Love and marriage

A student asked a teacher. "What is love ?"

The teacher said, "In order to answer your question. Go to the padi field and choose the biggest padi stalk and come back. But the rule is, you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick another."

The student went to the field, went through the first row and saw one big padi stalk, but he wondered, maybe there is a bigger one later. Then he saw another bigger one but thought may be there is a even bigger one waiting for him. Later, when he finished more than half of the padi field, he start to realise that the padi was not as big as the initial one he saw, he knew he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted it. So he went back to the teacher with empty hands.

The teacher said "This is love. You keep looking for a better one, but when you realised it, you have already missed the right one"

"What is marriage then ?" the student asked.

The teacher said, "In order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is, you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick another."

The student went to the corn field. This time he was careful not to repeat the previous mistake. When he reached the middle of the field, he picked one medium corn that he felt satisfied himself and came back to the teacher.

The teacher said, "This time you bring back a corn. You look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you got. This is marriage."

Here is a lesson that represents what we do in life. How we loose sight of what is right in front of us. We can continue to search for love. We hope for the best decision when it comes to choosing the person that we marry. Can it be so difficult? The answer is yes. We make it difficult. We place all kinds of barriers in front of us. Things like pleasing our parents. Searching for a comfortable life. Working to achieve success and having no time for relationships. Not seeing eye to eye with others. Thinking that material things comes with marriage. Not open to change or setbacks in a relationship. Not understanding that the simple things and opening of ones heart is real love.

Most guys by forty and gals at thirty five find that they may have "missed the boat" when it comes to settling down. It looks bleak at times. The main reason is that we don't put in the intention of marriage in our heads. Some had a bad experience with a guy/girl. Thrusting a person may become difficult. Mostly it's because in this day and age people don't think of rushing into marriage. There's lot's of opportunities that they don't want to miss out on. The last thing on their minds is to be tied down forever.

We end up later in life watching our friends playing with their children. Seeing people walking their kids down the aisle. Others kissing each other and holding hands. We start to imagine what it would be like to have been married and not be so lonely at times.

Bar advice. It's still not to late. Put yourself out there. Join a singles social network or go online like friendfinder. There's a lot of people that are in this boat still looking as well.

The Secret revealed

Think success
To attain the kind of success that you want, you need to dream big. Every success story starts with big dreams. You need to have big dreams for yourself - which you want to be somebody rich, famous or fulfilled. You need to have a clear vision of what you want to achieve. But it doesn't stop in dreaming alone. You should actively visualize success in your mind that you can almost feel it, touch it or it is within your reach. Play this image back at every opportunity. What does it feel to triple your current income? How will your life change? What will your business look like if you achieved the million dollar mark?

Be passionate with what you do.
Success comes easily if you love what you do. Search your inner self to find what you like and what you're good at.

Focus on your strengths
Each of us has our own strengths and weaknesses. To be effective, you need to identify your strengths and concentrate on it.

Never consider the possibility of failure
"It is not in the nature of man nor of any living entity, to start out by giving up." You should have a strong faith in your idea, your capabilities and yourself.

Plan accordingly
Set goals and make plans for your accomplishment is the skill required to succeed. Project this by writing it down on paper then getting a picture and adding it to what you wrote. Seeing something is better than reading it and the vision is set firmly in your subconscious.

Work hard
Every successful entrepreneur works hard, hard and hard. No one achieves success just by sitting and staring at the wall every single day.

Constantly Look for Ways to Network
To succeed in business, you need to possess good networking skills and always be alert to opportunities to expand your contacts. Sometimes you can't do it all. Making good contacts can help in your needs.

Willingness to Learn
To succeed, you must be willing to ask questions, remain curious, interested and open to new knowledge. This willingness to learn becomes more crucial given the rapid changes in technologies and ways of doing business.Also, don't think that someone younger in your network isn't able to add to your success.

Persevere and have faith
No one said that the road to success is easy. Despite your good intentions and hard work, sometimes you will fail. Remember, if you persevere, nothing can stop you. Just keep at it. Brush off any failure and move on. Some of the biggest millionaires went bankrupt more than once.

Discipline yourself
Self discipline is the key to success. The strength of will to force yourself to pay the price of success Doing what others don't like to do, going the extra mile, fighting and winning the lonely battle with yourself.

Bar Advice. Whatever work you do remember this. You'll never work a day in your life if you love what you're doing because it will never feel like work to you.

Guy's, don't go begging for sex

Never ask a woman for sex. Never paw at a woman for sex. Never settle for mercy sex. Asking for sex is like begging, and you'll lose all respect from your woman.

In mercy sex, the woman's attitude is that she prefers her vibrator and personal fantasies to you, but if you insist, she'll accommodate you. "You can use me for my body... but you better kiss my ass for it and do everything I demand in return!"

So she lets you climb on top of her to get you off her back. The goal for her isn't to get done by you, it's getting it done and over with so that she doesn't have to do it again. She knows you'll settle for lousy sex, and she has no reason to be a real, sexual woman for a wimp of a man. With time, when you accept mercy or lousy sex from your woman, she'll come to despise you for being such a weak wuss of a guy.

So never paw at her. Let her paw at you. Never ask for sex. Let her ask for sex or take her, bend her over, and rail hard her like a man. So to speak.

Let sex be her reward. If she does lots of nice things for you, like cook you dinner, buy you a gift, compliment you, make sure that she's rewarded with a thorough, dominating, all-out passionate love making sexual night in return.

Nor be ashamed of your desire to have sex. Never ask forgiveness from women for your sexual appetites as a man. "The sexual beast" inside of you wants bacchanal, hedonistic sex with no inhibitions about treating her like a piece of property, free to satisfy your deepest sexual desires. Don't be ashamed of your inherent nature
as a man. Be proud of your sexual appetite. I don't mean to make it seem barbaric but sometimes going back to the caveman days may just be what you guys need.

Bar advice. Stop being a wimp and a wuss and a needy beggar in your relationships. It has no place in a relationship and you, as your duty as a man, have to stop all that crap RIGHT NOW.

Making up

In the beginning every relationship is bliss. The relationship is sweet, sugary, beautiful and lovable. You're in heaven. Everything is exciting and new. You love everything in your partner. The dress up, the talks, the habits and everything your partner does and visa verse but as time passes you start finding faults with each other.

You don’t like his or her outfit and you don’t find his or her talk interesting any more. There is a long list of “I don’t like this about you”. You are doing nothing but nagging at each other. This is when normality makes the spice of the chase disappear. It is very easy to break of a relationship and very difficult to maintain it but it is much more difficult to start over with the broken relationship. Yet it is very important to make up ans start over with a broken relationship especially if you have the responsibilities of your children.

Making up. What you do is to have patience and be forgiving. Forgive and start afresh. Try and find faults within yourself and it will be easy for you to forgive the other. Forgiveness heals the wound and tolerance enhances the depth of your relationship. You mustn't forget things like, he throws his socks in the corner when he gets home or she takes too long in the bathroom when you're in a rush to go out, are stuff they use to do before they knew you. It means a new conditioning when being together that will make things work.

It is amazing to fall in love but at the same time it is like being in hell when you split apart. Therefore it is a must to see that it makes no sense and that you have to revitalize your relationship and get that excitement back. Remember the moments that made you both happy, remember what he/she loved most about you. Make an effort to revive those moments back.

Don’t run off but face the problem no matter how tensed the situation is. You have to stick together as it is involves you, your partner and your family. You have to take a step forward and make your partner understand. You have to sit together and sort out problems between the two of you. Try doing things that bring excitement in your life. Improving your relationship is not a long process. It is a single little that you can take. You will find your relationship blooming beautifully as ever.

But if things are very grave, your partner is violent and you are sure that you cannot move with the relationship any further, then there is no need to stick along in remorse and pain. You can always start all over again. Off course it is difficult to forget the past and it is an obstacle in your way to a new relationship. What you need to do is to give time to yourself, involve in hobbies and activities that please you. Socialize, or do something creative that releases your heart from the pain you are going through. After a period of time you yourself will want to start a new relationship with no previous fears and pains. The bereavement including shocks, pain anger all disappear when you give space to yourself and believe in yourself.

Bar advice. What we all want is something less strained. Before jumping into full commitment have a heart to heart conversation about these things even if you've only heard of it and never been through it. It helps later.

Girls night in

Maybe there is some fun to be had in hitting the town with your a posse and strutting your stuff every now and then but if you want a fun time with the girls that doesn't involve hellacious hangovers and a "don't ask don't tell" policy, it could be time for an equally fun bonding experience, an all girl house party. Before you roll your eyes at thoughts of pillow fights and crank calls, check out these fun theme parties. It may become a memorable Saturday night and a perky Sunday morning. Remember to kick out all guys first.

Spa night.
Give the girls an opportunity to unwind with a relaxing night of rejuvenating activity. Ask them to bring their comfiest lounge wear and robes, recruit a manicurist to give fast mani and pedicures and a masseuse for rotating shoulder or foot massages. Serve bubbly or keep it clean with sparkling water with crushed mint and offer light fare such as grilled vegetable skewers, Chinese chicken salad, fresh berries and whipped-cream parfaits. Scatter good gossip magazines, light scented candles, and everyone will be in relaxed mode.

Dance the night away
Get the house jumping by hiring a dance instructor to teach your gang some smooth new moves. You can find quality candidates by calling a local dance studio. Just be sure you select a style that doesn't require dancing with partners, hip hop, pole dancing, belly dancing, and striptease would all get the party started and keep it going. Serve margaritas and energy boosting grab and go snacks such as brisket, new potato skins with all the fixins and salsa dip.

Yoga Retreat
Find your collective inner om with a mind and body centering evening of yoga or meditation. Hire an instructor from a local studio, invite guests to arrive in their comfiest workout clothes, and host an early evening session. Unwind with a light, healthy dinner of sushi, and soba noodles in broth. Light some incense, put on some soothing music, and watch everyone get Zen. Add some scented candles if you like.

Chick flick night
Warn friends it'll be a tearjerker. Pick a double header that's sure not to leave a dry eye in the house. Think Terms of Endearment, Life Is Beautiful, and The Notebook. Maybe the classic Sleepless in Seattle. Scatter pillows on the floor around the couch and coffee table, serve a concession stand menu of vanilla vodka with Coke, popcorn, hot dogs, and classic candies, and press play. If you don't want to put on the pounds then just go with red wine, cheese platter served with olives and such. Don't forget the tissues.

Bar advice. Sometimes the girls need to get away and just talk, laugh or cry with each other. It heals when understood and shared by others.

Are you really incompatible?

In today's global culture people have differences of opinion. Whether the topic is marriage, travel,politics, work, religion or even what type of car is the most reliable, different people feel differently but what about when you and your guy can't agree? Does it mean you're incompatible? For the most part, the answer is no.

What we tend to forget in our quest for the fairytale relationship, is that no one person can be all things to another. It just won't happen. So while you may have a certain way you like to spend your Saturday nights (hitting the latest hot spot for dinner or dancing) and your partner may have another idea of how to pass the evening (in front of the TV watching desperate housewives), there's no reason you can't still find fulfillment in each other. The key is, remembering to find it elsewhere, too!

The only area where differences of opinion definitely spell trouble is within the relationship itself. The lines of communication must always be open, even if it's uncomfortable, and this means in every aspect, but most importantly regarding your level of commitment. Sometimes it's better to make plans together in advance so both people can agree to what will they be doing together. It's a unity factor. Sometimes one has to give in to the other to make the relationship work but it has to be both side that give and take. Don't always make plans without involving the other or discussing if he/she wants to do this or go there.

Also, if one of you thinks it's serious while the other is still playing the field, things are bound to break down. If one of you wants to share everything and the other keeps everything secret, the chances of connecting are cut considerably. If either or both of you are disrespectful of or cruel to each other on a regular basis to the point where either of you is hurting, think about how you want to be treated and try to take a step back. Sit down and review plans of the communication between each other.

You must agree on honesty, kindness and respect. Your relationship won't work and you certainly won't be compatible if you don't tackle these issues. However, if you respect each other, maintain an open and honest rapport and are equally committed, anything is possible. Accepting that your partner has their own mindset, opinion and thoughts on whatever subject makes the relationship flow with intellectual stimulus that can be a major turn on as well.

Bar advice. Everybody has an opinion about most things. If adding your two cents worth helps your relationship by all means open your mouth. If not....

How to tell if their a bad lover

So how can you tell if the person you've got your eye on will make a good lover? That depends on what you like! The good news is, taste aside, you can tell if they'll be a bad one. Here are clues your date will make a lousy bed mate.


Not at home in their own skin?
Most of us would change something about our bodies if we could but if you're sitting face to face with someone who seems downright uncomfortable with themselves, you might have cause to worry. Excess surgeries, too much makeup, overly sexy clothing, fear of eating more than a lettuce leaf. The person who tries too hard usually doesn't have the experience or self-esteem to both give and receive pleasure. Their having trouble pleasing themselves how do you think their going to please you?

Too good to be true
The ability to let loose is key to good sex. A person without vices, someone who seems perfect and takes their perfection quite seriously, is likely going to need things to be equally perfect. These people are those who see themselves as model human beings and thereby judge everyone else for their so called shortcomings and are rarely in touch with the world. When it comes to sex, being judgmental and devoid of any naughtiness (even if it's a love for ice cream at breakfast) actually translates to frigid or at least rigid. What kind of fun is that? You and your partner should be fooling around with each other and having a good time. To others it may look stupid but that sort of fun is flirtatious and meant for the two involved.

A roving eye
Some might say that the more people someone checks out the higher their sex drive. Is that true or is it a front? The reality is that if you're on a date with someone and they don't have the courtesy to stay focused on you, a passing glance at another person doesn't count, then they probably won't have much regard for you in bed either. If satisfying their own appetite is all that's on their mind, you're better off looking elsewhere for a partner. Pleasure in bed should be a two way street.

Misogynists, gynophobia and man haters
Anybody who thinks they understand the opposite sex and doesn't celebrate the differences while understanding that both genders are equally intelligent, emotional and important beings, might as well give up on ever being a truly great lover. You might as well give up on them, sooner rather than later. Some just fear women and don't know that gynophobia is what they have. Lot's of women hate men in almost the same way but it's clinical and not formulated.

What did you say?
Whether it's about sex, dinner, your day, work, the person who asks no questions has little interest. Little interest means little connection. Little connection means this person may not actually be a bad lover but they'd be a bad lover for you.

Bar Advice. One sure way to tell if they're a bad lover is if he/she says they have to leave right after the sex is over. If it's going to be short and sharp then that's all you'll get out of it.

Becoming friends instead of lovers

What happens when you fall into the "friends zone"? Guys tend to feel that after all the effort, feelings, money, time and so on that they put in that when she starts reacting to him more as a pal than a partner, it's a devastating blow.

So how did the relationship get poisoned into becoming a friendship in the first place? One reason may be that she he had gone out with her too often that she see him so much. This habit makes the other feel attached to the person without worry that other stirred feeling are happening. She doesn't want to be hurt so she feels safer in a friendship based relationship.

Sure there are exceptions where people have gone out with each other so much and so long, years even, and have got married but that is a minority group. My own sister is one such person. We are talking about the majority of people that fall into the friendship category because they have gone out more than four dates.

Why four? Well studies show that if by four dates you would pretty much figure out if you like the girl or not. It's different for women a little. For guys four is the magic key number. If you head into the fifth or sixth date, it's a amber light state. This could mean that she still likes you, not sure or she's comfortable going out with you but as a friend. Maybe she finds that she likes that you like the things she does, goes, eats and so on. Comfortable is not good in this instance. Why?

People trying to get to the phase of becoming a couple should be a little awkward, shy, apprehensive. When going out together with friends they should be more apart and hope to hold hands and such. Maybe a kiss at the end of the night. You don't go meeting someone on a date with a T-shirt and torn jeans with flip flops. That's a clear sign that she's only interested in being friends because she believes that you will understand and that she need not dress up for the date. If you're in that "comfort" situation and another guy comes along, be prepared to loose her.

At the end of the day you got to know if it's going to work out or not. It's more of the amount of energy in the date than the amount of dates itself. Working towards becoming a couple should be exciting. Once you get there, the friendship part will become part of it. The relationship is then merged with love, friendship and togetherness.

Bar advice. If you want the 'gal', don't make her your 'pal'.