Avoid breaking up badly

We all agree it is compassionate to avoid hurting people’s feelings whenever possible. The “whenever possible” clause creates some confusion when ending a relationship, however. This is an inherently painful time for one or both parties.

Many tactics have been used, when breaking up with someone, to attempt sidestepping this inevitable truth. They all fail. Worse yet, avoidance of the plain, honest truth causes more misery then is necessary in these situations. Therefore, avoid being evasive or vague. Be direct while taking responsibility for what you want.

There are no strict rules about how to end a relationship. However, a few tips can help when breaking up with someone.


Don’t be evasive, unclear or vague. Be direct and to the point. This is not an enjoyable matter for either of you. Giving false hope or making your partner guess at what you want prolongs everyone’s misery.

Do not break up in stages. You may think this will make the loss easier. Don’t fall for it. This only serves to administer low, medium and high doses of pain over a longer interval.

Don’t lie or invent a story. Things will not add up and the falsehood will be found out sooner or later, usually sooner. Getting over a break up is hard enough without introducing mistrust. Making someone piece together bits of information while leaving him/her to guess what is true, causes unnecessary pain.

Don’t blame someone or something else for your choices. Identifying and asking for what you want is an important developmental step and is necessary for mature relationships. Also, hiding behind excuses is pretty transparent. It is likely the other person will see what you are doing. Conversely, if he/she actually believes your excuse, the person will try and problem solve how to remove whatever relationship obstacle you’ve fabricated.

Don’t delay ending a relationship. Once you know you want to break up with someone, it does not help if you deny what you feel. Your partner will sense a change, perhaps reaching out for reassurance. This may feel like “neediness” to you which will increase your feelings of being stuck.

It's hard to end a relationship especially if several years have gone by. If you're leaving because of another man/woman then you are doomed to fail in the next one as well. People that break up after trying to find their purpose and intention with their partner and finding out that it isn't working are not deceiving their partner. The effort was put in but it seems that it's not working out and if the partner can see that you were genuine in the relationship and did all that you could, would understand even if it hurts. He/she knows in the heart that it is for the best.

Bar advide. Cry and sob to ease the pain but you know that it was better this way then fooling yourself and things end up worse later in life.

Here without you

Bar advice. Sometimes we all feel bad when we break up, divorce, loose someone or move away. That's part of life but they will always be in our hearts and minds. It's OK to cry.

Break ups

So you’ve just gone through a devastating break-up. My heart goes out to you. There is nothing quite as painful as being dumped by someone you thought was it. I know you’re probably feeling like your heart has been ripped out and stomped on and that your hopes and dreams have been shattered. Do what you have to do (within reason, of course) to grieve this loss. Cry, get angry, punch your pillow, throw darts at your ex’s picture.Whatever it takes.

One thing you should not do, however, is visit, phone, email, or text you ex. You should have no contact whatsoever. Accept the fact that it is over and make a clean break. Keep your dignity intact. Trust me on this. In the long run you’ll be glad you did.

Thoughts of revenge may be going though your head, but please, don’t act on them. Don’t spread rumours, don’t betray old secrets, and don’t date or make out with his/her best friend to get even. Never resort to behaviour that you will regret in the future. Always act with class and remember that the best revenge is for your ex to see that you are doing just fine without him/her. You’ve moved on and are happy.

Keep in mind that just because someone has broken up with you, it doesn’t mean he or she no longer cares about you. It just means he/she no longer wants a relationship with you. It’s very likely that breaking up with you was just as hard on him/her as it was on you. If you take revenge, any affection that this person feels for you could turn into hatred, and any chance you may have to re-establish a relationship (even if it’s just as friends) will be shattered.

Have a pity party if you must, but do it in private. Then get off the couch, wipe those tears, and move on. It’s wise to hold off on romantic relationships for a while. Give yourself some time to heal from this relationship. Work on rebuilding your life and rekindling old friendships you might have neglected when you were in the relationship.

Bar advice.You may not realize it yet, but a new life has just opened up for you. While right now your break-up may seem negative, it really was all for the best. You have just been given another chance to find your Mr. or Ms. Right.One last thing. You never know if the two of you may just get back together again. all you needed may have been just to take two steps back in order to move forward.