What happened to the sex?

What happened to the sex? Over time, without careful attention, sex can become routine and then fade from a relationship, sometimes altogether. Consider that the average couple has sex once a week. How does that bode for the slightly below average, or worse, those on the bottom of the fulfilling sex life scale?

While doing it less than ten times a year is the "technical" qualification for a celibate relationship, the reality is, if you're concerned about the infrequency of sex in your pairing, it's time to address the issue before it gets too late.

Sex is a normal, healthy part of human existence despite societal hang ups and prudishness. Intolerance for sexuality, sexual desire and sexual preference is ignorant and shows a fundamental lack of understanding of the human body. That doesn't mean anyone who has hang ups about sex is bad or wrong. We live in a culture that simultaneously demonizes and glorifies all things sex related. As such, it's no wonder so many of us are confused about the acceptability of our urges and what sex should truly be.

We do have to consider religious views of this subject but most people don't have a problem with sex. Certain things may be taboo but the individual has to want sex with their partner. If you want to have a healthy relationship, one that is satisfying for both partners and complete in its scope, it's time to face your issues and work through them or move on. Sex is the glue that holds a romantic love relationship together. Period. Take it away and when the tough times come, it'll be a whole lot harder to stand up together and power through them. It'll also be a lot harder to remain amicable and avoid resentment. We're human beings and when we're healthy, we need sex. It's actually good for us.

So what do you do if you're in a sex free relationship? As with most things in life, it's crucial to come to a place of understanding. If you look back over the time you've been with your partner, can you place where the sex stopped? Was it simple and clear cut or was it gradual? Was it the result of sexual differences or the product of a series of stressful situations. Did one or the other of you decide you "just didn't feel like it," until that became the status quo? These things tend to happen to married couples more but it can also happen to singles especially those that have been together for a long time. If the fire of making love is dwindling, you better do something soon.

You should consider how long you've been together. Monotony between the sheets is pretty common in a long term relationship or marriage and the investment is such that it's worthwhile to put in the effort to fix things. But if you've only been together a few months and you find yourself looking elsewhere or not looking at all, how much is it really worth to turn things around? Can that even be done? Is it possible you're just not the right match? It's hard to face, but it happens. Chemistry is complicated and you can't beat yourself up for that. You can simply address the issue and move on. While it may be tough in the moment, when you're in a successful, physically intimate and fulfilling relationship down the road, you'll know you made the right decision.

Whatever answers thoughtful analysis brings you, it's also vital not to blame yourself or your partner. Relationships are a two way street and both of you may have allowed this behavior to continue. That said, accepting responsibility for your role in the situation may do a lot toward remedying it, if that's what you both want to do. If you can approach your partner with an honest apology for your part in letting things get to this point, they're going to be more likely to reciprocate and to work with you to get things back on track in the bedroom. However, understand this, if you're not having sex, the problems most likely extend beyond the closed doors of your boudoir.

While it's possible that your sex free zone has arisen out of physical problems (if you or your partner are experiencing prolonged diminished desire, it's worthwhile to speak to a doctor), these situations often present a chicken or the egg conundrum. In other words, did you stop feeling desire first or did something happen to decrease your desire? No matter the situation, only you can decide if or when it's time to leave. Many sexual problems can be resolved with effort and dedication. There are some schools of thought that say "fake it til you make it" and the desire will come back. How you choose to handle it is up to you but remember this, accepting less than what you want in a relationship sends the sign that you're willing to settle and a lifetime without sex is a whole lot more compromise than it's worth.

Bar advice. Making love with someone you're in love with is suppose to be the best there is and cannot be expressed into words what the heart is feeling. If you don't have this feeling, you're in trouble.

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Bar advice. I don't know the full work but I can see that this guy has done his research and can help you with getting started in the right direction.

Meeting the fairer sex

For most guys, meeting girls at clubs is difficult for them. They prefer to meet girls at bookstores, malls, coffee shops, and other daytime "low pressure" venues but meeting girls at clubs can actually be far easier than at daytime venue.

I know that can sound counter intuitive. After all, at a club you have to deal with loud music that can be difficult to talk over, distracting lights, competition from other guys, and girlfriends of the girl you want to know. Worse still, if you go alone you don't know anyone else while it looks like everyone else is having fun. It makes you stick out like a soar thumb.

Even if you go with your friends they're no help either because all they do is stand immobilized by hesitation with a beer at their chest and know next to nothing about picking up girls anyway. Has the following ever happened to you? You walk into the club, checking out how "good" it is. You walk around the entire club to check it out. You don't know anyone, and you don't have anything to do, so you walk around again checking out all the girls. You get bored. Perhaps you get a drink. You walk over to the dance floor and stare at it.

Of course, 20 other guys are also staring at the dance floor. Like a master bed in the center of a master bedroom, the dance floor commands attention. It is very hypnotic because it draws all the people to it. You nurse your beer and eventually decide to walk around the club again. Nothing happens so you decide that the club
"sucks" and then you eventually leave to find a better place.

The problem is, this kind of behavior is the exact opposite of what you should do, because by wandering around you convey certain negative information to girls that shoots down your chances before you even make an approach. When you circle around a club, women notice that you're alone. Most won't label you a "lone psycho" but they've make a mental note that you're alone and therefore lack any social value. Women give you social value by how hot the women and men you're with are.

But most guys walk around the entire club multiple times alone, collecting negative social value the entire time. Think about it. When you first walk into the club, the girls know nothing about you. You could be Justin Timberlake's best friend for all they know. This is your chance to shape their blank impression of you but what do most guys do?

They instantly go about setting a negative impression of themselves by walking around the room and staring at the dance floor. This is what all the guys who have no social value do. So then, if and when you do approach a hot girl, she lacks interest in you because she's already categorized you, all thanks to your actions. Thus, most guys give up on clubs because they're "too hard" but it's not that clubs are "too hard". It's that you're doing them all wrong.

Making clubs or bars work for you is easy. In fact, meeting hot girls at clubs is easier than at other places and you can make them work just as well as if you go with friends or if you go alone. You just have to know what to do. Here are the steps you could use.

When you first walk into the club, SMILE. A lot of women watch the door to size up the guys coming in. Remember, as you walk in your social status is a "blank slate" and you want to be immediately shaping a good first impression. Just don't grin like you shot your face with botox and can't move it.

As soon as you're in, try talking to the first available set of girls or set of girls and guys. Don't look for a lone girl, you won't find her. You'll want to talk to two girls or a guy and a girl which are much easier to find. There. It immediately looks like you have friends. It doesn't matter if the set goes particularly well other women will notice that you're with other girls. They will immediately peg you with social value because they have no idea that you've only just met these girls. Some may opt to go to the bar counter but if you can start up a conversation with someone, it's better than standing there all alone.

Avoid looking at the dance floor like the plague. The dance floor is naturally hypnotic and will naturally draw you in. I know the girls are there but don't look at it. There is nothing there. It is an illusion. Looking at the dance floor only generates NEGATIVE social proof for you. Second, avoid walking around. You only look a like a valueless loner when you do this. Also, if you've built up any positive social proof in one corner of the club, you'll lose it all if you move to another corner. Third, avoid the noisiest areas of the club. Find the quietest area where it's easiest to talk and plant yourself there. You don't want to be yelling over ear breaking noise and most clubs do have a quiet corner or two.

Remember, you walk in with zero social proof, with a clean slate. Everything you do will either up your status or lower it. Everything you do signals women to categorize you as a "loner" or as a "sexy guy". Now the question is, how do you start talking to girls in a club situation? What are good opening lines? After all, I can tell you that you need to approach women right away, but that does you little good unless you know what to say to them. We can cover that another time.

Bar advice. Always remember that women are constantly on the prowl for a guy as well. They size you up the moment they lay eyes on you.

Le Femme. La Chicka

Last week Thursday a gorgeous woman came to the bar. I thought she may have been Spanish but I later got to find out that she was Mexican on her father's side and French on her mother's side. What a combination of Le femme(french) and La chicka(Spanish). Her looks were more to the Mexican side because she wasn't blond.

I got to talking to her at the bar because she came alone. She flew there because she came to visit her sister that works in the French embassy. She spoke to me in fairly good English but with a french accent. I was quite captivated with her because she was also very bubbly and cheerful. After several beers, I got her to open up about why she was really there so far from home.

In a nutshell, she sort of wanted to distance herself from home due to domestic issues. Her man was two, or should I say, ten timing her. She got to this subject because I told her that I blog so she opened up to me. I gave her my advice and it was true that I heard of stories like hers before but hers was a bit more sad. I won't say why but that's the gist of it. We talked about it for a while and she was very open to suggestions and advice as well. In the end we just kept drinking till I closed the bar.

Later I took her to my friends bar for a few more beers. She was apprehensive to go at first but willing after I convinced her that I was no "killer". She actually stated that it was just for "enjoyment" that she was going for. I sensed that she was just feeling lonely, hurt and just needed company to feel good about herself. I liked her because she was hot. We had great chemistry going and I didn't want to lose out like I did with the Japanese girl two weeks before. This one had a hotel room to go to later.

We then proceeded to another bar that was below my friends bar because he closed early on weekdays. We were still drinking beer but we had a few tequila shots as well. The music was louder because there was dancing. Whenever we wanted to talk we had to move closer to each other's face and at times when we tried to talk at the same time we faced the odd mouth to mouth instead of the mouth to ear position. You know what I mean? Anyway, at one point I just wanted to kiss her because she let me place my hand on her thigh and we sat so close to each other. Plus, she smelt so good.

After a while it finally happened. Just as I said, we ended up in a mouth to mouth position while talking and we finally locked lips. We just moved into each other. It was one of the most slow seductive kisses that I have ever had. Also, she had this incredible soft tongue. I only ever had one other girl like that before. I had forgotten that till I kissed her that night. I think we both were looking forward to it after flirting the whole night and drinking. Later I got the bill and we were off to her hotel.

Making love to her was a dream come true. It was like a fantasy of me being with Bridget Bardot and Jennifer Lopez at the same time. Three of us in fantasy but in reality just two. What a night. I left her at six in the morning because she needed sleep as she was leaving the next day and checking out at noon. When I got back I started to think about the things that I write in this blog and some of the advice that I give out to guys trying to get girls and such. This was just one of the things that could have happened to another guy and he'd be regretting for all time that he never stepped up and lost out on getting the girl.

Not to say that a one night stand is something to be proud of but when two people know that this is exactly what the other one needs and wants or that nobody is about to move to the others country and start a relationship; no harm done. We were both mutual consenting adults in need of the others presence and pleasure. Relationships can sometimes be short and sweet.

Bar advice. A women, beautiful or not, picks and chooses who she wants and what she wants. Her choice here was just someone that listened to her but was fun enough to make her smile and laugh again.

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Bar Advice. If you have always tried to make some money online and just don't know how, well here it is.

Being a gentleman gets you the girls

Yes that's right. You want to be a gentleman in small ways and do small courtesies for her. Like opening and closing the car's passenger side door for her to get in or holding the door open for a woman and allowing her to walk through first. How about allowing the woman to step off the elevator first before you do. If she's wearing a genuinely nice dress or an interesting accessory, to compliment her on it. Also listening to her, genuinely listening to her when she has something to say.

Now notice that none of these small courtesies have anything to do with money. By being chivalrous, you are not attempting to buy her affections. Instead, you're showing her courtesies that she would expect any guy with a good heart to show all women, regardless of whom the woman was or her looks. After all, wouldn't you hold the door open for your grandmother or help her down the steps? Wouldn't you genuinely listen to what your best friend had to say?

Chivalrous behavior shows to a woman that you have a side of you that is of a refined gentleman. It's your protective side the side of you that would look after her if she got sick and be there to feed her chicken soup. Well maybe she hates chicken but you get the point. She'll know that you'll be there for her.

Chivalrous behavior demonstrates to a woman that you have social intelligence that you act appropriately in different social situations. For example, if she found herself at the Presidential Ball with you, she would know you could hold your own with the suit wearing elites and wouldn't act like some foul mouthed jackass. If she introduced you to her parents she would know you wouldn't slap her ass in front of her dad or crack dirty jokes in front of her mom.

Of course, being chivalrous in small ways doesn't mean being careful and conservative about how you act around women. Chivalry doesn't mean becoming a boring stiff who is always worried whether he's acting in the right manner. Also, chivalry doesn't mean "Knightly Chivalry" where you ride in on a white horse, recite poems, and sprinkle rose pedals around her feet like she's Queen Guinevere. Being chivalrous isn't the same as being wishy-washy "nice".

For example, after helping her out of the car, you might make a funny face at her. A few minutes after holding her hand down some steps you might start a tickling match with her. After noticing her new dress makes her look sexy, you might give her a playful slap on the ass. The key is to be relaxed, playful and fun and punctuate it with chivalric behavior.

Surprise her by showing how much a gentlemen you can be at moments, and how much a gentleman you are to ALL women including your friends, relatives, and even total strangers. You may hit her by surprise in the back of the head gently with a pillow or call her a "dork" in a teasing kind of way, but you also help old ladies across the street. When she hear others complementing how much of a chivalrous guy you are, she'll see you with different eyes.

Remember, you want her to think that you're a good guy with a good heart, not a wet noodle of a "nice guy" who will do anything for her no matter how badly, rudely or childish she acts. Small acts of courtesy will get you farther in this respect than any number of large gifts.

A lot of guys think that they have to buy their way to a woman's heart or at least have enough money, looks, cars, profession, and so on to win a woman's affections. For those that don't have these, what do you do? A woman will stick by you through thick and thin if you possess true manly qualities that SHE desires.

Bar advice. Following the example of "James Bond" in movies, you can sense that he's seen by all the women as the sort that they desire. Take that as an example of chivalry and courtesies.

Bad habits

I just don't get some of the things that people do at the bar. Lots of people pick up bad habits from friends. Apply it. Think it's cool but don't know that the things they do irritates others. What things am I talking about?

People just don't get that tearing out the labels from beer bottles and sticking them on glasses or the table tops can be time consuming to remove or clean up. Another thing is when people tear up coasters into pieces and try to place it back into the original shape and make a jigsaw puzzle out of it. They leave it there so when someone tries to pick it up it falls apart instead of just one piece. There's many pieces that needs to be cleared so more time is lost.

These people also make things worse when they place chewing gum under the tables or chairs. It's not only disgusting when others have to clean it but it's also socially wrong. The chewing gum companies know that this is a problem and they leave clear messages on their wrappers telling people to keep the foil so they can dispose of it later. This bit seems to skip the intelligence of these people. Sometimes they even just throw it on the ground and this makes it more difficult to remove.

Why do people pick up on these bad habits. Most of the time we see that it's a lot of younger people doing it. They are suppose to be the future leaders of the world. Instead they are showing a bad example and the worse part is that they either don't care or don't see that bad habits like these are socially wrong and their character is tarnished because they act in this manner.

Other bad habits can be spitting on the road. They don't know that this can lead to people getting tuberculosis. Some people don't flush the toilet after use. Some don't wash their hands either. If an ice bucket is place on the table for their drinks, some use their hands instead of the tongs. God only knows what they touched before contaminating all those other ice cubes that others will be placing in their drinks. Think about it. Some guy scratched his ass in the toilet and then placed it in the same ice bucket that you're going to take from to use in your drink. Tasty, isn't it?

There's so many other bad habits that people do as well. One thing that I sense is that these people tend to pick them up from their circle of friends. It becomes something that is normal to them and they think that everyone does it so it's not wrong or that it's not a bad habit at all. Parents can only do so much to teach but the individual person has to make a conscious effort to change and tell others that the things they do are wrong.

Bar advice. A friend is someone that will tell you the truth in your face. Not ignore it or stay away from the topic because of the friendship.

Response

The other day I went to another bar after work. I had been there before and knew several people. Initially I went to a friends one that was above. Later I went to this particular one and got a real surprise.

As I was enjoying myself a friend later came over to tell me about some business that I helped him with in putting the right people to see him and solve the problem. he then left. I looked across the bar and this girl that I met two weeks ago was there. She smiled at me from the lower side of the bar. I raised my glass to her like a toast. Later I moved up a little when the area was not so crowded. i finally got a little closer to her when suddenly it happened.

She turned and was still smiling. I said hello and so did she. Then I said, " Sorry I can't remember your name". In one swift answer she replied, " Well, that's your loss". I was stunned at the response. This nice looking girl that I just met two weeks ago and barely got her name but now forgot, had turned into this stuck up bitch. I actually felt angry. I went over to her and said that I really did forget but she was adamant not to speak to me. I backed away. I guessed she must have read some girly magazine article that told her it was better to shoot down a guy if they forget your name.

I figured the loss was hers. I'll probably see her again but no salutations will I give her. I'll see what she does next. If she did get this advice from some magazine I just advise her to stop subscriptions because the articles are only going to ruin her love life.

Bar advice. They say don't judge a book by it's cover. Well this cover was great but the content wasn't.