Asking for help

Why is asking for help so difficult? We need assistance but we just don't reach out. Instead we choose to suffer alone. With individualism running amok, one in four people say they have absolutely no one to confide in. How sad! Our ingrained independence is creating a culture of need and unprecedented isolation. Too many like to show independence in front of the boss or whoever works for them instead.

It doesn't have to be this way. Mastering the "Mayday" is a skill you can learn. Not only will it ease and enhance your life, it can deepen connections, reduce stress, restore energy and remind you that despite your grim determination to endure hardships, you are not alone. Here are simple ways you can seek help.

Ask early and often
Building your mayday muscles requires regular practice. With exercise you can become more comfortable in your requests and when you do ask for help, make sure you articulate. Clarify what you're looking for. From terms to time lines but be careful not to micromanage and don't wait till the last minute either. If you expect that you need help making the bills, don't wait until the end of the month to get assistance.

Believe
Faith grounds us heart and soul. Believe that you are not alone and that your needs will be met and you will be able to make your request for help. Your voice won't shake(or at least it will quiver less) and your request will be clear and strong. Rather than being filled with worry, you'll know that your needs will be met. You have the power to manifest.

Gratia
Remain grateful. Gratitude helps put your need into perspective. When you recognize all the blessings of your life, your need will be in proportion to those blessings. Gratitude will also help you to receive either the "yes" or the "no" response. Also, use the "three thanks" rule. Don't flub the thanks. Express your gratitude three times. When the agreement is struck, when the need has been met and the next time you see your helpmate.

Cast a wide net
Expand your list of helpmates. Look beyond the obvious. Family and friends and add some new names to the list. For instance if you need money to fund a project, keep in mind that there are organizations that are looking for you. When you do gather up the courage to ask for help, be attentive to the subtle cues behind a general "yes" or "no" response. People sometimes like to have more information before parting with their money. Is your potential helpmate willing or reluctant? Be honest with them. Remember, rejection is a part of life.

Intimate partner.
Sometimes we tend to take our partners for granted. We expect them to just drop everything and help us out. Think for a second. Would you, if asked? If the partner is just as busy, stretched out, pressured, over worked or whatever, it makes no sense to start a blow out argument in the relationship with your intimate partner and end up on the losing side. Seeking for help here may receive a "no" response. If it concerns both of you, surely the partner will do whatever is necessary to assist. However, sometimes it's because they don't want to get involved or because they're unable to help. Don't blame but seek alternative help. It's not worth damaging the relationship for something only YOU need help in.

Bar advice. We try to be independent but even the best and brightest people were never able to do it all on their own.

Ways to succeed in the year ahead.

Think success
To attain the kind of success that you want, you need to dream big. Every success story starts with big dreams. You need to have big dreams for yourself if you want to be somebody rich, famous or fulfilled. You need to have a clear vision of what you want to achieve but it doesn't stop in dreaming alone. You should actively visualize success in your mind. Feel it, touch it. Like it is within your reach. Play this image back at every opportunity. What does it feel to triple your current income? How will your life change? What will your business look like if you achieved the million dollar mark?

Be passionate
Success comes easily if you love what you do.

Focus on your strengths
Each of us has our own strengths and weaknesses. To be effective, you need to identify your strengths and concentrate on it.

Never consider the possibility of failure
It is not in the nature of anyone to start out by "giving up". You should have a strong faith in your idea, your capabilities and yourself.

Planing
Set goals and make plans for your accomplishment is the skill required to succeed.

Work hard
Every successful entrepreneur works hard, hard and Hard. No one achieves success just by sitting and staring at the wall every single day.

Constantly network with others
To succeed in business, you need to possess good networking skills and always be alert to opportunities to expand your contacts.

Learning
To succeed, you must be willing to ask questions, remain curious, interested and open to new knowledge. This willingness to learn becomes more crucial given the rapid changes in technology and ways of doing business.

Persevere and have faith
No one said that the road to success is easy. Despite your good intentions and hard work, sometimes you will fail. Remember, if you persevere, nothing can stop you.

Discipline
Self discipline is the key to success. The strength of will to force yourself to pay the price of success. Doing what others don't like to do, going the extra mile, fighting and winning the lonely battle with yourself.

Bar advice. Keep on the lookout for other ways or opportunities in the year to further yourself. Be bold and have belief in yourself.

New Year

Yes it's that time of the year again. The end of one year and the beginning of the next. Let's reflect on what we did throughout the year, shall we?

A lot of us may have done well but I'm sure there's a lot of others that are just having a bad time in their lives. You lived through the Christmas season and now it's time to look forward to a new start of the coming year. Some people may have had financial or work problems. Bills need to be paid. Careers aren't going so well. Family commitments and schedules are tight. Money. Not enough time for the kids. Not enough sleep and relaxation. Death in the family of someone you loved. You or someone you know, ill.

Those in relationships are having difficulties. Just met someone but unsure. Getting on with age and being alone. Looking for good advice is hard. No listening ear to your problems. Confusion. Marriage on the rocks. Husband or wife being unfaithful. Singles can't seem to find the "right" one. Can't understand why you were dumped. Lonely. Lack of sex in the relationship. Too busy with daily life. Feel like losing control. Feel like barriers and walls are all around and there's no door to open. Not sure to take the chance with someone new you met.

There can be so many other examples and I'm sure if given more we all fit in there somewhere. The point is that we go through all sorts of things every year. So do a lot of other people. The resilience of the human spirit is far greater than you think. Some aren't able to cope and the result of this can lead as low as to commit suicide. Just remember, this(problems) too will pass.

I haven't added to the blog since Christmas and will get back with more sometime after the year begins. Wishing all a happy, prosperous, wish filling and loving new year.


Bar advice. Don't think too much about resolutions. Just take action in the coming year. Seek that bravery in you heart to get over anything.

Peace

I wont be writing for a few days because of Christmas. Wish all of you a blessed time full of joy and peace. If you're out to have a blast of a party and do some merry making, great. Get some food, some fun, drinks and some of you will get some sex for sure.

Just remember those around the world that are fighting in wars. Defending themselves against the elements after a natural disaster. Those with lack of water, food and medicines. Without shelter, blankets or clothes. Praying of salvation themselves.

Those of you lonely souls, look to the comforts of what this day truly means and let it bring peace to yourself.

Bar advice. Have a Merry Christmas. I'll bring a nice report for all before the new year 2008

The right flirting techniques for men

Did you know that research has been conducted to show that flirting is instinctive and is used to succeed with the opposite sex? Evolutionary and biological scientists even argue that flirting is the basis for reproduction.So what is the right flirting techniques for men?

There is evidence that supports the idea that our use of intelligence, language, humor, creativity and flirting are things that separate us from the animal kingdom. Simply complex processes designed to do two things. Make us feel important and attract and the opposite sex. If flirting is instinctive then why some men have to learn it, is always asked. While you're born with this ability, you still need to develop it. That means if you spent most of your childhood in front of the television, with limited social contact, then your communication skills will need improving. If this is you, don't worry as yet.

Some men use the right flirting techniques only to get rejection constantly. They'll conclude that flirting equals pain and never use it again from then on. They'll search for another approach to win over the women they want by being 'nice', buying flowers and giving compliments on her beauty. Which of course is not the best way to attract exceptionally beautiful women in the beginning. There's a time and place for everything. Let's look at the flirting techniques and apart from teasing women, what else should you do when talking to them?

While friends talk about hobbies, the weekend, and gossip, there is one form of communication that two friends never engage in with each other. Flirting is more than telling jokes, being funny and being confident. Sexual flirting speaks right to a woman's core and allows her to understand you in her language. While men tend to think very logically and straight down the line, women think emotionally. When interested in men, women hit and tease them, while women who aren't interested tend to stay in the demographics.

The conversation remains in the realm of asking you things like where you live and what work you do. That sort. She can be "interested" in your conversations, which can go for hours, but she'll never feel "attracted" to you. Why? Well women are different creatures; therefore they think, feel and act differently. If you want women to realize you're the man she's been searching for, you need to speak suggestively. Example would not be by saying how beautiful she looks but rather by suggesting that she's a 'bad girl'. While flirting is very powerful, it's also the most difficult concept to understand and explain. What makes flirting so powerful is the unspoken intent. A woman who like a man can sense thoughts about him even when nothing is said. Body, eye and facial movements can say much more than words.

Instead of just talking about each other, you should playfully suggest that you should "be together" without actually saying it, and never actually asking for it. It's a powerful mixture of eyes, posture, voice tone, touch and your words all combined to make her feel emotionally drawn to you. Maybe, as it's just a suggestion, one should read up on compatibilities of zodiac signs as well. This brings great help in dealing with those that you meet out of the blue. Another funny thing is the sense of smell is also playing a part in it but a lot of people don't know this. The natural aroma of a person draws another one into themselves and that's also why when the act of sex itself is ongoing people tend to breath in the other person deeply.

One way to remember what you need to do next is this. How would you act if the woman was your an annoying little sister? These method can be used after any comment or action the woman makes. Please don't go doing it till she cries like your little sister. She's going to hate you after that and see you as a bully. There's suppose to be just enough to put her in the mood. Make her fight with you in a playful way. Suggestive flirting is where you imply an interest and relationship between yourself and the woman. Let it move it's course from there.

Bar advice. When meeting someone new, give them a little time to adjust to you first. Sometimes the basic questions do help in bringing down walls but wait for the spark of interest to move further.

What's on your Christmas list?

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I guess we all got imaginery gifts that we would like to have and that includes love, sex, finding someone or just not being that lonely at this time of the year. People are a little down and out at the holidays. Sure, its fine if youre in a relationship or married.

We say it's a time for the kids or a time to be happy and jolly. Reality is when this time of the year comes we feel like that little kid. In need to be loved, hugged or just happy with someone around. Some people go to a state of depression and even suicide.

Will it take another Christmas to make a person open their eyes a little to see that they don't have to be in this situation. Take a chance and open your heart to what is infront of you or the next time you're unsure about someone. Fill that void. The emptiness need not have to be loneliness forever.

Bar advice. Take this time till the end of the year and tell yourself that before next Christmas you'll be feeling like a kid. Joyful and loved.

Holiday peace

Is holiday peace obtainable? It's that time of year when we meet with people that will come together under one roof and do the whole family and friends gathering, eating, drinking and accusing, scolding, bragging and bring up old wounds. The time of peace is marred by an ongoing battle, no sorry, war that's been going on since someone stole the others pacifier in the crib.

Relatives that never understood you start acting like they do every year. You see it coming a mile away and you try to avoid it but with all the festivities going on you're suddenly in the same spot as the one you're trying to avoid. A barrage of questions will come out. It's like a machine gun with ammo that's unlimited. You try to duck out of the way but you're trapped. Suddenly your aunt passes by and you managed to get a "rescue". Like a red cross medic in the field. She turns to you and ask if he had started his nonsense again. You realize then that others know about him and knew how to avoid the situation. You were the only one in a panic all these years. You realize, you got a good life so why worry when people start asking about stuff they know not about you. Suppress the fears of engagement.

Sometimes it's a little more difficult than that. Your family may be brutally insensitive, culturally backwards and just plain annoying. However, to have a new experience, you must be open to it. People sometimes show concern in different ways. If you're single maybe you get too much about not being with someone. If male you're probably going to get all sort of offers to be fixed up. If female, you're going to be nagged about where you live, what you do, your high standards for a man and some more hurtful comments. If you are just waiting for someone to hurt your feelings, just like last year, it will surely happen. Try finding the comfort of talking to the one that's the most helpful or better still understands you the best. When in the presences of that person other peoples word, comments and tactlessness seems trivial.

Going out of the house can sometimes helps as well. You feel like spiking the whole bowl of eggnog as well. Just remember you must make your own life yours. If you blame your family for everything you don't have in your life, you will surely never get it because you are looking to the wrong source for your power. It's not that we have to heal from other people's behavior, it's that we must heal from our reaction to their behavior. Own your issues because no matter where they stem from, they are yours to deal with. give yourself a "cease fire' moment. Every family have all sorts of members and yours is no exception.

Now let yourself off the hook and have a great time. While you're enjoying the demilitarized war zone, go visit your good memories. Look at old photo albums. Check out some space in the house you liked. Drive by your old elementary school. Put your focus on letting the good things weigh as much or more than the bad things. Your family may be the worst one in the whole wide world, but you still had a childhood that belongs to you. Perhaps the greatest gift of being a kid is the capacity to be amazed by the world. Tap in to the joyous child within and have yourself a happy holiday!

Bar advice. Maybe others see you as the bad one or black sheep but we don't recognize our own faults till someone points them out to us.

The true secret about getting ?

I stressed this point several times before. Due to the fact that men are primarily attracted to a woman's physical beauty, they make the mistake of assuming that she is also attracted by physical beauty. Hopefully I can clear this up for you.

Women bear children, men don't. So while men are drawn to the youthful, healthy, physical signs of a woman, women instinctively gravitate towards fearless men who takes charge of a situation. In essence, confidence! This is the true secret about getting women. This makes perfect sense when you think about it from a biological point of view. Women want men who can protect her family and herself from the big bad things of this world. So, this explains why you see so many women with guys like bad boys and the rebel sort. They aren't always the most "suitable", but they're oozing with confidence, which makes them irresistible from Mother Nature's point of view.

Women are realist. They just want to get to the bottom of things and that includes who you are. They want the real you. You see women looking at celebs and drooling about them but what happens when they find out something bad about them? They turn away with disgust. They feel let down by the actions of their idol. The thought of the person they adored doing a "bad" thing cannot seem to register in them. Women that do this must realize that they don't know the person at all. The actions of that celeb falls badly on all other guys simply because they are men. When a woman really meet a man it is then an added bonus that he looks half good. Not quite their idol but presentable. She sees beyond the physical and less imperfect features. She seeks the confident and stable soul.

If you go to online dating sites, you'll find a lot of women adding on their preference section for guys not to 'play games'. Also, and more importantly, they state that the guy's looks are not important to them. The tendency here is that these are a little more matured women. Those in their late twenty's till forties. Why is this so? The ones that are still looking for their handsome "prince charming" tend to be the younger ones. Maturity level in looking for "true love" is blocked by the hot handsome celeb look a like. It's understandable that the youthful will stick to what they know and feel. Peer pressure also looms in every part of their lives. Women in the other group have found that love, commitment and strong lasting relationships is what they're after.

Another point for women is, the older they get the less likely they show that they want sex. A brave front to deny themselves the physical pleasure they like but they seek things of greater value i.e. someone that cares for them the way they want. They always want a secure foundation with a man. Once everything is laid and all barriers have come down, all fears aside, the sex will follow. Women are more likely to fill a mans every desire because she has placed trust in him from that point onwards. Beside her wanting to fill her sexual needs she will make sure that the man get his "all" so she needs not have to go looking anymore. Who wants to after all that time.

Women need to know that men are unwise to these particular needs of women. They tend to see women like themselves. Men think women think the same way as them so they falter. Their train of thought is derailed at the sight of the next lovely girl that comes along. Getting a man is one thing but getting him to stay with you is another. By understanding that men need some coaching to a women's way will get you ahead in the game. Men want and need to be told sometimes, just like their mommy's did, to know what they need to do. Pleasing a woman that's difficult can be tough and that makes some men run off to find another one less demanding and less self centered. Seeking for an ideal man is nice but reality is he'll never be as perfect as you dreamed up and neither will you be to him. Acceptance and working the relationship will see both through and together.

Bar advice. Men can also be just as complex as women. If both can just see the others wants and needs it can just about click. Take a chance sometimes.