Women and dating

There's a misconception that many men have about dating women, the idea that you have to focus all your efforts on "just one". This is an interesting problem since many of the clichés in our modern life tend to advise us against this kind of thinking in general but, when it comes to women, so many men simply ignore it.

Here are some of these types of clichés. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket." Translation when applied to women and dating, "Don't put all your effort into just one woman." Another will be, "Don't count your chickens before they are hatched." Translation when applied to women and dating, "Don't assume your effort with one particular chick will pay off(so put some effort into other chicks just in case)." Lets look at something from the financial world. "Diversify your portfolio". Any of you who have ever invested in stocks are probably familiar with this one. Instead of buying just one or two stocks, you should have multiple stocks. That way if just one stock goes bad or even a few different stocks that you have in just one industry then you aren't wiped out.

Translation when applied to women and dating: "Date more than one woman at a time." I know all the women are furious at me but plaese keep reading. If we sat here long enough we could come up with a number of other analogies, but you get the point. So why is it that a lot of guys try to date just one girl when somuch common sense would tell them to do otherwise? Don't get me wrong, once you are in a relationship with a woman and she is your girlfriend already, then that can be just fine if that is what you like. I am talking about when a guy focuses all his energy on just one girl who isn't his girlfriend yet in the hope that she will someday become his.

A few main reasons for this type of thing is he doesn't want to "get caught" dating other women. He really likes this girl so much that he doesn't want to date other women. He doesn't have confidence in his ability to get another woman. Lets examine each case. In the first case, the guy is giving in to social pressure to be agood guy. His real desire may be to date different women at the same time, but he knows that if any of the women he dates finds out they might get mad or offended. He is letting the possibility of other people's negative reactions that haven't even happened yet rule his behavior. The fact is that some women often date a lot of different men all at once. They do their best to hide it but it can be a double standard where they will date other guys but expect the men they date to only date them. Given that you don't want to get played, and the fact that you should follow your own desires, the solution is to date as many women as you want initially.

In the second case, the guy just isn't interested in anybody else so he concentrates all his efforts on just one woman that he does like. It's as if he has blinders on to the fact that there are other women more beautiful and personable than her. This is alright if she clearly likes him in return, but if he only hopes she will like him someday then he is acting crazy. This is because usually if a woman doesn't like you within your first meeting, she is unlikely to change her mind unless a miracle happens. The real truth is that no matter how amazing a woman may seem, there is always one better somewhere, and even if there were not, its not worth wasting your time for too long if she will never return your affection.

The third case is maybe the worst, its when a guy latches onto the first woman that gives him even the slightest sign of attraction because he is not confident in his ability to meet other women. All of these problems can be solved with the right mindset and knowledge. So the 'takeaway' for today is, if you find yourself only dating one woman who you aren't even physical with yet and getting nowhere, you should not feel guilty about dating other women. You will gain lots of experience, and will have more success for in the future.

Bar advice. The true fact that women date more than one guy at the same time but is never questioned, should tell you that you haven't given yourself all there is to pick the right one either.

Kissing woes for guys

If you're so new to experiencing success with women that you find yourself hesitating to kiss them, even when you're alone with them, this is for you. Even for those guys out there who are otherwise doing find but can't seem to transition easily to kissing, this is still helpful.

Alright, you're alone with her, or at least a private area with her, she's sticking around in a way that indicates she's interested and you want to kiss her but you mentally freeze up. If you've been in this situations too many times, and didn't go for it, chances are you eventually lost the girl's interest and the only result you got was a lingering feeling for days, "I should have kissed her." You know if the moment is gone, so is your chance. Like Nike says, "Just do it." That would work. Maybe. It works theoretically because you can read that when there are no girls around and think in your mind, "Hell, yeah, next time I'm going to "just do it!" Then when next time comes around, you're hesitating again and still unsure of yourself. Instead I will give you a fool proof method to not only successfully kiss her, but to do so in a way you will find fun and allow you to skip past your hesitation.

She could be talking, drinking, fiddling with her hair, listening to you talk, or just plain sitting there like a lump on a log. It doesn't matter. Getting over the kissing woes for guys could be simple. May not work on all girls but is good to know. Just move towrds her slowly and look at her for a sec, then her bare neck, then back at her eyes(her eyes will be following yours by now) and then go in and start licking and kissing her where shoulder meets her neck. She will make freaky noises and giggle and then you come up for air after a few seconds and smile. Then ask her one of two possible questions. "How did it feel?" or "Do you want to know what it feels like?" Either way, kiss her on the lips, without waiting for an answer. It doesn't matter how she responds to the question, her openness to your kissing her is now increased by a factor of ten because you just did something outrageous, flirty, fun, and sexy.

If she didn't like it and pushes you away, it's probably not you. It could be though. Possibly she's not all that ready to move further or isn't experienced as yet. At least you got a kiss in. Once a girl I kissed looked at me stone cold after I did that and asked, "Why did you do that?" and I said "Because I wanted to know if you're as hot as you look." She laughed and we kissed more. Other times just went like clockwork. Shrieks, laughing, then kissing. Yes, if you look at this logically, it's retarded, but it accomplishes something that "just do it" lacks. It JUST DOES IT. So get out there and just lick it.

Bar advice. Not every girl wants to be kissed so soon. You got to make a judgement call on the right timing. First dates, it's a No No but it does work for some when it's tried.

Model, VJ, TV and Movie star, Anne Curtis

Some time ago I wrote about meeting people online. I said that you never knew who you might just get to know. The last person I talked about was this model cum porn star that I got to know and although very nice, is nothing compared to my latest new friend that I got to know a few weeks ago.

I didn't know who she was at first. I sought of dug a little about her online later on to discover that she's the mega star of iconic perportions in Philippines and many other parts of the world. A model, VJ, TV, movie star and my friend Anne Curtis.

I'm certainly glad that she allowed me to get to know her better. Funny thing was it was all over a comment I made about pictures of her and her cleavage. She even joked back to me about it. She's a really funny girl but best of all she's a star in my books. Here's a You Tube video of her celebrating her birthday two days ago.

Bar advice. It's funny how life works sometimes. I'm not kidding myself to think that I'll end up with her but I also have to think, "why not"? Never stop youself from what seems impossible.

Feelings of insecurity

A lot of people feel insecure when meeting someone new and even during the beginning stages of dating. If, however, you are in a steady relationship with a caring partner, and you have nagging insecurities about yourself and your partner, something deeper may be going on.

Insecurity often stems not from reality but from fear. Fear of rejection, fear of intimacy, and even fear of losing your identity may all come into play. It is likely that you may have also carried these insecurities over from a past relationship, and now are allowing them to wreak havoc on your current one. Of course, if you feel insecure it is next to impossible to have a healthy relationship as it can manifest in many ways.

Making you feel that you don’t deserve your partner. Accusing your partner of infidelity. Becoming codependent. Envying other people and/or their relationship. Possessiveness. Meanwhile, the more insecure you feel, the more you are likely to distrust your partner, attempt to control him or her, or avoid discussing future plans. All of which can ultimately lead to what you fear. A relationship break up situation. You may have already been through one before and another is not going to help your life in any way.

What can you do to break this cycle and feel confident in yourself and your relationship?

First, realize that only you, and not your partner, can give yourself inner strength. Security never comes from outside of yourself especially from another person. The best way to find security in a relationship is to bring your own inner security with you. Now, if you’re having trouble finding your inner security, all you have to do is release your feelings of insecurity, including the fear, the anxiety, the mistrust and the negative self-talk. If this sounds difficult, then you have not learned anything. With this advice, you will learn how to drop your insecurities as easily as you can drop a pencil.

Dealing with your feelings, the isuues and the other half of the relationship will not be easy. You got to put all your cards on the table and hopefully they do as well so that there is a common goal. This common goal will reduce all insecurities in the relationship because you now know that the other also had these insecure feeling and is trying to change themselves, their minds and the situation that's damaging the relationship.

If you have feeling of insecurity in a relationship, treat it as the feeling that it is and let it go. Take some time to rekindle the romance that may have dwindled. Keep in mind, however, that while many insecurities are, in fact, internal issues that need to be released, some may be legit. How can you tell the difference? If the feeling of insecurity persists even after some good releasing then it’s time to examine whether or not this is the right relationship for you.

Bar advice. Releasing can be done by one's self. It's not easy but if you need further help, you should seek professional help from a doctor.

The salesman's belief

Have you ever bought something nice? I bet the salesman was quite sure of himself that the item he wanted to sell you was the right one at the right price. Even more, he wanted you to know you were getting a great deal. Was it true? Maybe. Maybe not.

What you do know to be true is how much he wanted you to believe that he believed you were getting a great item at a great price. I don't know if you ended up buying it or not but would you have been as interested if the salesman himself was not? There are plenty of salesmen who can certainly lie and pretend, and may very well make good sales. However, the best salesmen truly believe what they're telling you. The salesman's belief in it is what makes it all the sweeter, as far as he's concerned, he can't get the sale unless you believe that he believes what he's saying. What better way to help that along than for him to actually believe his own words? Anyone can look at the specifications, observe the conditions, and make a logical judgment on whether the price on the sticker matches the value of the product. So what's the use of salesmen?

The reason is, most people can't make such big decisions to do big things unless someone talks them into it. The same is true in dating. In a sense, you are the product and you are the salesman for yourself. I am not saying to hang a price tag around your neck and start soliciting your body on a street corner, but effectively you are selling yourself, your personality, your positive traits, your values. You are selling this to the opposite sex so they will "buy" what you got. So think about this for a minute. If you didn't believe in your own product, how do you expect to get any sales?

You truly need to value yourself and see yourself as a great deal. You need to convince yourself until you can't believe anything other than 'you are a great deal'. When you can do that, you will be a lot closer to what you want than ever before. What is there to be afraid off? What is holding you back? If you don't see yourself as a "prize catch" or "best deal ever", how will others see it either? I am convinced you can do this.

Bar advice. The saleman's belief must be self thought. Now reflect on what you've been lacking and change the sales pitch of your life.

What is love?

Since it's the Valentines period I thought I'd also throw in some humour for all those who are alone and still single. It doesn't feel all that good being in that position but maybe this You Tube video, featuring Jim Carey, can put a smile on your face.

Bar advice. Look on the lighter side of things from time to time. It's not all that sad, really.

Happy Valentines day to you

You know, it's one day in the year that really gets people to think about love. It even beats out Christmas, Easter, birthdays and so on. Why is that? I guess it fills people with thoughts of happiness when they're with someone in their lives. For those that are single, it repesents hope and wishful thinking.

People get to send Valentines cards, flowers, candy and chocolate to almost everyone. It could be your mother,sister, a friend or colleague. A lot of single people tend to go to the bars and clubs to seek out other lonely souls out there like themselves. It's really the best day to spot other singles and to hook up with one another. Perhaps it's a day when people just feel like being with someone and not alone.

Lots of places will have reservations for dinner fully booked. Wine and champange will flow. Hugs, kisses, joy and laughter will be felt by lot of you. Hotel won't have any vacancies. Romance is in the air. Those alone should not feel too bad. Find a little happiness in your heart to know that there are others out there in the world that don't even know this day is Valentines. The suffering people in places that are ruled by dictators, famine hit, terroirst controlled, war torn or been hit by a natural disaster. Have a sparing thought for them and see that your need at this moment may not seem so bad after all.


Bar advice. Hope you all have a beautiful time this Valentines day. Party, enjoy and maybe even some of you will get a marriage proposal.

Breaking the silence

When you're on a date with a lady and the entire date is plagued with silence and "empty spaces" then I'm sure you know deep inside that chances of the girl being interested is close to zero. It sucks especially if that is the first date because if the first date is just chat, stop, chat, stop, then often times a woman will not want such boredom to repeat another time(otherwise known as "No second date").

How do we prevent such an outcome? One of the many "hidden weapons" you can use to stomp silence on dates is to bring up a scenario and talk about it. What is this? I'll get to it right now. The key here is to bring up an incident in life(a scenario), relate it to the woman and get her thoughts on it. One of the best scenarios comes from, "Other People's Relationships". It may be a dramatic relationship issue involving a third party. Your friends, cousins, colleagues, or some stranger you hardly knew. Here's how to apply it.

While talking to the woman, when you "detect" an empty space coming, or a silent pause had just begun, just lead smoothly into a scenario, and break out of the silence by relating an "Other People's Relationships" Scenario to her. Here's two scenarios to give you some ideas.

1)"This female classmate I knew from old school days wanted to audition for a talent quest and her boyfriend threatened to break up with her because he never liked showbiz. So let's say it happened to you. What will you do if you are her?"

2)"It's this old army friend I knew. He liked Beyonce a lot and he planned to go to the concert. At first, he wanted his girlfriend to go with him but her schedule didn't allow it. So in the end, he asked a lady friend to go and guess what? His girlfriend knew about it, kicked up a fuss and demanded he go to the concert by himself not with that lady. So now he's already bought the tickets and is stuck with an angry girlfriend. What do you think he should do?"

Once again, rid silent moments by placing a scenario into the interaction, then get her view on it. Conversations will re-generate from there. In all, the above is just one tactic to keep the conversation going. There's a lot more "conversation maintenance" secrets to ensure every interactions you have with women will flow instead of being a struggle. One other scenario secret you can use, and this one is easier since she can relate to it easier, is to talk about the latest on screen romances. It can be from the movies or television. Example would be asking her what she thought of the romance situations and relationships going on with some of the characters in Grey's Anathomy, Desperate Housewives or Ugly Betty for that matter. The trick here is to discuss what those characters and situations in normal peoples lives have in common or how they apply to what real life is or isn't in some cases.

This will get her excited because she gets to talk about some of her favourite people and what she likes that's going on in those shows. Normally it's a throw back to what she's seeking in a relationship or to the sort of guy she's into. This has not only broken the silence problem but has also given you the ammunition to dig a little deeper into her likes and dislike of men, relationships and whatever else that can benefit you. Two birds with one stone basically. Now you got more than cancelling the silence issue. She'll be opening her mouth almost non stop after you raise this scenario. Just one little tiny important thing to remember. Please be sure that you're either up to date or fairly know well, what's going on in these shows or the people. You'll need to be able to keep the conversation going about the characters in the shows, especially with questions being asked by her, and if you can't then guess what? Silence.

Bar advice. Breaking the silence is sometimes hard when trying to talk with someone you just met. Keep in mind a list of topics that you think will keep conversation. This will help.