.

Grieving
Grieving is a process of going deeper into consciousness. Therefore, grieving the end of a relationship opens you up to a deeper experience in life. Pain is a necessary part of growth. Take a treasured object that represents your relationship and set it free. Perhaps you can donate a piece of jewelry you received to a charity, release a love letter or painting of you two into the ocean. By marking the end of this important person in your life, you are honoring the time you had together and you are honoring yourself for having the courage to love.

Bar advice. Letting go of past relationships only happens when you arrive at a place of rest and acceptance. It will come. Trust the process and experience your pain. It will conclude into clarity. It will lead to peace. Eventually.

Relationship advice on dating

We don’t, really, all fall in “love at first sight.” No, most of us find ourselves surfing through the dating pool during at least one point in our lives, and often during multiple points.

It is, of course, completely normal to feel apprehensive before a date, but a few butterflies in your stomach and sweaty palms aside, your attitude and beliefs about the date could actually form its outcome. Think about it.

Here’s how it works. The more you hold on to fears, regrets or assumptions such as that the date will be lousy or you’re sure the person isn't right for you anyway, the more those things will come true. So if you meet your date with your arms full of your emotional baggage from your past relationships, well your date will probably start carrying some of it for you and your greatest fears will come true. You will not have found your prince or princess. Due to pass relationships or dates, you tend to lay some form of blame or any shortcomings on the new person. Sometimes you measure the person to the former partner that you had which tends to leave you with a yardstick that's too great because it can only be measured in your heart.

The events and feelings in your last relationship do not determine those in your next one unless you hold on and believe they will. So if you have a date planned right now, and you’re worrying about it, analyzing it and coming up with multiple reasons why it’s not right for you, your self-doubt and fears about dating may be sabotaging your personal life. Stop adding pressure to yourself and leave the gate open for something better to come your way. In contrast, if you keep an open mind and release your past emotional baggage, such as your fears of being rejected or betrayed, you will stop the cycle. You will stop attracting more of that into your life.

Here's some relationship advice on dating in the present. You should let go of wanting to change what was and then hold in your mind what it is that you would like to have. Let go of the thoughts and feelings that say you cannot or should not have. Also, review your past relationships and figure out what worked best, then allow yourself to be open to more of that and simply get back out there and keep letting go. You may be surprised what can magically appear in your life.

You can find out everything you need to know about letting go by learning that relationships need lots of work. This is the tool used by hundreds of thousands of people to master their emotions, thereby mastering their actions, their thoughts, and their life. You can master yours too if you try to see that you have to deal with yourself first. Your self destructive thoughts, ways, communication, shallowness, mindset and such transgress outwards and makes your relationships strained and unpleasant.

So set your sights high on working things out within yourself and channeling that towards your dates. Imagine the date you’d love to have, and the person you’d love to have it with. Be adventurous and allow someone and something new to happen to you. Change can be a good thing. When you’re open to releasing, you’ll be amazed at what, and who, is attracted into your life. Keep telling yourself the good news will be coming soon, carrying flowers.

Bar advice. Standing in front of the mirror and talking to yourself about the reasons why you're not with anyone actually helps. It's a therapy of self.