Pleasing a woman

It’s not what you think! It's not about where to kiss or lick or rub or how hard or how fast. Its not about harder, longer erections (although those are also very nice!) A woman's body and her responses are so changeable. What pleased her last week does nothing for her tonight.

Many men learn about women's sexuality from pornography. I have nothing against pornography and I quite enjoy some pornography myself. But, the depiction of women's sexuality in pornography is simply not accurate. Many women compound this lack of information by expecting her man to know how to please her without telling him. You can encourage her to communicate with you. You can also learn to expand your consciousness so that you can sense what she desires without her telling you in words.

She needs your full attention. She needs to trust that you are there with her with your complete presence. If your mind wanders to your car or your career or the bills due at the end of the month, she can feel it and she loses trust.

Improving your ability to please a woman is very like learning to play a musical instrument. It takes practice, patience and experience to make beautiful music. You master the basics before moving on to advanced techniques. Here are some good basic practices for you to start with. Learning to please a partner with Tantric teachings starts with practices you do by yourself. While pleasuring yourself, expand your attention to your entire body. Your toes and fingers and top of your head and everything in between. When you can do this at the height of arousal, expand your consciousness to your entire body and to your surroundings, noise from the street, light in the room, air temperature, the bed against your back, the trees seen through the window. Next, do these consciousness practices with your partner. And, finally, expand your consciousness to your entire body, your surroundings and your partner’s body as she experiences being in it at each moment. If your mouth is on her breast, imagine how it feels to have a breast and feel someone’s mouth on it. When you master this expansion of consciousness, you will simply know without effort what she wants from you in any moment.

Send energy into her body with your mind.

Tantra teaches us that a man yearns to empty himself out and a woman yearns to be filled up. There are many ways to do this in addition to the physical sex act. You can penetrate a woman with your consciousness, your energy and your attention before or while you penetrate her with parts of your body. The practice in the above paragraph is one way to do this. As you expand your consciousness to include her body as she experiences being in it, you penetrate with your energy. She will feel the difference! She may not be aware of why, but she will feel more trust and connection. She will feel more alive. Another wonderful practice is to use your mind to send energy into her body through your fingers. Imagine that there is a fire in your hand (which there is!) and think about sending the warmth and light from that fire into her body.

And finally, be aware that a woman experiences her sexuality and emotions very differently from a man. I believe very strongly in letting men be men and letting women be women and celebrating the differences and the gifts that we bring to each other. But I also believe it is helpful to understand these differences. For a man, sex and love are very separate experiences. A man can learn to connect his heart and sexual energy if he wishes and there are benefits to this. For a woman, love and sex are much more naturally linked. When you take a woman in your arms, remember that she is experiencing that time with you with her heart as well as her sexual body.

Bar advice. If you really want to know more. I suggest you really got to start to find out what it takes. Sometimes it's best for both people to explore these things together. Get a video, books or other resources, then when you have got more info. Practice. A lot.

Stop taking baggage to bed.

You wash your face and brush your teeth, put on an alluring smile and hop into bed with your sweetie. Then start dragging your body image baggage under the covers with you.

For some people this means bringing a tiny speck of a change purse – for others it’s a designer handbag. For those who are the most consumed with their body image this could mean an entire set of monogrammed leather bags in various sizes or, worse, a giant garbage sack filled to the brim!

Where’s the room for a satisfying sex life with all of that?

The baggage consists of those destructive thoughts you have about the size of your thighs, the tone of your tummy, the amount of hair on your body. You worry that your partner will notice or worse, be completely repulsed by you.

If you drag all of those negative beliefs about your body into bed, they can wreak havoc with your sex life.

Unlike you, your partner is probably not thinking about your alleged “flaws” or 'shortcomings' as they are thinking about how much they want to make love to you, and be made love to in return.

They are turned on by the touch of your skin, your smell, your smile. Most of all they are excited by your confidence and openness and your willingness to be in bed with them in the first place!

If you are obsessed with parts of your body, this can have a negative impact on the quality of your sex life for you and your partner. Love-making is a way to bring a couple closer together but you can’t give yourself to the moment if you are constantly wondering what your partner is thinking about with regards to parts of your body. (It probably isn’t what you think!)

Take a moment before you hop into bed to put those fears and insecurities to rest. Your sweetie is waiting for you – ALL of you – to hop into bed. So look into that bathroom mirror, give yourself a 1000 watt smile and remember that it’s the whole package that’s delivered, not just parts.

Bar advice.Set that baggage outside the door, and hang up the 'Do Not Disturb' sign. You’ve got better things to think about!

FHM -Jenny McCarthy on fitness

Bar advice. You sex life may need a rethink. Unless you don't care about sex anymore then don't bother. For me, I'll still want to 'do it' till I'm ninety. I've never really been out of shape but even I need to improve as I get older. Listen to your own body.