Dating when you're older

Over the years, our priorities shift, careers expand, interests change, as does what we look for in a potential mate, and where we look for them. You may feel like all the good ones are taken, but hey, you're single so you've just disproved that theory! Yes it's different, yes it's scary and that's okay. So let's take a look at some dating strategies for thirty somethings.

In your thirties, you know how to make a list of qualities for your perfect partner (and even how to manifest them yourself) but you aren't really expecting them to land right at your feet, are you? You're more interested in quality (not quantity) when it comes to dating, so why not multitask by doing what you love to do in hopes of meeting a wonderful someone with similar interests to your own? Most of all have fun and don't look for the "one"! Be happy to simply meet new people and have different experiences. If you're enjoying yourself, others will take note. They will notice that you can be what they have been looking for as well.

Sure, you can join a yoga class or a interest group because that's what all the love coaches say to do but what about this? Try imagining where you might run into the person you'd most like to attract. You might be more likely to meet them at a work conference, on a vacation, or at a workshop, from comedy writing to wine tasting, or where you are truly in your element.

Going out to try and meet someone over a beer or margarita is always an option but as life gets busier and schedules become more hectic, you don't have all day to nurse a hangover. So look for healthier options like joining a running group, soccer team or the gym.

If you have a dog, start taking new walking routes, if you don't have a dog, borrow one. You'll meet plenty of people at dog parks or local walking spots. If the walking isn't good in your neighborhood, load up the pooch and drive to another area with cool coffee shops and pull up a seat outside (if it's warm enough). You'll be surprised how often a stranger will venture over to chat whether it be about your dog, your book or what you're eating. A friend of mine, Clarice, has a Rottweiler. If you need a guard dog fine, however, I suggest a more gentle breed for people to approach.

If you are a single parent, take your kids where other single parents might also be enriching the life of their child like museums, class trips or children's theater. Just be open and remember you're not a kid anymore, so be bold, and don't be afraid to ask any interesting prospects "How are you?" It's not as difficult as that. If response is poor with one person, simply move on. There's a lot of others out there.

There you are sitting in front of the TV again or searching online profiles (which is not to be discounted) but you could be mingling with real live adults right now. It's the weekend! Take yourself (and a friend) to bar, club, disco or an opening where mingling is always expected. Go out to see live music. It'll get your blood pumping and your feet moving and before you know it, you could be talking to another person whose feet are moving towards you! Go see a funny film. At least if you go home alone, you can laugh about it. The point is to get out, be seen and be active.

Gone are the days when you have to follow any other generation's dating rules. In fact, you're free to make your own rules. Basically, treat dating as an adventure and while you're at it, make an effort to look your best. Even if you're just running out to the grocery store or dropping your kids off at school. Remember, potential matches are everywhere!

Bar advice. It's never too late. There are others out there with lives unfulfilled with a partner. Dating when you're older is possible.

What to do on the second date?

We seem to focus a lot on the "first dates". All the jitters and what it takes to make a good impression. What if you do? You're bound to be want a second date or more, otherwise what was it all for? This time, go pick her up. Preferably, try to get a little sexy love at the door to break the ice. At least give her a hug and kiss on the cheek. She’ll think you’re happy to see her. They usually let you, so go for it. It gets the guy a little confidence to move toward more physical contact later, if possible.

What to do on the second date? You can do whatever you want for the evening. Take her to a bar then dancing. Maybe you could also take her to a bar and then dinner if you want. Avoid movies at all cost, they tend to put you both to sleep. Movies are for dates when you are together for a long time and it's something you both want to watch. Not when trying to get a persons intention. You could also cook dinner for her at your house or plan a certain thing that you want to do together or show her. In any case if your goal is to get her back to your place, or hers if she wants, don’t wait until you are ready to go home. Instead, ask early. Give an indication that you want some private time with them. Maybe they may like to share a bottle of wine or just come over to hang out a little and relax in each others company.

Once on your turf, they can be putty in your hands. An advanced technique for guys(hope I'm not giving anything away) guaranteed to speed up your time is quite simple. After some time when you’re making out on the couch or wherever with a girl, try telling her(with a strait face) that you never sleep with a women unless you've been dating them for at least a month. Then shut up! Do anything else for a few minutes. This will process through her mind for a while and then she’ll become the aggressor. Women love a challenge. Nine out of ten times she’ll jump your bones that night. She will want to be that "special" someone that can manipulate your actions than any other woman.

Bar advice. Some women prefer to take you to their place or somewhere else because they may not be comfortable being in your domain with such a short time knowing you. At this stage of a relationship, follow her lead.

Relationship advice on dating

We don’t, really, all fall in “love at first sight.” No, most of us find ourselves surfing through the dating pool during at least one point in our lives, and often during multiple points.

It is, of course, completely normal to feel apprehensive before a date, but a few butterflies in your stomach and sweaty palms aside, your attitude and beliefs about the date could actually form its outcome. Think about it.

Here’s how it works. The more you hold on to fears, regrets or assumptions such as that the date will be lousy or you’re sure the person isn't right for you anyway, the more those things will come true. So if you meet your date with your arms full of your emotional baggage from your past relationships, well your date will probably start carrying some of it for you and your greatest fears will come true. You will not have found your prince or princess. Due to pass relationships or dates, you tend to lay some form of blame or any shortcomings on the new person. Sometimes you measure the person to the former partner that you had which tends to leave you with a yardstick that's too great because it can only be measured in your heart.

The events and feelings in your last relationship do not determine those in your next one unless you hold on and believe they will. So if you have a date planned right now, and you’re worrying about it, analyzing it and coming up with multiple reasons why it’s not right for you, your self-doubt and fears about dating may be sabotaging your personal life. Stop adding pressure to yourself and leave the gate open for something better to come your way. In contrast, if you keep an open mind and release your past emotional baggage, such as your fears of being rejected or betrayed, you will stop the cycle. You will stop attracting more of that into your life.

Here's some relationship advice on dating in the present. You should let go of wanting to change what was and then hold in your mind what it is that you would like to have. Let go of the thoughts and feelings that say you cannot or should not have. Also, review your past relationships and figure out what worked best, then allow yourself to be open to more of that and simply get back out there and keep letting go. You may be surprised what can magically appear in your life.

You can find out everything you need to know about letting go by learning that relationships need lots of work. This is the tool used by hundreds of thousands of people to master their emotions, thereby mastering their actions, their thoughts, and their life. You can master yours too if you try to see that you have to deal with yourself first. Your self destructive thoughts, ways, communication, shallowness, mindset and such transgress outwards and makes your relationships strained and unpleasant.

So set your sights high on working things out within yourself and channeling that towards your dates. Imagine the date you’d love to have, and the person you’d love to have it with. Be adventurous and allow someone and something new to happen to you. Change can be a good thing. When you’re open to releasing, you’ll be amazed at what, and who, is attracted into your life. Keep telling yourself the good news will be coming soon, carrying flowers.

Bar advice. Standing in front of the mirror and talking to yourself about the reasons why you're not with anyone actually helps. It's a therapy of self.

Dating from a online website

I recently went check out this online dating website. I won't mention it but I got to say it was the only one that I know that allowed gold members to message standard members and vice-verse. found that out later on though. I actually found it as part of the junk mail and spam that we all get. Anyway I went to check it out. Joined as a standard member a went to search. It wasn't all that great a site but had some nice looking members.

With all the relationship advice that I write here, never did I think that I would actually be browsing the site as much. Probably because after closing down the bar I had more time on my hands. Then, I came a cross Angela. Her picture is what really caught my eye. red dress and all. Found out that I could message her because she was a gold member, so I did. We went back and forth a bit and finally got our emails exchanged. Then started to get on MSN messenger.

The first time we were on it was a bit of a disaster. She didn't seem to like what I was saying. I was already on first before she got on so to me it seemed that she was preoccupied with doing other things rather than have a chat with me. The conversation didn't rally go all that smooth. Me trying to be cool and all. I never really had difficulties with getting to know someone when you already know them a little. Know what I mean? She seemed like a dodo bird to me on certain things but she didn't like one or two jokes I made or remarks. I had to apologize to keep her pleased. I was actually just testing waters to see what sort of chick this was. Then I find out she's a Taurian/Snake. All hell was about to break loose.

This is what I know about a Taurus/Snake.

THE SLITHERING STOIC
This is the most natural of Snakes. Snake people often display cosmic leanings and cleave to the other worldly. Taurus grounds them. This Snake will be intuitive (as usual), yet wonderfully discreet. The Taurus part of the character will lend earthiness. This wildly attractive creature causes havoc among members of the opposite(or same for that matter)sex. People cannot control their desire to be controlled by this marvelously sensual type whose alluring bedside manner is almost as dangerous in as it is out of bed. The steamy sexual reputation of this cool, yet earthy creature is legendary. When a Taurean born Snake wraps itself around a sex partner, the victim has absolutely no chance of(nor any desire for)escape.

Once I read this, my first thoughts was, how can I get those legs to wrap around me. I started to get more queries about this feline. Just by looking at her picture on the website and our messages I could get the sense that this one was the type that played it cool and waited for the proper time and approach. She was typical of a real snake that would be willing to just sit there and be admired of her beauty by all but only engage when she wanted to. When we got together on messenger again it wasn't as bad and seemed less hostile than the first encounter. I felt like Steve Irwin, the crocodile hunter, here. It ended with a stoic response to goodnight that I thought it was doomed.

At the end of the week somehow she got online really late. About 1am. We were back and forth about a lot of things. She opened up brilliantly. I never had a better conversation with her. I guess it's because snakes naturally like it better in the night. We had frank exchanges and I hoped that we both understood each other a little better. We were online for several hours. I even found out that her dad was a ex-cop. We joked about him shooting me. Probably in deep water now though.

Anyway, I tried to make her see the actual me and really tried to figure her out. I was feeding her info about the man I was and what I was all about. She did the same but in lesser info than I would like to have had. One should know that two people trying to get a relationship started takes a small step at a time but sometimes you need to be bold and move faster a little. At times this may not be the right move because a woman tends to feel a little hurried into the relationship and may just abruptly end it all then and there before it can even begin. Naturally snakes will rather have a less confrontational approach to anything. In a way it worked out. I wasn't going to tell he about the blog. In fact I didn't write anything till now because I told her I was going to do so. This sought of caught her off guard and now she might be reading this.

I think she just wants to kill me at this point for all this stuff written here but I got to do this. All the blog items I wrote may actually help her out. I sense that she's the sort that needs a little coaxing to come out. Maybe she need a little more time. Maybe she's doesn't feel as ready as she would like to be. Bottom line is we both haven't met. A one time meeting could make or breaking a relationship. I already told her if it didn't work out, hopefully we could be friends. It really will come down to what a person wants. Initially I told her that I wanted to be a bit more mysterious and take things slow but just getting to know each other online but, hey, Christmas is coming.

Here's a bit of advice to those that do online dating. The websites are there to help connect people and it's better and faster to find someone. Some are online with different intentions and false information. Others are branded the same even when they are innocent. One individual is different from another. Having previous boy or girlfriends cannot cloud your judgement of someone new. Don't make the same wrong moves that got you here in the first place. Don't judge others the same way. Trying not to look desperate and acting uninterested will get you nowhere. Opening up to the possibilities that the universe can bring you a partner in life, even after all the hurt before, is what you may find at the end of the rainbow of your dreams.

Bar advice. Take a chance. Not everything comes in the package that you wanted, desired or wished for. Sometimes it's a little old, broken, damaged, discarded or in pieces. Can you be the glue to fix it?

Date tracking

If you go out with a girl on a date there are a few key things to do. During the entire course of the few hours with her you see good responses coming out of her at various times. There will also be points of times where the date hits a lull. There will be times when she's enthusiastic or passive, etc. So, after the date is over what do you need to do when you get home?

Date tracking is the answer. What is that? Here is a few tips to your relationship advice woes. Doesn't matter if it's a first date or one that's been on for a while. What matters most is to progressively track your date and the ongoings of each of them. List it. Did it get better as you progressed? What did you do right or wrong? What did she say that interest her more? Did you remember what her favorite place was? What's her favourite type of movie? Does she like to travel, dance, party, swim, workout, window shop and so on. Get the idea?

There's also the key point to remember to recall the conversations that you had. What kept her more engaged and made her have a bigger smile on her face when you discussed that subject. Those topics can be tracked by you so you can bring them up again. Another thing is to remember when she had touched you in the conversations because this may have triggered more response in her. If you are not familiar with the in depth knowledge of the subject, now would be a good time to research it. Amplify those things when you meet her again on another date. Use this tracking method again and again as the relationship stretches. Any woman loves a man that's listening to them and takes interest in their thoughts.

If you're out with a new person then reuse the same method but remember you have to start from scratch. Each girl is different and they have different interest and likes. With the same one, all you have to do is to keep adding to a list that you have. Improve on the things that she liked when you first met, progressively. You're bound to see admirable changes in her because she's enjoying your company more.

You can also do things that surprise her. Firstly listen carefully to some "wishes" that she may have. If she's talking about going to climb Mount Fuji or something, forget it but if she's talking about trying to get tickets to see a special show or something, maybe. This is a possibility to score big with her. She's going to have more feelings for a man that's doing things for her without her asking. Please don't think that you just need to do things that spend money all the time. Even the simplest thing like sending her a love email may just trigger the same response, if not more. That all depends on how good a poet you are, I guess.

Bar advice. This method can be applied by women to men as well, however, guys are a bit more difficult to pen down. Your list may just be very long and keeps changing very rapidly.

Strawberry to daiquiri

There's a huge difference in people who seem to look for the same thing but want it differently. I'm referring to the many single people that are out there that just don't seem to be able to meet the right guy or really know what they want.

For some, because they are still young, it's not yet a problem. Funny thing is when they get older the panic button starts to be pushed and I don't just mean by the individual themselves but by friends, mothers, fathers and even siblings try to fix them up. A younger person is like a strawberry. All plum and nice, very colourful, sweet and ripe to be plucked. The older people, well, they're like a daiquiri that you need before lunch time. Something you need to have to make you numb to get through the day.

Now you probably have to work and all your colleagues are either talking about their husbands or their boyfriends during the lunch hour. You got to listen to all those romantic sloppy details while remembering that you were in bed with a book and your reading glasses the night before. Then there's the fact that your mother is calling you at work and telling you that she just met a neighbours cousins friends daughter who seems to be a good match for you. You make an excuse and try to hush and hurry off the phone so you don't have to listen to her and pretend you were busy at work.

When you get home your dad is feeling sorry for you and he's worried for you at the same time. He'll try a fatherly approach while you put on a brave face to hear the never ending same old story. He may even encourage you do the online dating thing. Your brother or sister, which is much younger, is pissing you off because they hog the phone with their love interest and when you get angry with them they just rub salt in the wound by teasing about yourself being single and bitter or worse jealous.

The truth is the people that are in this category are between 32 to 45 for women and 38 to 50 for men. During this particular age they lie to themselves that everything will be alright so they can seek comfort within themselves and not show others that they are a little scared that they'll never find the right person or ever get hitched. For some they never will but others try desperately to still find someone. Nothing wrong to seek out a glimmer of hope but if you've put such a high wall or barrier up that no one can climb or even view whats on the other side, how is it going to work?

You're no longer the colourful, youthful or even fruitful strawberry. What you bring to a relationship is not the same as if you were in your twenties. You may still see, through your eyes, life and everybody and things like you are in your twenties but you're only kidding yourself if you think others see you like that. There must be a change in attitude and thinking if you're going to have any hope of being with someone. Certain criteria and standards may have to be altered. Don't forget that the person you meet will have to do the same. They too may have had certain expectations of the other but their downfall was never having anyone actually meet those expectations. That's why they're in the same boat as you and in that boat there seems to be only one oar that when paddled just makes you move in unending circles.

If only those expectations can be filtered a little or some dropped all together. You will find that you may just meet someone that's been searching just as hard as you. So what if she's a little shorter, he's a bit balding, she's slightly over weight, his teeth are not so straight, her chest is too flat, he had seven girlfriends or she's not a virgin? Right now you're all sipping that daiquiri and hoping to drown away that pain of not being appreciated or being lonely at times.

Just imagine someone that you can confide in. Someone you can tell a secret to. Joke with or talk to about matters of interest. This person makes your heart feel joy each time you see them or talk to them. Maybe a holiday together to be a little more intimate. This person can be your best friend as well as your lover. You've been so introverted because you thought you had no hope so explode out all those feelings. You will feel greater joy in life itself. You'll look to the heavens and wonder what prayers you said that let God send you this saving grace of an individual that can fill that void that was there before.

Bar advice. Never give up hope but make changes. Everyone including yourself needs love and acceptance will make you, and I stress you, a happier person. You both may just start having a strawberry daiquiri together.

Getting her number

You guys out there are lame sometimes. Getting her number is a skill set all it's own. Most throwaway phone numbers are a result of the man getting the number too fast.

First of all, if you’re at a bar and meet a girl, don’t talk to her for only five minutes and then start getting her number and leave thinking you’re going to score. After all, what’s the point of getting a phone number in the first place. It's to meet up later and continue the seduction, right?

You had her right there at the bar, right then. You could have used that opportunity to build value with her right then. You were on a “date” with her right THEN but you didn't recognize it. So getting her number so that you can meet up with her later, and walking away from the interaction in the moment is totally counterproductive and nonsensical.

Also, if you start getting her number without going through the proper preliminary steps, then yes, the girl might be digging you, but in reality you didn’t have enough social value to her for her to want to start an ongoing, dating relationship with you.

A girl who with a social value of 8 might give her number to you if she perceives you to have a social value of 6 but that doesn’t mean she’ll follow up with you. Getting her numbers is only solid when you both have the same social value. What is this social value I'm talking about? Well, it's basically a persons standard in their relationship, dating, sex, love and self confidence. Where you stand with him or her and your compatibility can pretty much be discovered if you know what to look for. It will be a waste of time if you both are not suited for each other. Break ups can be hurtful. So unless you're just looking for hot sex without strings then aim low.

Guys, building a peak social value of 10 is not easy so work hard to get there. It's not you who should be worried if you're at that peak yet but it's how she sees you that counts. Will she be interested when you meet her or when you ask for her number. As time goes on and you start to develop better interaction skills and seduction methods so just beware of one thing. Don't blow it by thinking that you can get any girl and become a arrogant jack ass. Women will drop you like a stone if they see that sort of behaviour and if word starts getting around that you're like that you will have a hard time repairing the damage.

Developing those skills and nurturing your social value is a personal responsibility. Also, in the company of other guys you will be the dominant, stand out guy there if the rest are lacking. This gives you better chances with the ladies. Women will see it very clearly even if you don't. You'll be amazed that you can get more than a phone number.

Bar advice. When you just meet a girl, stick to a game plan. The last thing on your mind should be sex just because she gave you her phone number.

Single

Let's be honest. No woman really wants to be alone for the rest of her life. But does being alone mean you're doomed to be miserable forever? Definitely not! And does being single have to equal lonely? No way! You can have the best time of your life when you're single, but you wouldn't know that from our relationship obsessed society, where celebrity magazines devote the majority of their content to who's dating whom and the wedding industry is a $100-billion business. Yet more than a third of marriages end in divorce, and countless other couples languish in unions that shouldn't have happened in the first place.

Bar advice. Don't become a statistic. Love yourself and never settle!

Please, ' No games'

Well, if you've ever read an online dating profile anywhere, you've invariably seen some version of today's Phrase Of The Day in there somewhere. This can come in the form of, "No Games!" or "I am sick of playing games!" or "I do not play games, and won't put up with those playing games", among others.

Having read this phrase a few hundred times, I got a bright idea. I started asking people what they meant by that.Based on certain patterns, there are four conclusions.

1) People have no concrete idea what they mean by "No Games",...

2) If they do know what they mean, it's not a standard definition that the rest of us can relate to immediately.

3) It's altogether possible that people put "No Games" in their profiles just because everyone else did and it sounds like the thing to write.

4) They have been through some bad, weird, awful, distasteful, hurtful or plain lousy relationships.

My bet is that #4 and #3 is more often the reason than not. Lack of creativity has never been in short supply on dating web sites! That said, when so many people bring the "games" thing up-even putting it at their very headline in multiple instances-there's got to be something going on here.So what's up with it? What does it mean?

After considerable thought and conversation, here are just some of the possibilities as far as what people are talking about here. I don't see this as an exhaustive list, and I welcome additions from readers. For your convenience, I've broken it down by gender.

GUY GAMES

1) What's a "game" without a "player"? Now, what a "player" is, exactly, is a whole other topic, thereby adding complexity to this entire thing. Whoever he is, some women are "sick" of him. For the record, other women are inexplicably drawn to "player" types. So thank you, ladies, for clarifying up front what your preference is assuming that's what you meant.

2) The dating "rules" of engagement.This involves doing things or acting in a certain way based on unwritten ‘protocol'. For example, when a guy gets your phone number/takes you out on a date/etc. He should wait three days to call you afterward, right? Dumb!

3) Lying about intentions. He "loves you" and wants a relationship, or vice-versa. Wake up!

4) Over promising/under delivering. He says he has a "wonderful evening" planned for you. You are all excited, and you end up doing absolutely nothing. Again. Another version of this is right after dinner out somewhere, while it's still early, he says he's really just ready to go home and "chill". This is categorized as a guy "game" because in my opinion the guy should have dates planned for the couple to enjoy, largely based(hopefully)on her favorite things to do/places to go.

GAL GAMES

1) Playing "hard to get". She leaves him hanging. A lot.

2) Marking territory.This is all about getting involved in a guy's life in such a way that before he knows it, you are most certainly not going away anytime soon. (e.g. making friends with his friends, introducing his and her kids to one another, etc.)

3) Meal ticket.She keeps him around because he'll buy her dinner, and stuff and that's really all. My personal opinion on this, BTW, is that if it's going on, it's the guy's stupid fault. He has failed to create attraction on her part and besides, who can blame her?

4) Sexual control. Anything under the general heading of "manipulation by sex" is a "game". Duhh!!

EQUAL OPPORTUNITY GAMES

1) Flakiness -- Generally described as saying something will get done and not delivering. Some people are legitimate all-around flakes/deadbeats, and that's no game. The game here generally involved flaking out on someone after committing to a date, etc, because a "better option" came along. That's ‘Game City', baby.

2) Mind games -- Either hinting or outright saying something is so, and then pretending it was never said later. Acting in approval of some activity at one time, disapproving of the same thing another time. Carrots and Sticks. Carts and Horses. You get the idea, and this can take any form whatsoever. Everything from where the relationship stands to what size boxers the dude wears is fair "game" for this type of thing. This gig is all about controlling someone by weakness. Usually in a passive aggressive manner (Which is, ahem, another topic for another day).

3) Presumptuous assumptions -- Whenever someone imposes on another person and says, "Oh, I just assumed…" you have this going on. Example here would be A invites B to drinks. A automatically expected B to pay the bill, and doesn't have money. Someone has been "played" here. Anything involving presumed use of the other's time, resources or talents is this sort of game. Ladies, if you automatically assume your guy is going to help you move (unless maybe if it's in with him?) you are looking at a problem waiting to happen.

4) Guilt trips -- A major tactic of manipulation, often characterized by projecting blame upon someone else rather than accepting any responsibility for one's actions. (In fact, run away from anyone who runs this brand of smack on a regular basis.)

NON-EXAMPLES

Just for the record, there are a few things that may seem like games, but be careful before you consider them such.

1) Not knowing what one wants -- If someone wants a relationship and the other isn't quite there yet, for whatever reason, the one driving the relationship often thinks the other is "playing games". Assuming everyone has been honest about intentions here, this frustration is merely to be called "not getting what one wants immediately". It's not a "game". It's part of the relationship.

2) Details surrounding non-exclusivity -- If you are not in an exclusive relationship with someone, it is not a "game" when the other person is dating other people. Further, it's not a "game" when you are not being given details. In fact, if one person is asking the other for said details (for which there is no answer that will make said person happy, of course) that might in fact fall under the "game" category. Assuming exclusivity, by the way, is not a good strategy. People in exclusive relationships should have a common understanding that it's the case.

3) Outright stupidity -- Laugh hard if you must, but you know it happens. A or B did or said something in a bonehead moment, and the other thinks it was a deliberate tactic to derail things in general. Yeah, well, it may actually derail things. But it wasn't deliberate so it wasn't a "game". People that have been in problems before will take it as such.

So the summary here could theoretically be that if someone isn't being up front about something, the "game" is on.

Bar advice. Look at yourself in the mirror first of all. Ask yourself if you're the one playing the "games". If you get accused of it and you weren't "playing" it, how would you feel? At the end of the day were going to find these still written on the profile pages and such. What are you going to do/ tell the person you're a "game player"?

Dating your boss or co-worker

That’s a million dollar question! Dating your coworker or boss, someone you see at least five days a week, eight hours or more a day, why not? Well, that depends if dating your coworker will create problems in the workplace for you. Probably not a good idea to date your boss, this could cause problems for you down the line.

Imagine, you’re in the company cafeteria talking to your coworker that you date. Sally and John just walked into the cafeteria and they immediately start staring and whispering to themselves about the both of you. You know they’re talking about you because they look in your direction continuously while they whisper.

You and the coworker you date, feel very uncomfortable with Sally and John’’s reaction to you having lunch together. You think to yourselves that it may have been a mistake for you to have lunch together in the cafeteria where you work.

You’re now going to be the topic of your other coworkers conversation you believe, thanks to Sally and John who are known in the workplace as the king and queen of gossiping at your job. Both of you now wonder if the two of you should be dating and what were you thinking when you decided to have lunch together in the company’s cafeteria.

What type of problems could dating your coworker or maybe your boss cause? Well, what if you get into an argument at home or while you are on a date, when you go back to work you have to see that person almost everyday! If that person is your boss, then you could possibly loose that promotion you worked so hard for or maybe you have to walk on eggshells while you’re at work! This could make you feel very uncomfortable.

Or, if you’re getting along well with the coworker or boss you’re dating, your coworkers may think when they see you together that you may be getting special treatment. Especially if the boss you are dating favors you and gives you a promotion. This could cause a problem for the both of you.

If you just have to date your coworker or boss, consider keeping your personal relationship outside of the workplace! When you participate in this type of relationship, keep it professional in the office and personal outside of workplace. This is key in keeping the work place rumor mill to a minimum on having information about you and your coworker dating.

Bar advice.Only you will know if dating your coworker or boss will be a good idea for you. If you don’t believe this will cause a problem, then go for it! There are many people that have found their soul mates in the workplace. So do what makes you happy, after all you are in control of your own destiny and love life.