Asking for help.

People often avoid asking for help for two reasons. Either they are embarrassed at needing assistance or they feel they can go it alone and succeed without others involvement. However, everyone needs help sometimes and knowing when, and how, to ask for it can save you time, headaches and a lot of emotional stress.

Whether it’s help to move house, start your new business or taking the kids for a weekend trip, the premise stays the same. Here are some tips to ask for help when you need it.

Release your need to be in control.

Often, we resist asking for help because we don’t want to loosen our grasp on the idea that we are in charge. As you release your need to be in control you realize that you can reach out for help when it is required and know when you can simply support yourself. Stop thinking that others will look down on you so you have to put this false front of being in control.

Let go of your negative feelings about seeking help.

As you let go, you discover that it is OK to ask for help, and it is OK to not ask for help; you feel like you have a choice and this makes it easier to do what is best for you. Why give energy to negative feelings or thoughts when you are in need of help. Use that energy to overcome the problem by asking for help. The faster you solve it the better you'll feel.

Talk about your problem directly.

You don’t need to make excuses or apologize. Simply explain the situation and the help you need. Sometimes simply allowing others to listen to you or be there for you is exactly what you need in the moment to break through emotionally or to solve a problem that has been plaguing you for a long time. People will have advice and maybe criticism about your problem but it's expected and normal when someone is about to help. They just have your interest at heart and don't want to see you in any, or the same, difficulties again.

For many people, the four letters are akin to a four-letter word, one that should never be uttered. HELP! Why do we have to shrug to open our mouth when in need? Most of us believe that we must be self-sufficient and that asking for help is somehow a sign of weakness or forces us to be vulnerable or dependent on others. This belief causes us to not reach out when we need to or when it is in our best interest.

Bar advice. The reason that there are others on this planet, is so we can help each other. We can't do it alone. Ask.

Asking for help

Why is asking for help so difficult? We need assistance but we just don't reach out. Instead we choose to suffer alone. With individualism running amok, one in four people say they have absolutely no one to confide in. How sad! Our ingrained independence is creating a culture of need and unprecedented isolation. Too many like to show independence in front of the boss or whoever works for them instead.

It doesn't have to be this way. Mastering the "Mayday" is a skill you can learn. Not only will it ease and enhance your life, it can deepen connections, reduce stress, restore energy and remind you that despite your grim determination to endure hardships, you are not alone. Here are simple ways you can seek help.

Ask early and often
Building your mayday muscles requires regular practice. With exercise you can become more comfortable in your requests and when you do ask for help, make sure you articulate. Clarify what you're looking for. From terms to time lines but be careful not to micromanage and don't wait till the last minute either. If you expect that you need help making the bills, don't wait until the end of the month to get assistance.

Believe
Faith grounds us heart and soul. Believe that you are not alone and that your needs will be met and you will be able to make your request for help. Your voice won't shake(or at least it will quiver less) and your request will be clear and strong. Rather than being filled with worry, you'll know that your needs will be met. You have the power to manifest.

Gratia
Remain grateful. Gratitude helps put your need into perspective. When you recognize all the blessings of your life, your need will be in proportion to those blessings. Gratitude will also help you to receive either the "yes" or the "no" response. Also, use the "three thanks" rule. Don't flub the thanks. Express your gratitude three times. When the agreement is struck, when the need has been met and the next time you see your helpmate.

Cast a wide net
Expand your list of helpmates. Look beyond the obvious. Family and friends and add some new names to the list. For instance if you need money to fund a project, keep in mind that there are organizations that are looking for you. When you do gather up the courage to ask for help, be attentive to the subtle cues behind a general "yes" or "no" response. People sometimes like to have more information before parting with their money. Is your potential helpmate willing or reluctant? Be honest with them. Remember, rejection is a part of life.

Intimate partner.
Sometimes we tend to take our partners for granted. We expect them to just drop everything and help us out. Think for a second. Would you, if asked? If the partner is just as busy, stretched out, pressured, over worked or whatever, it makes no sense to start a blow out argument in the relationship with your intimate partner and end up on the losing side. Seeking for help here may receive a "no" response. If it concerns both of you, surely the partner will do whatever is necessary to assist. However, sometimes it's because they don't want to get involved or because they're unable to help. Don't blame but seek alternative help. It's not worth damaging the relationship for something only YOU need help in.

Bar advice. We try to be independent but even the best and brightest people were never able to do it all on their own.