Abstinence

At first, you dream of her. Then you see her across the room. You know immediately that you have to have her. You meet, and you make a brilliantly sexy connection. you date some time. Then she wants you to wait three months. It seems perfectly ridiculous. Who are you kidding? Neither of you are virginal. So how long is too long to wait and is it really worth it in the end? No matter how hot she seemed at first, will abstinence really make the heart fonder and the sex hotter?

To gauge woman’s sexual vibes is always challenging when you first meet. Some women send out ridiculously strong sexual signals, sometimes without even recognizing their strength. Other women make an effort to lure you in with their sex appeal, and then expect you to make the rest of the moves. While a certain period of harmless flirting is always necessary, its also a good idea to cut to the chase early when it comes to both of your sexual motives. As unassumingly as possible, you might ask that new sexy woman in your life what type, if any, of relationship she is after. Her answer will likely range from "none" to "I’m not sure". These are both fine answers, as neither of them close the door on a potential sexual connection. However, if at anytime in her response she mentions the word "slow", as in "I need to take things slowly", you are best prepared to expect the worse in terms of waiting for sex.

Taking things slowly differs from woman to woman in every relationship. Generally, a woman who wants to go slowly though, is speaking in terms of months, not dates. While some women’s intentions remain quite Victorian, we all know that when things get really hot and steamy, it sometimes becomes impossible to wait at all. Hopefully you have run into this type of woman. She plays hard to get but when it comes down to play time she is actually hard to get off you. In the opposite scenario, your experience will likely be less thrilling. Sure this flirty lady will engage in foreplay and test the waters a little but just when you think you are really getting somewhere, bam! She calls it off and declares that things are moving "way too fast".

So what else can this impossible woman expect from you besides abstinence (as if that’s not enough)? A woman who wants to take things "slow" in the sexual department wants you to connect with her on an emotional level, not just a physical one. I think we all regret that this means having lots of long talks, giving her lots of attention, and yes, maybe even some gifts. Sound like way too much effort? You might be right. If time spent with her is relatively enjoyable and gets you that much closer to your long term goal, then a few weeks of chivalry and foreplay will not kill you in the end. Months of abstinence, however, might be another story altogether. A woman who expects you to wait an extended period of time before sex is, in effect, suggesting that sex be used as a tool to "consummate" the relationship.

Beware of this woman as she might have much grander plans in mind, like marriage! Any woman with a healthy sex drive and a passion for life who chooses abstinence with someone as sexy as yourself is trying one of two goals. One, she is engaging in a religious practice, or two, she is husband shopping.

The truth is that when a woman decides that her next serious (i.e. sexual) relationship will be her last one, she intends to turn that serious relationship into a marriage. Don’t say we didn't warn you. The woman who wants to be "worth waiting for" has other potentially unrealistic expectations of you as well. As you might have predicted, after several long months of touching and waiting and touching and waiting some more, the build up to the big event is almost intolerable. The weight of the world is resting on both of your shoulders to make this all worth waiting for. Can it really turn out as well as you both hope and expect? Not likely. Remember that it is hard to recover from a flawed or failed first attempt at sexual intimacy. In the end, it may be better to hurry up and get the first time over with, so that you can get on with the practicing and really getting to know each other in the bedroom.

There are only a few real benefits to waiting weeks or months before having sex. First of all, as you might imagine, the waiting adds an exciting level of suspense to the relationship. You know you both want to and you are both dying to find out what the other will be like but you are so into each other that you already know that it will be great. This can be an absolutely dreamy period of time in a relationship. On the total opposite chance that you begin to lose interest in a woman as you get to know her, then it will be much easier to break up with her if you have not engaged in intercourse. In the right relationship, abstinence might make you fonder of each other and strengthen your sexual relationship down the road. However, this is generally the exception rather than the rule.

If this is the sexy lady for you, then go ahead and distract yourself for a few months, and wait for her to come around but if the waiting is making you more upset and frustrated than happy to be with her at all, then the delayed enjoyment of sex with this woman will probably not be worth investing you time into. Don't get me wrong, some guys can wait and one reason is because they are also lacking in intimacy due to experience. They're not sure how it all works too so they dare not push forward and are content to wait it out. Their lack of relationships earlier in life brings them to this point. The abstinence on the part of the woman may also come from this reason at times. It's different with everybody generally.

Bar advice. Meeting the 'right person' may be a high factor in breaking the abstinence period but communicating about your sexual fears and doubts may surprisingly clear theirs as well and abstinence may never arise.

Seduction success

When people think about seduction, they think about wooing their women in the bedroom and having them fall for their every move. Sure, there are may things that come to mind when talking about seduction, but overall seduction lies in your preparation and confidence.

When looking at preparation, we look at all of the things you can control such as location, what you have planned for the evening, what you say to her and what you do with her. When we look at confidence, we look at your attitude towards being with her and your actions when you are with her in the bedroom.

The Plans
Like most men, you probably are not into planning what you are going to do or where you are going to do it. However, if you want to seduce your partner, planning the evening is mandatory. One thing you must not do is make her know what you did to get this day off and running. Even though it may have taken you a few hours to plan, having you complain about how much time you have spent on how long it took to set things up will ruin the day. By telling her you "planned" it will make her think you're just trying to get laid. Don’t worry because your romantic gestures will get you hours and hours of fun afterwards.

If you are thinking of heading straight for the bedroom, planning to seduce her from there, you are going to fail miserably. Your seduction should always start with something basic then move forward to something sensual and unique.

Something Basic
If you wish to do something basic you can either go out for a candle lit dinner, a walk on the beach or talk to her over drinks. During your pre-seduction adventure you should be able to romance her with your words. Hopefully.

Something Sensual and Unique
After your pre-seduction adventure you will want to have something sensual planned for desert. Your sensual adventure should start and end at your place but it can also involve going to a beach chalet, another home you have or a hotel room. This sensual romance is the beginning of foreplay, which is the start of the fun. Have some desert ready at your destination and include two to three events to perform where you can concentrate on her with your actions. Things you can have planned include sharing deserts, spending time on a rug with cushions, a sensual massage, some time in the hot tub (with swim wear as not to seem too eager) or anything that includes the five senses.

Where ever you end up, you will have to take the time to look at the atmosphere. Here are some helpful tips to increase your seduction success.

Atmosphere
The decor of your location is the first thing that you have to look at. Some things that will add romance, while others will kill it. First, it is also important to look at cleanliness. Remember it is not your friends that are coming over, it is your partner. If your home smells like left over pizza and beer, you can kiss your night of seduction goodbye. Speaking of the smell of your house, purchasing some incense or aromatic burning oils will be one of the best investments for your home. Not only will it make your home smell better, but the scent of incense or oils can have some powerful effects on your partner.

Lighting is the best way to set the mood when you get her home. If you already have lamps in your home, let's hope that you can dim them. If you can't dim your lights don't worry, purchase some candles and have fun under candlelight.

Finally, you should look at some soft music to play in the background. Sensual music includes jazz, R & B, or classical. Have the music soft enough so you can hardly notice it is on, but loud enough so that it is not overbearing and doesn't interrupt your night. Remember conversation is key to the seduction process.

Your Words
The words that you use, and how you use them, can make or break your date. Always remember compliments go a long way when it comes to sex. Since many females are self-conscious about their body and their looks, complimenting them on things that they are insecure about will make them feel more confident and comfortable around you. Don’t try too hard because your words won’t seem sincere. Stick to two or three compliments before sex, during sex, and after sex.

When it comes to her sense of self you can compliment:
Her attitude, looks, clothes, touch, hairstyle, perfume or how she makes you feel

Here are some body parts you can compliment:
Her eyes, hands, face, skin, lips, butt, back, breasts and legs, even toes.

Foreplay
Though many men don’t enjoy foreplay, it is very important for the female. Men are always jumping the gun. Women enjoy foreplay because it has you concentrating on her entire body instead of just the genitals. When it comes to foreplay, make sure you touch, lick, and kiss her entire body. As you do this, watch how she reacts to where you touch her and the different ways that you touch her. Foreplay should involve all five senses so look at enhancing them. The best advice when it comes to foreplay, is using a gentle touch and going as slow as possible and so you know, foreplay should last between fifteen minutes to two hours. Don't laugh if you want to have a smile on your face tonight.

Intercourse
This is the FUN, and also the part that most men are looking forward to. Most men see intercourse as penetration, but the best sex mixes both intercourse and foreplay. Furthermore, you should switch positions only when necessary. At most you will probably go through five or six different positions so try mixing it up by incorporating all of the basic positions (woman on top, man on top, spooning, standing, sitting, and rear entry) and spending about five minutes in each position. Though men love speeding sex up, you should be going as slow as possible when it comes to foreplay and seduction.

Although this is true, the tempo and speed of sex should always be changing. Try switching your tempo by speeding up and slowing down to tease her and make her want more. Another benefit of slowing down is that it allows you to last longer and increase your stamina in the bedroom. The trick is whenever you feel like you are about to orgasm, slow down briefly or stop penetrating completely while you use your hand and mouth on her. It sometimes takes a longer period for her and if you cum first she may pull you back into her to satisfy her till climax. Will you be able to?

After play
Afterplay is what a couple does after sex, and no, falling asleep is not afterplay. This includes things such as kissing, cuddling, holding each other, and talking. During this time, all people, especially women, are very vulnerable because of the intimacy involved in sex. The best thing you can do is make sure you spend five to ten minutes with each other, before you fall asleep. Once again I stress, conversation is key.

Your Mindset
Your attitude and the way you think when it comes to seduction will do wonders for how your partner views you. If you are confident with all of your actions and what you do, it will show when you are with her. Remember that confidence comes from planning and technique.

Bar advice. By incorporating all this, seduction success with your partner will be receptive with regards to sex and of course this will lead to even more adventurous nights together.

Anal sex

In today's world, anal sex is not seen as taboo as some time ago. It has become part of mainstream sexual intercourse. In previous years, some twenty perhaps, anal sex in X-rated movies was really the "extreme". Those that see and do it now feel it is normal. Back then it was unthinkable.

I guess it was just a matter of time before it did become mainstream but for a lot of women it is still something that they are not use to. After all they're not porn stars putting on a show. They're not use to it and a lot of them probably feel that it hurts too much to be considered as pleasurable. It's hard enough trying to understand and enjoy the normal sexual parts of the body and now they have to figure out what's lacking or what they may be missing out on. That's the thoughts they are having and the worst thing is, they don't have anyone to talk to about this subject when they may have boyfriends or husbands that have asked for it.

I know, I know, you women are going to say "he's just going to have to live without it" but guess what; you're curious too. Women today have probably seen the act itself on the Internet or photos spread in some networking website like Myspace or Tagged. The photos will be splashed all over by people trying to seek the attentions of others that enjoy it. The modern day woman is more eager to try new things as well. She will certainly be keen to talk to other woman who have done it or at least get information about the sexual pleasure or discomforts it brings. Women don't want to lose out on anything but they also like to be armed with knowing what their man likes and seeks from a woman.

No, we mustn't count out the secretive world of women that do certain things behind closed doors either. She may have read it in a book, seen a video, talked to a girlfriend that's done it or checked online but one thing that women have that they can rely on to help them adjust if they are going ahead to experiment is, the trusty vibrator. Gels and lubricants can easily be bought so it's going to be easy for her to try it herself without any embarrassments, "forced" pain from a guy or stopping the act of love making half way to the displeasure of her man. They wouldn't want to have their man think that they're not "experienced" or their sexual knowledge is primitive. Of course, the guy may have never done it before either, so he's not about to start asking for anal sex unless he's more knowledgeable. Now the tables have turned.

Men have probably heard, talked about it or seen the act being done more so than women. Instinctively they will probably be more curious because anal sex is also different to them as well. Another place to insert for sexual pleasure needs to be checked out. To be absolutely blunt, unless the woman's been doing it for years, the feeling is one where it will feel tighter and more pleasurable to the man especially when she squeezes and contracts the muscles to ease the pain she may feel. In that process she's unknowingly giving more pleasure to the man without her realizing it. He will just keep stroking back and forth happily while she resists due to pain. However, if she has mentally prepared and is willing, all she has to do is to apply lubricant, resist as little as possible to his motion and she'll probably also enjoy herself. It may take a few times to become easier but it can be satisfying. As I've been told by women.

I know there's a lot of women that will say they are happy with just normal intercourse, maybe some extras, and that's fine. My point here is for those that are in a sexual relationship and want to experiment with each other or for their own pleasure. This is just some relationship advice for them. It's also better to talk to someone about it before proceeding but my advice on this is to talk among yourselves. Why? Well, you two are the ones that will be doing it. Discussing what will happen, the pain threshold, stoppage if there's bleeding(there can be) and whatever comes to mind can be worked out by the lovers easier than someone telling you what to do. It may just make one or both more scared than they already are.

Making love in new ways will keep evolving. No woman sucked on a man's penis before or a man licking a woman at her Virgina. That was unheard of in the western world except that written in the Karma Sutra. The evolution starts when people find new ways of sexual pleasure or desire. It begins with a few but spreads quickly when others find new things pleasurable as well. It slowly becomes acceptable in mainstream sexual intercourse when doctors educate people that it's not a taboo subject or a taboo act anymore. Not just anal sex but anything else that may come in the future.

Bar advice. Anal sex is here to stay. I didn't invent it but someone asked me about it and I had avoided the subject on the blog for some time now but I felt that I have to address it at some point. Probably again in the future as well.

Topic Of Sex

I meet up with a total sexy stranger online yesterday. We started talking about all sorts of stuff from her work, which is modelling, to relationship advice, her outfits she wears at modeling shows, photo shoots and of course we headed to the topic of sex. She's half my age yet she was comfortable(being online) talking about those things but did get her a little shy at times when persisting for certain answers.

Anyway this is one hot babe who had all these great photos of herself and I could see them flashing on MSN messenger that we were chatting on. They just kept coming up one after another. A load of it and was either in sexy bikini, lingerie or car show outfits. There was even a Coppertone advertisement with two other girls in the sun. I was just blow away by her. Remember she can't see me as we weren't on cam.

As we got into all sorts of discussions, she revealed that she only ever had one boyfriend but he dumped here sometime after several occasions when they were intimate. She lost her virginity to him. Sadly, and it's more often than not, lots of guys do and say anything to get the girl. What comes after is immaterial to them. He went for it, he scored and now he cheers. Who cries after? It's always the girl. This girl was just seventeen at the time. She also included a story(after the boyfriend) about a masseuse that came over to massage her friends but she ended up having sex with him. She said to me, "I was really stupid back then."

As we kept going on about everything on the topic of sex, I started to realize that she wasn't all that bright about the matter. I asked if she knew or had done certain things and her answer was in the negative. That's when I felt that she was just pretending to be knowledgeable about things like intercourse, cunnilingus, fellatio, sexual positions and even a subject that she brought up. Anal sex!

I gave comments about the sexy pictures she had. She liked it and I told her which ones I thought were the best. She was really interested in hearing my opinion that after I told her I would have loved to have seen what her tits would have looked like, she took a digital shot of her tits to show me. She told to keep it to myself. When I saw it, and boy was it a good set, I was blown away. However, naughty me asked for another one saying that the shot was taken too quickly and blurred. She refused but after some coaxing she agreed. With all the sweet words I used, I got her to basically take off all her clothes and snap more. I finally got four but when I asked for a shot of her Virgina, she drew the line. More coaxing almost did the trick but it never materialized.

Her words about being "stupid" echoed in my head. I know she wasn't but a stranger just got to see her naked. The power of the Internet in real time. I felt she was just more curious then naive when I asked her, and she agreed, that she was not sure about her body and awarkward sensations she feels at times. She said parts of her was screaming for someone to really show her what it was like to be made love to as a woman. I of course volunteered myself. She declined at first, so should a young lady, but I reminded her that she had just let me see naked pictures of her. At this point I just want to add that she has one of the hottest looking bodies that I've seen in a long time especially breast with nipples that was howling at the moon. Not joking about it! Call me whatever you want but I couldn't pass up this beautiful creature after seeing her naked. Sorry I can't show her naked picture here for all to admire.

We were up to the point of me asking her for her address to "party" with her. She wanted me to describe the things I was going to do to her. I guess she must have also been turned on. Then, of all things, she asked if I was intending to bring someone along, have anal sex with her and even told me that I couldn't cum inside her but only in her mouth. How much more descriptive can you get? These were her little inklings not mine. As it got till morning she decided to give it more time and come back to the messenger chat another time so we could get to know each other better. Why not? I almost got an album at this point of time. I can't wait.

Bar advice. I keep telling people that sometimes you never know what to expect and here's the proof. Sure it's a little superficial but I had it handed to me on a silver platter . Will see how far I will be able to go with her.