Breaking up at the holiday period

For couples, the romantic pressure can be intense. If that romance and happiness isn't truly felt, then staying together just for the sake of the holidays can feel dishonest and a breakup may be the best course in the long run .

For those suffering heart break during the season of peace, love and joy, there are ways to do it gracefully. It's not going to be painless for either party, but by preparing yourself and doing your best to preserve your dignity and your partner's, you can get through it. Here's some ways.

Arrange for a time when you know you won't be disturbed and a quiet place to meet. Do not choose a public place. Respect your partner's dignity by meeting with them in a location where they can be free to express their emotions. Just doing it on the phone is not a good way. The face to face way tells them that you're sorry it isn't working out.

Let your partner know ahead of time there is something important you want to talk about, so they'll be able to psychologically prepare.

It's good to begin with or include the positives of the relationship. Let your partner know what their good qualities are and how being with them has enriched your life. Telling them the truth is best. Also, tell them the reason for not continuing with the relationship.

Don't play the blame game. When explaining your reasons for breaking it off, try to phrase the issues in terms of what your needs are as opposed to what your partner lacks or hasn't done. Hopefully, you will already have discussed these issues, so they won't come as a total surprise to the other person.

In the same vein, take responsibility for your own shortcomings. Perhaps point out that you need time to work on them as well. Getting involved with someone then breaking it off is unfair to the person that was sincere in their intentions.

Being a good listener will help you immensely during this difficult moment. Expect that there will be strong emotions and possibly even accusations. Try not to react (after all, you're the one who is doing the breaking up). Just listen.

Accept that you may not be able to make things right with your partner in one sitting. It's good to set a time limit beforehand, so that you don't get sucked into an all-nighter, but be open to further conversations down the line. Be kind, considerate and gentle.

Consider in advance whether you yourself will need extra support, and what kind of support that would be.

Although you may be breaking off the relationship, this doesn't necessarily mean that you are henceforward cutting off all contact with the person. If you've been seeing someone for a relatively short time, it may take just one more short conversation. If there are possessions to split, it could take weeks and if there are children involved, it could take many months or even years.

In addition, because it's the holiday season, the person may still feel the need to speak with you after the split to work through things. Let compassion be your guide during this sensitive time. It's important to be open to some continued contact, but try to keep a time limit on conversations. While you want to do your best to help your partner move on, you have to move on, too.

I certainly hope a breakup is not on your wish-list this holiday season, but if it is, strength tempered with respect and kindness are the qualities that will sustain you and hopefully allow both you and your partner a fresh start in the New Year.

Bar advice. Breaking things off is hard but because you may not be sure of yourself may drive you to it. Sometimes it leads people back together when they take a back step and return.

Take a holiday

Anyone who travels regularly is aware of luggage and carry-on restrictions post 9-11. However, if you travel abroad, there are other considerations to keep in mind. No foreign country wants undesirable insects, rodents, or diseases to infiltrate their population via border crossings.

Before reading further, remember that if you have outstanding police warrants or a criminal record, you should probably forget about foreign travel.Period.

In a relationship we sometimes need to get away for a short trip. Sometimes we need to get away from each other. Whatever it may be here is what NOT to take with you.

Regulations vary by country. The snacks you pack for a domestic flight may not pass customs inspection for an overseas destination. Start with a good dose of 'common sense' and you will quickly realize why most of the items on the following list are not permitted:

Beer, wine, or other alcoholic beverages that have been opened

Pets without appropriate vaccination certificates

Native wildlife

Weapons or toys and other items that look like weapons

Big game bagged while on your safari or hunting trip

Prescription drugs without an accompanying doctor's prescription

Drugs, vitamins, or nutritional supplements with unreadable labels

Illegal drugs or paraphernalia. It's a DEATH PENALTY in some countries, like Singapore.

Potted houseplants, seeds, soil, pebbles, or sand.

Natural products like seashells, pieces of coral reef, whalebone

Uncooked pork, poultry, beef, and other meat or animal products

Unprocessed or uncooked vegetables, fruits, tubers, roots, etc.

Hay, straw, oats, and similar items

Any other natural products that may harbor diseases or pests

Fireworks and incendiary devices

Clothing and souvenirs manufactured with any of the above products

Some prohibited articles may be allowed with appropriate permits or certification. If you don't know for sure, don't pack them or bring them back home with you.

What you MUST take with you.

Imagine your chagrin should you go through customs on your return trip and discover that you must pay duty on your laptop computer, digital camera, and jewelry even though you purchased them in your own country prior to your trip. Yes, it can and does happen. Protect yourself!

Pack copies of documents such as sales receipts, credit card statements, insurance policies, and appraisals for all valuable items to prove ownership and purchase date especially for anything that looks like new.

No receipts or paperwork? Take a picture of each item next to a newspaper that plainly displays a readable date. Note the serial number(s) with each photo. Keep all photos and paperwork in a safe place along with your passport and other important documents. They will be invaluable when you fill in customs declarations - both leaving and returning.

Do Your Homework

Spend some time doing research on the Internet before you travel. You should be able to find a government or embassy website that provides the regulations online.Lets say you are going on Vacation Barcelona, do searches such as:

- customs regulations Spain

Bar advice.Advance investigation may save you considerable time, money, and effort as you pass through each border crossing.Be aware! The resulting peace of mind will make your holiday much more enjoyable. Bon voyage.