Tantra | Being Sensual In The Bedroom

In our results oriented world, we sometimes forget to stop and smell the roses as the old saying goes. Unfortunately our impatience with the world has even seeped into the bedroom. There's nothing wrong with a quickie, every now and then, however, a steady diet of superficial sex is bound to keep true intimacy at bay. Sex, according to those who follow the ancient practice of Tantra, is not just about reaching a climax, it can be a deeply sensual and spiritual act even without a climax. Go figure!

Exploring some of the basic elements of the heart of Tantric sex (sex that is done with your eyes open) with your partner, involves breathing together, being fully present in the moment, and basically just taking your time. Its regular practice can lead to better lovemaking, enhanced sexual communication and happier endings. Here's how it works.

Self love
A healthy dose of self respect in both partners is essential to the success of Tantra. You must feel whole and complete on your own. Once you are comfortable in your own skin (and soul) and are ready to share yourself with another, you can experience the highest level of intimacy imaginable. Do you feel resolved of your biggest issues? Are you at peace with yourself. If so, read on...

Communication
To achieve true intimacy in the bedroom, you must trust one another. The more you open up to each other in a healthy way, the more intimate you become. It may be scary at times to be so vulnerable but to achieve the "high sex" of Tantra, a high level of trust, communication and intimacy is essential. A way to achieve this is to talk to each other about your fears and desires. Remain open and understanding as you share without placing blame or judgment on each other. Doing this in the privacy of your own bedroom is the perfect setting. Singing star Sting practices this with his wife.

Ritual
You may not be vacationing in the Bali but you can still create an atmosphere that is romantic and erotic. To create ambiance, burn some incense or essential oil candles, throw pillows and blankets (in elegant fabrics) around the room or dress in silk or other tasteful lingerie. You can opt to be naked if you like. Bring your lover small tokens of your affection. A favorite flower or an old photo that reminds you of a wonderful day together. This is part of the ritual of lovemaking, according to Tantra. It's a time to relax and unwind and lose all inhibition.

Ecstasy
Learn to love your partner with your eyes, breath and touch. Truly embrace the give and take of the moment in each others presence. Breath in deeply and smell your lover. Gently stroke the inside of their arm or any other spot they find arousing. Take your time by holding off intercourse until you are highly aroused. Make it last as long as you can.

Exercise
Try this simple Tantra yogic exercise. Sit face to face, naked, with your eyes open (make sure the room is warm enough). Next, embrace each other paying close attention to each others breath until you are breathing as one. Stay this way for at least a minute or more. Eventually, pull away just enough to look into each others eyes. It sounds so simple, but don't worry if you find yourself shying away or giggling before you are able to lock eyes and take each other in fully.

Next, take time caressing each other but not in the obvious places. Massage his thighs coming close but still not touching. Caress her calves and stomach. As you slowly delve into making love, the key is to take your time and not rush to climax. By using controlled breathing and switching positions when you feel close to orgasm, you can last for hours. By practicing Tantra, when you do climax it will be a vibrational energy that resonates throughout your whole body and soul creating a true spiritual experience. This is a wonderful way to become closer than ever before to your beloved.

I've stressed this before. No one can "complete you". The movie Jerry McGuire with Tom Cruise throwing out that line was just that, a movie! The only person that can "complete you" is yourself! Once you have been able to experience this and your partner does as well, you'll find that both of you have more to give out to each other when you're being sensual in the bedroom. The energy of your Tantra practice will draw you both into each other and the sexual desires are heightened. The climax will then be explosive and you'll feel like you just ran a marathon but want to do it all over again.

Bar advice. If you're seeking help on sexuality and relationship advice, try this Tantra out. You both may just like it.

Pleasing a woman

It’s not what you think! It's not about where to kiss or lick or rub or how hard or how fast. Its not about harder, longer erections (although those are also very nice!) A woman's body and her responses are so changeable. What pleased her last week does nothing for her tonight.

Many men learn about women's sexuality from pornography. I have nothing against pornography and I quite enjoy some pornography myself. But, the depiction of women's sexuality in pornography is simply not accurate. Many women compound this lack of information by expecting her man to know how to please her without telling him. You can encourage her to communicate with you. You can also learn to expand your consciousness so that you can sense what she desires without her telling you in words.

She needs your full attention. She needs to trust that you are there with her with your complete presence. If your mind wanders to your car or your career or the bills due at the end of the month, she can feel it and she loses trust.

Improving your ability to please a woman is very like learning to play a musical instrument. It takes practice, patience and experience to make beautiful music. You master the basics before moving on to advanced techniques. Here are some good basic practices for you to start with. Learning to please a partner with Tantric teachings starts with practices you do by yourself. While pleasuring yourself, expand your attention to your entire body. Your toes and fingers and top of your head and everything in between. When you can do this at the height of arousal, expand your consciousness to your entire body and to your surroundings, noise from the street, light in the room, air temperature, the bed against your back, the trees seen through the window. Next, do these consciousness practices with your partner. And, finally, expand your consciousness to your entire body, your surroundings and your partner’s body as she experiences being in it at each moment. If your mouth is on her breast, imagine how it feels to have a breast and feel someone’s mouth on it. When you master this expansion of consciousness, you will simply know without effort what she wants from you in any moment.

Send energy into her body with your mind.

Tantra teaches us that a man yearns to empty himself out and a woman yearns to be filled up. There are many ways to do this in addition to the physical sex act. You can penetrate a woman with your consciousness, your energy and your attention before or while you penetrate her with parts of your body. The practice in the above paragraph is one way to do this. As you expand your consciousness to include her body as she experiences being in it, you penetrate with your energy. She will feel the difference! She may not be aware of why, but she will feel more trust and connection. She will feel more alive. Another wonderful practice is to use your mind to send energy into her body through your fingers. Imagine that there is a fire in your hand (which there is!) and think about sending the warmth and light from that fire into her body.

And finally, be aware that a woman experiences her sexuality and emotions very differently from a man. I believe very strongly in letting men be men and letting women be women and celebrating the differences and the gifts that we bring to each other. But I also believe it is helpful to understand these differences. For a man, sex and love are very separate experiences. A man can learn to connect his heart and sexual energy if he wishes and there are benefits to this. For a woman, love and sex are much more naturally linked. When you take a woman in your arms, remember that she is experiencing that time with you with her heart as well as her sexual body.

Bar advice. If you really want to know more. I suggest you really got to start to find out what it takes. Sometimes it's best for both people to explore these things together. Get a video, books or other resources, then when you have got more info. Practice. A lot.