Relationship advice on what we want.

Why do we sabotage what we really want in our relationships? That's a great question and one we've been living with in our own lives and I'm sure that you've run across it from time to time.

There are many possible reasons why people unconsciously destroy something that's going well. One of the main ways is having the belief that you don't deserve the happiness, the praise, the passion, the good feelings and all that. There seems to be an imaginary ceiling that allows just so much happiness, success, passion or anything else that we say we want in our lives. Why should there be a cap on it? A relationship is giving but remember it's also receiving. Many people are afraid that their relationships won't last or they feel that he or she will leave them anyway so somehow, either consciously or unconsciously, they do something to push the other person away.

We see this a lot when there's fears. Why allow fears such as fear of abandonment either physically or emotionally, beliefs that keep us from having the great relationships and lives that are available to all of us? These fears are for the most part unconscious and we might not even be aware of them. Sometimes it may have been triggered because of failed relationships previously. It can also happen when we see our love ones or friends have bad relationship problems. While we are continually working on this within our own relationships, our partners support is important to ease doubts and fears.

The obvious thing would be to first identify your beliefs and fears that are holding you back from having the relationships and life that you want. What is it that you believe, even on a deep subconscious level? Once you've identified these beliefs and fears, then explore whether you are willing or not to allow them to keep you from having the relationships that you want. Are you willing to change those beliefs? Make a commitment to allow yourself to feel good and to have what you want. A belief is like a habit and if you don't like one that holds you back, you can change it. One at a time.

Understand that chaos and disruption in your life is normal and you should expect it when you challenge old ways of being and take on a new belief system especially one that is empowering. People may be used to you acting in a certain way and they might be uneasy when you begin to change. When or if your life feels overwhelming, take a moment, breathe and center yourself. If you do, you will find a calmness in your chaos and you'll be able to move forward from fear to joy.

In every relationship that you have, start being as conscious as possible in all ways. Consider whether your words and actions will build the relationship and take it higher or weaken and possibly destroy it. Take some time to figure out if and how you sabotage yourself from having the relationships and life that you want. If you do, your life will just get better. We sensible and reasonable with others as well. Your partner may not have the same fears or doubts and could see it as if you don't have the same interest as he or she does. This could cause relationship tensions. Clear the mind so you can be open to welcome the goodness of what is happening with you and your partner. Let there be bliss.

Bar advice. Communication with your partner is important so they understand you and not feel there is a problem in the relationship or themselves.

Topic Of Sex

I meet up with a total sexy stranger online yesterday. We started talking about all sorts of stuff from her work, which is modelling, to relationship advice, her outfits she wears at modeling shows, photo shoots and of course we headed to the topic of sex. She's half my age yet she was comfortable(being online) talking about those things but did get her a little shy at times when persisting for certain answers.

Anyway this is one hot babe who had all these great photos of herself and I could see them flashing on MSN messenger that we were chatting on. They just kept coming up one after another. A load of it and was either in sexy bikini, lingerie or car show outfits. There was even a Coppertone advertisement with two other girls in the sun. I was just blow away by her. Remember she can't see me as we weren't on cam.

As we got into all sorts of discussions, she revealed that she only ever had one boyfriend but he dumped here sometime after several occasions when they were intimate. She lost her virginity to him. Sadly, and it's more often than not, lots of guys do and say anything to get the girl. What comes after is immaterial to them. He went for it, he scored and now he cheers. Who cries after? It's always the girl. This girl was just seventeen at the time. She also included a story(after the boyfriend) about a masseuse that came over to massage her friends but she ended up having sex with him. She said to me, "I was really stupid back then."

As we kept going on about everything on the topic of sex, I started to realize that she wasn't all that bright about the matter. I asked if she knew or had done certain things and her answer was in the negative. That's when I felt that she was just pretending to be knowledgeable about things like intercourse, cunnilingus, fellatio, sexual positions and even a subject that she brought up. Anal sex!

I gave comments about the sexy pictures she had. She liked it and I told her which ones I thought were the best. She was really interested in hearing my opinion that after I told her I would have loved to have seen what her tits would have looked like, she took a digital shot of her tits to show me. She told to keep it to myself. When I saw it, and boy was it a good set, I was blown away. However, naughty me asked for another one saying that the shot was taken too quickly and blurred. She refused but after some coaxing she agreed. With all the sweet words I used, I got her to basically take off all her clothes and snap more. I finally got four but when I asked for a shot of her Virgina, she drew the line. More coaxing almost did the trick but it never materialized.

Her words about being "stupid" echoed in my head. I know she wasn't but a stranger just got to see her naked. The power of the Internet in real time. I felt she was just more curious then naive when I asked her, and she agreed, that she was not sure about her body and awarkward sensations she feels at times. She said parts of her was screaming for someone to really show her what it was like to be made love to as a woman. I of course volunteered myself. She declined at first, so should a young lady, but I reminded her that she had just let me see naked pictures of her. At this point I just want to add that she has one of the hottest looking bodies that I've seen in a long time especially breast with nipples that was howling at the moon. Not joking about it! Call me whatever you want but I couldn't pass up this beautiful creature after seeing her naked. Sorry I can't show her naked picture here for all to admire.

We were up to the point of me asking her for her address to "party" with her. She wanted me to describe the things I was going to do to her. I guess she must have also been turned on. Then, of all things, she asked if I was intending to bring someone along, have anal sex with her and even told me that I couldn't cum inside her but only in her mouth. How much more descriptive can you get? These were her little inklings not mine. As it got till morning she decided to give it more time and come back to the messenger chat another time so we could get to know each other better. Why not? I almost got an album at this point of time. I can't wait.

Bar advice. I keep telling people that sometimes you never know what to expect and here's the proof. Sure it's a little superficial but I had it handed to me on a silver platter . Will see how far I will be able to go with her.

What to do on the second date?

We seem to focus a lot on the "first dates". All the jitters and what it takes to make a good impression. What if you do? You're bound to be want a second date or more, otherwise what was it all for? This time, go pick her up. Preferably, try to get a little sexy love at the door to break the ice. At least give her a hug and kiss on the cheek. She’ll think you’re happy to see her. They usually let you, so go for it. It gets the guy a little confidence to move toward more physical contact later, if possible.

What to do on the second date? You can do whatever you want for the evening. Take her to a bar then dancing. Maybe you could also take her to a bar and then dinner if you want. Avoid movies at all cost, they tend to put you both to sleep. Movies are for dates when you are together for a long time and it's something you both want to watch. Not when trying to get a persons intention. You could also cook dinner for her at your house or plan a certain thing that you want to do together or show her. In any case if your goal is to get her back to your place, or hers if she wants, don’t wait until you are ready to go home. Instead, ask early. Give an indication that you want some private time with them. Maybe they may like to share a bottle of wine or just come over to hang out a little and relax in each others company.

Once on your turf, they can be putty in your hands. An advanced technique for guys(hope I'm not giving anything away) guaranteed to speed up your time is quite simple. After some time when you’re making out on the couch or wherever with a girl, try telling her(with a strait face) that you never sleep with a women unless you've been dating them for at least a month. Then shut up! Do anything else for a few minutes. This will process through her mind for a while and then she’ll become the aggressor. Women love a challenge. Nine out of ten times she’ll jump your bones that night. She will want to be that "special" someone that can manipulate your actions than any other woman.

Bar advice. Some women prefer to take you to their place or somewhere else because they may not be comfortable being in your domain with such a short time knowing you. At this stage of a relationship, follow her lead.

Advice on email flirting

Online dating gives you the opportunity to meet singles out there through the use of the Internet. However, you can also use another tool with people that you already know, or don't, and it's the email service. Emails that you exchange is a vital feature of online dating sites. Also for office or personal usage. Through emails, you could get to know more about someone or you could even flirt. An email can be very useful to flirt with anyone around who is an online junkie or is tied to the desk because of work. Here's advice from on how to effectively connect with anyone through email.

How can you effectively flirt using email? Flirting through emails is necessary at the beginning of your correspondence with single people. Flirting is the first step before you could meet face to face, unless you already know them, and that is what online dating subscribers, colleagues or friends are aiming for. Just like regular flirting, it all depends on your chemistry with the person. Even if you're bereft of body languages to use, with online chemistry, flirting may still fail.

Flirting is very crucial because most of the time, if not properly done, it sends misunderstood messages. One example is flirting using "about the past" messages. If you think that saying that you understand things like these because you experienced them beforehand, then you're wrong. This includes past girlfriends, relationships or break-ups. This will only make your online date uncomfortable. That's not a good way to flirt. Trying to flirt with someone in the office or some business contact will probably get you blocked.

You should also be careful about your grammar when flirting using emails. Women are easily turned off by men who don't know how to express themselves right in print. Men don't like having to read over what a woman has written as they already find it hard to understand them as it is. Wrong grammar and misspellings translate disasters. Like those cases where you interchange "your" with "you're"? Well make sure you proofread your messages before you actually send them. We're all busy and sometimes it's forgivable but we shouldn't have to try understanding what you write since it may already be hard just trying to understand you itself.

What you should do is write messages that stimulate the interest of your partner. One example is sending her humorous emails. You should use funny stories to your advantage but make sure not to go overboard. You should remember that you're actually flirting so insert harmless teases and ask them flirtatious questions to generate a response. There are a lot of people that like the online flirting emails especially if in the office because it gives them a chance to get away from routine. Also, just keep your emails short and simple. Long emails tend to bore people so just keep them light and readable. This way, your message will be clearly sent and not have the danger of being lost after the 100th paragraph. If you know what I mean. Do remember too that people have to work as well.

You could also try giving compliments through email. Show sincerity. This tells people that even though you are funny and playful, you also have a sensitive side. This will make them want to see you in person more. Sending an ecard can also add a touch of gift appreciation. It won't cost you any real money so why not? If you've been emailing someone at work, for example, than slowly make request about having some drinks after or maybe dinner. Even if things start to go well and you've become a couple, emails are like little reminders that you're thinking about that person. It's like you dropped by to say "hello". It shows your interest. The recipient will have a smile on their face.

Don't send out anyting on weekends. Why? Well, they'll think you're at home all the time. No real social life after work hours. May find it claustrophobic to have to answer emails all the time from you, including weekends. Only send something if it's like a surprise for the beginning of the work week or something you know they'll really like.

So there, my advice on email flirting is just make sure that your emails are short, funny and is free of any emotional anecdotes. Email flirting, like in actuality, still takes a lot of practice so don't be afraid to send messages and gauge the different reactions that you get. If you do it right, you'll be an expert at online flirting in no time.

Bar advice. Messenger services like Yahoo or MSN comes at a later stage. Remember that you can correct emails before you send it out but messenger service is in 'real time'. Don't make a mistake and say the wrong thing and blow your chances.

Advice for guys on talking to ladies.

Guys, think a moment about what turns you on? Chances are, you're thinking to yourself about her legs, breast size or something else like that. That's alright, your thinking being that shallow is normal. It's not that men are dogs, it's that men are "visual". For most men, it's what we see in front of us that triggers attraction. It's not the be all and end all, but it dominates our first impressions.

Question is, how often do you think about what turns a woman on? You may be fooled by listening to ladies occasionally hooting at cute butts, saying something about a hot guy or swooning at Brad Pitt. Don't be! The way you strut plays a vital role. Women are much more in tune to body language, eye contact and non verbal communications, and that's where their buttons are pushed. Sure, a handsome man with a good body is attractive to women but he won't necessarily create attraction with their deeper level of wants. Attraction is created by style and attitude, by what women often call charm. If you don't look like Brad Pitt, good, because it can be learned. Just as BODY LANGUAGE trumps BODY SHAPE in attracting women, your VOICE will trump over your WORDS.

Guys trying to learn how to be more successful with women, turn to pick-up lines. Men seem to think the "right words" will move a girl's heart. Maybe it's because we've seen too many movies and you think you'll be able to get her just as easy as what you see on screen. Maybe we just can't get the difference between the jokes we tell, the things we said and what really works. If at some point you've thought that pick-up lines were the key to breaking the ice with a woman, you may be forgiven. Let's talk about what does work.

It doesn't really matter what words you use. You could have the best pick-up line in the world and it may fail but if you deliver your words well, it doesn't really matter what you say. Controlling your voice the right way will have a positive affect on many aspects of your life, but right now, we care about how it affects women. There are ways of speaking in a commanding, confident way that women find sexy and attractive. The easiest one is volume. Speak clearly and loudly doesn't mean you should yell at a woman. Your volume has to come naturally and should be the sort of thing that fills a room with your confidence. When you speak quietly, it communicates that you don't believe what you say has worth. That's the last thing you want. Don't stumble over words, be clear so you sound confident. Even hypnotic.

Another thing is speaking with confidence. When talking to ladies be a little less nervous. Women like a confident guy. She feels safer with him. She feels he's more worldly, more open, a better communicator and the fact that he can woo her makes her think you won't be an embarrassment in front of colleagues and friends of hers when introduced. She also feels that you'll be on par to communicate with her if it blossoms into a loving relationship further down the road.

Another thing, while in conversation, is be a little playful. Just like British comedies, throw in words with underline meanings. If she is on the same wave length as you she will pick them up on her radar. You can actually get a point across without never having said the actual words. Said something else and meant something completely different. The flirtatious word game is what you're trying to achieve here. The main thing is that she got the point and she may even start to get into this word playing game with you. The fact is, neither guy nor girl will really say what's on their mind in the early stages of getting to know each other. So, this lets them flirt openly but holds the dignity and respect of the lady's esteem. Now, just remember all this advice and start talking.

Bar advice. Breath deeply and calm yourself. when you know you're calm, that calm will quickly translate into COOL Someone in control of situations, a leader. An alpha male the girls want to be with.

Relationship advice on dating

We don’t, really, all fall in “love at first sight.” No, most of us find ourselves surfing through the dating pool during at least one point in our lives, and often during multiple points.

It is, of course, completely normal to feel apprehensive before a date, but a few butterflies in your stomach and sweaty palms aside, your attitude and beliefs about the date could actually form its outcome. Think about it.

Here’s how it works. The more you hold on to fears, regrets or assumptions such as that the date will be lousy or you’re sure the person isn't right for you anyway, the more those things will come true. So if you meet your date with your arms full of your emotional baggage from your past relationships, well your date will probably start carrying some of it for you and your greatest fears will come true. You will not have found your prince or princess. Due to pass relationships or dates, you tend to lay some form of blame or any shortcomings on the new person. Sometimes you measure the person to the former partner that you had which tends to leave you with a yardstick that's too great because it can only be measured in your heart.

The events and feelings in your last relationship do not determine those in your next one unless you hold on and believe they will. So if you have a date planned right now, and you’re worrying about it, analyzing it and coming up with multiple reasons why it’s not right for you, your self-doubt and fears about dating may be sabotaging your personal life. Stop adding pressure to yourself and leave the gate open for something better to come your way. In contrast, if you keep an open mind and release your past emotional baggage, such as your fears of being rejected or betrayed, you will stop the cycle. You will stop attracting more of that into your life.

Here's some relationship advice on dating in the present. You should let go of wanting to change what was and then hold in your mind what it is that you would like to have. Let go of the thoughts and feelings that say you cannot or should not have. Also, review your past relationships and figure out what worked best, then allow yourself to be open to more of that and simply get back out there and keep letting go. You may be surprised what can magically appear in your life.

You can find out everything you need to know about letting go by learning that relationships need lots of work. This is the tool used by hundreds of thousands of people to master their emotions, thereby mastering their actions, their thoughts, and their life. You can master yours too if you try to see that you have to deal with yourself first. Your self destructive thoughts, ways, communication, shallowness, mindset and such transgress outwards and makes your relationships strained and unpleasant.

So set your sights high on working things out within yourself and channeling that towards your dates. Imagine the date you’d love to have, and the person you’d love to have it with. Be adventurous and allow someone and something new to happen to you. Change can be a good thing. When you’re open to releasing, you’ll be amazed at what, and who, is attracted into your life. Keep telling yourself the good news will be coming soon, carrying flowers.

Bar advice. Standing in front of the mirror and talking to yourself about the reasons why you're not with anyone actually helps. It's a therapy of self.

Stay in the present

Are you familiar with the expression "to live in the moment?" This is the ability to be fully present and aware of yourself and your surroundings as you live each moment. Achieving such a state requires observation, appreciation, patience, quiet, and the ability to turn off the clock and put away the calendar.

While most of us don't experience such times frequently, this is when we feel the most alive. In theory, being present involves learning how to pay attention, and the process of getting there is far easier than you might think. Relationship issues can also be solved this way and you'll find it much easier in your life. There are a few simple things you can do right now to help you stay in the present and pay attention to your life experience in a very positive way.

Start by setting a few quiet minutes aside each day to close your eyes and take stock of what you are feeling, no matter how good or bad those feelings may be. Don't judge your feelings, just allow yourself to become aware of the emotions behind them. Reflecting, if any, on where it involves in your relationship, your life and what you can do to make things better.

Next, send your attention outward and become aware of things around you. Notice if you feel warm or cold, what your clothing feels like against your skin, the feeling of the air moving in and out of your lungs. Let the sounds around you filter through you and notice the underlying noises that you may have been tuning out. Then, open your eyes and notice the colors and sights around you in this same subtle, attentive way. By the time you are halfway through this little exercise, you may be surprised at how much you actually notice about your internal and external presence. If you try this, you will probably find that "paying attention" will take on a whole new meaning, and it will be a very nice one at that.

Finding the source of the 'inner' you and staying in the present helps you to see clearly where and what your relationship is all about. What make you happy in it? Where you are headed in it? Most of all, is everything working well in your life?

I hope that you can take some time to practice living in the moment and to stay in the present. I'm sure that it will change your experience in "now" time.

Women in a club

Clubs are my favorite, and I like spending time in bars. I know many guys will see those environments as having the highest concentration of available women and for a busy life it does solve a convenience issue. They're all gathered there as well because they'e on the hunt as well. Women enjoy attention, they crave it, they love the chase from men and it's the primary reason they go to clubs. They don't go to clubs with the same mindset as guys. It's hard to see that on the surface, but it's true. Now for some targeted advice for guys.

Sure, there's always the ones that were dragged there by office friends to celebrate a birthday or something but that's the exception. Here is the singles scene on things. When you meet women in a club and hit it off right away, you can take things in one of two directions. You can either go for a one night stand or angle to follow through with meeting her outside the club at a later time, on another day. Usually, in fact nearly all of the time, women will never go to clubs alone, they will go with friends, people they know, other girls, and even other guys. So even if they're there with the same mindset as you, to meet a potential boy friend, new interesting people or get laid, they still have the social pressure of their friends to consider. That social pressure weighs on their heads in ways that men will never know, and it keeps them from acting in ways that their friends might see as being distinctly separate from merely "garnering or enjoying attention" and more like "being easy", or being seen as a "slut".

That means a woman will dirty dance, be grabby, flirt, make out, and show all indications and signs that she's ready and willing to have sex and then abruptly stop that behavior or act evasive at the end of the night when the lights go on and the club is closing up. In those moments of your perceived self-studliness, you may think everything is on the right track and all you need to do is leave with her and you'll be rewarded with a night of animalistic 'boom boom'. Then the axe drops and it feels like you have a wall two feet thick to bust through to take things further. You got to remember she has to have some modesty in front of people.

Does it mean she was just faking interest the whole time? No, but if your goal is to take things further that night, you can't presume that you can just walk out the door with her as the only remaining effort. When you are making out with her, you should also be assessing what the deal is with her friends and help her to help you provide a context that allows you to end up with her at the end of the night.It could be that her friends have plans for somewhere to go after leaving the club, or she is responsible for driving someone home or one or more of her friends would judge her uncomfortably if she simply left with an unknown guy.

If you get hot and heavy with a woman in a club, then you are really only leaving one option on the table for yourself. Sleeping with her that night. If you don't follow through that night, it's highly unlikely you will ever be able to hook up with her any other time in the future. So, to make it work, you need to understand the context of what is going on with her peers so that you can work yourself into that context innocuously and eventually work your way towards finding a legitimate area of isolation for you and her where sex can happen, if ever. It could be that you tag along to an after party with them, invite them all to your place, take the same cab or otherwise get some or most of those friends to separate out on their own with an implied consent that they approve of you hanging with her. It's possible, but it's a lot of tricky work, and if it flops then you've pretty much lost her as an option and it's the end of the night with no more options. So, ask yourself, does that kind of success make sense?

In those situations, the very thing that is causing you to believe that you're on your way to success is actually premature. It sure feels good and boosts your ego, but you're not going to be satisfied with that at the end of the night, where as most women can be. By doing it that way you will start from scratch again another night with another girl. If that's what you're after, that's fine. Just be prepared to get really good at the game of follow through as the only way to bed your focus of desire because when you get hot and heavy with a woman in a club, the mood will change drastically if you try to follow through later on another day after the night and her thoughts normalize. She will think twice, hesitate, rationalize her way out of it. She will feel objectified and cause herself to believe that the only reason you want to meet with her is because you perceive her as "easy" and you just want to sleep with her. It could be true and that could be all you do want but if that's what she is inspired to think, then it will never happen for you.

If, instead, you want to do the 'boom boom' and maintain her as an option for more than just one night, you have to resist extreme physical escalation within the club. You have to basically still relay interest but become a literal "tease" whenever she tries to obtain that kind of physical attention from you. Wait until you've left the club, and you're somewhere else or following through at a later time or day to escalate physically. Maintaining that kind of patience may feel like you are not getting immediate success but it will result in a much more fulfilling time because you can build such interest with multiple women in one night. Follow through with all of them, and it only takes one success from that group to make it worthwhile, and that success is more likely to provide you repeat satisfaction rather than a one night stand.

That kind of patience also offers you the additional opportunity that even if you don't achieve the horizontal mambo with some of the women you follow up with outside the club, you can still maintain a context of befriending them and get introduced to their friends and increase your social circles, which adds additional opportunities to meet many more women. Makes perfect sense, doesn't it?

Bar advice. The thrill of the chase is also felt by the women. Guys, do the chase but don't chase her away.