Friday, November 30, 2007

When the magic fades

Being in love is the super feeling that makes everything else seem trivial in this doggy dog world. If you're in love now or ever been than you know what I mean. My mom, when I was young, use to say that people in love think that they can live on love and fresh air alone. Actually I think that most people in love probably do think that way. I know I did.

The thing is, it was so true what my mom said. People at a younger age will think that way till they get older and are in the same relationship. Many will feel the effects of what the world and all it's blocks and walls can bring. Priority changes especially when you're a girl and you got parents nagging at you for not thinking about settling down. The nagging also continues about the no good bum you've been dating for all these years. Women get more of a hard time because parents feel that their prime may go quicker and they'll be "left behind" or on the "shelf" and eventually the guy she's with may end up dumping her. Can you blame your parents about the worrying or trying to give you advice?

All said and done. In the event that you do or don't get married, what will happen when the magic fades? I've seen it happen before. Once, a guy I knew, broke up with his girlfriend of over eleven years. She was thirty four when that happened. It's easier for a guy to rebound but women will have a hard time. Why they waited to get married I don't know but I think that it was better for her that they didn't. If she became a divorcee, it would have been worse for her to get another guy. Don't know if she ever did. Never saw her again.

Most of the time when the magic is fading, there seems to be a lot of pressure, arguments, abuse, temper and other stuff. Guess you can understand what I mean? It's all part of maturity and development. Where are our priorities? Are we going to do everything for the person we are with or is it just "puppy love"? Most women I know always say they hate the guys that "play games". There are some women that do that too, actually. They fake the interest just so that they need not be alone. They lead a guy on so they have someone to go out with or just to talk to. They don't want to look single in front of family and friends. In most cases there is either no sex or bad sex in this relationships.

If we can see that there is a problem arising we need to have a proper discussion with our partner. Ironing out the issues will be much better that all the shouting, yelling and phone banging that will go on for days. Is this the person you're going to marry for the rest of your life? It's better to get out of it now, even if it was ten years together, than ending up a bloody mess later. Worse, is kids are involved. With kids involved your problems will haunt you till the day you die. Even after divorce, it will haunt you till death because the kids are a part of both of you.

My advice to this is constant reaffirmations to each other. Tell the person your appreciation of being with them. Give compliments. Give in to the other. Who doesn't like to be "right" but who likes being in the dog house? If you want to make it work you got to intensify your commitment to the person that you are with more every year down the line. This includes after marriage. Don't just think that after the chase is over that all will be well. It takes a lot of effort for that magical flame not to go out. In fact it can go out faster in marriage.

Working out all the issues is far better than battling it out. One example is to stop in the middle of an argument, take a breath and change your tone. Tell the other that you both need to discuss the issue as a team. Try it, this works. Some people I've seen can go on a yelling rampage between each other in supermarkets, malls, theaters, bars and so on. You name it. It make you wonder why they are together in the first place. Will they have endless bliss? Will you?

Bar advice. The person you're with is going to be with you for a very long time. Don't you think it's best to lay solid foundations for your relationship. This is going to be your partner. What are you willing you do, starting now?

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