Stay in the present

Are you familiar with the expression "to live in the moment?" This is the ability to be fully present and aware of yourself and your surroundings as you live each moment. Achieving such a state requires observation, appreciation, patience, quiet, and the ability to turn off the clock and put away the calendar.

While most of us don't experience such times frequently, this is when we feel the most alive. In theory, being present involves learning how to pay attention, and the process of getting there is far easier than you might think. Relationship issues can also be solved this way and you'll find it much easier in your life. There are a few simple things you can do right now to help you stay in the present and pay attention to your life experience in a very positive way.

Start by setting a few quiet minutes aside each day to close your eyes and take stock of what you are feeling, no matter how good or bad those feelings may be. Don't judge your feelings, just allow yourself to become aware of the emotions behind them. Reflecting, if any, on where it involves in your relationship, your life and what you can do to make things better.

Next, send your attention outward and become aware of things around you. Notice if you feel warm or cold, what your clothing feels like against your skin, the feeling of the air moving in and out of your lungs. Let the sounds around you filter through you and notice the underlying noises that you may have been tuning out. Then, open your eyes and notice the colors and sights around you in this same subtle, attentive way. By the time you are halfway through this little exercise, you may be surprised at how much you actually notice about your internal and external presence. If you try this, you will probably find that "paying attention" will take on a whole new meaning, and it will be a very nice one at that.

Finding the source of the 'inner' you and staying in the present helps you to see clearly where and what your relationship is all about. What make you happy in it? Where you are headed in it? Most of all, is everything working well in your life?

I hope that you can take some time to practice living in the moment and to stay in the present. I'm sure that it will change your experience in "now" time.

Women in a club

Clubs are my favorite, and I like spending time in bars. I know many guys will see those environments as having the highest concentration of available women and for a busy life it does solve a convenience issue. They're all gathered there as well because they'e on the hunt as well. Women enjoy attention, they crave it, they love the chase from men and it's the primary reason they go to clubs. They don't go to clubs with the same mindset as guys. It's hard to see that on the surface, but it's true. Now for some targeted advice for guys.

Sure, there's always the ones that were dragged there by office friends to celebrate a birthday or something but that's the exception. Here is the singles scene on things. When you meet women in a club and hit it off right away, you can take things in one of two directions. You can either go for a one night stand or angle to follow through with meeting her outside the club at a later time, on another day. Usually, in fact nearly all of the time, women will never go to clubs alone, they will go with friends, people they know, other girls, and even other guys. So even if they're there with the same mindset as you, to meet a potential boy friend, new interesting people or get laid, they still have the social pressure of their friends to consider. That social pressure weighs on their heads in ways that men will never know, and it keeps them from acting in ways that their friends might see as being distinctly separate from merely "garnering or enjoying attention" and more like "being easy", or being seen as a "slut".

That means a woman will dirty dance, be grabby, flirt, make out, and show all indications and signs that she's ready and willing to have sex and then abruptly stop that behavior or act evasive at the end of the night when the lights go on and the club is closing up. In those moments of your perceived self-studliness, you may think everything is on the right track and all you need to do is leave with her and you'll be rewarded with a night of animalistic 'boom boom'. Then the axe drops and it feels like you have a wall two feet thick to bust through to take things further. You got to remember she has to have some modesty in front of people.

Does it mean she was just faking interest the whole time? No, but if your goal is to take things further that night, you can't presume that you can just walk out the door with her as the only remaining effort. When you are making out with her, you should also be assessing what the deal is with her friends and help her to help you provide a context that allows you to end up with her at the end of the night.It could be that her friends have plans for somewhere to go after leaving the club, or she is responsible for driving someone home or one or more of her friends would judge her uncomfortably if she simply left with an unknown guy.

If you get hot and heavy with a woman in a club, then you are really only leaving one option on the table for yourself. Sleeping with her that night. If you don't follow through that night, it's highly unlikely you will ever be able to hook up with her any other time in the future. So, to make it work, you need to understand the context of what is going on with her peers so that you can work yourself into that context innocuously and eventually work your way towards finding a legitimate area of isolation for you and her where sex can happen, if ever. It could be that you tag along to an after party with them, invite them all to your place, take the same cab or otherwise get some or most of those friends to separate out on their own with an implied consent that they approve of you hanging with her. It's possible, but it's a lot of tricky work, and if it flops then you've pretty much lost her as an option and it's the end of the night with no more options. So, ask yourself, does that kind of success make sense?

In those situations, the very thing that is causing you to believe that you're on your way to success is actually premature. It sure feels good and boosts your ego, but you're not going to be satisfied with that at the end of the night, where as most women can be. By doing it that way you will start from scratch again another night with another girl. If that's what you're after, that's fine. Just be prepared to get really good at the game of follow through as the only way to bed your focus of desire because when you get hot and heavy with a woman in a club, the mood will change drastically if you try to follow through later on another day after the night and her thoughts normalize. She will think twice, hesitate, rationalize her way out of it. She will feel objectified and cause herself to believe that the only reason you want to meet with her is because you perceive her as "easy" and you just want to sleep with her. It could be true and that could be all you do want but if that's what she is inspired to think, then it will never happen for you.

If, instead, you want to do the 'boom boom' and maintain her as an option for more than just one night, you have to resist extreme physical escalation within the club. You have to basically still relay interest but become a literal "tease" whenever she tries to obtain that kind of physical attention from you. Wait until you've left the club, and you're somewhere else or following through at a later time or day to escalate physically. Maintaining that kind of patience may feel like you are not getting immediate success but it will result in a much more fulfilling time because you can build such interest with multiple women in one night. Follow through with all of them, and it only takes one success from that group to make it worthwhile, and that success is more likely to provide you repeat satisfaction rather than a one night stand.

That kind of patience also offers you the additional opportunity that even if you don't achieve the horizontal mambo with some of the women you follow up with outside the club, you can still maintain a context of befriending them and get introduced to their friends and increase your social circles, which adds additional opportunities to meet many more women. Makes perfect sense, doesn't it?

Bar advice. The thrill of the chase is also felt by the women. Guys, do the chase but don't chase her away.

Relationship advice on break ups

After a breakup, people often take time to reflect on the dynamics of their relationship. What went wrong and why, as well as what went right. It's not uncommon for ex-partners to begin to believe the relationship is salvageable and could potentially blossom again. No one can guarantee that rekindling a relationship with an ex will work out, but there are steps you can take to greatly increase the chances. So lets see if you can increase you chances.

Ask yourself if there's still love between you and your ex? If you are certain that you're still in love and he or she still loves you, then you could try to reestablish a successful relationship. If you aren't sure whether or not you still love one another, then you probably need to take more time until you are certain. It has to work both ways, so talk to your partner about it and be careful not to confuse love with the desire for companionship and comfort. Normally after a break up you feel out of sync from the world because of the routine you had when in a relationship.

You got to overcome doubt. One or both parties already gave up on the relationship once, so what makes you think you can make it work this time around? This is the doubt you will have. Doubt can undermine your efforts. Consider the polarities. Faith on one end, and doubt on the other. If you have decided to get back together, you have faith but inevitably, there will also be doubt. The first place to start is to recognize doubt will be there. Just being aware of this will help you find the strength to let doubt subside and not rule you. This, by the way, will be felt on both sides and is also normal.

How do you face the issues? One of the most important factors in getting back together is a willingness to face the issues honestly, together and individually. The things that led you to breakup in the first place. Since it's almost impossible to change the other person, a good place to start is with you. Ask yourself how you can take responsibility for your part in the breakup. Are there ways that you could act or react differently to a problem? What part of the relationship which was not working out was your responsibility? How can you change to make your ex see that you want he relationship to work. See how it's more about you than your ex? Make a list and then talk with your partner about your part in the problem. Take responsibility and chances are they will be forthcoming with their own shortcomings.

Staying committed to the relationship is hard work. Taking the responsibility for your part in the problems is part of the healing. Reestablishing a strong foundation for the relationship comes with making a commitment to work on these problems one at a time. This will take time, and results will be slow to come, so remain consistent and persistent. Both need to commit to making changes. If you find yourselves getting stuck, consider seeking professional assistance such as couples counseling. When negotiating what needs to change in a relationship, do your best to avoid criticism and blame. Instead, focus on what your responsibility is and make sure your partner is on board with you. The worse thing is when one does not see that they are part of the problem when the relationship is on the rocks.

Bar advice. Taking someone for granted is one of the downfalls of any relationships. Ensure that the relationship has committed conversations as often as possible.

How not to look old?

There are plenty of fashion books and magazines on the market but very few are specifically geared towards the over forty set. Today's aging baby boomer population is looking better and younger than ever and authors are beginning to take notice.

Forget about getting older gracefully. This is the beauty and style bible every woman's been waiting for. This book is the first ever cheat sheet of to-do's and fast fixes that pays off big time. All from Charla Krupp and her friends. The best hair pros, makeup artists, designers, dermatologists, cosmetic dentists and personal shoppers in the biz. Packed with eye opening details on hair color, brows, lipstick, wrinkle erasers, jeans, shapewear, jewelry, heels, and more, the book speaks to every woman from low maintenance types who don't want to spend a fortune or tons of time on her looks to high maintenance women who believe in looking fabulous at any price.

There's also 'too old' versus 'just right', before and after photos, celebrity examples of good and bad style, shopping lists of Charla's brilliant buys in fashion and beauty products and more. 'How not to look old' covers it all. Style expert Charla Krupp dishes out her secrets in this "ultimate" to-do list for looking hip and fabulous no matter what your age.

Bar advice. One key element that I find helps, is to think youthfully as well. Fitting into society is one thing but living out who you truly are helps as well.

Playing the confession game

Playing this confession game can be between you and your partner. Does not matter what the gender or sexual preference is because both can answer the questions. It's a sort of truth or dare type game. however this is a lot more personal and it leads to arousal if played in the bedroom. It can also be played in a group if you're having that sort of fun. These were meant for the heterosexual singles. Feel free to add you own questions to the game.

Questions:
First time I heard about sex, I was...
My first experience with self stimulation was...
The farthest I have ever gone in a parked car was...
The thought of watching women in the nude makes me...
When someone tells me a dirty joke, it usually makes me...
The first time I had an orgasm or cum, I thought I was....
The sexiest person I ever shared a bed with was...
The worst thing I ever did to not make love was...
The excuse I most often hear for not making love is...
My favorite method of picking up someone is...
The most I have ever flirted with a colleague was...
I am dressed the hottest is when I am wearing...
If I ever surprised my partner in the act of self-stimulation, I would probably...
To describe my "sexual equipment" in one word it would have to be...
The thought of making love to two others at the same time really makes me...
To estimate how often I fantasize about making love to a stranger, would be...
If my friends all decided to skinny dip, I would probably...
If, on a first date the subject of birth control came up, I would...
If on a cruise and I discovered the passengers were nudists, I would probably....
If my brother/sister announced his homosexuality, I would probably...
If I saw my best friend moonlighting as a male/female stripper, I would probably...
The most exciting place I have ever made love was...
If opening a package addressed to my partner and contained sex toys, I would...
If someone much younger asked me to teach everything I know about sex, I would...
When it comes to making love on a water bed, my experience has been....
If my lover wanted to video tape our love-making, I would probably...
When it comes to making sensual noises during sex, I consider myself...
The one thing about sex that I wish I knew when I was younger is...
I would consider going to a nude beach if...
If I found my partner in bed with a member of the same sex I would probably...
The last person in the world I would make love to is...
My favourite sexual position is...
If I have a sexual fetish, it would have to be...
When it comes to making love on the first date, it has always been my policy to...
My experience with an obscene phone call was...
The time I thought I needed a sex therapist was...
The relative I would most like to have sex with, if we were not related, would be...
The thought of making love to a virgin makes me...
The sexual technique that I am weakest at is...
The sexual technique that I am best at is...
The part of my body that responds most to fondling is...
The part I most like to be touched at is...
What I like someone to do to me sexually but there not say is...
You would allow someone to see you making love secretly if...
I hate a tongue in/at my...
My ultimate fantasy about sex in a public place is...
The last sexual request I was asked was...
While making love I fantasize about...
I would make love with my colleague only if...
Last time someone tried to seduce me was...
The one thing I hate about sex is...
The thing I dislike about my partners sexual method is...
The position I prefer most when making love is...
I need sex a lot because I feel...
The one thing that my partner doesn't know about my secret fetish is...
The number of times I am physically capable of making love is...
The truth is I like sex a lot because of...

These are many examples of questions that you can add to the game. Place them in a hat and start pulling them out. There's no real right or wrong answers here. Just having fun and laughing at them will bring sexual stimulation. This can be played with your partner or a total stranger. The answers will be almost different with everyone. Try it.

Bar advice. Remember, if you're playing this the first time with your partner, take note of some of the answers because you can help make their needs, fantasies or desires come true. You'll be having the best time after that if you...

Phone sex

Now this is quite common in many countries that have the payment method where people call in to listen to someone tell them some fatasy and it "get's them off" but when normal people have phone sex; well, it can become a disaster.

There's some of us that can pull it off but many are just not sure what to say or how to turn on someone else if their not in their presence. The phone is a great tool but what do you do when faced with the fact that now your partner is going to sense that you got no sexual imagination or fantasies. It is difficult for some to express something mentally rather than pshysically especially with sex. Not uncommon.


Bar advice. This may not be for everyone but it can highten the sexual relationship of people that are in anticipation of the next time they make love.

Getting her alone

When in any social setting such as a club or bar, you'll want to separate the girl you like from her friends. Once she's separated from her friends, it's just a matter of building a bond and connection with her but how many times have you had a woman pulled away from you in a club by one of these friends? How many times have her friends interrupted your conversation and pulled her away with the "we're going to the bathroom" routine? How many times have you seen a friend barge in between and say,"She's my girlfriend", and leaves with the woman you want?

How many times have your intentions been thwarted by the dreaded,"My friends want to leave?" and the last thing you see is her looking back at you with a face that says, "Sorry! I like you but I have no choice but to leave!" You see, women are not as in control of their lives as you might think. Women, especially beautiful women, rely on their social network of friends and family to protect, comfort, and support them. They seek advise on all matters when in doubt. A woman's social network of people she's with is a influence on her, even if it limits her choices in terms of who she can date, have sex with, or even talk to. On top of that, beautiful women hardly go out alone. They tend to go out in groups of two or three to prevent each other from the constant and never ending onslaught of guys trying to get into their pants thus removing her from her friends is a must.

The irony is that if you approach women, they say their looking for a guy to meet. However, the social dynamics of her peer group control her choices. So how do you take a woman away from her friends so that you can bond and connect with her? After all, you can't just steal her. The problem is two fold. Her friends and her. Her friends might become jealous of all the attention she gets from you. They may be protecting her from being hurt after her last relationship issues. They might be possessive of her. They might be dealing with their own issues with guys that may have hurt them in the past. They may have lesbian desires that even the woman doesn't know about. Whatever the case is with her friends, understand that they're often in protection mode. Protecting the woman you desire from winding up with the wrong kind of guy, again possibly.

On the other hand, she's all caught up in thinking,"What do my friends think?". "What will they say if they see me with him?". "What if they think I'm a slut!?". You can neutralize these issues by including her friends in the conversation and getting them to like you. Start off with more coversation with them. Don't be afraid to ignore the girl you like a little and pay more attention to entertaining and getting along with her friends. This alone will both satisfy the friends desire for attention that they hardly get because their pretty friend is usually the one in the spotlight and also increase her liking you by getting her a little jealous of her friends taking some of the attention away.

Use stories, techniques, and routines to come across as successful, intelligent, fun and a nice guy to her friends. If her friends think you're a cool guy, they will not stand in your way when you want to spend some time with the girl you like alone. They are, without even realizing it, giving you their acceptance, approval, and permission. Unknowingly but willingly. Sometimes, her friends will even do the hooking up for you. They'll start telling you all about her. The woman you're seducing will see her friends now like you, so her normal thought pattern change to thoughts like, "I want to be associated with a successful, intelligent,and funny guy like him". "Look how my friends pay attention to him, laugh with him, and like him". "I better take him away from them before they get any ideas". "He's mine!"

See the difference it makes when you make her friends comfortable? Now you can safely get her friends permission to talk with her privately without worry about being cock blocked. Say to the girl's friends, "Hey, we seem to get along pretty well, do you guys mind if we go over there to talk?" They'll all agree and even urge her. Now bring her to a quiet corner and sit down with her alone. Now you can relax, lay back, and concentrate on getting to know the girl more intimately. Importantly, this time you used the power of her friend's influence over her to further your goals. There's no need to waste anymore time starving in the dating wasteland.

Bar advice. It may get a bit tricky with men friends around than with all women friends but it can still work provided there's no other guy that's interested in her or they're trying but not succeeding.

Prevention with Food

Your choice of food reflects your whole well being. Unhealthy eating habits could cause serious disease and illness. The kind of food that provides optimum nutrition is one of the best ways to achieve good health. In fact, scientists are discovering that certain foods actually protect against disease and are an important source for your health.

Carrots and broccoli, for example, contain beta-carotene which appear to be able to help the immune system destroy cancer cells. You can prevent high blood pressure and heart disease by adopting a healthy lifestyle. These steps include maintaining a healthy weight, being physically active, a healthy eating plan that emphasizes fruits, vegetables, and low fat dairy foods, choosing and preparing foods with less salt and sodium, and if you drink alcoholic beverages, drinking in moderation. We don't want to cramp your style. Take Whiskies with club soda or water. Their less fattening. Also, try to avoid too much beer and ales. Drink wines for longer life.

Your sex life is also effected with what you eat or don't. Relationships are tensioned when people are too tired, have loss of sex drive, aging, stressed out, exhausted and other forms of lack of knowledge about these reasons. Here's some foods that help.

Prevention with Food

Black, Blue, Raspberry, Strawberries: antioxidant, prevent arterial disease, cholesterol
Apples: antioxidant, prevent cardiovascular disease.
Lemons: purifying , nourishing, stimulating digestion, reducing toxins
Dates and Figs: high fibers, increase energy, help build tissues
Almonds: increase energy and prevent cancer and heart disease
Beans: Legumes: stimulating digestion, high fiber
Garlic: used for high blood pressure and cholesterol, sore throats, sex drive
Ginger: prevent cancer, reducing cholesterol, blood-thinning, prevent heart disease, anorexia, vomiting
Yogurt and Honey: benefits for lungs and heart
Seeds: digestive, removing toxins
Soy: reduce effects of menopause, prevent heart disease, colon cancer, extra protein
Beets: prevent cancer, maintain normal blood pressure
Carrots: prevent cancer, digestive aid, eliminates flatulence
Melons, Kiwi: antioxidant, high Vitamin C
Oranges and Grapefruits: prevent cancer, high Vitamin C, contain fibers
Peaches, Pears, Plumes: antioxidant, improve vitality, stimulating bowel
Asparagus: blood cleaning, prevent kidney disease, high fiber
Oats: strengthens nervous system, removes cholesterol, prevent heart disease
Corn: fight kidney disease, promote tees, overcome sexual weakness, improve appetite
Broccoli: prevent cancer and heart disease, high Vitamin C, high fiber, fat burner
Cabbage, Cauliflower: rich in collagen, antioxidant, prevent cancer
Leafy green, spinach: high fiber, prevent heart disease, source of Vitamin A,C
Green Tea: prevent cancer and heart disease, fight dental cavities, antioxidant

Obviously we can go down a longer list to more stuff that you can eat as a form of prevention with food but consulting a doctor is best if you're having problems of any specific areas.

Bar advice. Moderation of food intake, exercise, lots of water and sleep is probably the best thing you can do for yourself. If in a relationship, set that as a constant in your lives together.