Monday, September 3, 2007

Long distance love

If you're contemplating embarking on romance from afar - or are already in the throes of if, don't stress. Whether or not the relationship works is up to you. It's your willingness to face the facts and make the most of them. Let's start with the good news.

While you may find yourself wanting to spend more time with your sweetie than the distance between you affords, you'll also find yourself growing more comfortable in your own skin. If the relationship is a good one. Why? Because long distance love gives you plenty of time for yourself, your friends and your family and what better time to strengthen your sense of self than while you're experiencing absence of the other.

Study reveals that women can tell the difference between a family man and a ladies man just by looking at his face! Maybe.

When your heart wants to say yes also consider that the disappearing act many couples pull in the early relationship stages. The one that alienates the people who are close to them, doesn't happen here. Poorly rearranged priorities that wind up setting you back are also skipped.

In other words, you get the rush of new love without sacrificing your individuality, your friends and your family. As anyone who's had an all consuming love affair knows, there's something to be said for that! After all, two strong individuals make the best kind of pair. In long distance love, there's no room for getting lost in the other person or losing yourself.

There is also a prolonged honeymoon stage in a long distance relationship that increases your sense of romance and who can blame you for feeling all warm and fuzzy? There's something storybook,almost fairytale, in the idea that two people can share a love strong enough to overcome distance and live happily ever after, right?
Which brings us to the bad news.

There are plenty of downsides to long distance love, starting, of course, with a shortage of time spent together. However, the single biggest obstacle in this scenario is getting caught up in fantasy. While it may be true that you won't get lost in the other person if you're communicating across time zones, it is still completely possible and incredibly common to get lost in your idea of who the other person is.

Truly getting to know someone across the miles is a difficult task, no matter how good you are at text messaging, emailing and even phone calls. After all, phone sex isn't the real thing any more than phone calls equal intimate dinners. It's easier to keep blinders on when you can't see the object of your affection in the flesh on a regular basis. However, in long distance love, your other senses need to come into play even more than usual. Knowing the difference between your gut instincts and your deepest desires is key. Hearing what you want to hear and projecting your desires onto your far away lover will do nothing but lead to disappointment.

As in any relationship, honesty and authenticity are the orders of the day if you want your relationship to have a chance of surviving the miles. You both need to be open about your intentions, honest about your emotions and happy for, rather than jealous of, your partner having a life while you're apart. This doesn't mean you should settle for them seeing other people (unless that's what you agree to), but petty jealousies and the desire to control your mate's activities when they're in a different locale will do nothing but drive an emotional wedge between you.

Lastly, it's important to remember that long distance can only go on for so long. In other words, if the ultimate intention isn't to find a way to spend more time together, you should really consider if this is the relationship for you or, are you just taking what you think you can get? Only you know what will work for you but set the romantic fantasy aside and be honest with yourself. Isn't the best part of having a life partner actually having a partner present in your life?

Bar advice. Nobody likes to be apart from a love one but when it becomes necessary the core thing would be that trust and love must be strongly anchored in the relationship.

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