Sunday, June 24, 2007

Getting to commitment


A very worthwhile read for anyone in any type of relationship. Book covers topics to make you more aware of the motivations for your own behavior and reactions to other people. Good for men and women, people who don't think they have relating problems and for those who know they do. It is worth your time.

Bar advice. Where do you stand in the face of commitment? Is the relationship going anywhere?

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Will Sex add to commitment?

You may imagine that agreeing to have sex before you have a monogamous commitment from a man could lead to the commitment you seek. Wrong. If he gets to have sex with you before commitment, you lose some of your power to get him to commit. After all, why should he commit further if he’s already having sex with you?

Yes, you may answer, but with sexual intimacy he’ll fall for me even more. Wrong again. With sexual intimacy before commitment, all you know is that his cock is in love with your vagina. You are beautiful, feminine, and have a gorgeous, fully shaved vagina. Of course, he’s in love with your sexual organs! What man wouldn’t be? But you want his love for you to come before his love for your sexual organs.

By the way, “instant commitments” don’t count. If you’ve teased him to the point of nakedness or of being only an undergarment away from nakedness, and then ask him, “You do love me, don’t you?” do not be fooled by the answer “Of course I do.” That is his manhood talking. At this point his brain has been kidnapped by his throbbing manhood. All his brain blood now resides in his swollen enlarged one, and his is totally not in charge of what his mouth says. “Of course I love you” means “Of course I love your body.” If you let a "Good Man" have sex with you before commitment, you risk losing that "Good Man" because you were too easy; you weren’t selective or demanding enough.

Be patient. Get the commitment first. You need to have sex only with a committed "Good Man".

It may take you several weeks or several months of dating a man to determine whether you want to have sex with him. This is not an unreasonable time frame for such an important decision. Again, it is totally appropriate to share your thoughts with a man regarding your qualifications of a "Good Man" and your fundamental needs. Also discuss how he sees your relationship, both now and in the future. If you decide that sex with this man is appropriate for you, then mutually commit to monogamy and go for it. If he is unwilling to commit to monogamy, do not agree to have sex with him.

One last thing to add. Women also want to have great sex. Most men don't know this so if you like the guy that much and you want to enjoy time with that guy sexually then go for it. Just remember that if there is no commitment from it later then you know it was your fault. So if that's what you decide then you won't feel let down later.

Bar advice. ladies take some time if you feel that he's the Mr. Right. Guys be patient with her because she deserves respect.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Meeting new people

This one is a little short as I'm running out of time at the moment. Last weekend it was raining a little. Business was alright for a while. Nice people were coming by the bar. Things were going well.

Later in the night two girls and a gentleman arrived and got a table. Got their orders and later was doing other stuff. I kept looking at this girl Grace, I got her name later that night, because she sat facing me. I recognized her from the last time she came. The guy as well actually. The other girl was there the first time.

Suddenly it begin to rain down hard. Others that were outside came inside as well. it was alright for a while but it begin to rain even harder. I got out a squeegee to push water that was coming in and flooding the floor a little. Just then Grace begin to talk to me. What else to start a conversation but to talk about the weather. I thought to myself,"smart girl". I kept going back and forth a little doing things to secure the place from the rains and dropped a sentence or two every time I passed the table.

I knew that I was running out of things to do near them so I gave it one last suggestion to her. I told her that if the water was a problem that they should come to the bar counter where it was dry. I, of course being behind the bar, wanted her to come over. She stayed there with them for a while but eventually she got up and did move to the bar counter with them. Immediately she engaged into conversation with me. It didn't matter that the two others were there. She seems to be this little ball of fire that was really so sweet looking. Hot as well and intelligent.

Later we got into this guessing game about where they were from and I guessed correct that she and the other girl were from the Philippines and the guy was from France. The guessing about age sort of shot me down when I guessed her older than she actually was. We did the whole zodiac sign thing. I really just wanted to dig a little more about her character. Several occasions she mentioned that they were all just friends. In conversation, several times, she reached out to touch me on the arm that was leaning on the counter but than again she held hands with the french guy as well.

I was wondering what was going on. Are they together? Anyway, she happen to fall between two zodiac signs. Ones that I like and am at the same time. We talked about relationships and such because she was stunned that I wasn't married or had ever been. I finally told her about this blog as well and the moment she asked for the url, I also managed to get her email address. Luck I guess.

This exotic creature is so bubbly. Fun and alive and seems so happy unfortunately it looks like she may leave her sales job here to join Emirates airlines later. Can't blame her for thinking about her future. Hope she does well.

Bar advice. Some women know when someone likes them and some know what they want. She said she'll read the blog so Grace of you're reading. Cheers!

Trying to get a date by sms.

With the modern technology that we have today I suppose that to sms a girl to go out is not the worst thing that you can do. However, personal calling is always better. It gives a guy better manners and a girl seeing you in better light.

Why did I refer to it as a guy doing that? Well, it may also be done by girls but most likely teenagers. Men tend to be speechless when asking women out. They have to plan the whole conversation. What they're going to say and sometimes they blurt out the wrong things and the plan just balls up so it's back to the drawing board and kiss that date goodbye.

Why would they use the sms method? This can also apply to the women in reverse. One good thing is that you just have to write things down. She can't see your face or hear the tone of your voice. If asked a question by sms a man can take some time to slowly answer back after he got advice from three of his beer drinking buddies sitting next to him. He won't get caught off guard and say the wrong thing. Plans can be made with short and sharp text.

If you're sending the sms to a girl for the first time, never use the words "remember me" in the text. The reason is because it looks like the guy needs her assurance of his presence. It lowers his capacity in her mind. Instead imagine that she already remembers you. One reason is that when she gave you her number she must have been comfortable in doing so when you met her or she was already attracted to you. if it's the latter then you're in luck.

Just because there's a good response it doesn't mean that she's going to throw herself at you. At least it gives you a chance to deploy some intensive attraction moves on her when you do meet up. That's a whole new blog subject on it's own.

A guy is going to take forever to send that first sms(it get easier later) but just send it and not worry about the outcome. This means that if she can make it, go. Enjoy the day with her. If she can't then let it be. She has that choice. Be hopeful that she may get back to you if her plans don't work out.

Bar advice. Some of these technological devices can help ease the dating game. Just know what you're in for.

How does she see you?

Where do you stand with this girl? Is she seeing you the way you think she is or are you imagining what you want and the reality is that she's not that into you. Guys, repeat after me.

"Doing anything for the girl won't work if she doesn't like you in
the first damn place."

Having the girl attracted to you is the first step before everything else. Most guys get things all wrong. They mess up the sequence because they're thinking with the wrong head. They end up showering her with soft toys, fine dining, jewelery or some self made item to prove his love. Give me a break! It looks like he's trying to buy his way in. There's probably some dummy that tattooed her name on his chest with a little heart like Miami Ink. He might as well have done it on his ass because he's about to get shit on.

If she didn't really and I mean really like you in the first place or you never checked if she did and she was only letting you be near her because she didn't want to hurt your feelings, then prepare for pain. Cruel truth is many guys have gone true the incident where they have done so much stuff for the girl and another guy just comes along and excites her and becomes her boyfriend. Here you got to loose the baggage, cut loose and move on. Have some pride but learn the lesson.

Once again I stress that she must like you immensely or massively for anything real to happen. That is the first line of of action that will prevent any other guy from taking her away or from getting you dumped with a big hole in your pocket. Tattooing someones name on any part of your body is stupid as well. Doing it for love as a anniversary present after 10 years of marriage is different. You already won her heart so branding yourself will make only your wife think you're dumb.

Have you guys ever had your dad or uncle advise you to "Make friends first" or "Get to know her and see how it goes"? There are guys that do that but they take the "make friends" part too strongly that the girl sees it that way as well and he won't end up with anyone. Yikes!

Guys, you got to make her see you as a "lover figure" and not a "friend figure". The worst thing that can happen is if another guy comes along and she tells him that you're like a "brother" to her and starts flirting with him. You'll be out on your ass again.

Bar advice. Call it man, lover, boyfriend or whatever cute name she got for you. You got to create the environment in her mind that you're her guy. The one she desires for intimacy.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Fathers Day

The one day of the year that is just like mothers day except we all seem to appreciate mom more. Somehow dad is like distant and reserved. Maybe not all but most out there. Some are not even around.

Lets not focus too much on negatives but the truth is that it's more of a natural instinct with mothers than fathers for taking care of the family. I mean this in the sense of the family nucleus and not just the paying of bills and such. One good example is to see that when your dad goes on a business trip or gets sick, things seem to still run like clockwork but with mom, it's a different story.

When she goes away for just a day, magically we start loosing things or we can't find them. If she gets on a diet, we're all on a diet because the food is going to be cooked like a dietitian did it. If she gets sick, Oh! boy look out. We all got to fend for ourselves, get our own meals, do laundry, be quiet in the house while fighting with brothers and sisters and even dad is going crazy with everyone because he can't seem to function as well. It becomes a zoo but with her weaken self, mom still finds the way to get out of bed and magically sort everything out in ten minutes and get back to the bed to rest.

Dad's are more of what we see as the guy that makes the money. Takes care of the bills. Who we go to to get some pocket money or when we want to buy something. He's the protector of the home. If we're being bullied by someone or the neighbours kid is making life difficult for us and maybe if we got in trouble with the law. We some how call on him to "fix" it. We think that dad is this hero with super powers that will defend us from bad things.

As we celebrate father's day we think about what mom saw in him before we were here. Some dads are mean old bastards. Some not fit to take that role. Others are just kids themselves while others still behave like kids. Lots of dads don't know what a father is suppose to do because they never had a father. The list goes on and on. Nobody is perfect and sometimes even dad's can't protect us from the world.

In most normal families the father is the disciplinarian. The guy that looks after us, advises us, teaches us, helps us and loves us. He's the guy we can count on when you need help. If you're a guy, he thought you about sports and took you to the hospital when something got broke. If you're a girl, he interfered with all the boyfriends you had but walked you down the isle and gave you away as a bride. With years of memories from the day we were born and knowing that mom is the superglue that keeps everyone together, our father's probably never get the worthy recognition they deserve.

Sometimes I wished my dad was still alive. I never got to tell him so many things. Maybe the relationship could have been better than what we had. Not all fathers and their children have close bonds. We make the best with what we got. Even if you're poor, but family is strong, you'll always be feeling rich. Which dad won't want to have a good life for his family?

Bar advice. For all fathers out there. When you walk into a room and you see your children's eyes lights and a smile appears, you're doing fine. Happy fathers day.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Hitch


What can be said about this movie. Those that watched it can relate to all three stars in the movie. The situation and delema of people starting out in a relationship.

Have we done things of this nature? Possibly. Will smith shows what it takes and what needs to be said to "get the girl". Well' he is the star of the movie but in reality we got to see that what he said is sometimes what guys really feel but just don't know how to go about it.

Here the scene is set with a phone call to get a date for the first time. Guys that meet with girls react like little boys sometimes because they are men. Does that make sense? To women it does. To guys it's just a "thing we do".

Movies like Jerry Maguire, whereby Tom Cruise mentioned the words "you complete me" and went all over the world, is practically impossible. Yes, we all know it's a romance movie script but in reality no one can do that by being with another person. The only person that can "complete" someone is that person him or herself. Your partner may make you feel good and such but what "completes" us is ourselves. A spiritual sense within that we can develope with others that we realte to. Think about it.

Bar advice. Movies like this can nice to watch. We all love a happy ending. Who doesn't? How's things with you?

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