The formula that many girls use to control guys

What is this formula? Lets look at some of what girls do and why. Meet the behaviorist.With these "behaviorist" type girls, I'm about to explain about, it's a constant manipulation that never ends until they get bored or you get wise. By the way, if I sound too harsh with all of this revenge talk, don't worry. One of two things will happen when you learn the secret to pulling yourself out of the "behaviorists" clutches.

When she misses out on a nice guy like you either she'll find another chump(or several more) to replace you or maybe she'll realize that she wants to drop the BS and hey, maybe she just missed out on something great(you) and she better shape up before she misses out again. The ironic thing here is that guys and girls can be behaviorists. Lets see what I mean.

"Behaviorists" more often than not learned how manipulation works inside and out by gaming their fathers( mothers for guys) for attention. How can you tell if she's a behaviorist type girl? It's actually pretty simple. Though you do need a little bit of information about her to figure it out. Here's the test.

If a girl seems to like you, find out why(do this directly by asking and also indirectly by noticing clues). There are two kinds of "answers" that she can give. Here's the test.

Answer for girl type #1. "The way you *behave* makes me happy."
Examples of this would be. "You gave me one of the happiest days of my life, I spend time with you, that should tell you how I feel about you, because new years was so much fun, because I like the way you look and dress."

Answer for girl type #2. "I admire certain qualities about you."
Examples would be, "Because you're intelligent, because you're kind and I feel safe around you, because I find you're good looking, because you're so respectful of people, because you're a good man."

Now lets do the self test. Have you already guessed which girl type you should turn tail and run as soon as you identify? Before I tell you, let me give you a little bit of the psychology behind what's going on here, and maybe if you don't already have it, you'll get it before I spill the beans. Now, with the second type of girl, the quality girl, her motivation is going to be to encourage you to become smarter, kinder, more respectful and all around better in your qualities as a person. The first type, the behaviorist, that we're warning you about is motivated to direct your energies towards getting you to behave in the way that she likes. She operates on a reward/punishment type of plan with you. A girl who likes you for your qualities doesn't need to reward and punish you, but a girl who likes you for your behavior will think that she does. Yes, the first kind of girl in the example above is the type of girl to drop like a hot potato. As for the second, please don't tell me you can't figure it out.

Now, if these behaviorist type girls are made out as vampires, then where are their fangs? Empty promises of future value. With the behaviorist type girl the manipulation will almost always center around the hope that she'll follow through on some promise, spoken or implied. Really, that's how almost any con artist works, if you think about it. That doesn't mean she'll break every promise. Heck, you might even get sex sometimes but the pattern will be one of lies and half truths with a trail of broken promises.Here's an example from online dating.

The biggest trap when it comes to online dating is the virtual relationship. These can go on and on and they center around behaviorist type girls bilking you for what they want. A good buddy to chat with and the possibility of more but only if she wants it. There's always the promise that you'll get together and perhaps even a great degree of virtual intimacy but there's no payoff at least not one worth your time. It may not be all online dating site with girls like this but because there's so many it's hard to tell who is the 'real deal'.

Bottom line. Cut the behaviorist totally out of your life, including out of your thoughts and you will be way happier. Plus, then you'll actually be ready when the 'real-deal' girl comes by. This may sound like crazy advice for anybody else listening including but what you end up with in a behaviorist is a girl who doesn't love you at all. She just "loves" when you behave the way she likes. Once her premise is that of your behavior and not your personal qualities, are what makes her happy, then there's really nowhere else for her to turn but to conditioning your behavior.

When you identify a behaviorist, don't try to "beat" them or "get" them back, or find some value in them. Instead move pass. Don't hesitate and waste time. If another girl was already in your bed, you wouldn't care about the behaviorist, right? So, realize that right now, and forget about behaviorists immediately. You don't have to wait until you replace them. Besides, you'll be a lot more successful in finding the right replacement if your mind isn't all clouded with the wrong one.

Lastly. "Quality women" aren't at fault for the existence of so many behaviorist women that suck your life dry. As a matter of fact, they are probably more frustrated by the behaviorist women than you are. After all, it's not the quality girl's fault that she doesn't make the wild promises that a behaviorist will make. Which puts a genuine girl at a disadvantage unless you know how to appreciate that they are better for you. This is the formula that many girls use to control guys. Sad to say it but it's true but I know there's a lot of good women out there too. However, at least you guys are armed with some knoweledge.

Bar advice. Here's how I see it. A "7" who likes you for your qualities is really a "10" while a "10" who wants to control you is a "0"

Please, ' No games'

Well, if you've ever read an online dating profile anywhere, you've invariably seen some version of today's Phrase Of The Day in there somewhere. This can come in the form of, "No Games!" or "I am sick of playing games!" or "I do not play games, and won't put up with those playing games", among others.

Having read this phrase a few hundred times, I got a bright idea. I started asking people what they meant by that.Based on certain patterns, there are four conclusions.

1) People have no concrete idea what they mean by "No Games",...

2) If they do know what they mean, it's not a standard definition that the rest of us can relate to immediately.

3) It's altogether possible that people put "No Games" in their profiles just because everyone else did and it sounds like the thing to write.

4) They have been through some bad, weird, awful, distasteful, hurtful or plain lousy relationships.

My bet is that #4 and #3 is more often the reason than not. Lack of creativity has never been in short supply on dating web sites! That said, when so many people bring the "games" thing up-even putting it at their very headline in multiple instances-there's got to be something going on here.So what's up with it? What does it mean?

After considerable thought and conversation, here are just some of the possibilities as far as what people are talking about here. I don't see this as an exhaustive list, and I welcome additions from readers. For your convenience, I've broken it down by gender.

GUY GAMES

1) What's a "game" without a "player"? Now, what a "player" is, exactly, is a whole other topic, thereby adding complexity to this entire thing. Whoever he is, some women are "sick" of him. For the record, other women are inexplicably drawn to "player" types. So thank you, ladies, for clarifying up front what your preference is assuming that's what you meant.

2) The dating "rules" of engagement.This involves doing things or acting in a certain way based on unwritten ‘protocol'. For example, when a guy gets your phone number/takes you out on a date/etc. He should wait three days to call you afterward, right? Dumb!

3) Lying about intentions. He "loves you" and wants a relationship, or vice-versa. Wake up!

4) Over promising/under delivering. He says he has a "wonderful evening" planned for you. You are all excited, and you end up doing absolutely nothing. Again. Another version of this is right after dinner out somewhere, while it's still early, he says he's really just ready to go home and "chill". This is categorized as a guy "game" because in my opinion the guy should have dates planned for the couple to enjoy, largely based(hopefully)on her favorite things to do/places to go.

GAL GAMES

1) Playing "hard to get". She leaves him hanging. A lot.

2) Marking territory.This is all about getting involved in a guy's life in such a way that before he knows it, you are most certainly not going away anytime soon. (e.g. making friends with his friends, introducing his and her kids to one another, etc.)

3) Meal ticket.She keeps him around because he'll buy her dinner, and stuff and that's really all. My personal opinion on this, BTW, is that if it's going on, it's the guy's stupid fault. He has failed to create attraction on her part and besides, who can blame her?

4) Sexual control. Anything under the general heading of "manipulation by sex" is a "game". Duhh!!

EQUAL OPPORTUNITY GAMES

1) Flakiness -- Generally described as saying something will get done and not delivering. Some people are legitimate all-around flakes/deadbeats, and that's no game. The game here generally involved flaking out on someone after committing to a date, etc, because a "better option" came along. That's ‘Game City', baby.

2) Mind games -- Either hinting or outright saying something is so, and then pretending it was never said later. Acting in approval of some activity at one time, disapproving of the same thing another time. Carrots and Sticks. Carts and Horses. You get the idea, and this can take any form whatsoever. Everything from where the relationship stands to what size boxers the dude wears is fair "game" for this type of thing. This gig is all about controlling someone by weakness. Usually in a passive aggressive manner (Which is, ahem, another topic for another day).

3) Presumptuous assumptions -- Whenever someone imposes on another person and says, "Oh, I just assumed…" you have this going on. Example here would be A invites B to drinks. A automatically expected B to pay the bill, and doesn't have money. Someone has been "played" here. Anything involving presumed use of the other's time, resources or talents is this sort of game. Ladies, if you automatically assume your guy is going to help you move (unless maybe if it's in with him?) you are looking at a problem waiting to happen.

4) Guilt trips -- A major tactic of manipulation, often characterized by projecting blame upon someone else rather than accepting any responsibility for one's actions. (In fact, run away from anyone who runs this brand of smack on a regular basis.)

NON-EXAMPLES

Just for the record, there are a few things that may seem like games, but be careful before you consider them such.

1) Not knowing what one wants -- If someone wants a relationship and the other isn't quite there yet, for whatever reason, the one driving the relationship often thinks the other is "playing games". Assuming everyone has been honest about intentions here, this frustration is merely to be called "not getting what one wants immediately". It's not a "game". It's part of the relationship.

2) Details surrounding non-exclusivity -- If you are not in an exclusive relationship with someone, it is not a "game" when the other person is dating other people. Further, it's not a "game" when you are not being given details. In fact, if one person is asking the other for said details (for which there is no answer that will make said person happy, of course) that might in fact fall under the "game" category. Assuming exclusivity, by the way, is not a good strategy. People in exclusive relationships should have a common understanding that it's the case.

3) Outright stupidity -- Laugh hard if you must, but you know it happens. A or B did or said something in a bonehead moment, and the other thinks it was a deliberate tactic to derail things in general. Yeah, well, it may actually derail things. But it wasn't deliberate so it wasn't a "game". People that have been in problems before will take it as such.

So the summary here could theoretically be that if someone isn't being up front about something, the "game" is on.

Bar advice. Look at yourself in the mirror first of all. Ask yourself if you're the one playing the "games". If you get accused of it and you weren't "playing" it, how would you feel? At the end of the day were going to find these still written on the profile pages and such. What are you going to do/ tell the person you're a "game player"?