Stop fighting in the relationship

We all have quarrels and such. We say things that are harsh, hurtful and degrading to our partners. If you're married this can be due to lots of outside forces that contribute to it. Work, bills, kids and so on. Singles that fight is normally due to insecurities of loosing the partner, to possibly betrayal or cheating. Many a times it's best to get out of those relationships either because it will lead to painful break ups or divorce in the future.

How then can someone make things better. First of all you got to search inside yourself to see if you got a mature level head on your shoulders. You got to ask yourself if marriage is the path that you want right now. When searching for a partner you must have the mindset of searching for love. You also got to be ready to share your love. The main thing is your intentions.

Is your intention set upon marriage, kids, family or are you also not sure what you want? When meeting someone you got to remember that the person surely must have had other people in their lives before and you are not the first. It is highly unlikely, but not impossible, that he/she is not a virgin and may have been with several people before. This generation seems to find it easy to do these things compared to older ones. It's like a normal acceptance. So don't complain and be restrictive to the other one because you got to remember that they had a life before you came along.

Surely they must have friends, family and colleagues that they go out with. Even people that may have slept with that are still friends. Remember that if both are positive and compatable in sorting out these insecurities, only then can there be a healthy and happy relationship.

Be it single or married, what are things that can be done?

Stop Blaming
While we are engaged in pointing a finger, and making the other feel guilty, we cannot see what is really going on. Blame is a way to keep the fight alive. take a vacation from blame for a day. Instead of thinking of all the ways the person has hurt you, keep your eyes open to watch how you may be stoking the fires. Focus upon what the person has done for you, instead, the ways in which they have been kind.

Realization
Realize the price you are paying for these fights unless we truly realize the terribly toll fighting is taking on us, we will continue it automatically. Take note of the consequences each fight brings, what it is doing to your body, mind and spirit. Then ask, do I truly want this? Haven’t I suffered enough? Why not stop it today?

Search for happiness
Choose to be happy rather than right. This is the time to expand your view. Define success as being happy rather than being right. Learn other tools and techniques which will not escalate anger and make a positive relationship possible. work out difference way before the commitment of marriage. If you're not ready, what make you think you're partner is?

Self worth
Build a strong sense of self worth. The best defense against anger is feeling good about yourself. Build it and treat yourself beautifully and treat your partner beautifully as well. Let go of all that opposes this. Don't hold on to any grudges, pain, anger, suppression and so on because bottled up emotions will eventually explode to mega destructive forces.

As we have the courage to let go of anger, not only does our health improve, but soon we notice many kinds of wonderful, new people and experiences entering our lives. We attract what we focus upon. When we focus upon well-being, forgiveness and love, that is what will fill our lives. Other people will seek your wisdom and help. This will give you and your partner even greater experience and appreciation that you are not in that situation.

Bar advice. Fighting is an emotion control that is not controlled. We have to make a change in ourselves to get the other to do the same. It get you nowhere but sorrow.

Sundays

We work hard all week. Sundays seem to make us feel relaxed. It's just a psychological triggered reaction to the "rest day" of the week. It just make us lazy a little, sleepy sometimes or with others it's chirpy. We have a double quick step. We get up to go play golf. Maybe squash, yoga, rock climbing or some other sport.

The main thing is that it's our day. Most people of the working class stiffs are doing long hours at work or back breaking jobs. They are the ones that are most appreciative of Sunday. We all wish that money was not a problem and if it wasn't then everyday would feel like Sunday. Come to think of it, everyday would be Christmas.

Waking up on Sundays for families can be fun and full of excitement especially for kids. They either want to go out to the park or movie. Maybe breakfast at McDonalds. For kids it's not so much that they get to go somewhere but that they're going with you. You're not home most of the time and kids just want to spend time with their parents. It may feel like a drag sometimes because you just finished six days of work but most people are fulfilled by the happy faces of their kids.

If you're single it's a time to share with friends or the current love of your life. Lots of people just like to go out for something to eat or have coffee together. Maybe ice cream or stroll on the beach. Sundays are just a little less rushed or planned. Single people that aren't dating still find it a happier day to go shopping or meet up with friends because they just had a full week trying to impress their boss, colleagues or even a girl/guy that they like. All the formalities seem to go out the window on the "rest day".

Married people that haven't got any children yet find that they don't even need to go out of the house to enjoy it. They rather be at home, watch TV, do gardening, reading and maybe a bit of housework that needs attention. Lots of times they may have a barbecue or gathering of family over for a meal. Mostly though, they rather spend time having a lazy Sunday afternoon with each other just talking. At night they may have a meal, share a bottle of wine and watch a movie together all snuggled up with each other. Romantic gesture is never far away at this point of time.

Bar advice. Whatever the case may be, we all must agree that we look forward to Sundays. Even if you do nothing, you love that it comes around every week.

Gorgeous women in professional jobs

The other day I was at the bar working and it was a bit of a slow day. Not too many people due to the bad weather. Suddenly two women came in. You could tell that they were in some professional job because of the way that they were dressed.

Between the two, one really stood out. Keli(not real name). I'll tell you how I got her name later. I was all too eager to serve her but the friend seemed to want me to take the order quickly and leave. My senses started tingling that something wasn't quite right. She had this great smile and a gorgeous body that was basically popping out of the blouse that she wore. It was one of those that had buttons in the middle. Way too tight and visually easy to see her bra between all the holes from button to button that it was making because it was that tight. Not forgetting that she had nice sized breast as well. Pants she wore bad her ass stand out as she walked in her stiletto heeled shoes. What a sight.

The day seemed gloomy before but was brightened up with this vixen. A real fox. She actually caught me looking at her from the bar area. When I moved forward to help some other guest next to her I knew that she again saw me looking at her but she didn't look. Instead she looked at her friend in the same direction that I was standing but not looking directly at me. The strategies we play. I was fine with it because I knew nothing about her. It just seemed to me that it was odd that the other girl was not interested. She also made Keli sit facing away from a bunch of boys that were sitting across them. Then it hit me.

Could he friend be a lesbian. I don't know for sure but the tell tale signs seem to indicate so. Anyway, Keli eventually walk toward the toilet which was near the bar where I was. She stopped to say that they liked the place and would be back. I admired her direct approach. When she came out, I called her back just before she could walk back. Why?

Here's a lesson for men to learn. Well a woman wouldn't stop there again. If she did it would look like she was too easy or sorts. Women want to be chased. In this day and age it's alright to approach the man but somehow she will retreat to old methods because it's the modest thing to do. If a guy in my situation did nothing, it would have been all over. If she went back to her seat without me talking some more then it would have come to a complete full stop. I talked to her the moment she got out because it was the fastest way for continued conversation and it was without her friend present. Talking to one is difficult enough. Don't you think? It may the only shot you can get. One must be confident, friendly and make it inviting for her.

I found out that they are lawyers working in the city area but were on a break after some research. Gorgeous women in professional jobs are seen in many places but that one blew me away. I was thinking that she was in the hospitality line or something. Was I wrong. It actually made me like her more. I sensed intellect from her that I could connect to. Sometimes professional women bring out the maturity of men that they don't know about. Most guys would not know what to say. I ended up getting her email and phone number. When she went back to her seat I messaged her.

It wasn't because I didn't believe she gave me the number but I just wanted to flirt a little. When her friend started stepping in, it all went down hill from there. I have no idea what the other one said after several messages that we exchanged but I didn't seem to connect with her again after that. It just goes to show that some of the things I wrote before in this blog really is true. Others can sometimes make things complicated especially if they're not interested or they're not the interested one by others. Possibly the other party also has their own hidden agenda.

Eventually they left but I am suppose to email her soon and I will message her phone again to tell her when I have done that just to get a reaction. Hopefully it's better then just a courtesy "hello". I hope that she comes back to the bar again but without a distracting buddy.

Bar advice. When others try to make you out to be bad or weird. Don't act differently. It's up to the individual to assess if they are right about you.

Releasing destructive feelings

There are three ways to approach the process of releasing. Liberating your natural ability to let go of any unwanted emotion on the spot and allowing some of the suppressed energy in your subconscious to dissipate. The first way is by choosing to let go of the unwanted feeling. The second way is to welcome the feeling, to allow the emotion just to be. The third way is to dive into the core of the emotion.

If you carried a heavy object in your hand after a while it would start to hurt. There would be some measure of pain and discomfort yet familiar. Just imagine that your hand is your subconscious. Now look at your hand. See that it is not attached to the object. The way to easy the pain is to let go. Why then can you not do this with destructive feelings? It's easy but somehow we forget that we can do this. It gets built up accidentally in us after years.

If you can master the process of releasing, you will discover that even your deepest feelings are just on the surface. At the core you are empty, silent, and at peace, not in the pain and darkness that most of us would assume. In fact, even our most extreme feelings have only as much substance as a soap bubble. You know what happens when you poke your finger into a soap bubble, it pops. That’s exactly what happens when you dive into the core of a feeling.

Releasing will help you to free yourself from all of your unwanted patterns of behavior, thought, and feeling. All that is required from you is being as open as you can to the process. Releasing will free you to access clearer thinking, and yet it is not a thinking process. Although it will help you to access heightened creativity, you don’t need to be particularly creative to be effective at doing it.

You will get the most out of the process of releasing the more you allow yourself to see, hear, and feel it working, rather than by thinking about how and why it works. Lead, as best you can, with your heart, not your head. If you find yourself getting a little stuck in trying to figure it out, don't. stop for a while and relax with several breaths. Change your mind set to the problem. Shake it off, as Mariah Carey sang, and regain your composure. Guaranteed, as you work with this process, you will understand it more fully by having the direct experience of doing it. Changes will start to take place and you will manoeuvre your life path differently.

Bar advice. It takes some practice. Meditation of whatever means can add to the release of unwanted forces of energy. You'll feel healthier as well.

People today

Relationships between most people today are characterized by cautious coldness and impersonality.

If you walk up to a stranger on the street, they'll often meet your advance with suspicion. After all, they believe, why else would you try to make a connection to a total stranger unless you wanted to sell something or wanted something from them?

At work, people generally don't smile unless the boss is looking over their shoulder, wishing they could be somewhere else doing something else. Many times the only smile of a friendly person you'll see is that of the salesman, specifically trained to smile at you to make the next sale.

Studies have shown that when people have a lot of positive life events and warm interactions with friendly people, they themselves become more extroverted, which in turn makes them even happier. Other studies show that when people are in a positive mood they have a less cautious social style, and meet even more people.

All the research suggests that we don't want a place where most people are hostile, shrewd, and self-centered. We don't want a place where most people are cold, impersonal, and only keep to themselves. So ideally, we want to live in place where people are generous, socially outgoing, receptive to others, and generally in a good
mood and are considerate.

Of course this place is never never land. It's just not real. People in their human nature spoil it for others. We live in a world where we have to make do with our situations, lives and happiness. Most people are out to look after themselves. "It's every man for himself", the saying when we are in desperation. That phrase seems to be tatooed on all our forheads.

Bar advice. If you want to change things. Make a DECISION in your life. Stick with it and don't let others influence you in this world. It can be a better place.

A Poem for computer users over 30

A computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show of note
A window was something you hated to clean
And ram was the cousin of a goat.

Meg was the name of my girlfriend
And gig was a job for the nights
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bytes.

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano.

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3.5-inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out.

Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while.

Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode.

Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu.

I guess I'll stick to my pae and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead.

--Author Unknown

Bar advice. A bit of humour to stimulate more blogging on the Internet. Wonder what we would be doing with our lives if we weren't clicking...hmmmm

The Lesbian issue Part 1

If all of you have been reading the blog then you can see that I have not really touched on the gay issue, be it men or women. Lesbians is the issue, as people keep seeing it all over, and it's a blur for guys in many ways. I will get to gay men another time.

Basically it comes down to the fact that in the old days lesbians hid the fact that they were such. Same as men. Some probably didn't understand why they were behaving like that or had thoughts of other women in a sexual way. Nowadays it is more upfront and a lot of younger women are able to understand themselves better. They see it more commonly on MTV, movies, books and other media formats and they also find that it's widely accepted now.

One startling point to make is that a lot of women are having this psychological, if not biological issue, and it's unclear to them how to react or behave in front of parents, friends, colleagues or the public. They live with constraint of deep emotional and a physical prison that lacks compassion from the world surrounding them. With modern tools like the Internet, chat rooms, adult friendfinders and so on, they can find others in the same situation as themselves and there they can also seek out others as friends and lovers whom they believe understands them.

My issue is the fact that in this modern day and age, a lot of guys seeking for a potential mate, wife, girlfriend and such is left wondering if she's straight or not. It's bad enough that most countries are facing a shortage in birth rates and marriages and high increase in divorce, what's the average male to do? He too searches on the Internet site and such because it's so hard at times to seek out a female that wants to be partnered. The fact that some women are bi-sexual is also a contributing factor because a lot of guys won't want to have anybody, male or female, share his love interest.

Going to a bar or club and you spot a girl. She looks fine. You see no other man around. You start to walk over. Her friend spots you coming so she walks up to her and gives her a kiss. You drift off to the side and play like you weren't going up to her to hide your embarrassment. Is this almost a familiar site that we can see all over. Sometimes a guy makes it into conversation with the girl only to be told that she's not interested because she's more into other women. Even Internet sites tell guys to stay away as it's for lesbian women only.

Another sad dilemma for guys is when a lesbian is trying to lure a straight girl, just like a guy who likes a girl, convinces her that all men are dogs and only other women can understand another woman better and that includes matters of the heart and all aspects of sexual pleasure. Lots of these women are keen on getting younger women because the younger ones are more prone to accepting them if they have been hurt or cheated by a man. A lot of the butch types like to act like they are men as well and often dress in a manly way, spotting short hairdos and pants or jeans. They also try to talk and act like male, often swearing and drinking excessively.

Lesbian that are more female orientated can also be extremely beautiful. She may make lots of men's heads turn as she walks by but she herself will only look at the women that look at her. She is also the type that will 'poison' another girls mind about men. This could take place in a bar, club, at work, over the phone and so on. Her intention is to get the girl that she desires but not try to show everyone that she is a lesbian. Her fear of others looking at her in this manner makes her feel uncomfortable. This especially includes family and people at work. If she engages another girl at work she will tread very lightly for fear that if there is rejection she will be exposed. Most of the time the pursuit is far from known persons.

What is a man to do knowing that he is now limited to a lesser amount of straight women? Nowadays it's hard to know if the girl that you want or currently are dating was bi-curious, experimented a little, was hardcore, just kissed and hugged or gave cunnilingus to another girl. If she became his wife and one day bumped into her ex-lover when you two were together on the street, then what happens? Anything really. What if the guy never knew before?

Sure we all have see porn somhow or somewhere and even I will say that a man can stomach two women 'doing it'. His imagination will get the better of him if he thinks of the two women inviting him into the action but the reality is that stuff is unlikely to happen in reality. Not to boast but I personally have been with two and even three women at the same time but they were not lesbians and never did anything to each other while I was with them. It felt better that I was their interest and not each other. Well that's another story for later.

Women are always out with each other since the dawn of time. It's safer to stick with one another and help out a friend with difficult men. Some just want a listening ear of another female. Guys these days don't know if that's the case or if the women are "into each other". This leaves them to stay back and only approach if signaled by the girl. Even then he keeps an eye out for the other women in case one turns out to be vicious bitch.

The reality is that it gets really hard for men to find women because they don't know the signs of what a lesbian will look like. They don't want to get in their way but simply go about their normal way of attracting women that are straight. It's really hard when you have to compete with other men but it gets even harder knowing that women are also gunning for the same fair maiden.

Bar advice. I don't claim to know a lot about lesbians but I have lots of experience with them and know or have known many.

How to be Irresistible to the Opposite Sex

An extremely practical, warm, and honest manual on courtship in American society. You are guaranteed to learn important things about your sex, and the opposite sex, you've never known, and be reminded of sensible things that you've known but have simply not acted upon. If you're single but wanting to couple, this is a truly great book.

This book is really for the early beginners that need some basic tips to gain ground in the attracting game. Simple things and changes that they can do to help themselves. More seasoned people can find other sources at Amazon if they want to spice it up further.

Bar advice. It's not that you aren't good enough, maybe you just don't know the things that you need to do.