The gay issue Part 1

I haven't touched on this much. Just a little on lesbians. I'm not so it's hard to really comment on the subject. However, I've met lots of people that are and there's people that have lots of gay friends as well. Gay people find it very hard to meet up with each other as many people keep it a secret about what their sexual orientation is. This is to save themselves from harassment or prejudice. Although in this day and age they really do have nothing to worry about.

Many gay people find that the Internet is a great resource for finding gay partners. The Internet allows you to be who you want to be without prejudice so you can openly admit to being gay and not suffer any of the repercussions. A lot of Internet dating sites have hundreds of gay members and they organise what is called ‘meets’.

Meets are events that gay people can go to and find other gays. It is simply a get together for both men or women who are interested in finding either a short or long term partner. These meets make it so much easier for gay people to find someone as no one is worried what anyone thinks of them as they are all the same and looking for the same thing.

Meets are fantastic events, any company that holds them is making a great effort to show that it doesn't matter who you are you are still entitled to be with someone and not be alone, and that it should not matter what your sexual preference is. While dating sites are the most typical sites to offer this service you can find specialist websites that specialise in this sort of thing.

Gay "meets" are there for all gay men and lesbians. It is simply like a large party where no one is or should be afraid to be themselves. To find your nearest gay meet or party just simply log online to some of the better know ones. You'll be surprised at who's there.

The world still sees this as taboo. The gay men get it worse because we live in a male dominated society where the men see themselves as the bread winners and the stronger sex. The thought of sharing the same locker room with a gay man sends shivers down some of their backs. With all that male ego, strength and brute you'd think they were girls if you saw their faces. Why than do they act badly towards gay people this way?

I can't say for sure but a lot just has to do with the insecurity of themselves. The need to be normal and to be seen by others as a stand up man or woman. There is suppose to be a harmonious unity among family members but if just one is gay, it seems like the whole family is put to shame. The stigma of wrong doing is placed on that family and so this makes gay people turn to secrecy. Never having to be found out is better than exposing one's self and shaming the family. These are just some of the things that they dodge daily.

Hence, the need for the "meets" and places that set them up. It's really just a gathering of people trying to date and make themselves part of the normal routine of relationships that they see when they walk out the front door. Next time we will talk a little deeper into the subject.

Bar advice. We live in a world where nobody and I mean nobody likes to be alone. Gay people are also normal people. My advice is, yes they have to change in many ways but normal people have to as well.

Fears we have

What are you afraid of? When you were a child, maybe it was the "monster" in the closet or under the bed, or the first day of school. As we grow up, we often acquire a whole new list of fears. Some of the more common types are fear of failure, fear of success even, fear of the unknown and fear of rejection or disapproval. These are pretty basic for all of us, to some degree or another but if you find that fear gets to the point where it keeps you from achieving your goals or limits your life, then it's a good idea to learn how to overcome your fear and turn it into action.

Actually, fear itself is a survival mechanism. It's a physical response to danger, whether real or imagined. Being alert to the possible danger around them allowed our primitive ancestors to defend or save themselves. You and I have that same survival instinct, but with the difference that it's usually not physical danger that threatens us, but the "danger" of change or uncertainty.

I've found that a key to handling fear is imagination. After all, it's usually those negative scenarios that we imagine that build our fear in the first place. So here's a way to break out of that cycle. First of all, sit down and write out exactly what it is you are afraid of happening. Often, coming face to face with the fear you have helps you distance yourself from it and react less emotionally. You can then be more objective in judging whether your fear has any basis at all.

Now, use that imagination of yours to think of the worst that could happen. Write it all down, how you would feel. Then, think of all the things you could do in this worst case scenario. What actions could you take to deal with it? Write it all down. When you have plans on how to handle a situation if it arises, then this reduces your fear of the unknown. You become more confident of your ability to handle things. You may also just notice that your fear has disappeared.

Bar advice. We all got "monsters" and "demons' that we don't want to face but you can't live life with fear as the winner.

Breaking the silence in conversation

We all may have had this happen to us once before or for some, still. You happen to see a girl or guy at and you know he or she likes you but when you finally come close and say your quick hello, the conversation dies. There's a wall of silence that some how pops up. Thoughts race in your minds like what to say next. Does that person like me? There's nothing being said he/she must think I'm a complete idiot.

Things like this happen so what can we do about it? Here are a couple of tips to keep handy. My advice is to store some knowledge about things that they show in National Geographic, Discover Channel or Lonely Planet. There's a host of subjects that you can talk about and you can keep yourself well informed about interesting subjects. Start off by asking where the person has traveled before or went on holiday. What was the culture like? Where will they like to visit next? This may lead to you discussing about making plans on going there together.

Simple one is movies. Lots of people watch them so it's a no brainer that you got lots to talk about. Find out if the person likes comedies, romance, period dramas or whatever the fancy is. Discuss your favourites. Which stars do they like? Also move to TV shows as lots of people have likes and dislikes of certain shows. If you want to talk about music that could be good as well because there's lots of entertainers to talk about. See how the conversation gets moving. As it continues it will feel more pleasant. Just remember to give the other a chance to talk so as well.

Another one you can talk about is festive days. Ask what they did last Christmas or what their New Year's resolution was. This generally leads to why they did or made the resolution at the end of that year. It normally is because they year may have been bad and they wanted to change things. Most people are glad to just purge themselves so they are willing to bring up all the stuff that they dislike and off load it to any listening person. Let them do most of the talking. you'll find that you just became their 'best friend' when you become a sympathetic listener to them.

Remember one thing as you get further into conversation. Your main interest was getting to know the person better so as conversation deepens you must also add the attraction factor into it. Underline your conversations, from time to time, with sublime suggestions. By this I mean that your main thoughts should be to add to the attraction of the person and getting him or her to be more interested in you. Where possible add suggestions about going somewhere together. Maybe a holiday, watching a movie or getting a couples massage spa treatment. If you can reach that last one, you've scored big.

Don't get me wrong. Those are just suggestions that will help out but there's lots of other stuff you can use. The main thing is to keep handy some of these so the silence won't be visible and you don't look or feel like a complete idiot. Please don't go researching on topics like lymphatic nodes disorders to make yourself sound wiser. The silence will definitely be worse and you can hear a pin drop after because the other person won't have a clue how to respond to you. Your voice will be the only thing you'll hear and you would have forced the silence into the other person. Don't make the other person seem stupid. The point is to talk about things that are more common and the conversation flow will be a two way street.

Bar advice. The silence can be broken if you just open your mouth and if you got a whole bag of topics to discuss.

Nothing to lose

Some how it seems that some guys get the girl and when we look at them we wonder how they did it. He may not be all that great looking or even have deep pockets but he's got a terrific girl in his arms. This doesn't naturally mean she's a model or superstar but it can. Mostly though she's someone that most guys would like to be with themselves.

What's the secret? How is it that some guys can do it while others are cracking their heads over which new book to read or go to some dating sites to see who's just as desperate as themselves. The Internet dating sites actually do help in the sense that they give you a whole lot of info about the girl even before you contact her. That allows you to see if you're right for each other but when it comes to meeting her in person, then what?

Lot's of people do lie on the Internet dating sites like FriendFinder and some give info about things they would do with a partner, but when met personally, turn into a turtle that hides in their shell. Even if she turns out to be exactly what she says the problem still becomes apparent that guys feel like they're about to be hit by a truck if she doesn't like him. That sense of insecurity befalls him because she may not respond to him the way he'd like.

Just like when you go to a bar. You see all these wonderful, hot looking felines prancing around in their high heeled shoes, sexy dresses with low cut cleavage. You salivate till your drool hits the floor. You can't stop turning you head in all directions because you're not sure which is the hottest looking. You're hopelessly dreaming that one of them has an accident with her drink and one of her tits pops out. Suddenly you notice that one guy, who doesn't resemble even your looks, is sitting with a really sexy girl and their having a good time. How? Why? What's the story here?

The main thing that I have come to notice is, these guys have adopted an attitude that's different to the normal ways guys go about getting girls. It's just three simple words. If you asked these guys what's the secret, they'll tell you that's it's just three simple words. "Nothing to lose". This is also something that I use when I'm out for the night. It's partly inbuilt for me but others can also learn it.

The trick is to be confident and remember that you have nothing to lose if there's a negative response from the girl. There's more than one person to choose from. Oddly enough, sometimes if the girl rejects you and she later gets to know your friend and you all end up meeting together again she may actually be drawn to you. She may even tell you that she didn't know that you are actually a nice guy or she didn't know you well enough to feel comfortable with you. This is an indicator that tells you she may now be interested. It may be your best chance to at least get her number. Let's just hope that she isn't already attached with your friend. Than again she's got other friends that you may get to know.

See how the whole cycle of those three little words gets the ball rolling. Do a little test for yourself the next time you go to the next bar or club. Think of three things you'll lose if you went up to chat with her or take her out. You probably won't reach three but if you got more than that, you either worry too much or you really need help.

Bar advice. You're never going to get to the other side if you don't cross it with one foot at the time. Who knows? You may even fly when you reach the other end.

The hunger site

The Hunger Site was founded to focus the power of the Internet on a specific humanitarian need; the eradication of world hunger. Since its launch in June 1999, the site has established itself as a leader in online activism, helping to feed the world's hungry and food insecure. On average, over 220,000 individuals from around the world visit the site each day to click the yellow "Click Here to Give - it's FREE" button. To date, more that 200 million visitors have given more than 300 million cups of staple food. Its grassroots popularity has been recognized with Web awards in the activism category. The 2000 Cool Site of the Year Award and the People's Voice winner at the 2000 .

The staple food funded by clicks at The Hunger Site is paid for by site sponsors and distributed to those in need by and America's Second Harvest. 100% of sponsor advertising fees goes to our charitable partners. Funds are split between these organizations and go to the aid of hungry people in over 74 countries, including those in Africa, Asia, Eastern Europe, the Middle East, Latin America and North America.

The Hunger Site is owned and operated by Tim Kunin and Greg Hesterberg, co-owners of CharityUSA.com (parent company of GreaterGood Network).

* Text above taken from The Hunger Site.

Please click on the banner below to see what you can do to help or click on the logo on the right hand side of the blog. Every click puts food in a childs mouth.

Bar advice. More people should do something like this to help others. We all go on with our daily lives without consideration of those that die from hunger.

Girl. Guy and mother-in-law to be

This trio came to the bar and actually sat at the counter and begin talking about what was happening with their lives. They were there several hours and as they had more to drink, they also had more to say.

What would a guy say to his potential mother-in-law in front of his girlfriend? Of course he's going to be nice and all that. Do you think he's actually going to show a side that's going to have the girl's mother worried. The mother had come from Dubai where she staying with her husband who works there. They're all actually from England and her daughter called her over for a week.

I must admit that the mother seemed like a really nice, fun filled, adventurous and independent person. She is 53. Later I learnt that she had remarried after a divorce. This all came about after I talked to them about their horoscopes and Chinese zodiac signs. The guy didn't seem all that happy when I got to him and what his characteristics was like. That's because he's born in the tiger year and these guys can be very quiet but very aggressive when confronted of angered. He didn't like my advice to his girl either except the part when I said that they were actually quite suitable. The only problem they had was their horoscopes being the same.

As the night went on late, he started to flirt with the mother by saying things that bounced off my generalization of her. Things like the fact that the mother, although older, still had a fiery zest in life. Happy and desirable still to any man that walked into the place. He started picking up on these things and made remarks, jestingly in front of his girlfriend. I sensed that he was just trying to score points with her to get her to know and like him better.

No harm in that. However, when having a debate about something his girlfriend asked hypothetically, he lost it there and then because the mother was in support of her daughter and even I could tell that she thought he was wrong in certain things that was said. He seemed to give the impression that respect and loyalty were of the utmost importance. Love just fit in there. Also, he got upset about her pointing out that he gets upset when other guys talk to her and it's fine when he does it. It became all messy and frustrating. Thank goodness I played some nice tunes and both mother and daughter took to dancing for a while. Things settled down after that. They all left later. Huge bill and pissed.

Bar advice. Never talk or criticize about someone in front of another if you can't accept the naked truth about yourself either. We all got our flaws and shortcomings.

Gorgeous women Part 2

The other day Keli(not real name)came by the bar with the same friend. It was several weeks since she was there. I have her phone number as well as email address but did not contact her because she said she would come by to settle a bill for one jug that they drank but would pay for later.

When they got there, Keli was first in the door, followed by her friend. I was placing a CD in the machine. She smiled at me but never said hello. The other girl just walk behind her. They went to the seat so I went up to get their order first thinking that Keli would be courteous enough to open her mouth with a general greeting or at least make the assurance that they did not forget about the money owed. Instead, her friend just ordered the drinks.

I went and got them and brought it to the table. As I placed it on the table I said, "I thought you all forgot about the bar" No real response from them so I went to the main bar. I started to wonder what was happening. I remembered that she was in my email list of customers. I sent out my normal monthly emails to all in the list so it may have struck her that she forgot about the money and that's why they were there. Later I thought, could it be that she wasn't talking to me because she read the first blog I wrote about her and the friend.

They later asked for a snack menu. They giggled while walking away and then I saw Keli adjusting her blouse. The last time she had the tight blouse with buttons almost popping out. This time the top button was undone. What's a guy to do? Got to look, right? She is hot after all.

I was busy with other people but twice that she went to the toilets, she had to pass me but smiled only and never stopped to chat or anything. Upon the second time she went, her friend quickly called me for the bill. When I told her the price, I included the previous amount. She actually went over the amount with me twice and only after I told her about the former bill, did she pay. No arguments either. That only tells me that they knew about it and was just waiting to see if I would ask for it or had forgotten about it. When Keli got back to the seat the friend told her that what she paid. They sort of had a laugh and left without saying goodbye. Keli still just all smiles only.

I was kind of disappointed that there was no other interaction from Keli. I'm still unsure if her friend, or her, is a lesbian. Maybe she's not or even the friend but the friend seems to be in a "high class stereotype" but can't pull it off. Keli looks like the sweet girl she is but shouldn't follow others advice that are self destructive. They're both lawyers so why try and pretend that there was no debt? Why ask me twice about the amount and pay with no deliberations after a reminder about the debt? Lawyers are suppose to be honest and have integrity, not look good and get away with it.

The worse part about all this is that Keli just doesn't get it. Nobody cares if she or her friend may be a lesbian or not. The thing is any guy wants to know a gorgeous women. He'd like to talk to her or better still have her come talk to him. His ego is filled when this happens in front of other guys. After all it's only a conversation. Also, even if the friend is not a lesbian who is after her, at least the friend shouldn't be so stuck up as to think that being a lawyer makes you better than others. People like this look superficially at others and judge them. They feel that others who are not in some professional field, wealthy, business and so on, are not able to converse with them on any level or subject.

People like this have labels and classification for others but they dislike others judging them or talking about them. Keli and others like her that follow friends like this loose out on life and people that could otherwise be advantages to her in her life. Who is to say what can make you happy, smile, laugh or love. The world is made up of many different people and just like a book, don't judge it by it's cover.

Bar advice. Any lawyer should know right from wrong. Good from bad. Truth from lies. Friends from bitc.........

Remembering 911

911 six years ago. A day we all won't forget soon. In fact we can't because we're still seeing stuff going on almost everyday of the year on TV. We watch countless wars, terrorism, violence, ruthlessness and discard of human life and dignity.

To live in this world now is to be afraid to even leave the house for some. Those more in the western world are still furious about 911 but healing is also taking place. People are getting the truth that it's not all Muslims that are fighting against them but the extremist that seek their own agenda and political gain. they hide behind the facade of Islam and it's teachings to carry out their works. It's still a long way before peace can come.

Where were you when 911 happened? I know exactly where I was. I had another bar before and it was into it's second year at the time. I clearly remember getting a SMS on my phone about what happened. I turned on the TV to see it and it was before the second plane hit. As things got worst we turned off the music and got the sound up for all to hear. As the day went on and the towers begun to fall, one of my customers, an American said to me;" You see this, the world will never be the same after this". Those words did become true. Till today we see no end as yet.

There is still hope that things can change. We must have that hope because all those that died will have been in vain. US and allied forces sent to regions of places they never even heard of in their lives, only to come back in body bags. Some burnt, maimed or injured from suicide or road bombs. Many get shot and killed. Children loosing their parents. Wives loosing their husbands and children their mothers. other places that seem peaceful are also being attacked or plotted against for violence and terrorism. What has the world come to?

At least we see things like North Korea giving up it's nuclear ambitions and settling for peace and friendship. It's a huge sigh of relief to know that a dictator like that has changed and decided to abandon it's stand. All those people are worse than the third world because they have been oppressed and ruled over that they have never known what the world has to offer and what's out there can be a better life for them. They have allowed one man to run their lives to the point that they starved unknown that the rest of the world was eager to help them but could do nothing.

Looking at Osama and his Al-Qaeda agenda, what will we face if he's allowed to be victorious. Everyone can be upset and angry with other people but to kill innocent people and justify it with whatever reason, especially religion, is wrong. This network has roped in the younger people, social outcast, oppressed, unemployed and others with hope that more will sympathise with their cause and join them. Fueling the code that martyrdom awaits all those that follow them. Those that do, are basically brain washed into thinking that a better after life is theirs and because this one is not giving them much, they choose the cause.

Remembering 911 may bring back sad and bitter memories for a lot of people but life has to go on. Living and fighting back is the only hope there can be to make this world a better place for all to live in. It may even take a generation but is it worth it to you? Places like China, Russia and soon possibly Cuba, have slowly followed the rest of world societies and are now more friends than they have ever been before. Northern Ireland finally settled peacefully. Other countries that are in turmoil are now looking at the benefits of what peace and stability can bring.

If the world had more selfless human beings and gracious people, there would be different lives for all. In the Bible it is written, Love your neighbour as you love yourself. I'm quite sure that it has to be written somewhere in the Quran, Torah, Taoist, Buddhist, Hindu teachings and more, something of the same nature. Love conquers all. In the end most people will see that and all this violence and injustice will crumble in front of the people that embrace their faith teachings of love and peace. Of living, working and understanding their "brother" and "sister" that is different but the same but different.

I don't normally go into this in my blog but I decided to write these views because we all have to remember 911 in our own ways. We each got our opinions and concerns about what is taking place in the world we live in. What's you stand on peace?

Bar advice. Never let "someone" tell you what is right or wrong. Do not judge others least you be judged by your creator upon your death. Do good deeds and fight injustice now before your time comes.