Breaking up at the holiday period

For couples, the romantic pressure can be intense. If that romance and happiness isn't truly felt, then staying together just for the sake of the holidays can feel dishonest and a breakup may be the best course in the long run .

For those suffering heart break during the season of peace, love and joy, there are ways to do it gracefully. It's not going to be painless for either party, but by preparing yourself and doing your best to preserve your dignity and your partner's, you can get through it. Here's some ways.

Arrange for a time when you know you won't be disturbed and a quiet place to meet. Do not choose a public place. Respect your partner's dignity by meeting with them in a location where they can be free to express their emotions. Just doing it on the phone is not a good way. The face to face way tells them that you're sorry it isn't working out.

Let your partner know ahead of time there is something important you want to talk about, so they'll be able to psychologically prepare.

It's good to begin with or include the positives of the relationship. Let your partner know what their good qualities are and how being with them has enriched your life. Telling them the truth is best. Also, tell them the reason for not continuing with the relationship.

Don't play the blame game. When explaining your reasons for breaking it off, try to phrase the issues in terms of what your needs are as opposed to what your partner lacks or hasn't done. Hopefully, you will already have discussed these issues, so they won't come as a total surprise to the other person.

In the same vein, take responsibility for your own shortcomings. Perhaps point out that you need time to work on them as well. Getting involved with someone then breaking it off is unfair to the person that was sincere in their intentions.

Being a good listener will help you immensely during this difficult moment. Expect that there will be strong emotions and possibly even accusations. Try not to react (after all, you're the one who is doing the breaking up). Just listen.

Accept that you may not be able to make things right with your partner in one sitting. It's good to set a time limit beforehand, so that you don't get sucked into an all-nighter, but be open to further conversations down the line. Be kind, considerate and gentle.

Consider in advance whether you yourself will need extra support, and what kind of support that would be.

Although you may be breaking off the relationship, this doesn't necessarily mean that you are henceforward cutting off all contact with the person. If you've been seeing someone for a relatively short time, it may take just one more short conversation. If there are possessions to split, it could take weeks and if there are children involved, it could take many months or even years.

In addition, because it's the holiday season, the person may still feel the need to speak with you after the split to work through things. Let compassion be your guide during this sensitive time. It's important to be open to some continued contact, but try to keep a time limit on conversations. While you want to do your best to help your partner move on, you have to move on, too.

I certainly hope a breakup is not on your wish-list this holiday season, but if it is, strength tempered with respect and kindness are the qualities that will sustain you and hopefully allow both you and your partner a fresh start in the New Year.

Bar advice. Breaking things off is hard but because you may not be sure of yourself may drive you to it. Sometimes it leads people back together when they take a back step and return.

Year end

As the year comes to an end every time, we all get caught up in the festivities and the last load of work that our bosses are asking us to do so we can finish the work load for the year. We also got a ton of stuff that we need to do as well. The weather doesn't help the problem as well.

Year end is also a time that we look back and see what we did in our lives. Did we change in some way? Are we happier? Did we make the relationship any better? Is everything alright in the family? Should I have gotten involved with that person? Am I loved? There's so many things that we can ask and by the time it hits Christmas we can also ask if we've been naughty or nice. Probably the actual last thing you could possibility asking yourself would be, "what resolutions will I be making this year that I won't keep?"

This time of the year we also look at the relationship that we have or beginning to have. Those already involved would look back and see if it can still stand the test of time. Others just beginning their relationships are probably guessing what their partners are feeling at this point of time toward them. Normally people are in a joyous mood so things are likely to be pleasant. Sometimes you got to meet the parents for the first time and sometimes it's dreading to meet them if you've been married for the last twenty years. It can be torny when it's the holidays.

Those really single or just met someone are either trilled or scared of what might happen. People just feel all soft and fuzzy inside and they don't want any drama. Especially if it means having their heart broken. Women don't realize that men are just as afraid as they are but they don't quite show it. Nonetheless, at this time of the year, they too need to feel good about themselves and mostly wanted and not alone. Change can sometimes be a good thing.

Not knowing sometimes can be scary but avoiding issues and playing the safe card is not the way to live life. Reflecting on years gone by, one has to ask themselves," do I want to be in someone else life"? Can it happen for me? Don't I too deserve happiness? What am I so worried about? The answers can only come from your heart.

Bar advice. The year end puts a strain on those that are alone mostly. There's a sense of isolation from the joys of what's happening which sometimes, sadly, leads to suicide.

Influence

We live in a world where one thing can effect the other. Like global warming. The weather may be bad in one part of the world but it effects us because we will either get it just as bad if not worse. Also, when bad weather hits some place it may effect the food chain and so that becomes another problem that effects us. Same thing goes with people in different situations in their love lives and relationships.

Can someone telling you that they don't see a future in you be a little devastating especially after you took so much time and effort to find out more about them? It's like a cyclone hitting you out of nowhere. When someone decides that they are no longer interested or that they have other people that they want to see or pursue, it's a little sad when you don't know what the core issues really are that made the person not want to be with you anymore. Sometimes it's not your fault at all but the other persons insecurities, faults, low self esteem and a tendency for self destructive behaviour in a relationship.

Getting relationship advice can help but if you get it out of a store magazine that's printed monthly and some columnist is giving you stuff that they believe is true, forget it. They just need to fill the pages. Getting good sound information from real people, true life experiences and those that understand your fears and anxieties is far better than anything else out there. Of course you can see a psychiatrist but if you reveal that to the other person they'll really think you're nuts. So, how are you influenced?

Being influenced by others that are either not involved or that don't really know or understand the issues can make the whole thing blow up. Listening to others or following the opinion of what you have read in girly magazines or the internet sites can make things worse. What if you could dig out the answers to what your partner is all about? Wouldn't that help? If you could figure out what makes them tick it will make things easier. Are you going to let the past influence what you do now and in the future? Every person is different. Finding out is party of the experiences that we go through in life. Working around difficulties and set ways may just be the liberating key that you have been looking for.

Making plans about how your life should work out and all is good but life sometimes throws us a curve ball. We may get into an accident, lose a family member suddenly, get really sick, lose our job and so on. Sometimes the person we never dreamt about as being with may just turn out to be the best thing you'll ever get in this life. Being with someone can outweigh all the material possessions in the world. Loving someone and being loved can break all barriers and fears.

Bar advice. The spice of life is like having champagne and caviar but champagne can go really well with strawberries as well. It brings out what's nice about the chanpagne. You never know what is compatible till you tried.

Bring the sunlight into your life.

For those in the northern hemisphere, they are currently in the darkest time of the year. However, after Dec. 21st, the sunlight will grow stronger and stronger. Yet, regardless of the season, dermatologists recommend putting on sunscreen when we are out in the sunshine. Did you know that it is beneficial to get at least fifteen minutes of non screened and unshaded natural light every single day? So, bring the sunlight into your life.

That's right. While we do need to watch our sun exposure and protect ourselves when we are in the sun for long periods of time, our bodies also need full-spectrum natural light on a daily basis. Incandescent lights and fluorescent lights don't produce a sufficient amount of lux (a measurement of light) to provide us with positive health benefits. The most efficient way to reap these benefits is to go outdoors.

Those fifteen minutes a day out in the sunlight can do a lot for your body, including positively affecting your endocrine system, reproductive system, and your circadian rhythms or internal biological clock. Light exposure also boosts your serotonin levels to help you to stay awake and alert. Plus, natural light helps your skin to produce vitamin D, which helps your body absorb the calcium needed for strong bones. Daily exposure to sunlight also helps reduce stress, reduce weight, and improve your mood.

How can you be sure to get those valuable 15 minutes of sunlight on a regular basis? Go outside whenever you can. Enjoy your lunch break out of doors, take a short morning or afternoon walk, or maybe even just sit on the porch to read your morning paper. All of these are excellent ways to safely get the amount of light your body requires. I hope you will think about your daily dose of sunshine and now I hope you will take some time to go over your health issues as well. May it shed light and brighten your path.

Bar advice. Being and feeling healthy makes for better people and relationships are more manageable. People do better when they feel better.

Making the connection

It seems that people looking for love, a partner, a confidant or a good match, seem to leave one thing out. Making the connection. With this, I mean, we tend to place all hopes on things that we imagine or would like to see happen in our love life. Problem is, we sometimes don't know what we really want even if it's staring us right there in the face.

What relationship advice can I dispense that will make people understand that we need to do a self examination of what we truly want in life as far as a mate or partner is concern? You got to know what you are after. Do you want to just sit back and do nothing and hope that the right one is going to fall in your lap? Praying may help but what if you get sent the right one that God thinks is best for you and you reject it. What then? Are you ready for second best? The decision to be with someone is ultimately yours.

Some people are trying hard to find someone. They accept the fact that they may not be able to get the ideal person that they would like but they give it a shot. People up to the age of thirty tend to take a less serious look at marriage. They are still having fun, making money, dating, building careers or other life endeavours and challenges. They will find it harder to find someone in their later years especially for women. Most women, at forty, are past their 'prime' in the eyes of men for marriage and children. The women in this group that are still looking tend to be more selective of their men as they do not like to waste any more time and effort in attaining a partner.

A reality check is what's needed where people that are searching for a partner but don't seem to know what they really want. Some may use classifieds or Internet dating websites but there's always the fact that a lot of people don't tell the truth in these things. Meeting and getting to know someone is crucial. Come to your own conclusions and don't make hasty decisions when meeting this person. It takes time. If you're comfortable and the connection has been made, give the person the benefit of the doubt and allow for time. Relationships blossom over time spent together.

If he/she is moving to fast, tell them to go at a slower pace. There may be times that you may want it to speed up but only if you both feel your connection is not lacking in communicating ones needs. Letting yourself flow in the direction of getting more involved at a deeper level is a hard move but sometimes you have to. People will eventually have to open up so that the other may be able to know you better. Be willing to give in to the person a little and not be afraid of talking to your partner about your concerns in life and the things that you are looking for. You should bring these things up to the surface earlier to avoid getting into a relationship mess later.

Those that are already having sex or some form of sexuality, like kissing and touching, have already moved to a higher plato. Here the relationship may get strained due to the fact that one partner may feel that it is just something that derives from lust rather than love. There may be concerns that the future holds no common ideals. Some fear that they may get in too deep only to find that they have wasted time and energy and the outcome is not fruitful. Fears like this may be justified but if you're not getting any younger why not take a chance. Give yourself the opportunity to find out if the person is worth your love and being. You never know what you'll get in return. Your life may just change.

Finding miss or mister right is never going to happen in reality for most. If you wish to continue to dream that the person will be coming from some magical place, then you're going to find you're only kidding yourself. Dreams are nice but reality is the truth. Can and will you search inside you're heart to make a reality check on your life up to this day? What's holding you back from progressing with the person you found? Do you compromise and accept that not only will your partner have flaws but so will you to them? Are you comfortable enough to free yourself from outside forces that hamper you from advancing in the relationship like age, work, family, education, race, background, religion and others alike? Is there a better way?

Give yourself permission to feel and be alive. Isn't it a better feeling when someone is in your life. Being older brings you wisdom and knowledge of past failed relationships. Use it. Those that have been hurt before by people that have deceived them have to still know that it may happen again but you can prepare a little better now. Your judgement of the one you're with is key to the relationship's love intensity. Accept their imperfections, their different ways, lifestyle, outlook at life and adapt as they will have to with you. My advice is, be yourself and let them be themselves and the two of you will work everything out eventually.

Bar advice. Take a look at yourself in the mirror. Stand there naked and ask yourself if you and who you're with is worth all this. When you got your answer seek that same answer in the one that you're going to be with.

Ten Women - Pick Up Lines

This is a You Tube video about lines used by men to pick up women. These ten women tell the truth about their feelings about the crap that men do and the pick up lines that turns them off.



Bar advice. Guys have to work on proper lines. If you call them pick up lines, well, you're already in trouble. Women want an invitation or proposal for company.

What not to do on first dates

This may surprise you, but you shouldn't take women on dates. That might sound strange, doesn't it? If you take a woman to dinner and a movie, you're asking to be strung along like a book club member. You set yourself up for all sorts of mistakes and you're just begging for uncomfortable silences and boring conversation.

You can make it work but you'll just make yourself work a lot harder. So what should you do instead? Well, best case scenario you create an instant date. You go from meeting up to going somewhere, together. This can mean moving from the bookstore to a coffee shop, one club to another or often, to begin, just leading a woman from one part of a bar to another. maybe the bar counter to the pool table, to a seat or patio area for fresh air.

Create a powerful move. Say you want to tell or show her something. Maybe it can be about something you want to show her at your house, like an album or a book. (Done subtly, this is a great way to lead to your place). Take her hand and lead her to a more secluded spot in the home. Don't put your hands all over her you'll look desperate and a perv. Once you've led her somewhere, you've shifted the world a little bit because you are together, alone. Maintain strong eye contact. Speak in a quieter, confidential voice (the kind she wants to lean in to hear). Set yourself up that way, and it should be much easier to get things moving. The important thing is that you concentrate not on getting a woman to bed, but on moving to the next step.

Once you've got a connection, next is changing settings so you reaffirm and strengthen that connection. This is good in so many ways. It gives you a chance to get to know the girl quickly, which is impressive when it happens quickly, plus it let's you figure out if the lady is worth your time before you've invested much effort. It should feel natural. It's low-pressure fun. Spontaneous, without expectations or commitments. It's just great. Not to mention it allows you to set the pace you proceed at.

Initially, don't ask her to dinner. If possible, don't even ask her in advance. A spontaneous meeting at a coffee shop or going shopping in a flea market with built-in conversation is great. Make sure you're going somewhere fun. The kind of place with strange knick-knacks all around so you're conversation can naturally flow from your surroundings. Why do extra work when you can let the atmosphere help you? Maybe miniature golf. You don't need skills for that and if you are good, it gives you the opportunity get behind her and show her how to play.

One key thing is , Don't Pay All! Especially with a woman you've just met. Paying says all the wrong things. In the old days it was the "gentlemanly thing" to do but it's different in this day and age. Women will read it different ways. It says "I'm not interesting, so I'm bribing you to spend time with me." Also, "I want to prove I'm good guy material by showing off my financial success." The corollary, "I'm insecure, so like a man with a small penis and a hot sports car, I'm trying to buy myself some confidence." Worse still, "I don't really know you, but I think you're hot so I'm going to try and buy my way into your pants." Equally cringe worthy, "I just paid for you. Now what are you going to do for me?". The part about you being a gentleman just skips the ladies minds at times.

The biggest reasons to avoid the dinner date, at least to begin, is not creating an awkward social setting with someone you barely know. You basically force all sorts of uncomfortable thoughts about the money involved. My advice. Coffee? Who cares about a couple of bucks? Shopping? You're not going to buy her something, are you? That smells of bribery worse than dinner, and you'll just make her uneasy. Avoid putting yourself in situations where the issue of payment comes up, and you'll avoid this whole can of worms.

Bar Advice. More conversation are needed first. Be it the phone, messenger, emails, PC cams or whatever. Be comfortable and you'll both be at ease. These awkward issues can be resolved even before going out.

Female Sexual Desire & Sexual Group Anatomy

For those that don't like to read hers something a bit more visual and audible. Don't be afraid to pay attention.



Second video is excellent as well. This is questions from people and a sexual group anatomy video. She answers candidly. I advise you to watch and listen. Quite graphic.



Bar advice. We all need lessons. Those that need better advice should seek it to improve their sexual and normal daily life.