Holiday peace

Is holiday peace obtainable? It's that time of year when we meet with people that will come together under one roof and do the whole family and friends gathering, eating, drinking and accusing, scolding, bragging and bring up old wounds. The time of peace is marred by an ongoing battle, no sorry, war that's been going on since someone stole the others pacifier in the crib.

Relatives that never understood you start acting like they do every year. You see it coming a mile away and you try to avoid it but with all the festivities going on you're suddenly in the same spot as the one you're trying to avoid. A barrage of questions will come out. It's like a machine gun with ammo that's unlimited. You try to duck out of the way but you're trapped. Suddenly your aunt passes by and you managed to get a "rescue". Like a red cross medic in the field. She turns to you and ask if he had started his nonsense again. You realize then that others know about him and knew how to avoid the situation. You were the only one in a panic all these years. You realize, you got a good life so why worry when people start asking about stuff they know not about you. Suppress the fears of engagement.

Sometimes it's a little more difficult than that. Your family may be brutally insensitive, culturally backwards and just plain annoying. However, to have a new experience, you must be open to it. People sometimes show concern in different ways. If you're single maybe you get too much about not being with someone. If male you're probably going to get all sort of offers to be fixed up. If female, you're going to be nagged about where you live, what you do, your high standards for a man and some more hurtful comments. If you are just waiting for someone to hurt your feelings, just like last year, it will surely happen. Try finding the comfort of talking to the one that's the most helpful or better still understands you the best. When in the presences of that person other peoples word, comments and tactlessness seems trivial.

Going out of the house can sometimes helps as well. You feel like spiking the whole bowl of eggnog as well. Just remember you must make your own life yours. If you blame your family for everything you don't have in your life, you will surely never get it because you are looking to the wrong source for your power. It's not that we have to heal from other people's behavior, it's that we must heal from our reaction to their behavior. Own your issues because no matter where they stem from, they are yours to deal with. give yourself a "cease fire' moment. Every family have all sorts of members and yours is no exception.

Now let yourself off the hook and have a great time. While you're enjoying the demilitarized war zone, go visit your good memories. Look at old photo albums. Check out some space in the house you liked. Drive by your old elementary school. Put your focus on letting the good things weigh as much or more than the bad things. Your family may be the worst one in the whole wide world, but you still had a childhood that belongs to you. Perhaps the greatest gift of being a kid is the capacity to be amazed by the world. Tap in to the joyous child within and have yourself a happy holiday!

Bar advice. Maybe others see you as the bad one or black sheep but we don't recognize our own faults till someone points them out to us.

The true secret about getting ?

I stressed this point several times before. Due to the fact that men are primarily attracted to a woman's physical beauty, they make the mistake of assuming that she is also attracted by physical beauty. Hopefully I can clear this up for you.

Women bear children, men don't. So while men are drawn to the youthful, healthy, physical signs of a woman, women instinctively gravitate towards fearless men who takes charge of a situation. In essence, confidence! This is the true secret about getting women. This makes perfect sense when you think about it from a biological point of view. Women want men who can protect her family and herself from the big bad things of this world. So, this explains why you see so many women with guys like bad boys and the rebel sort. They aren't always the most "suitable", but they're oozing with confidence, which makes them irresistible from Mother Nature's point of view.

Women are realist. They just want to get to the bottom of things and that includes who you are. They want the real you. You see women looking at celebs and drooling about them but what happens when they find out something bad about them? They turn away with disgust. They feel let down by the actions of their idol. The thought of the person they adored doing a "bad" thing cannot seem to register in them. Women that do this must realize that they don't know the person at all. The actions of that celeb falls badly on all other guys simply because they are men. When a woman really meet a man it is then an added bonus that he looks half good. Not quite their idol but presentable. She sees beyond the physical and less imperfect features. She seeks the confident and stable soul.

If you go to online dating sites, you'll find a lot of women adding on their preference section for guys not to 'play games'. Also, and more importantly, they state that the guy's looks are not important to them. The tendency here is that these are a little more matured women. Those in their late twenty's till forties. Why is this so? The ones that are still looking for their handsome "prince charming" tend to be the younger ones. Maturity level in looking for "true love" is blocked by the hot handsome celeb look a like. It's understandable that the youthful will stick to what they know and feel. Peer pressure also looms in every part of their lives. Women in the other group have found that love, commitment and strong lasting relationships is what they're after.

Another point for women is, the older they get the less likely they show that they want sex. A brave front to deny themselves the physical pleasure they like but they seek things of greater value i.e. someone that cares for them the way they want. They always want a secure foundation with a man. Once everything is laid and all barriers have come down, all fears aside, the sex will follow. Women are more likely to fill a mans every desire because she has placed trust in him from that point onwards. Beside her wanting to fill her sexual needs she will make sure that the man get his "all" so she needs not have to go looking anymore. Who wants to after all that time.

Women need to know that men are unwise to these particular needs of women. They tend to see women like themselves. Men think women think the same way as them so they falter. Their train of thought is derailed at the sight of the next lovely girl that comes along. Getting a man is one thing but getting him to stay with you is another. By understanding that men need some coaching to a women's way will get you ahead in the game. Men want and need to be told sometimes, just like their mommy's did, to know what they need to do. Pleasing a woman that's difficult can be tough and that makes some men run off to find another one less demanding and less self centered. Seeking for an ideal man is nice but reality is he'll never be as perfect as you dreamed up and neither will you be to him. Acceptance and working the relationship will see both through and together.

Bar advice. Men can also be just as complex as women. If both can just see the others wants and needs it can just about click. Take a chance sometimes.

Jamie Lynn Spears pregnancy raises legal questions

(CNN) -- The announced pregnancy of Jamie Lynn Spears, the 16-year-old children's television star and younger sister of beleaguered pop star Britney Spears, is casting new light on how to deal with the thorny issue of consensual sex among teens.

I brought up this subject with the CNN headlines because we see today many things happening to a lot of teens around the world involving sex. The consequence here, sadly, is a child has developed and the fact is Jamie, in a lot of ways, is also still a child. The law doesn't allow her to drink, go to a bar or even vote. Her sister Britney certainly isn't all that a great role model after her recent difficulties. Jamie seems to think all is well because they got money. Other people won't have the same choices if in the same situation of teen pregnancy and would probably have an abortion.

A lot of people may not know this but their mom was actually going to release a book on parenting. That's now been held back. Wonder what she must be thinking, huh? At this moment the police are looking to see if it is rape because they have different laws in different states. They do however know that Jamie has claimed consensual sex.

She performs on Nickelodeon's "Zoey101" and is suppose to be a role model for kids. Britney was formerly from the Mickey Mouse Club with Justine Timberlake but nothing happened there.(How different they would be if they did.) The fact that she is just saying she is going to raise the child and give it a "normal" upbringing is just plain idiotic. Taking from Britney's song title, I'm just a girl, not yet a woman; rings as true life for Jamie at this moment. There are lots of people out there that are in the same situation of teen pregnancy right now but have no means to do anything about it. They know about sex and pregnancy but yet they do nothing to help themselves stop before the cat itself takes place. their idea of what real love shold be is distorted by what sex is.

Many a time, the father turns out to be a teenager himself. Not ready for the responsibilities of fatherhood because he may not have had good fathering himself. How do you act as a father when you never had one, were not brought up by one, had a foster one or raised by just elder brothers who had problems of their own? Normal reaction by a boy when told this news would be fear of what to do. Suddenly he realizes that he's still a kid as well. The world just became a bigger place and no one can help him with this especially his parents. Eventually he finds there's no one else to turn to BUT his parents. To just tell the parents is fear far worse than he's ever encountered. If he's having this sort of difficulty to tell the parents, imagine what she, the pregnant teen girl, must be going through.

The point that people don't see is, the baby that's on the way. There's a whole new person that will be coming into the world. Is "it" going to be protected or loved by people that are going to be taking care "it"? Why do I say "it"? That's what will be describe by everyone that will be talking about "it". The value of the unborn child will not be seen at all. In fact it becomes a strain, a burden, a financial liability and worse of all, another mouth to feed. Suggestions to abort the child will be swift to come out from a lot of people. The concern of the rest of the lives of both the new mother and father will take priority over the life and death of the unborn child. What world do we live in?

Teen pregnancy is not new but trying to do something about it is hard. The kids of today grow up really fast with the help of the Internet, MTV, video phones, porn, magazines and more. I guess it still comes down to parents having to eduacate their kids about all that can happen. The story about the birds and the bees still reigns true till today. Parents are the ones that feel by talking to them about these things only arms their kids with the knowledge to go out and do it even more since they know how to prevent pregnancy. If this is the case then the relationship between parent and child is not as strong as it should be. It may be hard for parents to change after going through their own teen years knowing and doing the things that they did before. However, the world can do with one less abortion or unwanted child.

Bar advice. Give thought to the boy and girl that doesn't know how to face this problem of their unborn child. Now imagine it was your teen kid. What will you do?

Bad boys all women want

You may have noticed around you, there's a 'breed' of man who ladies tend to be attracted to or stick with. He's conventionally called the 'bad boy' or the 'not so nice guy'.

Call such a man whichever way but the fact remains, such men with a 'taint of badness' have more desirable female activity around them. Let's first define something. A bad boy is not a bad person. In the "real-world sense", the word 'bad' when describing a man, brings up associations of a guy who abuses dogs or holds a bunch of criminal records. In the "attraction sense", 'bad' is not about nastiness, ill-doing or the mafia. It's just a guy who gives women a perceived feeling of "thrill". Another way to phrase it(as described to me by a female) is, such men are "naughty in a charming way".

What differentiates him from other guys is his natural ability to flirt with women without trying. He teases all women. Be it work mates, ordinary lady friends or the lady(she's trilled) who washes the toilet and it seem to be the happy guy who's unaffected by things. He didn't even realised this himself. He tends to be cool and suave naturally. Women want to look at him or get to know him. It just comes automatically. He'll say stuff that gets laughter out of ladies and while they're still in the middle of a giggling fit, he'll say to them in a jokingly stern manner to stop laughing like a five year old and get more laughs. With that, he gets smilingly registered as a 'bad boy' by many females and they like him. The fact that he admits to girls he's always been naughty since he was a kid makes it much more inviting and stirs all sorts of curiosity in women. One question you may have is "Do I have to be a 'bad boy' to attract females"?

No! Take the example of the movie Hitch. Some don't look anything like the imaged 'bad boy' but they incorporate elements of the bad boy naughty appeal into their interactions with ladies and still attain huge success. It's all about having conversation with females not just as chatting but seeing it as a process of blasting attraction and appeal in her mind during the interaction. In the course of movies, television and real life history we always see this happening. Women do like to be seen with, in conversation with and in bed with that little 'bad boy'.

Bar advice. Even the funny, simple, shy girl who ends up in a relationship or marriage with the simple 'Joe' or classroom nerd, has a secret desire for her own 'bad boy'. It's natural.

Talking about sex, again!

The roots of the widespread human insecurities and complexities which revolve around what is in essence a simple animal act reach into our not so past history. Victorian attitudes to sex persisted long into the last century.

A man in the first half of the 20th century who wanted sex with a 'nice' girl usually had to pay a price, marriage. Whilst today's bride or bridegroom will have an average of 10 sexual partners before tying the knot, back then the score was more often than not, zero. While marriage avowedly passported couples to sexual union, women and men in the 1920s and even later, still found themselves going up the aisle with a wealth of information about etiquette but stricken with poverty over the facts of life.

Virgin marriages were apparently created first out of sexual ignorance but later continued as such out of disgust for or fear of sex. Uncertainties over sexual orientation prompted others to wed, but the official blessing did not always magically translate into personal sexual fulfilment within marriage.

Fear of getting pregnant was another strong motivating factor not to go the whole way. Couples wanted to limit the number of mouths to feed. In the absence of reliable methods of contraception, withdrawal before coitus and abstinence were the reasons behind why birth rates plummeted in the 20th century and many families produced only the 'standard' two children.

Sexless marriages seem not to be confined to the pre-modern era. Celibacy in marriage as a matter of informed consent by both partners is rare but has happened. Some seem to be content to be known as someone married but not do what normal married partners do. For many couples during the last century, the sexless nature of marriage was at the insistence of the wife and was deemed a price too high to pay for many husbands. The links between sexual frustration and violence sadly seem obvious, if not inevitable.

Sexual violence also grew out of these power imbalanced relationships, incidents being triggered by a wife's refusal to give sex on demand. Men insisted on their conjugal rights and women were helpless at law to defend themselves. Marital rape was only recently created a crime and few cases were ever reported but times were, thankfully moving on, and women were soon seizing some of that power back, at work, at home and in the bedroom.

Then came the swinging sixties. Women fought loudly to cast off the shackles of domestic burdens and sexual repression, to discover and celebrate their own sexual wants and desires. Gay people came out of their closets too. Flower power buzzed with Beatlemania. The early flowerings of greater openness about our bodies and their needs. For example, women meeting together to examine their vagina's with mirrors can all too easily be dismissed as uncool by the generations born since 1970 but compared with the repressive chill which froze sexual energy in the first half of the century, this was joyous release. An atmosphere sizzling with sexual heat and alive with experimentation.

So, are we all sorted out now? For many people, both women and men, their personal experiences of the pleasures of sex and intimacy don't live up to the sex feasts supposedly on offer. When sexual abundance seems to be all around, it's hard to admit you're hungry even more so if you're starving for it whilst in a marriage or in a relationship, with its official blessing of sex, or other long term sexual partnership. Some people have fear in letting their own pleasure and enjoyment become a cheap and demeaning event in their lives or their self worth that they stop all activity at once. They tend to take a step back leaving their partners to question what they did wrong or why it isn't going any further and also why it ended. There's also the feeling of lost of self worth and unfounded worry about what the other person thinks about them especially if it doesn't work out. This strongly happens to those in the later part of their lives.

If it's something else, talking can help. Make sure that you do actually have the space and time to talk. Think about the setting and how you can create real time for each other. Importantly is to get together in the first place. It's not going to end up into a steamy sex night but loosening up a little, giving in to your needs and your partner a little should be a start. Holding hands, kisses, hugs or just a touch more should be acceptable in this modern age. What is it that you want less or more of? It's good to have moral standards on things but what if it gets in the way of your love interest? Some people like to be traditional but if you're going back a century remember we're in a new millennium.

Bar advice. Welcome to the era where talking about sex and acting out on the passion of making love is not new and not looked at as a degrading characteristic to anyone but three cheers to those that wait till marriage.

Holiday's we're "Chasing Bars"

Here is a You Tube video showing what we may be doing this Christmas and New Year. It's a really humorous copy of the music and song, Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol, that was a worldwide hit from the show Grey's Anatomy. Here is the funny song, Chasing Bars, by DCLugi.



Bar advice. Chasing bars or cars isn't as fun as chasing boys or girls. Have fun this holiday time chasing what you need.

Are you looking forward to Christmas

That's the big question on a lot of people's minds. Are you looking forward to Christmas? The reply can vary but you'll be amazed by some of the answers. On of course is when someone lives in a desolate place or his country is not a large Christian community. The response would probably be, "what is Christmas"?

The sad thing is that it is true there will be a lot of people that would have gone through the whole day and not realize that Christmas had passed them. Take for example a man ploughing his field in India somewhere. He may have heard some commotion but never knew about the day. If you asked him he would probably tell you the Christmas is when he gets to feed his family and buffalo an extra portion of food.

Funny thing is we got a lot of people here also that don't seem to get into the whole spirit of the holidays. There's no real "cheer" in them. Sure, money is a problem but this is just one day. Your money problems were throughout the year. Don't blame it on that. Sometimes health issues play a part. Fair, but is it too difficult to pray for your own health. Not in the same religion. Now this we can understand but wouldn't you like others to also be happy during your holiday period? There's a lot of excuses but we got answers for them as well. Nobody can force you but the advice is yours to be taken freely.



In the homes we find some families have difficulties with brothers or fathers being in gangs or drugs. It's hard to keep a nice family unit together. There may be some that have distance themselves form religion because they may have had a tragedy like a member of the home died suddenly or terribly. Blame is placed and so on. Some blame God for their failed marriages or divorce which involves the kids. They don't seem to see themselves as a factor in the problem. Neither do the see Jesus as a solution.

I don't normally write about religion but because there's been so much bloodshed, war and major national disasters around the world, I thought I should add something in black and white and in turn it may just touch someone. That someone may reconcile and head back to church or at least make their life better. Blaming God for all the things that we do out of fear, stupidity and greed is not going to change anything.

One last point. The holidays effect a lot of people that are having relationship problems. Those that are not even talking, living under the same roof and have kids; really ought to sort it out. Why make yourself and all unhappy on this day that's suppose to be about peace and joy. You're an idiot! This is the time to work out old pains, hurts and anger with those we love or know. Put the children first. Be a kid for a day. Make yourself Santa and see peoples eyes light up at the sheer sight of you. This should be the way daily. Men and women making excuses about their relationship issues should remember that we're thought to forgive and be merciful to each other. Take that first step to a happy Christmas.


Bar advice. The bar itself should have a bit of eggnog and people being happy to celebrate the big guys birthday.

Life Support, Dr Rudi's advice on women

This is just poking a little bit of fun to some real dating advice. In real life so,e may work but not all. Some advice on this You Tube video is the real deal.



Bar advice. Some people need visuals to assist so happy watching.