Girls night in

Maybe there is some fun to be had in hitting the town with your a posse and strutting your stuff every now and then but if you want a fun time with the girls that doesn't involve hellacious hangovers and a "don't ask don't tell" policy, it could be time for an equally fun bonding experience, an all girl house party. Before you roll your eyes at thoughts of pillow fights and crank calls, check out these fun theme parties. It may become a memorable Saturday night and a perky Sunday morning. Remember to kick out all guys first.

Spa night.
Give the girls an opportunity to unwind with a relaxing night of rejuvenating activity. Ask them to bring their comfiest lounge wear and robes, recruit a manicurist to give fast mani and pedicures and a masseuse for rotating shoulder or foot massages. Serve bubbly or keep it clean with sparkling water with crushed mint and offer light fare such as grilled vegetable skewers, Chinese chicken salad, fresh berries and whipped-cream parfaits. Scatter good gossip magazines, light scented candles, and everyone will be in relaxed mode.

Dance the night away
Get the house jumping by hiring a dance instructor to teach your gang some smooth new moves. You can find quality candidates by calling a local dance studio. Just be sure you select a style that doesn't require dancing with partners, hip hop, pole dancing, belly dancing, and striptease would all get the party started and keep it going. Serve margaritas and energy boosting grab and go snacks such as brisket, new potato skins with all the fixins and salsa dip.

Yoga Retreat
Find your collective inner om with a mind and body centering evening of yoga or meditation. Hire an instructor from a local studio, invite guests to arrive in their comfiest workout clothes, and host an early evening session. Unwind with a light, healthy dinner of sushi, and soba noodles in broth. Light some incense, put on some soothing music, and watch everyone get Zen. Add some scented candles if you like.

Chick flick night
Warn friends it'll be a tearjerker. Pick a double header that's sure not to leave a dry eye in the house. Think Terms of Endearment, Life Is Beautiful, and The Notebook. Maybe the classic Sleepless in Seattle. Scatter pillows on the floor around the couch and coffee table, serve a concession stand menu of vanilla vodka with Coke, popcorn, hot dogs, and classic candies, and press play. If you don't want to put on the pounds then just go with red wine, cheese platter served with olives and such. Don't forget the tissues.

Bar advice. Sometimes the girls need to get away and just talk, laugh or cry with each other. It heals when understood and shared by others.

Are you really incompatible?

In today's global culture people have differences of opinion. Whether the topic is marriage, travel,politics, work, religion or even what type of car is the most reliable, different people feel differently but what about when you and your guy can't agree? Does it mean you're incompatible? For the most part, the answer is no.

What we tend to forget in our quest for the fairytale relationship, is that no one person can be all things to another. It just won't happen. So while you may have a certain way you like to spend your Saturday nights (hitting the latest hot spot for dinner or dancing) and your partner may have another idea of how to pass the evening (in front of the TV watching desperate housewives), there's no reason you can't still find fulfillment in each other. The key is, remembering to find it elsewhere, too!

The only area where differences of opinion definitely spell trouble is within the relationship itself. The lines of communication must always be open, even if it's uncomfortable, and this means in every aspect, but most importantly regarding your level of commitment. Sometimes it's better to make plans together in advance so both people can agree to what will they be doing together. It's a unity factor. Sometimes one has to give in to the other to make the relationship work but it has to be both side that give and take. Don't always make plans without involving the other or discussing if he/she wants to do this or go there.

Also, if one of you thinks it's serious while the other is still playing the field, things are bound to break down. If one of you wants to share everything and the other keeps everything secret, the chances of connecting are cut considerably. If either or both of you are disrespectful of or cruel to each other on a regular basis to the point where either of you is hurting, think about how you want to be treated and try to take a step back. Sit down and review plans of the communication between each other.

You must agree on honesty, kindness and respect. Your relationship won't work and you certainly won't be compatible if you don't tackle these issues. However, if you respect each other, maintain an open and honest rapport and are equally committed, anything is possible. Accepting that your partner has their own mindset, opinion and thoughts on whatever subject makes the relationship flow with intellectual stimulus that can be a major turn on as well.

Bar advice. Everybody has an opinion about most things. If adding your two cents worth helps your relationship by all means open your mouth. If not....

How to tell if their a bad lover

So how can you tell if the person you've got your eye on will make a good lover? That depends on what you like! The good news is, taste aside, you can tell if they'll be a bad one. Here are clues your date will make a lousy bed mate.


Not at home in their own skin?
Most of us would change something about our bodies if we could but if you're sitting face to face with someone who seems downright uncomfortable with themselves, you might have cause to worry. Excess surgeries, too much makeup, overly sexy clothing, fear of eating more than a lettuce leaf. The person who tries too hard usually doesn't have the experience or self-esteem to both give and receive pleasure. Their having trouble pleasing themselves how do you think their going to please you?

Too good to be true
The ability to let loose is key to good sex. A person without vices, someone who seems perfect and takes their perfection quite seriously, is likely going to need things to be equally perfect. These people are those who see themselves as model human beings and thereby judge everyone else for their so called shortcomings and are rarely in touch with the world. When it comes to sex, being judgmental and devoid of any naughtiness (even if it's a love for ice cream at breakfast) actually translates to frigid or at least rigid. What kind of fun is that? You and your partner should be fooling around with each other and having a good time. To others it may look stupid but that sort of fun is flirtatious and meant for the two involved.

A roving eye
Some might say that the more people someone checks out the higher their sex drive. Is that true or is it a front? The reality is that if you're on a date with someone and they don't have the courtesy to stay focused on you, a passing glance at another person doesn't count, then they probably won't have much regard for you in bed either. If satisfying their own appetite is all that's on their mind, you're better off looking elsewhere for a partner. Pleasure in bed should be a two way street.

Misogynists, gynophobia and man haters
Anybody who thinks they understand the opposite sex and doesn't celebrate the differences while understanding that both genders are equally intelligent, emotional and important beings, might as well give up on ever being a truly great lover. You might as well give up on them, sooner rather than later. Some just fear women and don't know that gynophobia is what they have. Lot's of women hate men in almost the same way but it's clinical and not formulated.

What did you say?
Whether it's about sex, dinner, your day, work, the person who asks no questions has little interest. Little interest means little connection. Little connection means this person may not actually be a bad lover but they'd be a bad lover for you.

Bar Advice. One sure way to tell if they're a bad lover is if he/she says they have to leave right after the sex is over. If it's going to be short and sharp then that's all you'll get out of it.

Becoming friends instead of lovers

What happens when you fall into the "friends zone"? Guys tend to feel that after all the effort, feelings, money, time and so on that they put in that when she starts reacting to him more as a pal than a partner, it's a devastating blow.

So how did the relationship get poisoned into becoming a friendship in the first place? One reason may be that she he had gone out with her too often that she see him so much. This habit makes the other feel attached to the person without worry that other stirred feeling are happening. She doesn't want to be hurt so she feels safer in a friendship based relationship.

Sure there are exceptions where people have gone out with each other so much and so long, years even, and have got married but that is a minority group. My own sister is one such person. We are talking about the majority of people that fall into the friendship category because they have gone out more than four dates.

Why four? Well studies show that if by four dates you would pretty much figure out if you like the girl or not. It's different for women a little. For guys four is the magic key number. If you head into the fifth or sixth date, it's a amber light state. This could mean that she still likes you, not sure or she's comfortable going out with you but as a friend. Maybe she finds that she likes that you like the things she does, goes, eats and so on. Comfortable is not good in this instance. Why?

People trying to get to the phase of becoming a couple should be a little awkward, shy, apprehensive. When going out together with friends they should be more apart and hope to hold hands and such. Maybe a kiss at the end of the night. You don't go meeting someone on a date with a T-shirt and torn jeans with flip flops. That's a clear sign that she's only interested in being friends because she believes that you will understand and that she need not dress up for the date. If you're in that "comfort" situation and another guy comes along, be prepared to loose her.

At the end of the day you got to know if it's going to work out or not. It's more of the amount of energy in the date than the amount of dates itself. Working towards becoming a couple should be exciting. Once you get there, the friendship part will become part of it. The relationship is then merged with love, friendship and togetherness.

Bar advice. If you want the 'gal', don't make her your 'pal'.

Stop fighting in the relationship

We all have quarrels and such. We say things that are harsh, hurtful and degrading to our partners. If you're married this can be due to lots of outside forces that contribute to it. Work, bills, kids and so on. Singles that fight is normally due to insecurities of loosing the partner, to possibly betrayal or cheating. Many a times it's best to get out of those relationships either because it will lead to painful break ups or divorce in the future.

How then can someone make things better. First of all you got to search inside yourself to see if you got a mature level head on your shoulders. You got to ask yourself if marriage is the path that you want right now. When searching for a partner you must have the mindset of searching for love. You also got to be ready to share your love. The main thing is your intentions.

Is your intention set upon marriage, kids, family or are you also not sure what you want? When meeting someone you got to remember that the person surely must have had other people in their lives before and you are not the first. It is highly unlikely, but not impossible, that he/she is not a virgin and may have been with several people before. This generation seems to find it easy to do these things compared to older ones. It's like a normal acceptance. So don't complain and be restrictive to the other one because you got to remember that they had a life before you came along.

Surely they must have friends, family and colleagues that they go out with. Even people that may have slept with that are still friends. Remember that if both are positive and compatable in sorting out these insecurities, only then can there be a healthy and happy relationship.

Be it single or married, what are things that can be done?

Stop Blaming
While we are engaged in pointing a finger, and making the other feel guilty, we cannot see what is really going on. Blame is a way to keep the fight alive. take a vacation from blame for a day. Instead of thinking of all the ways the person has hurt you, keep your eyes open to watch how you may be stoking the fires. Focus upon what the person has done for you, instead, the ways in which they have been kind.

Realization
Realize the price you are paying for these fights unless we truly realize the terribly toll fighting is taking on us, we will continue it automatically. Take note of the consequences each fight brings, what it is doing to your body, mind and spirit. Then ask, do I truly want this? Haven’t I suffered enough? Why not stop it today?

Search for happiness
Choose to be happy rather than right. This is the time to expand your view. Define success as being happy rather than being right. Learn other tools and techniques which will not escalate anger and make a positive relationship possible. work out difference way before the commitment of marriage. If you're not ready, what make you think you're partner is?

Self worth
Build a strong sense of self worth. The best defense against anger is feeling good about yourself. Build it and treat yourself beautifully and treat your partner beautifully as well. Let go of all that opposes this. Don't hold on to any grudges, pain, anger, suppression and so on because bottled up emotions will eventually explode to mega destructive forces.

As we have the courage to let go of anger, not only does our health improve, but soon we notice many kinds of wonderful, new people and experiences entering our lives. We attract what we focus upon. When we focus upon well-being, forgiveness and love, that is what will fill our lives. Other people will seek your wisdom and help. This will give you and your partner even greater experience and appreciation that you are not in that situation.

Bar advice. Fighting is an emotion control that is not controlled. We have to make a change in ourselves to get the other to do the same. It get you nowhere but sorrow.

Sundays

We work hard all week. Sundays seem to make us feel relaxed. It's just a psychological triggered reaction to the "rest day" of the week. It just make us lazy a little, sleepy sometimes or with others it's chirpy. We have a double quick step. We get up to go play golf. Maybe squash, yoga, rock climbing or some other sport.

The main thing is that it's our day. Most people of the working class stiffs are doing long hours at work or back breaking jobs. They are the ones that are most appreciative of Sunday. We all wish that money was not a problem and if it wasn't then everyday would feel like Sunday. Come to think of it, everyday would be Christmas.

Waking up on Sundays for families can be fun and full of excitement especially for kids. They either want to go out to the park or movie. Maybe breakfast at McDonalds. For kids it's not so much that they get to go somewhere but that they're going with you. You're not home most of the time and kids just want to spend time with their parents. It may feel like a drag sometimes because you just finished six days of work but most people are fulfilled by the happy faces of their kids.

If you're single it's a time to share with friends or the current love of your life. Lots of people just like to go out for something to eat or have coffee together. Maybe ice cream or stroll on the beach. Sundays are just a little less rushed or planned. Single people that aren't dating still find it a happier day to go shopping or meet up with friends because they just had a full week trying to impress their boss, colleagues or even a girl/guy that they like. All the formalities seem to go out the window on the "rest day".

Married people that haven't got any children yet find that they don't even need to go out of the house to enjoy it. They rather be at home, watch TV, do gardening, reading and maybe a bit of housework that needs attention. Lots of times they may have a barbecue or gathering of family over for a meal. Mostly though, they rather spend time having a lazy Sunday afternoon with each other just talking. At night they may have a meal, share a bottle of wine and watch a movie together all snuggled up with each other. Romantic gesture is never far away at this point of time.

Bar advice. Whatever the case may be, we all must agree that we look forward to Sundays. Even if you do nothing, you love that it comes around every week.

Gorgeous women in professional jobs

The other day I was at the bar working and it was a bit of a slow day. Not too many people due to the bad weather. Suddenly two women came in. You could tell that they were in some professional job because of the way that they were dressed.

Between the two, one really stood out. Keli(not real name). I'll tell you how I got her name later. I was all too eager to serve her but the friend seemed to want me to take the order quickly and leave. My senses started tingling that something wasn't quite right. She had this great smile and a gorgeous body that was basically popping out of the blouse that she wore. It was one of those that had buttons in the middle. Way too tight and visually easy to see her bra between all the holes from button to button that it was making because it was that tight. Not forgetting that she had nice sized breast as well. Pants she wore bad her ass stand out as she walked in her stiletto heeled shoes. What a sight.

The day seemed gloomy before but was brightened up with this vixen. A real fox. She actually caught me looking at her from the bar area. When I moved forward to help some other guest next to her I knew that she again saw me looking at her but she didn't look. Instead she looked at her friend in the same direction that I was standing but not looking directly at me. The strategies we play. I was fine with it because I knew nothing about her. It just seemed to me that it was odd that the other girl was not interested. She also made Keli sit facing away from a bunch of boys that were sitting across them. Then it hit me.

Could he friend be a lesbian. I don't know for sure but the tell tale signs seem to indicate so. Anyway, Keli eventually walk toward the toilet which was near the bar where I was. She stopped to say that they liked the place and would be back. I admired her direct approach. When she came out, I called her back just before she could walk back. Why?

Here's a lesson for men to learn. Well a woman wouldn't stop there again. If she did it would look like she was too easy or sorts. Women want to be chased. In this day and age it's alright to approach the man but somehow she will retreat to old methods because it's the modest thing to do. If a guy in my situation did nothing, it would have been all over. If she went back to her seat without me talking some more then it would have come to a complete full stop. I talked to her the moment she got out because it was the fastest way for continued conversation and it was without her friend present. Talking to one is difficult enough. Don't you think? It may the only shot you can get. One must be confident, friendly and make it inviting for her.

I found out that they are lawyers working in the city area but were on a break after some research. Gorgeous women in professional jobs are seen in many places but that one blew me away. I was thinking that she was in the hospitality line or something. Was I wrong. It actually made me like her more. I sensed intellect from her that I could connect to. Sometimes professional women bring out the maturity of men that they don't know about. Most guys would not know what to say. I ended up getting her email and phone number. When she went back to her seat I messaged her.

It wasn't because I didn't believe she gave me the number but I just wanted to flirt a little. When her friend started stepping in, it all went down hill from there. I have no idea what the other one said after several messages that we exchanged but I didn't seem to connect with her again after that. It just goes to show that some of the things I wrote before in this blog really is true. Others can sometimes make things complicated especially if they're not interested or they're not the interested one by others. Possibly the other party also has their own hidden agenda.

Eventually they left but I am suppose to email her soon and I will message her phone again to tell her when I have done that just to get a reaction. Hopefully it's better then just a courtesy "hello". I hope that she comes back to the bar again but without a distracting buddy.

Bar advice. When others try to make you out to be bad or weird. Don't act differently. It's up to the individual to assess if they are right about you.

Releasing destructive feelings

There are three ways to approach the process of releasing. Liberating your natural ability to let go of any unwanted emotion on the spot and allowing some of the suppressed energy in your subconscious to dissipate. The first way is by choosing to let go of the unwanted feeling. The second way is to welcome the feeling, to allow the emotion just to be. The third way is to dive into the core of the emotion.

If you carried a heavy object in your hand after a while it would start to hurt. There would be some measure of pain and discomfort yet familiar. Just imagine that your hand is your subconscious. Now look at your hand. See that it is not attached to the object. The way to easy the pain is to let go. Why then can you not do this with destructive feelings? It's easy but somehow we forget that we can do this. It gets built up accidentally in us after years.

If you can master the process of releasing, you will discover that even your deepest feelings are just on the surface. At the core you are empty, silent, and at peace, not in the pain and darkness that most of us would assume. In fact, even our most extreme feelings have only as much substance as a soap bubble. You know what happens when you poke your finger into a soap bubble, it pops. That’s exactly what happens when you dive into the core of a feeling.

Releasing will help you to free yourself from all of your unwanted patterns of behavior, thought, and feeling. All that is required from you is being as open as you can to the process. Releasing will free you to access clearer thinking, and yet it is not a thinking process. Although it will help you to access heightened creativity, you don’t need to be particularly creative to be effective at doing it.

You will get the most out of the process of releasing the more you allow yourself to see, hear, and feel it working, rather than by thinking about how and why it works. Lead, as best you can, with your heart, not your head. If you find yourself getting a little stuck in trying to figure it out, don't. stop for a while and relax with several breaths. Change your mind set to the problem. Shake it off, as Mariah Carey sang, and regain your composure. Guaranteed, as you work with this process, you will understand it more fully by having the direct experience of doing it. Changes will start to take place and you will manoeuvre your life path differently.

Bar advice. It takes some practice. Meditation of whatever means can add to the release of unwanted forces of energy. You'll feel healthier as well.