Monday, April 9, 2007
Here without you
Bar advice. Sometimes we all feel bad when we break up, divorce, loose someone or move away. That's part of life but they will always be in our hearts and minds. It's OK to cry.
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Questions about relationships
I’ve got one big question. It’s a question that will make everything in your relationship completely worthwhile. Even the bits that get on your nerves and cause you head and heart aches.It’s the type of question you wouldn’t ordinarily ask but that’s okay, because you didn’t know to ask it… until now!
For most people, relationships don’t go smoothly. Undercurrents, disputes, emotions, periods, children, habits, morals, values, work hours and workloads, these are just a few of the kind of things that can cause conflicts. But what if I told you something.What if I told you it’s not about the issue?
My philosophy is that no issue is bigger than the relationship. If we’re honest it’s never really the issue that causes the problem. What causes the problem is the emotions behind the issue and what causes the emotions?
What causes the our relationship conflicts is, at the core, very rarely the issue that’s in front of us now. This may seem hard to take at first so let me explain a little more.
When we react to something someone says or does we are in effect re-acting - behaving in way we acted before. This is what we might call learned behaviour. We may have learned that behaviour in a number of ways. Watching our parents behaviour in a relationship, seeing it on TV, school, older siblings or our own experience etc.
Are these learned re-actions appropriate in all circumstances?
I’d say no. A few days ago my partner made a sweeping statement that… well… to be frank, pushed all my buttons. What she said was like a red rag to a bull. Thankfully I caught myself before any real damage was done. I immediately knew there was nothing wrong with what she had said, or how she had said it. But the words she used, reminded me of someone else and a pattern of behaviour I ran with them. This is the type of conditioned, unconscious, response I’m talking about.
If your partner presses your buttons does it mean the relationship bad?Conflict doesn’t have to mean the relationship is bad. It can indicate that you, or your partner, or most probably both of you, on occasions, have some things that you need to become more aware of. If you can begin to view your relationship as a playground to work these things out, the relationship can become a whole new arena of fun and games. And this is where my question can really help.
My question will get you thinking about the how you can help yourself and your relationship become a harmonious haven rather than a gladiator’s ring. It will help you be a more understanding person for your partner and it will help to spare you from saying things you’ll regret later.
The question is profoundly simple. But when you ask it and use the outcome effectively you begin to take your relationship onto a new level.Things that used to cause you problems will vanish. And when new things come up they’ll have very little power.
When you find your buttons have been pushed the question you have to ask is this: What’s this really about?
Simple isn’t it. But it takes you right to the heart of the matter. As I said, relationship conflict is rarely about an issue and more to do with the conditioned responses.
By asking my question what you do is take the conditioned behaviour and transform it into the conscious. In effect what begins to happen is this. You move beyond the past conditioned response that causes conflict and are left with the current issue. This question allows you to understand what’s going on inside you. Knowing this means you can then bypass the past and deal with what is currently before you.
But what if you don’t want to move beyond the past? Then I guess you’ll continue to re-act it out until the pain and loss get the better of you. Change it and you and your partner will be free of this problem.
Bar advice. You and your partner should talk together. Get a mirror and help each other talk to your image in front of the other and ask those all important questions about yourselves and the relationship. Try it. It works!
For most people, relationships don’t go smoothly. Undercurrents, disputes, emotions, periods, children, habits, morals, values, work hours and workloads, these are just a few of the kind of things that can cause conflicts. But what if I told you something.What if I told you it’s not about the issue?
My philosophy is that no issue is bigger than the relationship. If we’re honest it’s never really the issue that causes the problem. What causes the problem is the emotions behind the issue and what causes the emotions?
What causes the our relationship conflicts is, at the core, very rarely the issue that’s in front of us now. This may seem hard to take at first so let me explain a little more.
When we react to something someone says or does we are in effect re-acting - behaving in way we acted before. This is what we might call learned behaviour. We may have learned that behaviour in a number of ways. Watching our parents behaviour in a relationship, seeing it on TV, school, older siblings or our own experience etc.
Are these learned re-actions appropriate in all circumstances?
I’d say no. A few days ago my partner made a sweeping statement that… well… to be frank, pushed all my buttons. What she said was like a red rag to a bull. Thankfully I caught myself before any real damage was done. I immediately knew there was nothing wrong with what she had said, or how she had said it. But the words she used, reminded me of someone else and a pattern of behaviour I ran with them. This is the type of conditioned, unconscious, response I’m talking about.
If your partner presses your buttons does it mean the relationship bad?Conflict doesn’t have to mean the relationship is bad. It can indicate that you, or your partner, or most probably both of you, on occasions, have some things that you need to become more aware of. If you can begin to view your relationship as a playground to work these things out, the relationship can become a whole new arena of fun and games. And this is where my question can really help.
My question will get you thinking about the how you can help yourself and your relationship become a harmonious haven rather than a gladiator’s ring. It will help you be a more understanding person for your partner and it will help to spare you from saying things you’ll regret later.
The question is profoundly simple. But when you ask it and use the outcome effectively you begin to take your relationship onto a new level.Things that used to cause you problems will vanish. And when new things come up they’ll have very little power.
When you find your buttons have been pushed the question you have to ask is this: What’s this really about?
Simple isn’t it. But it takes you right to the heart of the matter. As I said, relationship conflict is rarely about an issue and more to do with the conditioned responses.
By asking my question what you do is take the conditioned behaviour and transform it into the conscious. In effect what begins to happen is this. You move beyond the past conditioned response that causes conflict and are left with the current issue. This question allows you to understand what’s going on inside you. Knowing this means you can then bypass the past and deal with what is currently before you.
But what if you don’t want to move beyond the past? Then I guess you’ll continue to re-act it out until the pain and loss get the better of you. Change it and you and your partner will be free of this problem.
Bar advice. You and your partner should talk together. Get a mirror and help each other talk to your image in front of the other and ask those all important questions about yourselves and the relationship. Try it. It works!
复活节 Easter bunny and family
If you want to have a ball this year then consider throwing an Easter egg hunt. There is no better way to get the whole family together and enjoying the holidays like they should. This type of fun will ensure that all of the kids will have more fun than they have ever had before.
If you want to plan the best possible Easter egg hunt you should consider getting everyone that you know involved. Talk to your family members, especially the ones who have kids, along with all of your friends. Try to arrange it so that you can all get your kids to participate in the Easter egg hunt. This will make it a thousand times more fun.
For generations children have been playing and having fun in Easter egg hunts and there is no reason why your family cannot do the same thing. This is one of the finest of all family Easter traditions. Your Easter egg hunt can have real eggs or candy eggs; it does not matter.
Many people choose to spend the night before Easter dying and decorating all kind of Easter eggs with the kids.This makes for a wonderful holiday craft that everyone can enjoy. Some may even break but that will just bring out more laughter and fun. These eggs can then be placed all around the yard or park, depending on where you choose to have the Easter egg hunt.
What many families do is hide real eggs outside for the kids to hunt for and at the end of the Easter egg hunt these eggs get traded for candy. This way no candy gets dirty or wasted and if some eggs get left behind it is not a big deal. The best part though is coloring the eggs together the night before. This is a fantastic together time that you just would not have if you used candy eggs for the Easter egg hunt.
Another way is to have someone hide the eggs earlier before the kids get up. Tell them that the eggs are hidden by the Easter bunny. get them excited. Later get someone to play the part of the Easter bunny in a suit and exchange the real eggs for candy ones. If the kids ask why they have to do that, tell them that the Easter bunny needs them for other parties for other kids as well.
After the Easter egg hunt you can arrange for a wonderful brunch for all of the participants - kids and adults alike. Everyone can then discuss what a great time they had during the hunt and how to make it even better the next year. Easter egg hunts are something that everyone can enjoy and no one will ever regret having. It is a fun and easy idea that will be remembered for years. Just remember to bring your camera!
Bar advice. We need to take time out for activities like this. Relationships at home are really refreshed with things like this. There is also the need to explain the meaning behind Easter to kids.
If you want to plan the best possible Easter egg hunt you should consider getting everyone that you know involved. Talk to your family members, especially the ones who have kids, along with all of your friends. Try to arrange it so that you can all get your kids to participate in the Easter egg hunt. This will make it a thousand times more fun.
For generations children have been playing and having fun in Easter egg hunts and there is no reason why your family cannot do the same thing. This is one of the finest of all family Easter traditions. Your Easter egg hunt can have real eggs or candy eggs; it does not matter.
Many people choose to spend the night before Easter dying and decorating all kind of Easter eggs with the kids.This makes for a wonderful holiday craft that everyone can enjoy. Some may even break but that will just bring out more laughter and fun. These eggs can then be placed all around the yard or park, depending on where you choose to have the Easter egg hunt.
What many families do is hide real eggs outside for the kids to hunt for and at the end of the Easter egg hunt these eggs get traded for candy. This way no candy gets dirty or wasted and if some eggs get left behind it is not a big deal. The best part though is coloring the eggs together the night before. This is a fantastic together time that you just would not have if you used candy eggs for the Easter egg hunt.
Another way is to have someone hide the eggs earlier before the kids get up. Tell them that the eggs are hidden by the Easter bunny. get them excited. Later get someone to play the part of the Easter bunny in a suit and exchange the real eggs for candy ones. If the kids ask why they have to do that, tell them that the Easter bunny needs them for other parties for other kids as well.
After the Easter egg hunt you can arrange for a wonderful brunch for all of the participants - kids and adults alike. Everyone can then discuss what a great time they had during the hunt and how to make it even better the next year. Easter egg hunts are something that everyone can enjoy and no one will ever regret having. It is a fun and easy idea that will be remembered for years. Just remember to bring your camera!
Bar advice. We need to take time out for activities like this. Relationships at home are really refreshed with things like this. There is also the need to explain the meaning behind Easter to kids.
Saturday, April 7, 2007
Men who pay escorts
The first image that comes to my mind when hear the word Escort is an athletic woman with jet-black hair, sparkling brown eyes, olive tan, an incredible behind, a smile to die for and 4 inch black pump heels. A true Latina beauty. So why is it that so many men contact women over the internet via On-Line Adult Directories and flip through local newspaper Adult Entertainment pages searching for the perfect hot n’ sexy date? Most men say they are lonely and would appreciate the company of a beautiful woman for just an hour or two to fill the void.
Many men say that they pay for sex because it “is easy to get exactly what you want”. You don’t have to worry about any surprises. When you have the option of setting up a date by viewing a picture of your dream girl, reading her description and simply making a telephone call (or sending an e-mail) and your date shows up at your door 30 minutes later, it almost sounds too perfect.
Other men that I have talked to make a point to emphasize that paying for sex via calling upon an escort is ideal because there is “no emotional attachment with the other person”. You don’t have to sit down at a dinner table (unless you want to) and listen to your date go on and on about all of the generally boring stories about their life and what ails them. On the other hand, your date will readily listen to you ramble on about your personal problems as long as you are on the clock.
Do men enjoy watching porn movies? Try this, ask 100 men if they have ever watched an adult movie and if they enjoy doing so. The overwhelming response to your question will undeniably be a YES. Some lucky guys do find a partner that enjoys porn just as much if not more than he does. Most men will agree that their girlfriend or wife does not watch porn however this may be not be the case for everyone you speak to. This is another reason some men pay for sex, they fantasize about ‘the porn-star experience’. Deep down inside the majority of men yearn for that wild, kinky, sloppy, crazy … you know what I mean. Paying a few hundred bucks for mind blowing latex fueled sex doesn’t sound like too bad of an investment if your regular (sex) life is boring. Variety and spice may be good thing.
Not many men will admit they are afraid of rejection. Well guess what, women are too. The vast majority of men would rather not be turned down after asking a girl out on a date or to a movie. It’s just a daunting thing. There are rarely turn down’s when arranging a date with an escort unless she is all booked or under the weather. Tomorrow is another day and your luck ought to improve with another telephone call.
In Asia the girls are easier to come by. With a choice ranging from Thailand, Indonesia, Malaysia, Phillipines, and even China. Money is what they need and the disguise of being labeled an escort is better than a prostitute. Guy's that book them are just looking for a quick way to meet up with someone and have a conversation. He know's that it's his choice to end it without the sex act but he still has to pay for the hours though. Still, he's in control.
Bar advice. So you have just ended your 2 or 4 hour date with the woman of your dreams and she really seemed to care about you. Now she’s gone and guess what, you’re lonely again. Was it worth it? Only you will truly know.
Many men say that they pay for sex because it “is easy to get exactly what you want”. You don’t have to worry about any surprises. When you have the option of setting up a date by viewing a picture of your dream girl, reading her description and simply making a telephone call (or sending an e-mail) and your date shows up at your door 30 minutes later, it almost sounds too perfect.
Other men that I have talked to make a point to emphasize that paying for sex via calling upon an escort is ideal because there is “no emotional attachment with the other person”. You don’t have to sit down at a dinner table (unless you want to) and listen to your date go on and on about all of the generally boring stories about their life and what ails them. On the other hand, your date will readily listen to you ramble on about your personal problems as long as you are on the clock.
Do men enjoy watching porn movies? Try this, ask 100 men if they have ever watched an adult movie and if they enjoy doing so. The overwhelming response to your question will undeniably be a YES. Some lucky guys do find a partner that enjoys porn just as much if not more than he does. Most men will agree that their girlfriend or wife does not watch porn however this may be not be the case for everyone you speak to. This is another reason some men pay for sex, they fantasize about ‘the porn-star experience’. Deep down inside the majority of men yearn for that wild, kinky, sloppy, crazy … you know what I mean. Paying a few hundred bucks for mind blowing latex fueled sex doesn’t sound like too bad of an investment if your regular (sex) life is boring. Variety and spice may be good thing.
Not many men will admit they are afraid of rejection. Well guess what, women are too. The vast majority of men would rather not be turned down after asking a girl out on a date or to a movie. It’s just a daunting thing. There are rarely turn down’s when arranging a date with an escort unless she is all booked or under the weather. Tomorrow is another day and your luck ought to improve with another telephone call.
In Asia the girls are easier to come by. With a choice ranging from Thailand, Indonesia, Malaysia, Phillipines, and even China. Money is what they need and the disguise of being labeled an escort is better than a prostitute. Guy's that book them are just looking for a quick way to meet up with someone and have a conversation. He know's that it's his choice to end it without the sex act but he still has to pay for the hours though. Still, he's in control.
Bar advice. So you have just ended your 2 or 4 hour date with the woman of your dreams and she really seemed to care about you. Now she’s gone and guess what, you’re lonely again. Was it worth it? Only you will truly know.
Cyberspace online dating
Do you frequently feel lonely late at night when the house is empty? Yes indeed, you are all alone with a bowl of stale soup. You could say that life couldn't be better, right? Okay, who are we kidding? Of course life could be better. For starters, you need to make a new bowl of soup. Then you should do something exciting. Why don’t you call one of those phone sex hotlines? No, scratch that idea!
Those things are fake anyway. I suspect that these phone sex hotlines are all scripted, maybe even pre-recorded. Anyway, there are other ways to cure your boredom. Have you ever heard about adult online personals? This is the hottest stuff in the dating scene these days. It's about time that you caught up with the new millennium.
In the past, I though that adult online personals were rather lame. However, my views changed when I witnessed my best buddy meet a hot girl through the Internet. I was shocked! Did you ever think 20 years ago that couples would be making first contact through a computer? Nowadays there are just so many adult online personals to sort through. It makes total sense if you actually take the time to think about it, since we all spend a lot of hours on our computers already. We might as well make computers a medium for meeting other singles.
Adult online personals are a brilliant way to interact with other singles. There's no reason to be nervous with this method because you won’t be face to face with anyone. You're merely getting a feel for what they're like online. If you do decide that you want to meet up with them, you can if the feeling is mutual. That's the great aspect of adult online personals. You can post your information out in the World-Wide-Web and others will come to you.
Are you interested in adult online personals? Then you can start by posting your information on the Internet. You can find other singles just like yourself who enjoy the same past times and activities. You may even meet your soul mate this way. Hop on Google right now and sort through a variety of adult online personal sites. Start finding that special someone who's right for you. Your soul mate might be just a mouse click away.
Bar advice. Be careful as well when in cyberspace. Don't just give all your personal info to strangers. These things can work out. Some people have married their long distance internet pals. It may just be you next. No harm just browsing, right?
Those things are fake anyway. I suspect that these phone sex hotlines are all scripted, maybe even pre-recorded. Anyway, there are other ways to cure your boredom. Have you ever heard about adult online personals? This is the hottest stuff in the dating scene these days. It's about time that you caught up with the new millennium.
In the past, I though that adult online personals were rather lame. However, my views changed when I witnessed my best buddy meet a hot girl through the Internet. I was shocked! Did you ever think 20 years ago that couples would be making first contact through a computer? Nowadays there are just so many adult online personals to sort through. It makes total sense if you actually take the time to think about it, since we all spend a lot of hours on our computers already. We might as well make computers a medium for meeting other singles.
Adult online personals are a brilliant way to interact with other singles. There's no reason to be nervous with this method because you won’t be face to face with anyone. You're merely getting a feel for what they're like online. If you do decide that you want to meet up with them, you can if the feeling is mutual. That's the great aspect of adult online personals. You can post your information out in the World-Wide-Web and others will come to you.
Are you interested in adult online personals? Then you can start by posting your information on the Internet. You can find other singles just like yourself who enjoy the same past times and activities. You may even meet your soul mate this way. Hop on Google right now and sort through a variety of adult online personal sites. Start finding that special someone who's right for you. Your soul mate might be just a mouse click away.
Bar advice. Be careful as well when in cyberspace. Don't just give all your personal info to strangers. These things can work out. Some people have married their long distance internet pals. It may just be you next. No harm just browsing, right?
Friday, April 6, 2007
Love
LOVE......... - Watch a funny movie here
Bar advice. Love is special. The saying "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved before" rings out loud for a lot of us. Sometimes we find that unconditional love in animals. They teach us more than we think we know.
If love is a Game, These are the Rules & More than a match
In the book to her widely acclaimed title, "If Life is a Game, These are the Rules", Dr. Cherie Carter-Scott has identified some basic knowledge that can help a person find, create and maintain authentic, long-lasting relationships. Some of these truisms may seem familiar, but as is the case with her other titles, a reader is bound to find a gem of wisdom, or two that may change their perspective and impact their lives.
"More Than a Match" explores the “compatibility factor,” demystifying the science behind matchmaking and giving you the tools you need to find the love you want. You’ll learn how to apply the specifics of good compatibility to a prospective date or mate, as well as how to break things off when you find yourself in the wrong relationship.
Bar advice. Fantastic marriages begin long before the exchange of the rings; they start when two people in search of love commit themselves to learning to how to love well…and forever so If life is a game, Here are the Rules but finding and keeping the love of your life is about much More Than a Match. Get it yet?
Please, ' No games'
Well, if you've ever read an online dating profile anywhere, you've invariably seen some version of today's Phrase Of The Day in there somewhere. This can come in the form of, "No Games!" or "I am sick of playing games!" or "I do not play games, and won't put up with those playing games", among others.
Having read this phrase a few hundred times, I got a bright idea. I started asking people what they meant by that.Based on certain patterns, there are four conclusions.
1) People have no concrete idea what they mean by "No Games",...
2) If they do know what they mean, it's not a standard definition that the rest of us can relate to immediately.
3) It's altogether possible that people put "No Games" in their profiles just because everyone else did and it sounds like the thing to write.
4) They have been through some bad, weird, awful, distasteful, hurtful or plain lousy relationships.
My bet is that #4 and #3 is more often the reason than not. Lack of creativity has never been in short supply on dating web sites! That said, when so many people bring the "games" thing up-even putting it at their very headline in multiple instances-there's got to be something going on here.So what's up with it? What does it mean?
After considerable thought and conversation, here are just some of the possibilities as far as what people are talking about here. I don't see this as an exhaustive list, and I welcome additions from readers. For your convenience, I've broken it down by gender.
GUY GAMES
1) What's a "game" without a "player"? Now, what a "player" is, exactly, is a whole other topic, thereby adding complexity to this entire thing. Whoever he is, some women are "sick" of him. For the record, other women are inexplicably drawn to "player" types. So thank you, ladies, for clarifying up front what your preference is assuming that's what you meant.
2) The dating "rules" of engagement.This involves doing things or acting in a certain way based on unwritten ‘protocol'. For example, when a guy gets your phone number/takes you out on a date/etc. He should wait three days to call you afterward, right? Dumb!
3) Lying about intentions. He "loves you" and wants a relationship, or vice-versa. Wake up!
4) Over promising/under delivering. He says he has a "wonderful evening" planned for you. You are all excited, and you end up doing absolutely nothing. Again. Another version of this is right after dinner out somewhere, while it's still early, he says he's really just ready to go home and "chill". This is categorized as a guy "game" because in my opinion the guy should have dates planned for the couple to enjoy, largely based(hopefully)on her favorite things to do/places to go.
GAL GAMES
1) Playing "hard to get". She leaves him hanging. A lot.
2) Marking territory.This is all about getting involved in a guy's life in such a way that before he knows it, you are most certainly not going away anytime soon. (e.g. making friends with his friends, introducing his and her kids to one another, etc.)
3) Meal ticket.She keeps him around because he'll buy her dinner, and stuff and that's really all. My personal opinion on this, BTW, is that if it's going on, it's the guy's stupid fault. He has failed to create attraction on her part and besides, who can blame her?
4) Sexual control. Anything under the general heading of "manipulation by sex" is a "game". Duhh!!
EQUAL OPPORTUNITY GAMES
1) Flakiness -- Generally described as saying something will get done and not delivering. Some people are legitimate all-around flakes/deadbeats, and that's no game. The game here generally involved flaking out on someone after committing to a date, etc, because a "better option" came along. That's ‘Game City', baby.
2) Mind games -- Either hinting or outright saying something is so, and then pretending it was never said later. Acting in approval of some activity at one time, disapproving of the same thing another time. Carrots and Sticks. Carts and Horses. You get the idea, and this can take any form whatsoever. Everything from where the relationship stands to what size boxers the dude wears is fair "game" for this type of thing. This gig is all about controlling someone by weakness. Usually in a passive aggressive manner (Which is, ahem, another topic for another day).
3) Presumptuous assumptions -- Whenever someone imposes on another person and says, "Oh, I just assumed…" you have this going on. Example here would be A invites B to drinks. A automatically expected B to pay the bill, and doesn't have money. Someone has been "played" here. Anything involving presumed use of the other's time, resources or talents is this sort of game. Ladies, if you automatically assume your guy is going to help you move (unless maybe if it's in with him?) you are looking at a problem waiting to happen.
4) Guilt trips -- A major tactic of manipulation, often characterized by projecting blame upon someone else rather than accepting any responsibility for one's actions. (In fact, run away from anyone who runs this brand of smack on a regular basis.)
NON-EXAMPLES
Just for the record, there are a few things that may seem like games, but be careful before you consider them such.
1) Not knowing what one wants -- If someone wants a relationship and the other isn't quite there yet, for whatever reason, the one driving the relationship often thinks the other is "playing games". Assuming everyone has been honest about intentions here, this frustration is merely to be called "not getting what one wants immediately". It's not a "game". It's part of the relationship.
2) Details surrounding non-exclusivity -- If you are not in an exclusive relationship with someone, it is not a "game" when the other person is dating other people. Further, it's not a "game" when you are not being given details. In fact, if one person is asking the other for said details (for which there is no answer that will make said person happy, of course) that might in fact fall under the "game" category. Assuming exclusivity, by the way, is not a good strategy. People in exclusive relationships should have a common understanding that it's the case.
3) Outright stupidity -- Laugh hard if you must, but you know it happens. A or B did or said something in a bonehead moment, and the other thinks it was a deliberate tactic to derail things in general. Yeah, well, it may actually derail things. But it wasn't deliberate so it wasn't a "game". People that have been in problems before will take it as such.
So the summary here could theoretically be that if someone isn't being up front about something, the "game" is on.
Bar advice. Look at yourself in the mirror first of all. Ask yourself if you're the one playing the "games". If you get accused of it and you weren't "playing" it, how would you feel? At the end of the day were going to find these still written on the profile pages and such. What are you going to do/ tell the person you're a "game player"?
Having read this phrase a few hundred times, I got a bright idea. I started asking people what they meant by that.Based on certain patterns, there are four conclusions.
1) People have no concrete idea what they mean by "No Games",...
2) If they do know what they mean, it's not a standard definition that the rest of us can relate to immediately.
3) It's altogether possible that people put "No Games" in their profiles just because everyone else did and it sounds like the thing to write.
4) They have been through some bad, weird, awful, distasteful, hurtful or plain lousy relationships.
My bet is that #4 and #3 is more often the reason than not. Lack of creativity has never been in short supply on dating web sites! That said, when so many people bring the "games" thing up-even putting it at their very headline in multiple instances-there's got to be something going on here.So what's up with it? What does it mean?
After considerable thought and conversation, here are just some of the possibilities as far as what people are talking about here. I don't see this as an exhaustive list, and I welcome additions from readers. For your convenience, I've broken it down by gender.
GUY GAMES
1) What's a "game" without a "player"? Now, what a "player" is, exactly, is a whole other topic, thereby adding complexity to this entire thing. Whoever he is, some women are "sick" of him. For the record, other women are inexplicably drawn to "player" types. So thank you, ladies, for clarifying up front what your preference is assuming that's what you meant.
2) The dating "rules" of engagement.This involves doing things or acting in a certain way based on unwritten ‘protocol'. For example, when a guy gets your phone number/takes you out on a date/etc. He should wait three days to call you afterward, right? Dumb!
3) Lying about intentions. He "loves you" and wants a relationship, or vice-versa. Wake up!
4) Over promising/under delivering. He says he has a "wonderful evening" planned for you. You are all excited, and you end up doing absolutely nothing. Again. Another version of this is right after dinner out somewhere, while it's still early, he says he's really just ready to go home and "chill". This is categorized as a guy "game" because in my opinion the guy should have dates planned for the couple to enjoy, largely based(hopefully)on her favorite things to do/places to go.
GAL GAMES
1) Playing "hard to get". She leaves him hanging. A lot.
2) Marking territory.This is all about getting involved in a guy's life in such a way that before he knows it, you are most certainly not going away anytime soon. (e.g. making friends with his friends, introducing his and her kids to one another, etc.)
3) Meal ticket.She keeps him around because he'll buy her dinner, and stuff and that's really all. My personal opinion on this, BTW, is that if it's going on, it's the guy's stupid fault. He has failed to create attraction on her part and besides, who can blame her?
4) Sexual control. Anything under the general heading of "manipulation by sex" is a "game". Duhh!!
EQUAL OPPORTUNITY GAMES
1) Flakiness -- Generally described as saying something will get done and not delivering. Some people are legitimate all-around flakes/deadbeats, and that's no game. The game here generally involved flaking out on someone after committing to a date, etc, because a "better option" came along. That's ‘Game City', baby.
2) Mind games -- Either hinting or outright saying something is so, and then pretending it was never said later. Acting in approval of some activity at one time, disapproving of the same thing another time. Carrots and Sticks. Carts and Horses. You get the idea, and this can take any form whatsoever. Everything from where the relationship stands to what size boxers the dude wears is fair "game" for this type of thing. This gig is all about controlling someone by weakness. Usually in a passive aggressive manner (Which is, ahem, another topic for another day).
3) Presumptuous assumptions -- Whenever someone imposes on another person and says, "Oh, I just assumed…" you have this going on. Example here would be A invites B to drinks. A automatically expected B to pay the bill, and doesn't have money. Someone has been "played" here. Anything involving presumed use of the other's time, resources or talents is this sort of game. Ladies, if you automatically assume your guy is going to help you move (unless maybe if it's in with him?) you are looking at a problem waiting to happen.
4) Guilt trips -- A major tactic of manipulation, often characterized by projecting blame upon someone else rather than accepting any responsibility for one's actions. (In fact, run away from anyone who runs this brand of smack on a regular basis.)
NON-EXAMPLES
Just for the record, there are a few things that may seem like games, but be careful before you consider them such.
1) Not knowing what one wants -- If someone wants a relationship and the other isn't quite there yet, for whatever reason, the one driving the relationship often thinks the other is "playing games". Assuming everyone has been honest about intentions here, this frustration is merely to be called "not getting what one wants immediately". It's not a "game". It's part of the relationship.
2) Details surrounding non-exclusivity -- If you are not in an exclusive relationship with someone, it is not a "game" when the other person is dating other people. Further, it's not a "game" when you are not being given details. In fact, if one person is asking the other for said details (for which there is no answer that will make said person happy, of course) that might in fact fall under the "game" category. Assuming exclusivity, by the way, is not a good strategy. People in exclusive relationships should have a common understanding that it's the case.
3) Outright stupidity -- Laugh hard if you must, but you know it happens. A or B did or said something in a bonehead moment, and the other thinks it was a deliberate tactic to derail things in general. Yeah, well, it may actually derail things. But it wasn't deliberate so it wasn't a "game". People that have been in problems before will take it as such.
So the summary here could theoretically be that if someone isn't being up front about something, the "game" is on.
Bar advice. Look at yourself in the mirror first of all. Ask yourself if you're the one playing the "games". If you get accused of it and you weren't "playing" it, how would you feel? At the end of the day were going to find these still written on the profile pages and such. What are you going to do/ tell the person you're a "game player"?
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