Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Becoming friends instead of lovers

What happens when you fall into the "friends zone"? Guys tend to feel that after all the effort, feelings, money, time and so on that they put in that when she starts reacting to him more as a pal than a partner, it's a devastating blow.

So how did the relationship get poisoned into becoming a friendship in the first place? One reason may be that she he had gone out with her too often that she see him so much. This habit makes the other feel attached to the person without worry that other stirred feeling are happening. She doesn't want to be hurt so she feels safer in a friendship based relationship.

Sure there are exceptions where people have gone out with each other so much and so long, years even, and have got married but that is a minority group. My own sister is one such person. We are talking about the majority of people that fall into the friendship category because they have gone out more than four dates.

Why four? Well studies show that if by four dates you would pretty much figure out if you like the girl or not. It's different for women a little. For guys four is the magic key number. If you head into the fifth or sixth date, it's a amber light state. This could mean that she still likes you, not sure or she's comfortable going out with you but as a friend. Maybe she finds that she likes that you like the things she does, goes, eats and so on. Comfortable is not good in this instance. Why?

People trying to get to the phase of becoming a couple should be a little awkward, shy, apprehensive. When going out together with friends they should be more apart and hope to hold hands and such. Maybe a kiss at the end of the night. You don't go meeting someone on a date with a T-shirt and torn jeans with flip flops. That's a clear sign that she's only interested in being friends because she believes that you will understand and that she need not dress up for the date. If you're in that "comfort" situation and another guy comes along, be prepared to loose her.

At the end of the day you got to know if it's going to work out or not. It's more of the amount of energy in the date than the amount of dates itself. Working towards becoming a couple should be exciting. Once you get there, the friendship part will become part of it. The relationship is then merged with love, friendship and togetherness.

Bar advice. If you want the 'gal', don't make her your 'pal'.

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