Appreciate your lover

We tend to overlook the things that are right in front of our face. Think about it, do you write your lover a thank you card for every little gift you're presented with? Probably not but you would never forget to write or say so to your mother for the same gesture.

Take stock of the things (and people) in your life that you're grateful for. Don't forget the person lying next to you. Ask yourself if you've shown your gratitude to the individual who brings you the most pleasure in life. Your lover! Here's some things that you can do do keep things hot and fresh and also appreciative.

Make a date.
Sometimes it's easy to take each other for granted. After all, you've got commitments, other people are counting on you and more. Your schedule is tight and when you get home from work or the late hours, you're exhausted! It's not exactly hot love time and it's certainly not time for planning.

The good news is, your lover knows this because most likely, they're feeling it too. So, if you really want to make them feel special, schedule some time to show them a little appreciation. How that manifests is up to you but a full body massage, a hot soak in the tub (together!), dinner late night by candlelight are all easy options that don't require much effort, yet they speak volumes. What you're going for is something that says It's just you and me, babe! The gesture (whether naughty, nice or some saucy combo) will help remind them that, even when you're torn in a many directions, they're still first and foremost in your head and heart.

Technological advances.
Whether it's via cell phone, text message, email or IM, these days, we're all accessible at the touch of a button. Oftentimes the constant communication can be annoying. We come to expect requests and lists at any time of day and mid-day messages become just one more thing to add to our already over scheduled lives but we're all willing to be surprised! In addition to easy access, technology also offers us a chance to say the things we otherwise might not have the courage to say… In other words, a chance to talk dirty without fear of embarrassment!

Just when your partner thinks you're messaging to say, "Can you pick up the dry cleaning?" or that you'll be late coming home. Surprise them with something sexy and suggestive. Bonus points if it's a promise for when they get home!

Fantasies do come true.
If you've been paying attention, your lover probably has, at some point or another, expressed an interest in something romantic. Think back. If it wasn't directly stated, did they ooh and ahh over a commercial you've seen or a story they've read? Did you notice them quietly raise an eyebrow at something risque? Sometimes, it's easier to figure out what they'd like than you think. Be open to clues that they generate but keep it to yourself.

Is there anything that you haven't acted on yet? A desire to be served breakfast in bed, perhaps, or one to be pampered with a relaxing foot massage. Maybe it's something more scandalous like indulging in a sexual fantasy via role-play or something more naughty. Now is the time to act on it. No matter what you do to show appreciation to your one and only, it will be worth the effort!

Bar advice. There are many more ways as well. If both keep this cycle of constant appreciation the journey together will be a joyous one.

The elusive kiss. (For guys)

Finding the elusive kiss. How? You've been touching your lady in a nonthreatening, playful, and sexually stimulating way. You're ready to go further and she seems into you but for whatever reason, the chance never seems to come. The "kiss me" look never quite materializes or it comes at just the wrong time.

She's shy and never gives you a good head to head look from which you can lean into. What can you do? Well, one thing that works all by itself almost always is this. Hold her gently but firmly and take hold of her chin between your thumb and index finger. Move her head to face you. Think sex scene in a movie. Chances are she'll melt then and there and you won't have to say a thing. However, sometimes you'll have a woman who wants to "prove" just how strong she is, maybe how cool she is, or she'll just be so nervous that she'll actually pull away slightly even though she wants to be kissed. What do you do?

Be straightforward. Ask if she wants to be kissed by you. If she says yes or nothing, just do it. If she says maybe, presuade her a little and try doing it. If she says no, unlikely given the build-up you've gone through to get here, tell her "it can wait if she's not ready" in a playful teasing tone. Don't act let down. You were just playing with her. Get it? Wow, that was easy. Be bold by not caring. You need to be the alpha male here. Act like you don't to care. Listen, obviously you want to score. If you didn't, you wouldn't go to the trouble of wooing this lady, or setting the right mood but you can't let that be your obvious goal when you're in the process. You need to concentrate on the process, and your goal should be as slick as you can. Do that, and yeah, the sex will come (woohoo!), but if all you worry about is the sex that gets telegraphed to your lady in the worst possible way. So, again, relaxed playfulness is the key.

While you are sexually cuing her you don't want it to be overtly sexual. You want it to be fun. Don't get serious. The mistake most men make when they try to turn up the notch is they suddenly get too quick and unprepared for a possible pause on her part. Think about it. Imagine yourself in a first kiss. How often are either of you smiling as you go into it in your head? Admit it. Not much. Most likely your imagination has you thinking of some movie you saw last night. Just like people can fall in love at first sight. However, when you get serious at this crucial moment you cause her to think seriously about it. Suddenly she's switched into thinking if you're the one for her and unless you've got a deep spiritual connection going, she's gonna have some doubts. You don't want doubts. You don't want all those somber questions floating around. Hell, it's just a kiss! Stop treating it like a life long pairing. You're both suppose to get to know each other.

Keep it relaxed. Keep it playful. Keep it fun. So no, don't be brave about the kiss. If it takes that much bravado, you've already built it up too much. Treat it like you've been there before. Like a natural extension of the fun you're having and not like you're entering some new chapter in a saga, but just part of the path. Trust me, this works. That's right. Go back to the fun you were having like nothing happened. She'll wonder what the hell's going on. Of course, you know you're just teasing her. By pushing forward and then stepping back, you're increasing the sexual tension. Suddenly she's the one thinking about sex. Not in the serious "Could I Marry Him" way, but in the "Does He Like Me?" way.

When you fill in the next silence with another kiss, do a bit on her shoulders as well. You should take it a little further. Then draw back a bit and then take it a bit further. See where this is going? Maybe a kiss on her neck, from the back. You want to ratchet up the sexual tension until she is wanting to go further, faster than you're going. Keep it playful. Make her beg (not in a mean way, remember, this should be fun for both of you). Before you know it, you'll both be naked and putting the lambada to shame. If you go too fast and she is uncomfortable, back off a bit and build her up. The key is making sure she wants the next step before you get there. This means taking your time. Go slow. Pay attention to all the parts of her body. Surprise her now and again. Give her a tickle when she expects a caress. Peck her cheek and lean back when she expects a french kiss. Get it?

This video isn't exactly what I have in mind but it helps.

VideoJug: How To Kiss Someone Passionately

Bar advice. Remember this advice. She's the girl your are desiring. She's no hooker. You want her to want you just as much. It drives me crazy to explain these things to guys.

Arguing all the time

Hostile arguments harm your health. A stress response that makes your blood pressure stay high even after the argument is over. This, in turn, may damage your blood vessels and lead to clogged arteries, which can trigger a heart attack.

Women who argued with hostility had double the amount of clogged arteries and even worse clogs if their husbands were also hostile. Men who made domineering statements or had a wife who did had arteries that was double the times more clogged. What was causing all of these hostile arguments? Likely things that you have argued about as well. Some like in-laws, finances, intimate time and household chores.

Of course, there are deeper issues at play when you argue about practical matters. Key underlying causes of arguments, particularly among couples, include not feeling appreciated, needing more affection, not feeling respected, feeling insecure, built up resentments from the past(such as a forgotten birthday), feeling you’re carrying more of the responsibility/burden, resolving arguments for a peaceful and deep relationship and more.

Arguing all the time isn't good. Your relationship will probably always include disagreements, but the following tips will help to keep these disagreements on a superficial level so they make your relationship stronger instead of weaker.

Let go of wanting to be right. It’s easy to feel the need to defend your position to the end, but does it really matter who is right? Probably not. What matters is enjoying your relationship. See their point of view. By doing this you both can often resolve even long-standing disagreements. Be kind. Make an effort not to use hostile words, insults or hurtful comments. When you have a disagreement, think of it as a discussion, not an argument. A few kind words when you’re not arguing will also go a long way toward repairing your relationship. If you did something wrong, admit it. Take responsibility, apologize and move forward from there.

Bar Advice. One last but important thing. Say that you're sorry if you know that the other has been hurt by you. Heal the heart and the mind will follow.

Strawberry to daiquiri

There's a huge difference in people who seem to look for the same thing but want it differently. I'm referring to the many single people that are out there that just don't seem to be able to meet the right guy or really know what they want.

For some, because they are still young, it's not yet a problem. Funny thing is when they get older the panic button starts to be pushed and I don't just mean by the individual themselves but by friends, mothers, fathers and even siblings try to fix them up. A younger person is like a strawberry. All plum and nice, very colourful, sweet and ripe to be plucked. The older people, well, they're like a daiquiri that you need before lunch time. Something you need to have to make you numb to get through the day.

Now you probably have to work and all your colleagues are either talking about their husbands or their boyfriends during the lunch hour. You got to listen to all those romantic sloppy details while remembering that you were in bed with a book and your reading glasses the night before. Then there's the fact that your mother is calling you at work and telling you that she just met a neighbours cousins friends daughter who seems to be a good match for you. You make an excuse and try to hush and hurry off the phone so you don't have to listen to her and pretend you were busy at work.

When you get home your dad is feeling sorry for you and he's worried for you at the same time. He'll try a fatherly approach while you put on a brave face to hear the never ending same old story. He may even encourage you do the online dating thing. Your brother or sister, which is much younger, is pissing you off because they hog the phone with their love interest and when you get angry with them they just rub salt in the wound by teasing about yourself being single and bitter or worse jealous.

The truth is the people that are in this category are between 32 to 45 for women and 38 to 50 for men. During this particular age they lie to themselves that everything will be alright so they can seek comfort within themselves and not show others that they are a little scared that they'll never find the right person or ever get hitched. For some they never will but others try desperately to still find someone. Nothing wrong to seek out a glimmer of hope but if you've put such a high wall or barrier up that no one can climb or even view whats on the other side, how is it going to work?

You're no longer the colourful, youthful or even fruitful strawberry. What you bring to a relationship is not the same as if you were in your twenties. You may still see, through your eyes, life and everybody and things like you are in your twenties but you're only kidding yourself if you think others see you like that. There must be a change in attitude and thinking if you're going to have any hope of being with someone. Certain criteria and standards may have to be altered. Don't forget that the person you meet will have to do the same. They too may have had certain expectations of the other but their downfall was never having anyone actually meet those expectations. That's why they're in the same boat as you and in that boat there seems to be only one oar that when paddled just makes you move in unending circles.

If only those expectations can be filtered a little or some dropped all together. You will find that you may just meet someone that's been searching just as hard as you. So what if she's a little shorter, he's a bit balding, she's slightly over weight, his teeth are not so straight, her chest is too flat, he had seven girlfriends or she's not a virgin? Right now you're all sipping that daiquiri and hoping to drown away that pain of not being appreciated or being lonely at times.

Just imagine someone that you can confide in. Someone you can tell a secret to. Joke with or talk to about matters of interest. This person makes your heart feel joy each time you see them or talk to them. Maybe a holiday together to be a little more intimate. This person can be your best friend as well as your lover. You've been so introverted because you thought you had no hope so explode out all those feelings. You will feel greater joy in life itself. You'll look to the heavens and wonder what prayers you said that let God send you this saving grace of an individual that can fill that void that was there before.

Bar advice. Never give up hope but make changes. Everyone including yourself needs love and acceptance will make you, and I stress you, a happier person. You both may just start having a strawberry daiquiri together.

Relationship rescue

As a follow-up to his bestselling book Life Strategies, Oprah acolyte Phillip C. McGraw, Ph.D., moves from aiding the aimless individual to coaching the disconnected couple. McGraw has distilled his more than two decades of counseling experience into a seven-step strategy he calls "Relationship Rescue."

Most Oprah Winfrey viewers are well aware of Dr. Phil's book Relationship Rescue, which presents a seven-step program for salvaging troubled relationships. McGraw would be the first to tell you that watching Oprah or reading about his program are all fine and good, but if you really want to rescue your relationship, you've got to do the work which is where this excellent workbook comes in. Loaded with probing questions, exercises, and fill in the blank "self-tests, this four-part book is probably more effective than having a televised session with McGraw on Oprah.

Bar advice. This two books go hand in hand to help those in relationship problems. My small advice to this is a self examination of ones being before adopting other peoples advice.

Me, Aerosmith and a girl.

The night before I played Aerosmith on air, Dottie(not real name), came to the bar with her boyfriend. He had been there before but not her. The moment I saw her and heard her speak, I knew there was something special about her.

They sat a the far end of the bar. I played some of the latest hit and such but later I decided to change to some older rock tunes. As the songs kept going I noticed that Dottie was bopping and tapping her feet to the beat a little more. Now, I know this business and what she was doing told me that she was enjoying it. The guy on the other hand didn't seem to know all the songs unlike her. I got to chat with both later that night and managed to get a business card from her so I could email her if I opened a new bar. Yeah right! I just wanted it for myself anyway. Later they left but not before she said she would return the next day. I had hoped that she liked me too.

Now the next day comes. Guess who I see first. Early in the day it's Kat, a.k.a.'hot ass'. She's got salsa classes so stopped by after reading the emails I sent everyone about the bar closing. We talked for a while. I got her a drink because I wasn't going to be there anymore. Later I got to steal a quick kiss from her as a farewell. Told her I was going to miss her coming around. She's a fun girl and we could talk about anything and everything even though she was younger than myself.

Let's get back to Dottie. She finally shows up about nine that evening. Brought three friends as she said she would. They all seemed like nice people. They sat at the last table but later one of her girlfriends walked over to the bar, which was the smoke zone, and starting talking to me while having a puff. Not sure if that was anything planned but I was about to get a plan of my own going. I decided to change the hip hop music I was playing to something more rock because of the night before. Just before that the same girlfriend and a guy came up to smoke. Said a quick hello and went to slot in the CD.

My back is normally turned away from the customers when changing discs. As I got the first track on, I had to take the other disc out from the other player, I heard someone calling. There was Dottie at the bar area. She just said, "I love Aerosmith" to which I replied "Yeah, it's one of my favourites too". She went back to her seat right after that. I wasn't sure why but after that all returned as well. I started to sing along to some of the tracks. This I knew I could do reasonably well. I just wanted to impress her at the same time enjoy it with her. I was also hoping she'd take more notice since she took delight in their songs.

I then decided to bring over a mug of beer to keep her there a little longer. I saw that all the glasses were empty so I just said that hers was on the house for being a fan as well. I was hoping that I could persuade her to stay if the other three was going to leave but to my astonishment she came up with the idea instead. Her friends left and she brought over her beer and sat at the bar so we could chat. I was rocking then. We enjoyed more of the songs and also played some of the other stuff from the previous night that she liked. She just fascinated me. I hoped that she had a good time as well. I did feel a connection to her in a very odd manner. Still don't know what it is.

Later she had her boyfriend meet her at the main road to take her home. I called her the next day but she was busy. Tried to get her to come down so I sent a text message. She replied she was coming with her boyfriend the next day. When asked why not alone, she replied because she was 'with him'. I had no words. I told myself, truly what else can I say. She was with someone else. Devastating to hear because you don't really find Aerosmith fans that easily. For that matter a chick that likes rock tunes nowadays. Well actually because she's really sweet too.

As she was leaving I did, however, get a return kiss on the cheek as I kissed her hand goodbye. It was very unexpected. I felt some chemistry but not sure about her. Perhaps, I hope. Nevertheless, I can only depend on fate now.

Even I may go "Crazy" when I meet a hot chick like that. Anyone meeting a girl hopes she'll show "Sweet emotion" and she'll look like an "Angel". We don't want a "Rag doll" and we don't want them "Cryin" either. When you're "Living on the edge", you really got to "Walk this way" and "Get a grip" of yourself. Men like them and want them. Even a "Blind man" can see that so if you're "Jadded" and you keep saying "I don't want to miss a thing", do what poker players do. Throw the dice of life and if "Dueces are wild" get "Back in the saddle" and "Kiss your past goodbye". Remember her "Pink" lips and "What it takes" to "Dream on". You don't have "Nine lives" and everyone knows that "Falling in love is hard on your knees". If you say there's a "Hole in my soul" then wait for "Fallen angels" because "Somethings gotta give". You never know if something "Amazing" could happen. Gotta leave it to fate.

Bar advice. Those that are real Aerosmith fans can understand. If you're not, well, " Ain't that a bitch".

Closing one door

Well if you noticed I haven't been on the blog for about a week. Well it just so happened that I have closed the bar. Now don't go thinking that it has to do with not making a profit. The fact is the landlord has sold the building. The new guy wants to increase the rent. Also the bar is partially exposed to the elements and with world climate change, it can be tricky to have customers come.

This really can be seen as closing one door and another opening up. Life works in a very funny way. I just got an offer from the guy who built my previous bar to come work for him in the interior design and building company that he has. It is a great opportunity. Doing both residential and commercial projects. Also, I was asked to see another site for a bar as well. This place would be more than twice the one I just closed. Still thinking about that actually.

Anyway, what I go to say here is that the blog is not going to end just like that. I can still continue but the stories will have to come from past events or ones that happen when I go to other bars for a drink. It will be silly not to keep the blog going.

Almost forgot. I met this girl at the bar just a week before but she's with someone else. What's a guy to do? Anyway, I told her I was going to blog about her and that's what I'll do in the next blog writings.

Right now I got to take a break. Recharge the batteries, so to speak, and open that next door. Some how I feel lighter on the 'load of worries' at this moment. Not sure why but I feel positive things are going to happen soon.

Bar advice. When closing one door just make sure you tie up all loose ends. Don't give people the chance to say things about you or your your character.

Karma Sutra. Seductive sex positions VCD

Don't get me wrong but I'm not trying to promote X-rated films or pornography. This is for people that truly need help in the sack. Sex is so common but not all of us know exactly what to do. Do we? If you tell yourself that you don't need any help in this department then you must be the author of all sexual info.


These VCD's may help some but not all. There's a lot of stuff that is quite common to most but I'm sure it can benefit those that need a little boost to their love making skills. My advice here is to use what you like and try some out.

Bar advice. Don't just think that the men need this more than the women. It is the lack of pleasure from a lover that drives people to the arms of others.