Sunday, March 9, 2008

In good times and bad before marriage and after

The saying is "opposites attract." So what happens to love faced with obstacles of dissimilar backgrounds, different belief systems or long distance love affairs? Does it signal impending doom of a lasting relationship? Major differences do have an impact on whether or not love will last, but the good news is there are things you can do to ensure you don't fall victim to circumstance no matter how intricate your situation.

Lets look at some differences. Conflicting beliefs need to be addressed, if only so lovers can better understand each other. Though no single difference can guarantee that the love won't work, let's face it, there are deal breakers. Lets take some examples like these. Do you want kids? Do you want to build a life in the city? Will you live in a house or an apartment? Do you like pets? At some point or another, it's important that you assess them. Remember, before you met the one you're involved with, they had a life with dreams of happiness and everlasting love. Will you be the one?

Lead with your heart not your past. Don't make the mistake of thinking that if you're in love, things that you've always held dear like religion, lifestyle, political beliefs or whatever you care about, won't really matter. Likewise, if long distance is cool for you now, but only for the short term, that also needs to be addressed. Naturally it's up to the two of you to decide what your non-negotiable key points are, but if you don't discuss them, it's not fair to harbor resentment later for the difference or disagreement.

An enourmous point is to be honest. Similarly, no relationship can transcend troubles without complete honesty though it may not seem like it in the early throes of love, even the simplest of situations will eventually encounter the occasional rocky patch. For this reason, and a list of others too long to name, it's vital that you tell your partner the truth about your feelings related to any potential conflicts, to avoid unnecessary hurt and unmet expectation in the future. This enables both partners to act from a place of honesty and trust, even in the face of adversity.If you're honest from the beginning and your partner sees the real you, it's better than to see it after the relationship goes on longer or worse still, be horified after marriage.

Singles that become couples must work as a team. One key component to overcoming obstacles and making love last and one that comes up far too infrequently in our individualistic culture, is that truly committed partners need to consider themselves a team. While they may not always agree and most certainly are not always right, they are each other's advocates. In good times and bad before marriage and after, knowing deep down that you can always count on your lover for a shoulder to cry on or as a cheerleader for your victories, is the glue that holds you together and one real way to help ensure all those differences don't really matter.

Bar advice. Communication is the vital relationship advice in good times and bad way before the marriage and after. You'll see a clearer and better life with your partner.

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