Making the relationship last.

Have you ever wondered why some intimate relationships work and others don’t? Why so many of us seem to have the same relationships with a series of different people? Some people can easily find a mate while others struggle. Why? Is there a way you can accelerate the process of uncovering and living your natural loving way and making the relationship last?

The explanation for most vexing relationship questions is actually quite simple. The majority of our relationships, as well as our patterns of relating in general, are based on need rather than love. This is probably no surprise to you. However, it may surprise you that there is something you can do about it. Stop looking for love in all the wrong places.

Most of us are on a quest for love that amounts to trying to fill a leaky cup. Every time we appear to get love from an external source, especially from another person, it merely reinforces the belief that love can be found outside us. So, the feeling of receiving love or approval inherently has "leakage". This includes the fear of losing love, resentment towards the people we feel we need to get it from, and the simple act of looking away from the love that we, by nature, already are. Sometimes it's years of frustration during our youth at home that builds into a swell and when we don't get the love from the external source later or we find that the external source does the same things as home, we are devastated. We ask, "where is love".

Good news. You can turn each of these dilemmas around simply by letting go of wanting love or approval. You can also hasten the process by looking for mutual ways to love, as opposed to getting it, and mutual ways to give love, in addition to receiving it.

If you’re in any kind of an intimate relationship with a life partner, friend, or family member, and you can reach the point where you simply love the other person as he or she is, as best you can, then both of you can relax and be authentic with each other. This promotes much healthier, more satisfactory interactions. A fine example was when Steadman told Oprah that the wig she wore that resembled Tina Turner did not suit her. He said that none of her workers would dare say a thing but he had to because she wasn't Tina. She realized it and even on TV told this story to make a point that love means having the ability to say anything and the other person knows that they will never hurt them. Only help.

If the relationship is to last both sides have to ensure they are honest and truthful to the other. You don't need the approval of your partner on every issue but you need their counsel and concern. So to should you do the same for them in return.

Bar advice.We make mistakes at times but isn't it better to know the other person won't be there to judge you.

When things fall apart.

Much like Zen, Pema Chodron's interpretation of Tibetan Buddhism takes the form of a nontheistic spiritualism. In When Things Fall Apart this head of a Tibetan monastery in Canada outlines some relevant and deceptively profound terms of Tibetan Buddhism that are germane to modern issues. The key to all of these terms is accepting that in the final analysis, life is groundless. By letting go, we free ourselves to face fear and obstacles and offer ourselves unflinchingly to others. The graceful, conversational tone of Chodron's writing gives the impression of sitting on a pillow across from her, listening to her everyday examples of Buddhist wisdom.

When things fall apart in life we sometimes don't know what to do. This can be a natural disaster that destroyed our home. A marriage gone bad. Deceit. Illness. Many things can be the cause but how and what you do will determine you as a human being in this cosmic plane of greater things.

Bar advice. Sometimes we need to step back, shake off the bad vibe or karma and move to a healing place within our hearts. Whatever it was, my advice, this too will pass.

Time

I've been kind of busy lately. Haven't had the time to do my blog but that's life. If we did have time for all the things that we liked to do then we must either be filthy rich or or living in a fantasy world. There's many aspects of time. As an example, there's day/night time, lifetime, earth time and cosmic time.

I'll only talk about the lifetime and day/night time. What is it about time that either makes or breaks us. We all heard the saying,"time waits for no man". Well it's the truth, isn't it? In fact it waits for no man, woman or child. Anything can happen in the blink of an eye. We may even find ourselves staring death in the face. We say we were "lucky" when nothing happens but we say it was "fated" when it is that particular moment in time.

Must people don't have much time on earth. Things can go seriously wrong and we find that we haven't spent enough time with a love one. If, for example, we're told by a doctor that we only had weeks to live due to some medical problem, what do you do? We start to realize that the people we take for granted will no longer be around. If you're the dying one won't you be thinking that all these others will be around after you've gone. Where will you be heading to? Heaven? What did you do that makes you so sure that you'll get in? Now the mind starts to wonder about these things.

Suddenly you see that all those small annoying things don't seem to bother you anymore. It can be a hot scorching day, a flat tyre, bird droppings on your shoulder, a fungus on your toe, a bee sting on your ass or a freaking pimple on your nose; it wouldn't bother because you'd rather have it then not be around to feel it. You'll start to enjoy life with passion and embrace every moment of it instead of complaining like before. Thinking back, you see that your whole life you were wining about the smallest of difficulties or when you didn't get what you wanted or even your way. Now you see with clearer eyes but it's too late?

Next, who you love and who loves you. Should they? What makes you so darn special? Did you show love to family members or were you too damn busy making money to care? Will friends surround your coffin with tears in their eyes or will they throw a party to celebrate the fact that you're out of their hair? Are you selfish? Kind? Helpful and thoughtful of others? Generous? Spiritual? What means can you be measured upon?

Time can stand still for some. Example would be those in a coma. It's like suspended animation but will anyone be there if you woke up. What determines you as a human being that is worthy of the love and friendship of others is the fact that we all must remember that time and life is short. To be remembered, loved, cherished and missed by others is the measurement we have versus the time we have spent here. Who doesn't want to live a long life? What we do with it is a different story.

Bar advice. Don't waste too much time focusing on trivial issues. Time is ticking.

Men's looks

You don't need to have great looks to be successful with beautiful
women at all. After all, social value comes from many sources having social proof or leading a girl's peer group for example. Good looks alone won't get you laid, if that's your only source of social value.

Still, if you're serious about maximizing your success with women, you want to fully exploit every avenue of getting social value that you can. Having good looks specifically, having a muscular, chiseled, formed body, is one of them.

For instance, I know a guy who is now in his early 40s and he regularly has girls in their early 20s. Unlike most men his age, he takes care of himself. He works out and eats right. And it shows. He looks good. In adds that he also is matured and knows how to approach and talk to women. Women don't like a man that doesn't act his age or is too much of a kid.

Visually, he is attractive to women. They look at him, and that feeds his confidence. His success keeps him working out and eating right, causing more success. It's a virtuous, reinforcing cycle. But here's the problem. Most men let their bodies go as they get older. They have no muscle mass. They grow a gut for a belly. They don't groom themselves well. They dress dumpily. In other words,
they don't take care of themselves. Why be that way? You're going to feel like you look in the mirror.

At around age 26 or 27 something happens to our bodies. Our metabolism slows down and our body stops producing new muscle mass on its own. Up until age 26 or 27, you can basically eat like a pig and not exercise and your body will still stay fit and thin to some degree. But, by the late 20s, your muscle mass begins to slowly wither away and that gut starts to appear and by age 40, most men look downright bad.

If you're really out of shape, many girls will be too embarrassed to be seen with you with their friends and family. Even if the girl is otherwise attracted to you for other reasons. It's like when a man meets a fat chick. She's sweet, nice, pretty faced, wild in bed, loving, fun personality, highly sexual, a great girl to be
with but you don't stick with her because you're embarrassed what your friends of family might think.

That's why it's so important to take care of yourself and to start right away. In many ways this is a shallow way of thinking but it's a fact in our society. People go for looks. We see it in fashion magazines, Hollywood and more. The trick is to stay in tune with who you want to be and what you can do to be in a better shape when you get older. Taking care of yourself will make for better years ahead.

Bar advice. My advice here for men also applies to lots of women as well. Not to say that you got to look like a supermodel but health and fitness can be obtained which makes for a better life.

Kino

So what is this thing called Kino? The common view of kino(note: kino = touching) is that you're giving the woman pleasure and that this arouses her and makes her attached to you

It's critically important to physically touch a woman early on in a seduction, sometimes referred to as "kino". Here's the scientific explanation of how and why it works. Then I'll explain how to use touch to reliably get laid.

Touching a woman causes her body to release a powerful sex hormone called oxytocin. Oxytocin increases a woman's testosterone levels, the hormone responsible for her sex drive. Oxytocin also causes her to feel a bonding with you and to feel good around you. Even for a woman who "never feels like sex" and acts cold, a few touches can make her horny for sex. It doesn't matter where or how much you touch her, even a small touch on the arm is enough to release oxytocin hormones into her body and warm her up to you.What's more, oxytocin gives her the desire to be touched even more, producing yet even more oxytocin, a reinforcing cycle of sex hormone escalation.

One other thing. This oxytocin touch response is much more powerful for women than for men. Oxytocin requires estrogen to work. Without estrogen, it has no effect and women have much more estrogen in their bodies than men. Okay, here is how to use this powerful scientific knowledge to get laid.

First, be the kind of guy who is comfortable touching women from the moment you meet them. Be a physical kind of person. Act as if touching a woman is a normal thing you do all the time and women will accept that. If you start touching a woman all of a sudden after a few weeks, it will seem weird to her, so start from the very first time you meet her.

Begin with small touches on the hands and arms to make her oxytocin hormones kick in. As you progress, play footsies with her under table. Take her hand when you walk together (don't ask, just take it). Tell her to sit on your lap and stroke her thighs (again, don't ask just do). The more you touch her in a playful take-charge way, the more she'll want more touches and then even more. By the time you're touching her nipples through her shirt the oxytocin hormones will be raging, shooting her testosterone driven sex drive into the stratosphere.

Also, never ask a woman "Can I touch you?" It's creepy. Don't ask. Women like men of action, assuming you have some form of rapport with her. Don't suddenly spring into that sort of action because she'll say you molested her. Now here's what you do with women who consider you to be "just a friend". One woman I knew considered me "just a friend" and whatever I said to her didn't seem to work.

Knowing the scientific certainty of her oxytocin response, I began to work my spell. At first, I touched her innocently on her arms and hands. No resistance. Soon I got more playful with her and would hold her by the waist. She kept telling me she only wanted to be friends, but her body was beginning to tell me another story. I also told her how much "I liked being friends" with her. I then proceeded to playfully tickle her from time to time. All the touching made her oxytocin and testosterone levels flood her body and she was getting horny despite herself.

Pretty soon she was calling me and after we've did the "deed", her bonding feelings for me caused by the oxytocin were firmly entrenched. That's the flip side of the oxytocin response once you've got her, your only problem will be keeping her at arms length! Kino is a touchy subject and can get difficult in the end.

Bar advice. Keep your hands in your pockets if you don't want to persue the girl. Turning her on and then turning her away is not a good thing to do.

The gay issue Part 1

I haven't touched on this much. Just a little on lesbians. I'm not so it's hard to really comment on the subject. However, I've met lots of people that are and there's people that have lots of gay friends as well. Gay people find it very hard to meet up with each other as many people keep it a secret about what their sexual orientation is. This is to save themselves from harassment or prejudice. Although in this day and age they really do have nothing to worry about.

Many gay people find that the Internet is a great resource for finding gay partners. The Internet allows you to be who you want to be without prejudice so you can openly admit to being gay and not suffer any of the repercussions. A lot of Internet dating sites have hundreds of gay members and they organise what is called ‘meets’.

Meets are events that gay people can go to and find other gays. It is simply a get together for both men or women who are interested in finding either a short or long term partner. These meets make it so much easier for gay people to find someone as no one is worried what anyone thinks of them as they are all the same and looking for the same thing.

Meets are fantastic events, any company that holds them is making a great effort to show that it doesn't matter who you are you are still entitled to be with someone and not be alone, and that it should not matter what your sexual preference is. While dating sites are the most typical sites to offer this service you can find specialist websites that specialise in this sort of thing.

Gay "meets" are there for all gay men and lesbians. It is simply like a large party where no one is or should be afraid to be themselves. To find your nearest gay meet or party just simply log online to some of the better know ones. You'll be surprised at who's there.

The world still sees this as taboo. The gay men get it worse because we live in a male dominated society where the men see themselves as the bread winners and the stronger sex. The thought of sharing the same locker room with a gay man sends shivers down some of their backs. With all that male ego, strength and brute you'd think they were girls if you saw their faces. Why than do they act badly towards gay people this way?

I can't say for sure but a lot just has to do with the insecurity of themselves. The need to be normal and to be seen by others as a stand up man or woman. There is suppose to be a harmonious unity among family members but if just one is gay, it seems like the whole family is put to shame. The stigma of wrong doing is placed on that family and so this makes gay people turn to secrecy. Never having to be found out is better than exposing one's self and shaming the family. These are just some of the things that they dodge daily.

Hence, the need for the "meets" and places that set them up. It's really just a gathering of people trying to date and make themselves part of the normal routine of relationships that they see when they walk out the front door. Next time we will talk a little deeper into the subject.

Bar advice. We live in a world where nobody and I mean nobody likes to be alone. Gay people are also normal people. My advice is, yes they have to change in many ways but normal people have to as well.

Fears we have

What are you afraid of? When you were a child, maybe it was the "monster" in the closet or under the bed, or the first day of school. As we grow up, we often acquire a whole new list of fears. Some of the more common types are fear of failure, fear of success even, fear of the unknown and fear of rejection or disapproval. These are pretty basic for all of us, to some degree or another but if you find that fear gets to the point where it keeps you from achieving your goals or limits your life, then it's a good idea to learn how to overcome your fear and turn it into action.

Actually, fear itself is a survival mechanism. It's a physical response to danger, whether real or imagined. Being alert to the possible danger around them allowed our primitive ancestors to defend or save themselves. You and I have that same survival instinct, but with the difference that it's usually not physical danger that threatens us, but the "danger" of change or uncertainty.

I've found that a key to handling fear is imagination. After all, it's usually those negative scenarios that we imagine that build our fear in the first place. So here's a way to break out of that cycle. First of all, sit down and write out exactly what it is you are afraid of happening. Often, coming face to face with the fear you have helps you distance yourself from it and react less emotionally. You can then be more objective in judging whether your fear has any basis at all.

Now, use that imagination of yours to think of the worst that could happen. Write it all down, how you would feel. Then, think of all the things you could do in this worst case scenario. What actions could you take to deal with it? Write it all down. When you have plans on how to handle a situation if it arises, then this reduces your fear of the unknown. You become more confident of your ability to handle things. You may also just notice that your fear has disappeared.

Bar advice. We all got "monsters" and "demons' that we don't want to face but you can't live life with fear as the winner.

Breaking the silence in conversation

We all may have had this happen to us once before or for some, still. You happen to see a girl or guy at and you know he or she likes you but when you finally come close and say your quick hello, the conversation dies. There's a wall of silence that some how pops up. Thoughts race in your minds like what to say next. Does that person like me? There's nothing being said he/she must think I'm a complete idiot.

Things like this happen so what can we do about it? Here are a couple of tips to keep handy. My advice is to store some knowledge about things that they show in National Geographic, Discover Channel or Lonely Planet. There's a host of subjects that you can talk about and you can keep yourself well informed about interesting subjects. Start off by asking where the person has traveled before or went on holiday. What was the culture like? Where will they like to visit next? This may lead to you discussing about making plans on going there together.

Simple one is movies. Lots of people watch them so it's a no brainer that you got lots to talk about. Find out if the person likes comedies, romance, period dramas or whatever the fancy is. Discuss your favourites. Which stars do they like? Also move to TV shows as lots of people have likes and dislikes of certain shows. If you want to talk about music that could be good as well because there's lots of entertainers to talk about. See how the conversation gets moving. As it continues it will feel more pleasant. Just remember to give the other a chance to talk so as well.

Another one you can talk about is festive days. Ask what they did last Christmas or what their New Year's resolution was. This generally leads to why they did or made the resolution at the end of that year. It normally is because they year may have been bad and they wanted to change things. Most people are glad to just purge themselves so they are willing to bring up all the stuff that they dislike and off load it to any listening person. Let them do most of the talking. you'll find that you just became their 'best friend' when you become a sympathetic listener to them.

Remember one thing as you get further into conversation. Your main interest was getting to know the person better so as conversation deepens you must also add the attraction factor into it. Underline your conversations, from time to time, with sublime suggestions. By this I mean that your main thoughts should be to add to the attraction of the person and getting him or her to be more interested in you. Where possible add suggestions about going somewhere together. Maybe a holiday, watching a movie or getting a couples massage spa treatment. If you can reach that last one, you've scored big.

Don't get me wrong. Those are just suggestions that will help out but there's lots of other stuff you can use. The main thing is to keep handy some of these so the silence won't be visible and you don't look or feel like a complete idiot. Please don't go researching on topics like lymphatic nodes disorders to make yourself sound wiser. The silence will definitely be worse and you can hear a pin drop after because the other person won't have a clue how to respond to you. Your voice will be the only thing you'll hear and you would have forced the silence into the other person. Don't make the other person seem stupid. The point is to talk about things that are more common and the conversation flow will be a two way street.

Bar advice. The silence can be broken if you just open your mouth and if you got a whole bag of topics to discuss.