Relationship rescue

As a follow-up to his bestselling book Life Strategies, Oprah acolyte Phillip C. McGraw, Ph.D., moves from aiding the aimless individual to coaching the disconnected couple. McGraw has distilled his more than two decades of counseling experience into a seven-step strategy he calls "Relationship Rescue."

Most Oprah Winfrey viewers are well aware of Dr. Phil's book Relationship Rescue, which presents a seven-step program for salvaging troubled relationships. McGraw would be the first to tell you that watching Oprah or reading about his program are all fine and good, but if you really want to rescue your relationship, you've got to do the work which is where this excellent workbook comes in. Loaded with probing questions, exercises, and fill in the blank "self-tests, this four-part book is probably more effective than having a televised session with McGraw on Oprah.

Bar advice. This two books go hand in hand to help those in relationship problems. My small advice to this is a self examination of ones being before adopting other peoples advice.

Me, Aerosmith and a girl.

The night before I played Aerosmith on air, Dottie(not real name), came to the bar with her boyfriend. He had been there before but not her. The moment I saw her and heard her speak, I knew there was something special about her.

They sat a the far end of the bar. I played some of the latest hit and such but later I decided to change to some older rock tunes. As the songs kept going I noticed that Dottie was bopping and tapping her feet to the beat a little more. Now, I know this business and what she was doing told me that she was enjoying it. The guy on the other hand didn't seem to know all the songs unlike her. I got to chat with both later that night and managed to get a business card from her so I could email her if I opened a new bar. Yeah right! I just wanted it for myself anyway. Later they left but not before she said she would return the next day. I had hoped that she liked me too.

Now the next day comes. Guess who I see first. Early in the day it's Kat, a.k.a.'hot ass'. She's got salsa classes so stopped by after reading the emails I sent everyone about the bar closing. We talked for a while. I got her a drink because I wasn't going to be there anymore. Later I got to steal a quick kiss from her as a farewell. Told her I was going to miss her coming around. She's a fun girl and we could talk about anything and everything even though she was younger than myself.

Let's get back to Dottie. She finally shows up about nine that evening. Brought three friends as she said she would. They all seemed like nice people. They sat at the last table but later one of her girlfriends walked over to the bar, which was the smoke zone, and starting talking to me while having a puff. Not sure if that was anything planned but I was about to get a plan of my own going. I decided to change the hip hop music I was playing to something more rock because of the night before. Just before that the same girlfriend and a guy came up to smoke. Said a quick hello and went to slot in the CD.

My back is normally turned away from the customers when changing discs. As I got the first track on, I had to take the other disc out from the other player, I heard someone calling. There was Dottie at the bar area. She just said, "I love Aerosmith" to which I replied "Yeah, it's one of my favourites too". She went back to her seat right after that. I wasn't sure why but after that all returned as well. I started to sing along to some of the tracks. This I knew I could do reasonably well. I just wanted to impress her at the same time enjoy it with her. I was also hoping she'd take more notice since she took delight in their songs.

I then decided to bring over a mug of beer to keep her there a little longer. I saw that all the glasses were empty so I just said that hers was on the house for being a fan as well. I was hoping that I could persuade her to stay if the other three was going to leave but to my astonishment she came up with the idea instead. Her friends left and she brought over her beer and sat at the bar so we could chat. I was rocking then. We enjoyed more of the songs and also played some of the other stuff from the previous night that she liked. She just fascinated me. I hoped that she had a good time as well. I did feel a connection to her in a very odd manner. Still don't know what it is.

Later she had her boyfriend meet her at the main road to take her home. I called her the next day but she was busy. Tried to get her to come down so I sent a text message. She replied she was coming with her boyfriend the next day. When asked why not alone, she replied because she was 'with him'. I had no words. I told myself, truly what else can I say. She was with someone else. Devastating to hear because you don't really find Aerosmith fans that easily. For that matter a chick that likes rock tunes nowadays. Well actually because she's really sweet too.

As she was leaving I did, however, get a return kiss on the cheek as I kissed her hand goodbye. It was very unexpected. I felt some chemistry but not sure about her. Perhaps, I hope. Nevertheless, I can only depend on fate now.

Even I may go "Crazy" when I meet a hot chick like that. Anyone meeting a girl hopes she'll show "Sweet emotion" and she'll look like an "Angel". We don't want a "Rag doll" and we don't want them "Cryin" either. When you're "Living on the edge", you really got to "Walk this way" and "Get a grip" of yourself. Men like them and want them. Even a "Blind man" can see that so if you're "Jadded" and you keep saying "I don't want to miss a thing", do what poker players do. Throw the dice of life and if "Dueces are wild" get "Back in the saddle" and "Kiss your past goodbye". Remember her "Pink" lips and "What it takes" to "Dream on". You don't have "Nine lives" and everyone knows that "Falling in love is hard on your knees". If you say there's a "Hole in my soul" then wait for "Fallen angels" because "Somethings gotta give". You never know if something "Amazing" could happen. Gotta leave it to fate.

Bar advice. Those that are real Aerosmith fans can understand. If you're not, well, " Ain't that a bitch".

Closing one door

Well if you noticed I haven't been on the blog for about a week. Well it just so happened that I have closed the bar. Now don't go thinking that it has to do with not making a profit. The fact is the landlord has sold the building. The new guy wants to increase the rent. Also the bar is partially exposed to the elements and with world climate change, it can be tricky to have customers come.

This really can be seen as closing one door and another opening up. Life works in a very funny way. I just got an offer from the guy who built my previous bar to come work for him in the interior design and building company that he has. It is a great opportunity. Doing both residential and commercial projects. Also, I was asked to see another site for a bar as well. This place would be more than twice the one I just closed. Still thinking about that actually.

Anyway, what I go to say here is that the blog is not going to end just like that. I can still continue but the stories will have to come from past events or ones that happen when I go to other bars for a drink. It will be silly not to keep the blog going.

Almost forgot. I met this girl at the bar just a week before but she's with someone else. What's a guy to do? Anyway, I told her I was going to blog about her and that's what I'll do in the next blog writings.

Right now I got to take a break. Recharge the batteries, so to speak, and open that next door. Some how I feel lighter on the 'load of worries' at this moment. Not sure why but I feel positive things are going to happen soon.

Bar advice. When closing one door just make sure you tie up all loose ends. Don't give people the chance to say things about you or your your character.

Karma Sutra. Seductive sex positions VCD

Don't get me wrong but I'm not trying to promote X-rated films or pornography. This is for people that truly need help in the sack. Sex is so common but not all of us know exactly what to do. Do we? If you tell yourself that you don't need any help in this department then you must be the author of all sexual info.


These VCD's may help some but not all. There's a lot of stuff that is quite common to most but I'm sure it can benefit those that need a little boost to their love making skills. My advice here is to use what you like and try some out.

Bar advice. Don't just think that the men need this more than the women. It is the lack of pleasure from a lover that drives people to the arms of others.

Sexual aura

There's this really strange, mystical and invisible aura that surrounds those that are projecting their sexual side. People, both men and women, all have it but there are those that just have it a little more than others.

A lot of these unique individuals don't even realize that they are doing anything out of the ordinary. Have you ever sensed everyone looking at you when you enter a room? Most women have some sort of natural radar so to speak, that tells them a guy is paying 'extra' attention to her. There are times also where she will feel uncomfortable when someone she doesn't fancy is eyeing her. The one that that really gets to me sometimes is when her modesty button kicks in and she tries not to make eye contact with a guy but she make like him. What's that all about? If you like someone you should indicate so. Playing hard to get can end up making you and old maid.

Guys on the other hand are totally different. Since prehistoric days women seem to be more attentive to the 'brute'. If the guy is macho and personifies a tough, strong image then he's probably going to be with a lot of girls. The women that want this sort of guys will only wish that he's got a sensitive side as well. How are they suppose to take him to see mummy if he's doesn't?

Some women like the guy a little timid because they don't like domineering guys. Some prefer chubby fellows because they feel that he won't be too attractive to other women. Guys also like women less pretty so that their chances are higher in getting her. Lot of guys also feel that someone less attractive will not have too much wants and needs. Both women and men who have trouble getting a partner are more prone to living a single life than marrying someone they are not sure about.

The thing about the sexual aura is that the individual must desire for another person to enter their life. You don't go putting on your nice clothes, combing your hair, wearing nice shoes and go out only to come home to your parents house and family dog, right? When you're putting yourself out there for the whole world to see, you got to 'want' someone to take notice. Flirt a little if necessary. Make eye contact. Flaunt what you got. Make someone take notice to the point that the other person really wants to know you better. You need to focus on your 'intention' of getting someone in your life and only than can it happen.

There are lot of individuals out there that know this little 'secret' already. They just have it and they use this sexual aura to their favour. It's easy for them to be able to get anyone they want. Some women can make men turn their heads even if the guy is walking on the street with another woman. Guys can bring out a smile from a girl on the other side of the room and flirt with her twenty feet away with her not taking her eyes off him. The power of this sexual aura can also be sensed by the same gender at that present moment. By this I mean that another woman or man can sense that energy off the person that is personifying it.

Let me advice you further. These individuals are normally envied by others because other people want that type of charisma but don't seem to posses it. They look at movie stars and singers and long for that sort of life. They slog and work their jobs and feel depressed that they have no one to come home to. Their self esteem becomes low as well.

All this can change with just one simple magic rule. Those that possess this work it very well and lots of times they don't try hard anymore because they know it works for them. Even than it works when their no even trying. What is it? I said before, the individual must focus with the 'intention' of what they want. They can than get anyone they put their mind to. What you put out will return with a flood of those who have the same 'intentions' as well. You may be surprised that you'll have too many to handle after that. Just imagine than try it.

Bar advice. Loosen up. What have you got to loose? Doesn't matter what age you are. It works for all.

To-do-list

Lots of us have so many things going on in our lives. It could be the office, home, planing a party or maybe a holiday itinerary. We may be forced to remember things that we know were bound to forget. So, what do you do? Well, you make a to-do-list.

Here Sasha Cagen has compiled a book of list that people have sent her. Some are things that we might write down ourselves but some are just so hilarious.

This is one that you need to get. It will make you laugh and think about the people that wrote it. To-Do List is both a celebration of lists and a peek at the lists that others create. Broken down by subjects like "Daily Lists" to "Sex Lists," it's a fascinating collection of lists from everyday people to the well-known.This also comes from her popular blog.

Bar advice. The only advice I can give you is get the book. What list have you done before?

Moving on

I guess it's the same all over the world when it comes to people breaking up or divorce. They can't seem to be able to move on. Women especially have a really hard time.

There are days of tears and pain that the heart feels and a sense of loss. Lots of times the person that feels the worse may actually be the one that made the situation difficult. They may not even be aware that there was a problem till it was too late. Many guys make a fatal mistake by taking their partners for granted. they believe that even if they did something wrong they would be forgiven and all will be fine. Guys have been too pampered by their mothers to know what a wife or girlfriend really is.

Loosing sight that your partner as an individual will damage the relationship. Being upfront, honest and open minded that your partner is faithful to you and the relationship will stir both people in the right way. Letting him or her live their life while still being together is better than to smutter them with affection while restraining them all together. This makes the other person turn to deceptive methods of doing the things that they want to do and if found out will be explosive to the relationship.

Moving on after the relationship is over can be hard. Most people, especially women, find it difficult to trust another man again. It all depends on what they went through before and the cause of the split. Guys fear that the next girl will turn out to be the same, if not worse, than the first one. The sense of trust really will have been faded and there's no security blanket for a broken heart. Some go on for years alone after a break up and later find that it may be too late by the time their ready to hit the dating scene again.

The right choice for people would have to be a open dialogue between themselves so that all mistrust and misunderstandings are ironed out. The relationship should have certain goals and both will need to fulfill them. Expectations will need to be met as well. Communication must be constant and intentions need to be truthful. Following this will makes things better if you're moving on to a new person so you don't fall flat on your face again and your heart won't hurt as well.

Bar advice. Ask yourself, better still ask your partner, why you're in the relationship. The answers may surprise you.

Making a first date a good one

This is more for the guys really but it also applies to ladies on certain points. When you're out on that first date, it's a mindset at the very first appearance in front of the other, you'll either sink or swim.

The way you approach, greet, talk and lead is going to make a girl feel comfortable with you. Women sometimes need to give the guy a little break because most guys are nervous when it comes to dating. Being on a first date makes everyone a little dumb and clumsy. Can you imagine the guy trying to pull your chair out at the table to sit and letting you slip on the floor instead of sliding it back in for you? Disaster big time.

Another thing will be having the meal. It's no big deal to order something you're familiar with than ordering something on the menu that sounds nice but taste like crap later and makes you go to the toilet every ten minutes. For a guy it may not be bad but for a girl going in the loo with her high heals and dress, disaster again.

What to say on the first date? You know what most guys do, they ask the same thing that the woman heard before. Once again calamity in the works. How? By making it boring. Flooding it with common and mundane topics. Such "yawn topics" include "Do you like your job?" "What does you parents do?" "What hobbies do you have?" She'll answer but her mind goes mostly "Zzzzzzzz..." By now she must be thinking this is not just your first date but your only date you ever had.

No one likes to answer predictable questions from dates gone by. A guy needs to stand out from the rest of the wolf pack. Something a guy can do is take time to read some women magazines. Be it your sister's or from the doctors office. Check out what's the latest gossip. You could also go online to check celebrity news or Hollywood drama. These things sometimes helps especially when it involves her favorite stars. The conversation becomes lively and heated, not in anger, but with lustful imagination and sexy, playful thoughts. Ask her who she likes best and if you got some stuff on him, use it to stimulate her inner feelings. It will surface and you benefit from her hormones. The quiet evening will become a rock concert.

Possibly, if you know her interest before hand, gather info on her interest then research it so you have something to chat about. You also got to let her do some talking and you some listening.

You got to end the evening with something to make her want to go out with you for another date. What to say? Tell her you want to cook her dinner and watch movies with the same celebrity you were just talking about for your next date. You could also tell her you want to go dancing on the next date and tell her she can't say No because you won't be able to take her strolling by the beach on the third one. These planed and thoughtful things will get her off guard and pleasantly surprised by a different sort of guy that she's never been with before. You'll be amazed to find that she's the one calling you to say goodnight on the phone; an indicator that she's thinking of you.

Women sometimes like a guy but just won't say it so the guy tends to feel pressured to end the date quickly before, and I'll say it again, disaster strikes. He'd rather save whatever self esteem he still has and head for the hills, so to speak. At this point I must say that women are the ones that sometimes don't know what to do. They expect the guy to know and do everything all the time so he has to do all the moves to succeed but in reality she should try to make the situation a little more pleasant as well and not so stressful. What harm can it do to meet a guy half way in the date. He'll sense it as well and knows that you placed some effort in it. This will make him more at ease and your date will be all the more fun.

Bar advice. Dating is suppose to be fun. Not a chore that needs the approval of another or you'll be going on"first dates" for a long time to come and never get to the second, third or more.